sb129 Posted May 19, 2007 Posted May 19, 2007 I never stated that it was pathetic to dream about marriage, Thats good then.
cutegirl Posted May 19, 2007 Posted May 19, 2007 Yes I actually pointed that out earlier. Lots of women outearn their spouses these days. Its not that difficult a concept to grasp at all. And as I said, you can always get a prenup. People assume things all the time, its not pathetic, its a way of life. Why does it bother you SO much what other people assume or think? If people assume things and they are wrong, who cares? yes we know. I outearn my partner too, but you don't hear me going on and on about it. It bothers me when people automatically assume that men always earn more than women because it's discriminatory, it's basically assuming that women are not intelligent or ambitious enough to earn the same as their male counterparts or that somehow men are more capable or smarter or hard working... I don't know why, it just really offends me. I always get offended when people assume things about me that are inaccurate, because to me, it DOES matter what other people think. I don't believe in the saying that "it doesn't matter what other people think" because it's THEIR reality of my situation and it somehow affects my perception of it as well.
sb129 Posted May 19, 2007 Posted May 19, 2007 It bothers me when people automatically assume that men always earn more than women because it's discriminatory, it's basically assuming that women are not intelligent or ambitious enough to earn the same as their male counterparts or that somehow men are more capable or smarter or hard working... I don't know why, it just really offends me. I always get offended when people assume things about me that are inaccurate, because to me, it DOES matter what other people think. I don't believe in the saying that "it doesn't matter what other people think" because it's THEIR reality of my situation and it somehow affects my perception of it as well. This is a little off topic CG. We had a whole thread of this last week! You always seem to come back to this fact. Its making you miserable. You really should try to stop worrying what others think of you so much. I guarantee you it will NOT detract from your success at all, and it will make you a much happier person. I suspect the reason why I am one of the ones who is so hard on you is that I can see a little bit of the old me in you. I worried incessantly what other people thought, and HAD to be the BEST at everything. After a few tragic family events (which I didn't deal with properly till much later) I put SO much pressure on myself to APPEAR happy, in control and successful in all areas of my life. That, coupled with a low self esteem which led me into a dreadful R with a MM ended up giving me a nervous breakdown. I don't want the same to happen to you. You should cut yourself some slack. Don't be so defensive, or so quick to prove yourself to everyone- it will tire you out! Its OK if other people think some things about you. Let them. You will never be able to control everyones opinions of you. YOU know the truth about YOU, and thats all that matters.
VinaAmez Posted May 19, 2007 Posted May 19, 2007 It bothers me when people automatically assume that men always earn more than women because it's discriminatory, it's basically assuming that women are not intelligent or ambitious enough to earn the same as their male counterparts or that somehow men are more capable or smarter or hard working... I don't know why, it just really offends me. I always get offended when people assume things about me that are inaccurate, because to me, it DOES matter what other people think. I don't believe in the saying that "it doesn't matter what other people think" because it's THEIR reality of my situation and it somehow affects my perception of it as well. CG you really need to stop this. Everything seems to offend you in terms of men (v) women and life shouldn't be like that. Discriminatory and assumptions are not going away and posting day after day about it isn't going to help. Why does every topic you post in have to turn into a debate about you being offended? Why not enjoy life and stop worrying about things. It's quite nice.
sb129 Posted May 19, 2007 Posted May 19, 2007 Why not enjoy life and stop worrying about things. It's quite nice. It sure is..............good post VA
Trialbyfire Posted May 19, 2007 Posted May 19, 2007 Don't be so defensive, or so quick to prove yourself to everyone- it will tire you out! Its OK if other people think some things about you. Let them. You will never be able to control everyones opinions of you. YOU know the truth about YOU, and thats all that matters. You nailed it!! If you want to live life like it's a popularity contest, you will be the person that suffers for it. Why not funnel all that energy towards being happy by taking a serious look at your life and appreciating all the good things you have and you are? I don't mean the superficial things but who you are inside. If you're not happy with who you are, guess what? You have the power to change these things. Don't leverage your happiness off of other peoples' misery.
sb129 Posted May 19, 2007 Posted May 19, 2007 I can see where a lot of cutegirl is coming from' date=' though. The men posting these types of women-bashing posts make a LOT of generalizations and I don't think that any of us fit this mold they come up with, such as women being the ones wanting to have babies so they should suffer for it, such as losing their jobs. As we all know, men create babies and want babies, also, just as much.[/quote'] Cutegirl also makes alot of generalisations. cutegirl wasn't asking for advice or criticism. No she wasn't. But she DOES post alot off stuff on here about the same topic, and she seems unhappy. I have noticed this for quite some time now. She also criticises others at times, although not badly. If you read my post PROPERLY you will see that I am actually trying to help her. You nailed it!! If you want to live life like it's a popularity contest, you will be the person that suffers for it. Why not funnel all that energy towards being happy by taking a serious look at your life and appreciating all the good things you have and you are? I don't mean the superficial things but who you are inside. If you're not happy with who you are, guess what? You have the power to change these things. Don't leverage your happiness off of other peoples' misery. Stop TBF. You are too good! Also, the same could be said for all the posters who post here several hours a day....why don't you funnel your energy into something more productive and healthy for yourself. Ex-CUSE me? You have just joined and already you are criticising people for being on here? A little hypocritical don't you think? Why did YOU join then? Alot of regulars on here give some EXCELLENT advice AND RECEIVE it. Pull your head in newbie, you will not make any friends making comments like that.
Trialbyfire Posted May 19, 2007 Posted May 19, 2007 Stop TBF. You are too good! Nah, I'm just trailing behind you. As to marriage, once again LL, take your time and pick the right person for you.
Touche Posted May 19, 2007 Posted May 19, 2007 Your right Touche, it shouldn't be a big deal to tell a guy what I want. But what if I'm on a 1st date and he asks me what I'm looking for? Do I say a relationship but leave out the ultimate goal? Would it be ok to just come out and say I'm looking for a relationship on the 1st date? From my experience, even a guy ready to settle down gets scared off easily, so I feel like I'm walking on eggshells around them. Well, if they're scared off that easily, then you don't want a guy like that. No, I see nothing wrong in telling the truth even if he asks on the 1st date. Why play games? I'd venture to say that those guys who got scared off weren't really ready to settle down or if they were they didn't think you were the one for whatever reason...hey, that happens. Forgive me if you already said so, but have you and this man had kids or talked about having them? I got pregnant on our honeymoon. I went off b/c 3 weeks before our wedding. He didn't want me to because even though he wanted another child, he wanted to wait until after we'd been married a year before trying. But I was worried that I wouldn't be able to get pregnant right away because I've always been underweight and have had irregular periods. It took my stepsis 6 months before she could get pregnant and we're close in age and she didn't have the weight issue. So he finally agreed to let me get off the b/c thinking it may be awhile before I got pregnant. But wouldn't you know it..3 weeks later and BAM I was pregnant. I was 34 when we had our son.Are you worried about your ability to conceive at all? I know 30's isn't too old to start by any means, in society's view, but our bodies tend to work differently...I know people in their early 30's that just can't seem to get pregnant to save their lives. But there are just as many people who have no problems at all. I guess I worry too much about being one of the unlucky ones. How silly that I worry already when that time for me is still so far out. But I never expected to be here at this point in life, perhaps I'm just trying to come to terms with it. Maybe I only want that life so bad to make up for my own broken family...who knows..at least I can say I'm not an unhappy person right now. Quite content..just worried about the future. Thanks for your words! Oh and you're welcome, LL. Stop worrying ok? And SB, thanks!
sb129 Posted May 19, 2007 Posted May 19, 2007 Oh and you're welcome, LL. Stop worrying ok? And SB, thanks! You are welcome. What for?
Touche Posted May 19, 2007 Posted May 19, 2007 You are welcome. What for? Back a couple of pages you complimented me on my post..
Touche Posted May 19, 2007 Posted May 19, 2007 Hey, what's wrong with relying on the internet for friends? I actually prefer it that way.
sb129 Posted May 19, 2007 Posted May 19, 2007 Yeah. at least this way certain posters who aren't fooling anyone with their new username can't see all the rude gestures i am sending their way.
Touche Posted May 19, 2007 Posted May 19, 2007 Yeah. at least this way certain posters who aren't fooling anyone with their new username can't see all the rude gestures i am sending their way. Ha! You're funny..same here. It cracks me up when people think they can just change their username and we're not going to know who they are.
Author LoveLace Posted May 19, 2007 Author Posted May 19, 2007 Good post Touche. have you thought about this option? At least you know that people who register with an online service for the most part DO want a relationship, otherwise they wouldn't register. Oh my online dating experience goes back many years! Very few of the experiences were good...I dated 1 guy on and off for about year that I met that way, liked him a lot, but he kept breaking promises and plans that we would make together. I grew tired of him thinking he could be in and out of my life as he pleased. Otherwise the dates were just sparkless, or the feeling of likeness wasn't mutual in one way or another. I have tried it again recently, and I've talked to a couple of nice guys..but for some reason my interest in meeting just didn't peak. I've been on pretty much all the most popular sites too; with and without pics of myself; also a lot of guys just wanted sex, after making themselves sound ready to settle down in their profiles. It got so frustrating for me that I no longer have faith in it...but I think its great that it works for other people. And this doesn't mean I won't ever try it again; I tend to lay off a while and go back to it; but history just keeps repeating itself!
Author LoveLace Posted May 19, 2007 Author Posted May 19, 2007 You could always protect your assets with a pre-nup if you are that worried about it. Why do you have to put such a negative slant on things? People dont "pathetically" assume that all women dream of marriage, and if a woman DOES dream of marriage, whats wrong with that? So you don't- thats absolutely fine, but don't look down on people who do, thats unfair. Everyone is different, and their dreams are their dreams, and shouldn't be criticised. Thanks...I agree...it bothers me when people question why I want to get married so badly...people that are single and/or married themselves. And it's like.."uh why not?"...just because marriage is a "dying institution" as I've heard, doesn't mean I can't still dream about it, or desire it. If I never have that day, I'll get over it, but would still spend my lifetime with the "dream" in my head...as long as it wouldn't depress me, I don't see what would be wrong with dreaming...
Woggle Posted May 19, 2007 Posted May 19, 2007 Aks them if marriage means so little why are gays fighting so hard for the right to marry their partner. On one hand Americans try to stop gays from marrying and call that protecting it yet they treat their own marriages with no respect at all. This country is ao backwards it is not funny.
Author LoveLace Posted May 19, 2007 Author Posted May 19, 2007 Aks them if marriage means so little why are gays fighting so hard for the right to marry their partner. On one hand Americans try to stop gays from marrying and call that protecting it yet they treat their own marriages with no respect at all. This country is ao backwards it is not funny. Gosh your so right about that...people are not near as respectful as they should be towards their marriages (they tend to divorce and give up more easily, affairs more likely, etc.) anymore. These people are the reason why so many are anti-marriage for even heterosexuals...it's the reason people look at me like I'm crazy when I say I want to get married. And it's true that break-ups obviously can be resolved much easier without legal things to worry about. I respect those who don't marry even if their partners are pressuring it. Even if both people feel sure enough and in love enough to marry, there are still too many that divorce later because someone changed too much or didn't change enough. The way you feel about each other in 10-20 yrs. is actually unpredictable. Some go into marriage not realizing that "in love" only lasts so long, and you'll have to be ok with letting unconditional love taking over, you'll have to work really hard to keep it working, you'll have to go through many obstacles and conflicts, no matter how much you love each other. Ups and downs are inevitable. Some marry not realizing that vows mean promising (to God, or to each other, however you look at it) that you will stick around no matter what. Vows are not taken as seriously as they once were. People that choose not to marry, are the ones who realize all this! Therefore, since I want to get married, I know that I have to keep all of the above in mind, and feel 100% sure about the man, although cold feet is still allowed, feelings of doubt are allowed, becaue they are normal feelings. Some instincts are strong and others are just a form of indecisiveness. It can be stressful to decide which instincts to listen to and which ones to throw out; but I believe it's possible for my own decisions to guide in the right direction...whatever that may be. Also I think some people get married because they have the comfort of knowing how easily divorce can be processed now a days. You can do it online for $200 for chris sakes...as if they think "oh well, if it doesn't work we'll just get a divorce". But geez...you shouldn't marry in the 1st place if you think that way...people are actually getting married while feeling that divorce is possible for them. Anything's possible I know; and not everything is under our control; but why get married if you view losing that person as being acceptable? Divorce is also not taken as seriously as marriage. Certain circumstances just can't be resolved, but perhaps people marry with expectations that are just too high. You get married and your relationship changes in ways that you don't like, so you just throw your hands up and leave. Some do attempt help for their marriages, which I believe in doing, but even then I think people give up too easily. sorry...guess thats my rant of the day!
Trialbyfire Posted May 19, 2007 Posted May 19, 2007 I think Newt Gingrich takes the cake for hypocritical policymakers. Mr. Ex-Speaker-of-the-house was actively engaged in a long-term affair, while being the leader of the pack baying after Clinton for his affair with Miss Lewinsky. Let's not forget that Gingrich also pressured his wife to sign their divorce papers while she was still in the hospital, recovering from cancer surgery. Sanctity of marriage anyone?
hardcase Posted May 20, 2007 Posted May 20, 2007 Aks them if marriage means so little why are gays fighting so hard for the right to marry their partner. So they can get their partner on their employer's health plan.
norajane Posted May 20, 2007 Posted May 20, 2007 So they can get their partner on their employer's health plan. They don't need to get married for that. Lots of companies offer domestic partner benefits.
lonelybird Posted May 20, 2007 Posted May 20, 2007 Marriage is a covenant between God and two partners, has deep meaning....
a4a Posted May 21, 2007 Posted May 21, 2007 They don't need to get married for that. Lots of companies offer domestic partner benefits. A handful of companies offer DPB's. Most states will not recognize DP's....... hell even the families of gays won't recognize DP's Being in that realm for quite some time I can tell you without recognized marriage you face a multitude of legal rights obstacles........ that could all be avoided by simply allowing people to marry who they choose and not basing that on what genitals are between their legs. Of course if you are a transgender you can marry once you are labeled with the correct genitalia by the govt. :lmao: As for taking vows seriously..... hell if I don't take mine seriously how does that effect your own marriage? Unless you are a sheep and think I am so important to set a standard for you........ just mind your own marriage. And who cares if I think your kids are ugly snots and should be fed to hungry cats........ why would you care? As long as you want them, love them, and actually can take care of them....go make more of the damn things....... just quit making me pay for them.
hardcase Posted May 21, 2007 Posted May 21, 2007 They don't need to get married for that. Lots of companies offer domestic partner benefits. Not "lots"...very few...but not "lots"
hardcase Posted May 21, 2007 Posted May 21, 2007 Marriage is a covenant between God and two partners, has deep meaning.... Exactly. Now if they want to get a civil union....I could care less what they do. More power to them. Whether you think it is right or wrong...homosexuality is a sin according to the Bible. Therefore, marriage is not for homosexuals since marrige is a "holy" union. So like I said, thats why there are civil unions and they can get "married" that way.
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