ted8 Posted May 17, 2007 Posted May 17, 2007 Hi, this is my first post on this board...I have read over some posts and I see that this is a pretty ecclectic environment. Sorry for the long post. I'm a 25 year old male, and I am currently in a 2 year relationship with a wonderful girl. We have known eachother other for years but nothing ever happenened between us until we started grad school together. Our relationship started very slowly (she is fairly conservative and "old fashioned") and we've had our ups and downs but things have been ok the past year. I have a few problems. I'm not sure if I ever want to get married. I'm not sure if I want kids. I fear getting old and I have many many interests that I am yet to pursue. Our interests are not the same as I am highly free spirited and a little artsy and she is pretty uptight and "classy". I enjoy the good life too but not the way she does. Life is hectic as a grad student so my time is literally spent studying (usually with her) or spending alone time with her. I have many friends that I don't really spend time with anymore and I don't enjoy my nights the way i used to. She knows about my marriage and children issues but I have a feeling that she thinks that I'll "come around" and change. We are extremely close and we have been through alot together...i.e. school, her parents separation, and much more. Another side note: we have not had sex yet. We get physical and intimate but no sex (in any way either oral or ...) The problem I'm having now is that I'm thinking about breaking up with her but I don't know how I could hurt her. Also, I know that she finally wants to have sex but I'm afraid to because I know that if I do have sex with her and then break up with her she will be crushed even more. I have a "nice guy" complex and I hate to have anyone dislike me. I also can't stand to see her get hurt. I do care for her deeply but I don't think I'm in love with her. This isn't fair to her. I just don't know what to do or how to do it. I need to end it. My heart is beating fast while I type this post. Help thank you
Shuffty Posted May 19, 2007 Posted May 19, 2007 You said it yourself, you need to end it. Nice guy complex or no, are you really prepared to spend all of your life with someone you care for but are not in love with? What happens if you meet someone you actually love and want to be with, think she'll take it any better then? That's only going to cause a whole other sh*t storm that you don't need. Hate to say it, but this is the easiest it's going to get, and for God's sake don't have sex with her then dump her, sure fire way to get someone to hate your guts. I broke up with my boyfriend, i used the phrase 'i don't think i want to be with you anymore' Ugh. Honestly i thought i was going to throw up right there, it was so horrible to hear myself saying it and imagining how much it must hurt to hear. I had to do it, i had to go with it right at the moment i thought i would chicken out and run off. It's life. And it sucks. But you're right, it's not fair on her. Or you either.
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