Now porn I wouldn't mind, but this makes me insecure...

[Religioux]

Hello everyone,

 

Let's see...I guess I'll start off by saying that I've been with my boyfriend for around nine months now. He's a great guy for the most part, and we have a fun time together. I'm really crazy about him. But...well, around four months ago I discovered his secret stash of magazines, in his bathroom (underneath his sink), with photos of skimpily-dressed models ripped out and being used for...well, his purposes, if you catch my drift. These photos are mainly from his car magazines.

 

Weirdly enough, this ripped me apart. The crazy thing is, I wouldn't mind if it were porn - I can appreciate the voyeuristic "hotness" of porn, watching two people get it on, caught up in the sexual act. But he's only getting off over photos of women who are dressed (albeit not in much). For some reason, this makes me feel incredibly insecure and jealous. I feel like in order for him to get off with these pictures alone, it must mean that he finds these women incredibly desirable, possibly even more so than me. In fact, most likely more so than me.

 

Another thing is, he'll latch onto a certain picture of a model, and use ONLY THAT picture for weeks, or even a month, at a time. I know this because it's the only picture that'll move around from place to place underneath his bathroom sink, along with his bottle of lotion. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what he's doing with the picture. Don't most guys use a variety of photos/porn to get their rocks off with? Not just one picture in particular, of a certain model? Or am I just being overly insecure?

 

Porn I wouldn't mind. But for some reason, him using pictures of clothed women, I do mind. Some of these pictures aren't even sexual in nature. They're just ads from a magazine, of women doing everyday things. Like one ad in particular that he used for almost TWO MONTHS STRAIGHT. It was just three women, in swimsuits (not even skimpy ones), sitting around a pool and laughing together.

 

Is it normal for a guy to use ONLY pictures of clothed women, and not porn at all, to get off with? When he has a steady girlfriend? Am I physically just not enough for him? I don't even know how to describe why exactly this upsets me, while porn wouldn't. I hope someone can understand where I'm coming from.

 

I should probably also mention...that our sex life right now is in the dumps. We have sex once a month on average. Mostly, I just give him blowjobs, and that's it. I've tried to talk to him about why he never wants to sleep with me anymore (when it's clear that his sex drive is still plenty strong), but his only response is, "I don't know."

 

I haven't brought up the fact to him that I know just what he does with all these pictures of models and women. But I cry nearly every single time I notice that he's done it again. I mean, come on, he doesn't make much of an attempt to hide it. Hmm, numerous photographs of skimpily-dressed women underneath his bathroom sink, next to a bottle of lotion and a used towel...let's see here...

 

Should I at least bring it up to him? Or let him know that I realize what he's doing? I just hate confrontation so much, and I know he'd blow up about it. Please, any advice would be appreciated. I'm very confused, heartbroken, and upset. It's been this way for almost four months now.

[Mustang Sally]

Hmmm. I thought I might have a suggestion for you, until I got to the part that your sex life is in the dumps, now. I was going to suggest you approach him in a sexy (and non-threatening - meaning not coming down on him for the pictures) way and say something like, "Hey babe, tell me about these photos of yours...Can I give you some of me?" And see where that leads.

 

Everyone has individual things that turn them on, after all. Like some guys might want to look at completely naked porn queens. Some might like the "suggestion" of it all, as in scantily clad (but clad, nonetheless) women poised on top of sports cars. Still others might prefer asian women's feet....You know what I mean?

 

But that you guys are having a slump of your own in the bedroom, might be indicative of something a bit more serious than just a guy who likes to whack-off frequently to some car models...

 

Either way, I think you need to talk about it with him. But I would be prepared for a potentially upsetting conversation. I hope I'm wrong, but I wonder if maybe he's telling you he's ready to move on? Be sure you bring it up in a concerned, but again, non-threatening (non-confrontational) way, as best you can.

 

Good luck, keep us posted.

[Guest]

Well....

 

 

The only thing strange about the whole thing is how orderly he is with his... umm tools. I was always very messy with my... umm tools.

 

 

On a serious note though... This is something the two of you should talk about. You already consider it to be a confrontational matter and this should not be the case. You should be able to talk to your mate about any subject no matter how personal and painful... Did I say personal? Nothing really personal in a healthy relationship.

 

I do think you are being a bit insecure, but then again you kow the dynamics of your relationship is.

 

9 months is kind of early for the sex life to go cold though in my opinion. Try talking to him.... you really do deserve to know why he is not sexing you any more like he used to.

 

Goodluck

[dbtmarley]

Well....

 

The only thing strange about the whole thing is how orderly he is with his... umm tools. I was always very messy with my... umm tools.

 

On a serious note though... This is something the two of you should talk about. You already consider it to be a confrontational matter and this should not be the case. You should be able to talk to your mate about any subject no matter how personal and painful... Did I say personal? Nothing really personal in a healthy relationship.

I do think you are being a bit insecure, but then again you kow the dynamics of your relationship is.

9 months is kind of early for the sex life to go cold though in my opinion. Try talking to him.... you really do deserve to know why he is not sexing you any more like he used to.

 

Goodluck,

 

Thomas

(Who gets turned on when his woman dresses in business attire)

[Lizzie60]

It seems to bother you a lot so ...you need to confront him.

 

Why this kind of pictures? There is just as much fantasies as human beings... so this is very deep... (maybe he fantasizes about female friends gathering around the pool and having sex together, who knows) and I even doubt he knows the reason himself....but that's not the point...

 

If it was my bf I would be more worried about the fact that he prefers to masturbate than to actually have sex with me... THAT would bother me...

 

Sit down with him and have a 'mature' talk. Good luck!

[Enema]

Every time someone posts about their partner and masturbation there's one word that recurs constantly:

 

ME.

 

Well guess what? Not everything in the universe is about you. His masturbation has nothing to do with you and your perceived imperfections.

 

Get over it, this is your problem, don't make it his.

[Je Ne Regrette Rien]

Do you ever masturbate? If so, is it always about your partner?

 

I agree with the poster who said that the lack of sex is the anomaly here. If you were constantly doing it, it would probably feel less like he is exchanging sex with you for masturbation with swimsuit models.

 

Masturbation is normal - its a release. Dont take it personally and dont compare yourself to the models. Its his fantasy.

 

You need to TALK. Ask him if he's feeling sexy lately or whether there is problem you could help with. Dont pressure him but DO state that answers like "I just dont know" are not acceptable because you are in this relationship too and if there's a problem you have a right to work on it.

[che_jesse]

I think you need to swich your focus to fixing your relationship instead of just blameing porn. Hes been jerking off to models long before he met you, dont fight him on that, its like someone ordering you to swich the hand you wipe your ass with, its not their place and you wont do it anyway.

[Teddy and Jane]

Every time someone posts about their partner and masturbation there's one word that recurs constantly:

 

ME.

 

Well guess what? Not everything in the universe is about you. His masturbation has nothing to do with you and your perceived imperfections.

 

Get over it, this is your problem, don't make it his.

 

So if a guy was having sex once a month with his girlfriend even though he'd like it a lot more often, you wouldn't say that is a problem for him? When he asked her why she didn't want to be sexually intimate more often and she responded "I don't know?" you would get angry with him and say "Why are you making this HER problem when it's YOUR problem? Get over it, dude." ?

[norajane]

The problem you should be crying about is the lack of sex and whatever problem you have in your relationship that is making that so. Surely, there is something that is creating the lack of sex situation...how is your relationship? Do you two have fun, talk, share, spend time together doing fun things? Or are things rocky? That's what you should focus on.

 

The masturbation fodder is not your problem. He'd be masturbating to those girls whether you were having sex like bunnies or not.

[LakesideDream]

Wow, another case of "Visual Cheating".. (see thread). Seriously, there are as many triggers to sexual response as there are people. Those "triggers" even change or evolve as people mature (a polite word for getting older), I'm living proof of that.

 

I (like others here) would be much more concerned about the lack of sex you two are having. Once a month is not normal for men. Does he have ED problems?

 

I will admit that I am much more interested in images of well dressed, attractive grown up women whether live or in a photo/video of than "Porn Stars".

 

The images that produce the most profound reaction in me are of the woman I want. I have a few pictures (G rated) the make me smile, happy, sometimes sad, and even occasionally aroused emotionally and physically. Sadly she is far away and unobtainable.

 

Work on jumping each others bones more often. Don't spend emotional cash on what's under his sink.

[Enema]

So if a guy was having sex once a month with his girlfriend even though he'd like it a lot more often, you wouldn't say that is a problem for him? When he asked her why she didn't want to be sexually intimate more often and she responded "I don't know?" you would get angry with him and say "Why are you making this HER problem when it's YOUR problem? Get over it, dude." ?

 

Their poor sex life has nothing to do with his masturbating.

 

Common misconception, but it's ok, I accept your apology.

[green-eyed beauty]

Every time someone posts about their partner and masturbation there's one word that recurs constantly:

 

ME.

 

Well guess what? Not everything in the universe is about you. His masturbation has nothing to do with you and your perceived imperfections.

 

Get over it, this is your problem, don't make it his.

 

That really doesn't make sense because the poster is unhappy so that IS important. People on here post because they are unhappy or have a problem in the relationship. If one person in the relationship is unhappy, there's a problem. Plus she's not getting sexually satisfied as she deserves in a relationship. Once a month, and the fact she has to ask for it even then...is a problem.

[green-eyed beauty]

Their poor sex life has nothing to do with his masturbating.

 

Common misconception, but it's ok, I accept your apology.

 

You didn't answer the questions. But yes, he is showing that he is sexually interested in pictures but not with her. If he can only become aroused through looking at photos, but doesn't with her and doesn't put his body to use with her, yeah, there's a connection AND a problem. It's possible he's so addicted to the photos of women, he can't get aroused for his own, wonderful, real live woman, which is a problem. So no one owes you any apology.

[che_jesse]

It's possible he's so addicted to the photos of women, he can't get aroused for his own, wonderful, real live woman, which is a problem. So no one owes you any apology.

 

It's also possible that because of either problems or stress in their relationship that have nothing to do with sex he does not want to perform sexually with her. It is also possible that she has made this such a big deal that he has lost sexual interest in her. Nobody wants to do something when they are nagged about it 24/7.

 

We dont know what thier problem is but he has been jerking off since before he met her and at first they did have sex. Therefore we know that whatever wrong is new.

[Diamonds&Rust]

Hate to point out the elephant in the room, but most men will reluctantly inform you that you haven't uncovered a specific fixation with a particular advertisement--you've merely stumbled upon one of the many, many porn stashes he's been forced to create.