rplauc1 Posted May 16, 2007 Posted May 16, 2007 [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]HI I’m Raelyn. I’m new to the boards. My ex broke up with me 2 Saturday’s ago for the fourth time in a year and 7 months. I never knew heartbreak could hurt so bad. You think I would be used to it by now, but I guess not. He broke up with me the first time after four months of getting together, than 7 months later, than 4 months later…and now a month a half of getting back together the last time he broke up with me for the fourth time. I took him back that many times and feel like a fool. He tells me I’m too much to handle. I think he has a lot of growing up to do. I have a lot of other problems in my life that have cause me with depression and anxiety and Corey was never there for me. He was very selfish in our relationship and I guess I’m just starting to figure that out. But I cant bring myself to be mad at him. And I know I cannot get back together with him. He left me again at one of the lowest points of my life. My father just got out of jail for trying to kill my mother, brother and sister. He is an alcoholic and drug abuser. The third time Corey broke up with me I went in to the hospital and had a complete melt down. He would not even come visit me in the hospital. How outrageous is that right? So I’m just wondering if anybody has any tips or advice or stories or experiences that they have been through to help me out. I feel like Corey was my second half. Everything I did, I did with him in mind. He was my source of happiness but also the cause of my anxiety. I depended on him for my happiness and I guess that is why it has hit me so hard this time. How do you get over your first love?? I am only 19, I know young. And he is about to turn 21. Before him, I was like **** men, I’m never getting married just because I have seen my mother get emotionally abused since I was born. Then I met Corey and that all changed. Now I wish that would have never happened. I don’t know what to do withmyself. I’m still in the grief stage and I guess still in shock. It angers me that he can go on with his life as if nothing has happened and I’m stuck wallowing in disbelief. I want to come out of this a stronger person. Everyone says omg your already so strong already but I’m sick of being the strong one. I cant take any more kicks to the ground. I have no happy urge to go out and do anything. Work is a struggle. I can’t focus. And everything reminds me of him!!! Everyone say’s this is a blessing in disguise, but I guess I’m just not seeing that yet….I just would appreciate any help I could get!!! Thank you all….XOXO Raelyn[/sIZE][/FONT]
polywog Posted May 16, 2007 Posted May 16, 2007 Welcome to LS, Raelyn. You feel awful and broken because, well, break ups are such a Huge loss... even though your post makes him sound inadequate for you. You're in shock, same as if you were physically injured. Sweetie pie, you just need to let yourself grieve. It's terrible that the break up had to come when you're already dealing with some severe blows, and I'm sure you're extra vulnerable now. My heart goes out to you. From your post, it just sounds as if he is too young and immature to be able to be a partner to you, and you deserve better. It sounds like he was a step up from your other relationships, and that you've come to see what you want and need in a man. The next guy will be better, after you've healed. Heartbreak sucks (big time) but it is the chance for us to grow, and you'll be a better, stronger woman when the fog of pain lifts (and it will). The pain will happen, it's unfortunately a tunnel we need to crawl through when our heart has been broken. It won't feel like it, but you will be mending. I promise. Some day you'll see, trust it. Don't think about being "the strong one". You are already strong, I can tell, so you do not need to play that role when you're feeling lousy. Life has thrown you some challenges, and the opportunity you have to be a wonderful, strong, compassionate woman is the reward you will earn. Google "Break-ups" and you'll find some great links to help you cope. Go to the library and find some books on coping, there are good ones. Take good care of yourself, and post here as often as you need to. This place has some great, wise people and you'll get lots of support. Take care of yourself, and post often... it will help! bunnies for strength... :bunny: :bunny:
Author rplauc1 Posted May 16, 2007 Author Posted May 16, 2007 Thank you so much for your advice. I really appreciate it. I have read two books already "Its callled a break up because its broken" and "Hpw to mend a broken heart" Are they're any that you would recommend? I mean Theyre is someone out there that is better right?? I'm just s
Author rplauc1 Posted May 16, 2007 Author Posted May 16, 2007 Thank you so much for your advice. I really appreciate it. I have read two books already "Its callled a break up because its broken" and "Hpw to mend a broken heart" Are they're any that you would recommend? I mean Theyre is someone out there that is better right?? I'm just so afraid of being alone right now.. I just have this hole inside of me that I want to get rid of...
Star Gazer Posted May 16, 2007 Posted May 16, 2007 Aw hun, I've been there. I have all the books. The two you mentioned are good... If you look at those books on Amazon, they'll show you similar books other people have purchased, try those. The books help you use your HEAD in coping, instead of focusing on that empty feeling in your heart...a great way to rationalize and explain to you the reason why the breakup had to happen. Also consider seeing a therapist. Seriously, the right one can work wonders - and preferably choose a female. All that said, you WILL get through this. Time is seriously all you need.
polywog Posted May 17, 2007 Posted May 17, 2007 I mean Theyre is someone out there that is better right?? I'm just so afraid of being alone right now.. I just have this hole inside of me that I want to get rid of... Yes, of course there is someone better... a true partner who won't run away when you go through hard times who'll love you, who you'll love. I mean, your ex loved you, you are proven to be loveable! He just wasn't up to the task of being a partner to you, which is what you deserve. When you're ready, you'll be amazed at what the universe will throw your way. I know all about the "afraid of being alone", as I reckon everyone here does. You won't be alone forever, maybe not even for very long. it just feels especially rotten and scary right now because there is a hole where your ex was, and of course you miss him and the love. Learning to be happy alone is a gift, a happy by-product of a rotten break up. I was never alone from the time I was 18 untill I was 37, except for a month (maybe) between relationships (all were long-term). I did not learn how to be alone until my divorce, and I was scared sh*tless. But It ended up being one of the happiest, richest times of my life. I learned what I wanted, learned to have fun, learned how to be a true friend and lover, how to be my best self. I became more picky and wise about who I would give my love to, and it payed off (mostly:p). The hole will mend, just like a broken bone. Time really is the great healer. Really. Hang in there, and keep the faith, and keep posting.
polywog Posted May 17, 2007 Posted May 17, 2007 Here's a good link I found a while back for understanding and coping with the trauma of break-up. I think you'll find it helpful: http://www.kalimunro.com/newsletter4.html
Teeky3 Posted May 18, 2007 Posted May 18, 2007 Welcome to relationships! Trust me when I tell you...you will DEFINITELY get through this and over this. Years ago, my guy broke up with me too. I was suicidal, on Prozac and could barely drive myself to work. I was a hot mess!!!!! I really thought I wanted to die and did not even care that I had 2 small girls who needed me. When I look back at that now....I can't believe I was so jacked up! You will get over this....YOU WILL...but you have to go through this to get over this. The pain will seem like the worst pain ever. There is good news though...and that is that you will one day look back and be thaknful that you experienced the pain. Your love is out there....and he won't be breaking up with you every few weeks/months. p.s. don't be afraid to be alone either. Love and spend time with yourself. It's so healthy and necessary. You won't spend the rest of your life alone so don't waste energy thinking about that.
amaysngrace Posted May 18, 2007 Posted May 18, 2007 Hi. It's nice to meet you. I'm sorry for what you're going through too. Especially with your parents and everything. I think your guy was an emotional abuser it sounds like. What kind of man wouldn't come be with you when you were at your lowest? You deserve so much better.
DeeAnnieFL Posted May 19, 2007 Posted May 19, 2007 This same thing happened to me late last year. I dated a guy I really liked when he wasn't breaking up with me three times in 8 months out of [he admitted] anxiety. It's sad because something great could have become of us but instead his fears got in the way. I know you don't want to hear this, but you'll get over him. Set your standards too high to include him... Say that you want a man who will do anything to be with you, and who will not throw you away like you're nothing. Say you want a man who knows what he wants. Say you want a man who will be honest, so if that means after a couple dates he doesn't feel the two of you getting serious, fine- there is no reason for the on-again off-again charade. When you find the right guy who will be there during your hard times and will NOT play mind games with you, you will be SO relieved you're not attached to this bozo.
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