Guest Posted May 17, 2007 Posted May 17, 2007 My BF of 8 months has not exactly been truthful to me.Although never cheating he has been cheating to a degree by phoning over time a few different ex girlfriends of his and talking in a way you should not when your in a relationship with someone else. He has lived with me since around 7 months ago and there have been some wonderful moments although there are these ones that have stuck with me,I have forgiven him but never have forgotten. Recently I found on his cell phone a name of a guy STAN,yes I posted about this recently.When he got defensive about it I then went all out of my way to call the number...it was yet another female.I asked him about it and he finally told me it was one of his ex bonk buddies.he reassured me he hid it because he knew I would be upset about it and with his past history..Of course I would be. The last week he has been somewhat distant from me although declaring his love for me daily at night when we go to bed there has been a few times when he has not even said goodnight,just rolled over and gone to sleep.I have started to feel very insecure about this especially after that ex girls number being found on his phone so as the days go on I am getting more insecure.I confront him last night and he rather then reassure me that nothing is going on says to me "whatever" if thats what you think....he got defensive and says that was past.Yes it's past but I only found out last week about it.I then bought up the other two girls and he said THAT was past..I said to him" so if you do something wrong tomorrow I am suppose to get over it because the next day that will be past too?"...nothing I said to him was getting through and he said nothing was going on and that its my fault,that im so insecure.I told him the reason I am so insecure is because of these things that he has done to me in the past and then again last week by hiding her name. I went and slept in the spare room,he never came to talk with me or anything so in the morning I spoke with him but he thinks I have the problem and that he sees nothing wrong with behing good friends with this girl....the one he has bonked,the very one he and I argued over in the early stages of our relationship because I found a pic of her almost naked on his phone that he didn't want to get rid of...whats wrong here?Should I have to tolerate this?. I told him if he loves me and wants us to work out he needs to stop contacting these ex's.I have no problem with him having female friends but not ones he has been intimate with.I told him that if he chooses them over me then that will show me how much he cares about me.He walked off not too happy this morning saying that I have laid out the rules.He did however start saying how I have many guys online I speak to,I did remind him that NONE i have slept with and none I intend to and I do not speak with these guys much at all,that he can trust me 101%. Why is it when something goes wrong he tries and turns it all around on me?I am left feeling more insecure and feeling like he doesnt really give a hoot about me like he says he does.No he hasnt cheated,I know this but calling these girls up is just an invitation for trouble and if he wants us to work out he needs to stop this coming between us.
Not_That_Innocent Posted May 20, 2007 Posted May 20, 2007 He's trying to make it your fault to take the heat off of himself. He's being a jerk! I don't think you should have given him permission to talk to other women, regardless of whether or not he has "bonked" them. The fact that he is hiding names in his cell phone is a red flag. IMHO, I think he's messing around on you.
norajane Posted May 20, 2007 Posted May 20, 2007 whats wrong here? You moved in together after a month of dating. Now you're finding out he's less than honorable and not always honest...you're seeing his true colors. Should I have to tolerate this?.No, of course not. You can leave him now. You don't have to stay and put up with it, especially since he seems to have no desire to stop talking to his exes and who knows what else. Why is it when something goes wrong he tries and turns it all around on me?Because he's trying to manipulate you so he can get away with his behavior. I am left feeling more insecure and feeling like he doesnt really give a hoot about me like he says he does.See? The manipulation is working...he has you feeling insecure and that gives him the upper hand. You're still trying to make this work, while he isn't willing to compromise at all...he's refusing to even admit he's doing anything wrong. A word of caution: he's likely to try to hide things better so you don't catch him.
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