Spency Posted May 18, 2007 Posted May 18, 2007 6 weeks ago almost, my GF of three years walked out saying she needed space. Now, she has been the most doting person for 3 years, never left my side, when I work away she spent all of the time with my mum. So basically, she has never cheated. It was a stormy relationship, a lot of rows towards the end but we stuck it. We had a row 6 weeks ago, she then proceeded to cancel her parents coming down for Easter, and walked out on me on Easter Monday. Then I found on her computer she had been on an internet chat room 8 weeks ago, saying she was not sure whether she wanted to be with me. Then, the day before she walked out she met someone on there, and by the looks of it has gone off with him. 10 weeks ago, she had asked her dad if she should ask to marry me as she loved me and saw a future. The Sunday before she went she laid in bed crying, saying I would never marry her , give her kids etc, I said I would but not at this time, money is tight etc due to job problems. So on the Monday she walks out. I get on well with her parents, they tell me this is the 4th time she has done this, but after being with me for three years, they said she would be with me for life as she never shut up about me. They told she suffers with some mental illness which stops her thinking straight. All the way over the past six weeks she has been texting and ringing, despite dumping me, saying she loves me and wants to try again. Then I find out from her ex employer (the job she lost due to telling them her younger cousin had died!!!! when she doesnt have any) she had emailed a colleague, he had asked "are you still at the RAF base" she wrote "yeah, for the mo". She has cut her parents off AGAIN, like she has done everytime before. I just dont get how four weeks ago she was planning to pop the question, then decides she needs someone else, finds them on a chat room and goes to live there. I know she is only 20 but what have I done ? She then phoned me up on the Thursday to tell me it was over, then bombared me with texts that night I refused to answer the phone. I am 25. I came home to 31 missed calls the first Friday night after she dumped me and ten text messages accusing me of enjoying myself etc. I rang her up and told her what I knew and she just put the phone down. But it hasnt stopped at all. I have begged her just to leave me alone, but she still wont stop, and on Monday night that week we had this Text convo, where I just poured my heart on the line. This is really personal stuff, but I guess I have nothing to hide. I did wear my heart on my sleeve for the first time, so sorry if I appear weak : S = Steph I = Ian S - Hope you are ok babe I - This isnt fair. You broke my heart and I am now babe again? You dont love or want me anymore. Im the ex freak who dresses sh*t and has a big birthmark on his nose. S - I do still feel so much for you. I love the way you dress and dont even notice the birthmark. Ive got a photo of you on my phone screen. I - And I have photos of you on the mirror. I think of you all the time. I just want to hold you in my arms and smell your hair. Sadly, I wont get that chance again. S - It just didnt seem like you wanted that at the time. But at least now you dont have me breathing on you when asleep I - To have you next to me again in the bed and to wake up to you next to me is what I miss the most. I know I neglected you and I hope your next one doesnt.I would give anything to have your head in my lap and me stroking your soft face. Just to have a hug and see your puppy eyes looking at me. To feel your hand on mine. S - I know but it shouldn't have taken 3 years to realise this x I - True. But it takes a lot to admit it. The fact you are keeping in contact means you still want me. Can you honestly say you are still sure you dont want me as a bf? S - No I do still miss you and stuff but I deserve better than I was getting from you x I - Yes you do. But the why keep a picture of me on your phone and all the contact. If you want someone else why do you still want me? It is not fair on the new lad or me. S - Because you are my first love I - Is there anyone else or is there someone you like? Just be honest with me. S - No there isnt. I get on well with someone but nothing more than that. I - Well you need to make it work with if thats what you want to do. I do hop you can find love with him. He is lucky to have my future with you, very lucky. S - No one will have your future as no one will come close to you. I just want someone to appreciate me. I - I have always appreciated you I have just not treated you correctly. You will find a good dressing guy who will. You will turn heads, your pretty. S - No one is interested in me, no one will look better than you. I - No your wrong. There is a 25yr old ugly balding birthmarked freak who is very interested. I should know you could get hunk who is a man and not a boy. S -You are not ugly, not to me . x I - I am a hideous freak. I was lucky to get a stunner like you. Very lucky. I blew it. I know I blew it. Good luck with the next one dont choose a loser like me. S - You are not a loser and you arent ugly. Im not stunning. Im just some random girl who moved in to your life after 3 days in a hotel. I - I thought you did that because we love each other. What do you mean. S - I did. But you told me I only come down here to get away from up there. It is not true but you made me feel like it. S - I am going to sleep now anyway hun. You arent ugly or anything. Sleep well and I will speak to you soon. Night xx For three years she practically hung off my arm, never wanted to go out without me, and whenever I worked away which is a lot she preferred to spend time with my Mum and not go out with anyone. She has always struggled to make any real friends, and yet according to her mother, she is now going to rent a place with mates. The only think that keeps me going is the fact she has done this before, this is the fourth time, not with me but in her short life. She just ditches everyone and runs away to something "better". My main problems I am just really lonely and I do not see what anyone else will ever see in me. I thought she was the one. I live in a small area so its hard to meet anyone, and I am worried that this is my life now, on my own, lonely on my own. I really am finding it hard to figure out what best to do for myself, I deeply want her back but I know its a bad idea and she seems to making plans for her future. It just pisses me off as well she is ok, doing what she wants, and im the one mopping up the ruins she has left behind. You would not have found a more doting person, she spent every living moment with me, and then can run off and not see me for 5 weeks, but can keep texting all the time. She MSN'ed me on a week ago on Friday as was chatting for half an hour, saying she has fecked up, hates her life, has no life etc. Then, the Saturday morning bombared me with texts whilst I was driving to a meeting, then said the thought of me made her cry and smile and that she loves me. She is still adamant this guy is only a mate and that she is looking to rent. I have reached rock bottom, much worse than I was 6 weeks ago when she went. Tuesday was her birthday and she decided that would be the day she would come and get her stuff. So she did, come and got it. She met me on the door, crying, she looked very ill, crying and crying. She then kissed me and more crying, hugged me and more crying, and then she got her stuff and I helped her load her car. She didnt take everything and said she would be back for the last few bits and bobs. She then sat me down and explained she was not with anyone else, didnt want anyone else, the reason she left me was she just couldnt live with me. She said she wanted to stay in contact and see me in a few weeks. I just cried in her arms and said I couldnt do it, I needed to break off as I still love her so much and she was the one who wanted to leave. She then promised to not contact me again unless in an emergency. An hour later she sent all of these texts : you will always be my baby. keep smiling and forget me. ill never forget you xxx ill always be your baby girl, dont do anything stupid, id never get over it never x no one else has me, ill after myself as long as you do keep smiling and lovin then finally i do love you loads. keep smiling for me and never 4get you are my baby. goodbye baby **** I feel at the rock bottom of life, the thought of never seeing or hearing from her again I just cant go on. I know I need to, I just cant handle the thought. I know she wont stop the contact, but I know thats a bad thing as well. It is now Friday, not heard anything so who knows. I just feel so low. I really want to let go, and really do want the contact to stop, but she really seems to unhappy I dont think I can just cut her off, but I know this is whats making me feel so crap.
Guest Posted May 19, 2007 Posted May 19, 2007 Heres the deal, i was with someone for almost 2 years, we have been on and off for almost 7 years and she left with saying anything, no reason or anything. she wanted space and when i see her she just walks away from me. so, i think your girl just wasnt happy and did what she thinks is right. In time she might come back to you and the best thing to do it to not call her, let her be.
norajane Posted May 19, 2007 Posted May 19, 2007 I couldn't read through all that, but I got through enough to believe that she's young and unstable. Bottom line, this contact is hurting you, and you need to do what is best for YOU, so cut her off no matter what. That will help you move on more than anything else.
dropdeadlegs Posted May 19, 2007 Posted May 19, 2007 Do you want this girl back, or not? It seemed like no, then it seemed like yes, then back to no. If I knew which way you are leaning for sure, I think I could help more.
Author Spency Posted May 19, 2007 Author Posted May 19, 2007 Deep down yes I do, but also I know that if she is ill, she will need to get help. I really miss her companionship and friendship, and I do love her. Maybe I am also scared of the future with out her. She is a lovely kid, and I do love her, and yes do want her back.
sb129 Posted May 19, 2007 Posted May 19, 2007 Deep down yes I do, but also I know that if she is ill, she will need to get help. I really miss her companionship and friendship, and I do love her. Maybe I am also scared of the future with out her. These are all normal reactions to a breakup. They will pass with time. She sounds young, immature and unstable. This : She is a lovely kid, and I do love her is what parents say about their children. She IS a kid, and far too young to be contemplating marriage IMO. If you see her as a kid, then you shouldn't be together- it suggests you feel above her in the maturity stakes, which you probably are. The text conversation is exactly the reason why NO CONTACT is imperative. And think of how much money you will save. She says you treated her badly. Do these accusations have any basis?
Author Spency Posted May 19, 2007 Author Posted May 19, 2007 In the past 6 months my job went wrong which lead to financial pressures and it all got to much for me. I couldnt really let her in as she kept losing a job so I kinda withdrew into myself and was a nightmare to live with. I was snappy and down all of the time and we rowed a lot in the last 3 months. She has always been one for massive attention, sometimes ringing me up to 30 times a day at work, and at points it just got too much for me, I dreaded even going home as I know we would row etc. She said I couldnt give her the attention or support she needed the last few months, which is true, and I was just an idiot to live with. I have no excuse apart from just worrying about losing the house etc, but she lost 10 jobs in three years which also didnt help etc I was never physical, never would be, but I would say in terms of arguements, I was pretty harsh at times, but whe nshe first moved with me she was going trhough a rough time and I was very liad back so just let her scream at me and not get into an argument, I was more spportive, buit this time I just had my own pressures etc.
sb129 Posted May 19, 2007 Posted May 19, 2007 Spency, the woman is unhinged. NOBODY could give her the amount of attention she seems to NEED. Move on man, you are better off without her. Seriously.
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