Guest Posted May 18, 2007 Posted May 18, 2007 Hi Everybody, I'm a 41 year old single father of a 16 year old son and an 11 year old daughter. My X and I split up in June 2003, unwillingly on my part but we successfully divided all our marital assets and bought his/her houses. The kids were 12 and 7 at that time. They chose to live with their Mother so I didn't contest that because I wanted this to have a minimal impact on them. They live about 80km or 50 miles from me....approx a 45 minute drive. She works night shift from 10:30pm until 6am, I work 7:30am to 3:30pm and for the past 4 years, my children come to spend the night with me. I live virtually minutes away from her work so she drops them off at 9pm and picks them up at 6:15am and takes them home where they go to school. I also have the children every other weekend. Last June, I met a wonderful woman who is everything I've been looking for in a potential spouse and lets face it, I'm totally in love with her. We spend alot of time communicating in all venues...on the phone, e-mail and in person. She's divorced with 2 children living with her...a 14 year old boy and a 12 year old girl. Her X also gets the kids every other weekend. My children know her and her children. Recently, her landlady (she rents a home) has listed the property for sale so obviously she has to move which gives us the perfect opportunity to live together. I do have extra rooms for her children and my kids each have their own room and wouldn't be affected by this. However, when I mentioned that I was thinking about this arrangement to my kids, my oldest blew up and freaked out at me saying that I'm soo selfish and I don't care about them, all I care about is myself and that if I went ahead with this (his exact words were "If they're moving in, I'm moving out"). See the problem I'm having is that my kids don't even "live here" they sleep over. I've been nothing but unselfish and put my life on hold for them. I've tried to ensure them that they won't be affected in a negative way. If it was that they didn't want new siblings, I suggested that my gf and I could alternate weekends with the kids, so when mine were with me, hers were with her X's and vice versa. Plus 9pm is practically bedtime anyways so that wouldn't be a problem. Its not like I'm forcing them to share a room or anything. I want to be and deserve to be happy too, don't you think ? Just wondering what some others thoughts on this are.
KeysGirl07 Posted May 18, 2007 Posted May 18, 2007 Ok, first of all let me say I've been through what you are describing. I was dating someone and we got engaged (way too soon might I add) and my son freaked out. He was 12 at the time. My fiance also had a son a year older than my son and these two boys did NOT get along. My son refused to even begin to accept us getting married much less having to move into THEIR house. It was trauma I wasn't going to put my son through - it was just not the right time or the right situation. I ended up calling off the engagement and breaking up with him. I put my son first and actually he was right about my ex. This guy was cheating on me and I didn't know it. If I had married him and moved in it would have been a disaster. Don't put your kids through it. Date until they're grown then you can do what you want. That's what I'm doing. Me and my son have a happy home and I just cannot disrupt that right now. He's 15 so really I don't have him that much longer and the time I do have him I don't want to screw it up by forcing him into a blended family that's going to cause major problems - just too stressful on everyone. Don't put your kids thru it. Love can wait.
Requiem Posted June 9, 2007 Posted June 9, 2007 Its a hard choice to make, if they cant do it togeather, then you have to chose. Your children should always come first. Give it some time, they might accept it later or you might just have to wait. But no matter what you do, do not put her before your children, girls come and go no matter if they are perfect in ever aspect you see or not. But your children will always be your children. It aint hurting her any for her to find a new place to be, I know it would be easiest if she was to move in with you for her and it is what you want. She can manage without moveing in though and I bet you could too, it might be hard for you to do so, you might want more out of the relationship and want to do that and be upset with not doing it, but sometimes it has to be that way. You should probobly try to figure out what is wrong with her moveing in to your child to build yalls relationship and make you two closer...
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