It's been 5 months, but I'm hit with longing!

[azianpride143]

At least you can say you gave it one last shot until the end. But then you got your answer. It's over. So at least now you know. You need to re-focus on yourself and starting your new life. It's always hard in the beginning. In the end you will be happy.

[Storyrider]

I agree it isn't necessarily a bad thing to have told him what is on your mind and heart. Even if he already knew it. At least you didn't keep it bottled up.

 

I think the hardest thing is when our pride is damaged because we declare our love and the other person doesn't return it. But, as the old song goes, "Everybody's sombody's fool." You aren't alone.

 

Anyway, what you said probably doesn't change his take on the situation one way or the other. But years from now he might have a very different feeling about it and respect you for it. I'll bet you were eloquent.

 

And now you have it out of your system.

[polywog]

Hey polywog,

 

Me as the one who wanted it to work out, he as the one who wanted out but stuck in there, perhaps out of guilt.

 

What was his problem? Or the relationship's problem anyway.

 

Ariadne

 

He said he wasn't in love with me, that he felt it just didn't work for him. But during these past two years in which he said he wanted to break up, he didn't always act that way. In fact, right before he broke up with me he acted pretty committed to me. Maybe he was just giving it one last shot.

 

At least you can say you gave it one last shot until the end. But then you got your answer. It's over. So at least now you know. You need to re-focus on yourself and starting your new life. It's always hard in the beginning. In the end you will be happy.

 

I did get my answer. Just wish I could let go, because it's been really hard for me to, to believe it. On a gut level, not on a head level.

 

I agree it isn't necessarily a bad thing to have told him what is on your mind and heart. Even if he already knew it. At least you didn't keep it bottled up.

 

I think the hardest thing is when our pride is damaged because we declare our love and the other person doesn't return it. But, as the old song goes, "Everybody's sombody's fool." You aren't alone.

 

Anyway, what you said probably doesn't change his take on the situation one way or the other. But years from now he might have a very different feeling about it and respect you for it. I'll bet you were eloquent.

 

And now you have it out of your system.

 

Yes, I guess it helps that I got it out of my system. And I know it doesn't change his take, but there is a part of me that hangs on to some hope that it did. I hate that, and just want to be healed! Lately I'm having a very hard time moving on. It sucks!

[shockandawed]

Hi Poly..

 

Don't know what to say that hasn't already. Definitely don't beat yourself up over what happened. I am pretty sure I would have done something similar.

 

You and I are both at the 5 month mark. Sometimes I feel I am getting along good and honestly, I am much better than I was in January. But, there are still alot of moments where I think about her, and wish I could reverse what happened. Remember a special moment between us, etc...

 

I have been fortunate in that I haven't seen her since Feburary and last chatted with her in March. She was such a b(#ch then..claiming she was getting married in May and logging off. So of course, every weekend this month I have been wondering if this is the one. With school ending this week, I have a feeling it will be this weekend if she is indeed. She is such a liar who knows if it is true or not. But I still wonder and it reallly bothers me that she could be married already. The thoughts of calling her one last time before it is too late keep popping in, but I pray I won't do it.

 

I think that is probably the biggest thing that holds both of us back. How we could be replaced just like that. We are stuck grieving and heartbroken and they have simply put another in the spot we occupied. It's probably not as easy for them as we visualize, but it still burns.

 

I have been dating for a couple of months fairly actively. It is getting easier but nothing has panned out yet. Is that even an option for you at this point? Just some casual dates?

 

I think from your previous posts that you are in a somewhat small, touristy community? I guess it is pretty hard to avoid him completely for awhile. Is this your home area as well as his? Although this sounds drastic, is relocating elsewhere an option? I have thought about this myself at times, sometimes a total fresh start really helps.

 

Hang in there Poly, you have helped me quite a bit over the last few months. I do think everything happens for a reason, maybe this had to happen so you could make such positive impacts on people. It is very apparent from the responses you have on this thread that you have helped quite a few. Rebounds never work and when our exes finally find that out, I truly hope both of us are so far along we just laugh at them.

[MagnoliaJane]

Yes, I guess it helps that I got it out of my system. And I know it doesn't change his take, but there is a part of me that hangs on to some hope that it did. I hate that, and just want to be healed! Lately I'm having a very hard time moving on. It sucks!

 

Poly, moving on does suck, because it means letting go. Not only letting go of the man, but also of your dreams, beliefs and hopes about your partner.

Hope is the most resilient of all the feelings. It's just a plain stubborn feeling that won't let itself be controlled. Maybe the exercise is to project that hope elsewhere, or even better on yourself. Becoming more whole and independent and seeing love as a wonderful extra in life but not as the meaning of life itself.

Sigh... I'm telling that to myself every day and unfortunately this only works when I have good days. But when I have bad days I try to post on LS.

[polywog]

I think that is probably the biggest thing that holds both of us back. How we could be replaced just like that. We are stuck grieving and heartbroken and they have simply put another in the spot we occupied. It's probably not as easy for them as we visualize, but it still burns.

 

Yes, I am still in shock that the ex got involved with a new woman right away, and she is going to be moving in when she gets back to town in a few weeks. I posted on another thread of mine that I met her by chance with our dog, and we ended up taking a walk together, at her invitation. I like her. She is very sweet. When I look at her I don't feel jealous. Maybe it's because she is not my equal in any way, though obviously the ex doesn't feel that way. She seems like a lost soul, and kind of passive, but very innocent and kind-hearted. I am just shocked that the ex could replace me so easily with someone who I Know is not capable of giving him what I gave him, but this is my problem, since what I gave him was not what he wanted. I have to accept that. It's very hard.

 

I have been dating for a couple of months fairly actively. It is getting easier but nothing has panned out yet. Is that even an option for you at this point? Just some casual dates?

 

I don't feel like dating anyone yet, though I have been asked out. I wouldn't really have anything to give them, and I can't even feel attracted to any guys right now.

 

I think from your previous posts that you are in a somewhat small, touristy community? I guess it is pretty hard to avoid him completely for awhile. Is this your home area as well as his? Although this sounds drastic, is relocating elsewhere an option? I have thought about this myself at times, sometimes a total fresh start really helps.

 

I don't want to relocate because all my dear friends are here, and have an art career here as well as being very much involved in town boards and the community. I love it here. It did pass my mind, but I don't want to leave. I don't think it will be that hard to see my ex once I get over this, and I know I will.

 

Hang in there Poly, you have helped me quite a bit over the last few months. I do think everything happens for a reason, maybe this had to happen so you could make such positive impacts on people. It is very apparent from the responses you have on this thread that you have helped quite a few. Rebounds never work and when our exes finally find that out, I truly hope both of us are so far along we just laugh at them.

 

Well, thanks for your kind words! I hate to admit it, but I don't want to see it work out with this (maybe rebound) woman. I feel evil for thinking that, but it's how I feel right now.

[polywog]

Poly, moving on does suck, because it means letting go. Not only letting go of the man, but also of your dreams, beliefs and hopes about your partner.

 

Amen, sistah! That's the truth!

 

 

Hope is the most resilient of all the feelings. It's just a plain stubborn feeling that won't let itself be controlled. Maybe the exercise is to project that hope elsewhere, or even better on yourself. Becoming more whole and independent and seeing love as a wonderful extra in life but not as the meaning of life itself.

Sigh... I'm telling that to myself every day and unfortunately this only works when I have good days. But when I have bad days I try to post on LS.

 

Yes, we try, don't we? But the soul has a time-table of its own! Thank godess for LS, which gives my poor hurting soul a voice during times like this!!!

 

When I post on other's threads I am often posting with my strong self, and not with the hurting part, because it's a part of me. And I have so much compassion for (almost) everyone's pain. LS is like a collective soul, really, when it's at it best. We all get to heal together this way, and build up or reaffirm our strength, and best selves. Plus we get to realize we are not alone in all this pain.

[MagnoliaJane]

When I post on other's threads I am often posting with my strong self, and not with the hurting part, because it's a part of me. And I have so much compassion for (almost) everyone's pain. LS is like a collective soul, really, when it's at it best. We all get to heal together this way, and build up or reaffirm our strength, and best selves. Plus we get to realize we are not alone in all this pain.

I can totally relate to that Poly, and the strong self versus the hurting self can be very confusing to me at times... Last week I felt like there was no escape from the depth of my hurt, while yesterday and today my strong side has come out (thank goodness!). It feels like I have not that much control over both sides which is a bit scary at times. It is like the currents of life rule me and not the other way around. I do know that there is a lesson to be learned and that this is our chance to learn it!

 

What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. So true!!!

 

You are right about the collective soul of LS when it's at its best. I know that you and others have pulled me out an abbyss last week. Just being able to write something down, however shameful I feel about it, and know that it is being read/heard has given me renewed courage. This is you, and me, and everyone around us dealing with our feelings in an honest way. It makes me feel very mild and compassionate about this sometimes brutal world.

 

Hang in there Poly!

 

Hugs

[polywog]

I can totally relate to that Poly, and the strong self versus the hurting self can be very confusing to me at times... Last week I felt like there was no escape from the depth of my hurt, while yesterday and today my strong side has come out (thank goodness!). It feels like I have not that much control over both sides which is a bit scary at times. It is like the currents of life rule me and not the other way around. I do know that there is a lesson to be learned and that this is our chance to learn it!

 

Currents of life... that's a great way of putting it! It has taught me a lot of humility, being here on LS with my pain and other's pain. And I really need to give myself the compassion that I have for others, why is that so hard ? My therapist keeps telling me that I am too hard on myself, that it's going to be a long road to get over what I lost, and I have to remember that. It's so easy to see other's situations and feel optimistic for them! But Moi, that's another story altogether... talk about a lesson I am learning!

 

What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. So true!!!

 

Yes indeedy, so so true... must remember to repeat that like a mantra...

 

You are right about the collective soul of LS when it's at its best. I know that you and others have pulled me out an abbyss last week. Just being able to write something down, however shameful I feel about it, and know that it is being read/heard has given me renewed courage. This is you, and me, and everyone around us dealing with our feelings in an honest way. It makes me feel very mild and compassionate about this sometimes brutal world.

 

This place has been my savior, that's a fact. It's really a support group, and I feel so lucky to have found it. I have great friends and family I can talk to, but at this point I am reluctant to pour out the kind of stuff I do here. I can tell it's painful now for them to hear me talk about the end of the relationship, and I want's to spare them now, mostly. But here I can log on at any weird hour and get relief from my pain, both by posting my threads and posting on others. Geez, I'm getting all gushy.. but I do love LS...

 

Hang in there Poly!

 

You too, Magnolia... mucho hugs to you.....