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Crushes on older men

KittenMoon

By KittenMoon
in General Relationship Discussion

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KittenMoon Established Member

KittenMoon

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Ok, this is a bit weeeeird (at least for me), but I've been in the odd place of realizing that the only guys I've been seriously attracted to are much older than me. I've never had much interest in much older guys before, and ideally I want to be with someone my own age, but there's these two older guys I seem to have mad crushes on lately. They're friends of mine through a social/hobby group, and we get along great. I like them as people, and friends, but they're also very inteligent, witty and handsome to the point where sometimes, my mind can't escape very lusty thoughts about them.

 

Alas, they are both married and fathers, so it's 110% out of the question.

 

What I'm asking is, is this normal? I've always thought young women who chase much older guys have "daddy issues" or are looking for sugar daddies, but I've come to the sorta uncomfortable realization that if either of these guys were available... I might be actually be pursuing them. (although, ironically, I figure if either of these great guys were still available at their age, there might be a serious red flag I haven't seen)

 

I don't think I have "daddy issues", so is this maybe just a longing for a level of maturity I don't see in guys my age? Is this just a normal emotional transition for a mid-20s yr old female, moving from "fun" guys to more "serious and stable" types?

allina Established Member

allina

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I don't know if it's normal, though I'm pretty sure it is. Reminds me of a HUGE crush I had on a professor in college.

 

I was lucky to have taken 4 classes with him (I needed them for my major so it worked well :laugh:) He was over 40, married with kids but so brilliant, so sexy. With all the very inappropriate things I had running through my head in his classes I don't know how I did so well. I was single then and if he wasn't married I think I would have acted on it after the semester ended. Though many students felt the same way about it, so maybe it isn't an age thing, he just had this incredible sex appeal :love: Ok, I'm starting to drool :laugh:

Trimmer Established Member

Trimmer

Posted
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Ok, this is a bit weeeeird (at least for me), but I've been in the odd place of realizing that the only guys I've been seriously attracted to are much older than me.

Just to frame the discussion, roughly what does a mid-20's female consider to be "much older?"

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KittenMoon Established Member

KittenMoon

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Just to frame the discussion, roughly what does a mid-20's female consider to be "much older?"

 

Well, one guy is probably no more than 10 or so years older, but the other one, who I'm mainly attracted to, is probably 20+ years older.

 

I guess this is just new to me. I'm more annoyed than attracted to guys in my age group suddenly, which is a tad concerning to me, since I would far perfer to date and eventually marry a guy roughly my age. Maybe I just need to get much older, faster. :laugh:

alphamale Established Member

alphamale

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you can still have them KM even though they are both married with kids. You can become the OW.

 

I can guarantee you these two dudes are fantasizing about you.

halfarock Established Member

halfarock

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I’m in my 40’s and several times in the past few years I have had encounters with women in their mid to late 20’s who were noticeably attracted to me. Coincidently, or not, they all seem to express a certain sentiment similar to that expressed by;

 

…very intelligent, witty and handsome to the point where sometimes, my mind can't escape very lusty thoughts about them. …

 

…but so brilliant, so sexy. With all the very inappropriate things I had running through my head…
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KittenMoon Established Member

KittenMoon

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I can guarantee you these two dudes are fantasizing about you.

 

You haven't seen their wives. Haaawt. And the older hottie's wife is european to boot. I know when I'm beat. :laugh:

alphamale Established Member

alphamale

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You haven't seen their wives. Haaawt. And the older hottie's wife is european to boot. I know when I'm beat. :laugh:

you're a shoe-in KM....the last time they probably touched their wives was months ago :laugh:

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KittenMoon Established Member

KittenMoon

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you're a shoe-in KM....the last time they probably touched their wives was months ago :laugh:

 

Oh alpha, ever the eternal monogamy pessimist....:rolleyes:

 

But y'all will never find me in the OW forum.

 

Now.... if a divorce were to occur... all bets are off. :cool:

Trimmer Established Member

Trimmer

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Now.... if a divorce were to occur... all bets are off. :cool:

Why do you think I asked about age specifics?

 

- T

 

/ mid 40's and wondering if mid-20's is too young or not... :D shhh, don't tell b4r, though...

chilatte Member

chilatte

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I think it is normal to find older married men attractive. I am not sure why but somewhere in my mid 20's (now I am really close to 30) I started not finding men my age attractive as much. Maybe because I finally matured a lot and if men my age haven't settled down yet then they seem to be on a different level of maturity or something....I am not sure exactly. I think older men (40's) that are married and have their sh*t together are so sexy. I am married though and would never pursue anyone. I love my hubby dearly but I am not dead and I still find men attractive and just my opinion the older ones that have a good career, wife, kids, house, car are so attractive.

  • 2 weeks later...
This_Too_Shall_Pass Established Member

This_Too_Shall_Pass

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When I was younger, I used to get along much better with older guys, because at the time, guys my age seemed immature to me.

 

But at 27, I think I've started leaning more towards those who're around my age. I guess the guys have "caught up", so to speak, with their maturity levels.

 

Plus, I think that age goes with a certain stage of life. Right now, I'd lean more towards guys who are about 3-4 years older to me. More than that would be a bit of a stretch, because they'd be at a different stage in their lives, with different priorities.

 

I'm saying this in general, it's not an absolute rule I stick by ;). Still, if the guy in question was over 35, it would be stretching it a wee bit, and I'd give it some extra thought before going ahead with it.

This_Too_Shall_Pass Established Member

This_Too_Shall_Pass

Posted
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When I was younger, I used to get along much better with older guys, because at the time, guys my age seemed immature to me.

 

But at 27, I think I've started leaning more towards those who're around my age. I guess the guys have "caught up", so to speak, with their maturity levels.

 

Plus, I think that age goes with a certain stage of life. Right now, I'd lean more towards guys who are about 3-4 years older to me. More than that would be a bit of a stretch, because they'd be at a different stage in their lives, with different priorities.

 

I'm saying this in general, it's not an absolute rule I stick by ;). Still, if the guy in question was over 35, it would be stretching it a wee bit, and I'd give it some extra thought before going ahead with it.

Phoebe Established Member

Phoebe

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Intelligent, witty, handsome what's not to like? Maybe it's not so much a matter of older men that you're attracted to but mature men. Maturity doesn't necessarily come with age, but generally it helps. I'd imagine that these men you're attracted to are confident, successful and good husbands/fathers. Is it possible that you're at the stage in your life when you're thinking of settling down?

This_Too_Shall_Pass Established Member

This_Too_Shall_Pass

Posted
Posted
Intelligent, witty, handsome what's not to like? Maybe it's not so much a matter of older men that you're attracted to but mature men. Maturity doesn't necessarily come with age, but generally it helps. I'd imagine that these men you're attracted to are confident, successful and good husbands/fathers. Is it possible that you're at the stage in your life when you're thinking of settling down?

 

Good answer, Phoebe, very much on target.

 

I do think however, in the case of men, that maturity comes with age. By maturity I mean the willingness to take responsibility and a sense of purpose with one's life.

 

It's like this - men who are mature and responsible are usually older. But the converse is not always true - men who are older are not always mature. There are men who are forever stuck in their twenties, and refuse to "grow up".

 

So in the end, it's the guys' personalities and the way they've handled their lives, that KittenMoon and a lot of other women (including me) are attracted towards. Over a certain age, they all fall into 2 distinct categories - boys and men :D

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