blueeyes1 Posted May 16, 2007 Posted May 16, 2007 I am with my b/f for 5 years, has been a rocky relationship alot of ups and downs. He currently lives with his mother and doesnt have a car for the whole time i have been with him. He has a stable job now for 2 years. THe problem is this we fight alot, he never seems to have time for me. He says that he is trying to get his life together first, then he can be serious. He feels that he sint a man living at home with no car and cant give me what i deserve right now. He works alot, 2 jobs.He says that after he gets his life togdether he will make time for me. We fight alot because of this. What really hurts is that even though i understand where he is coming from, It still bothers me that he has no time for me. We get along when i keep my feelings to myself, but then it builds up and i explode. He doesnt want to hear my feelings on this, when i do express them it turns into a fight and he gets very verbally abusive. If i act liek everything is ok, we get along, but i dont think its fair that i cant express myself without it turning into an argument. Tonight was the breaking point, i calmly told him that Its not that imtrying to be difficult, its just that i feel like we are drifting apart from all of the space, even though he calls everyday several times a day. He told me that he hates me because i cant let this go for now and let him do what he has to do and basically told me its over although he has said it before and we are still together, he hung up on me and turned his phone off and i am so distraught because we fought becuase i have feelings that i feel i needed to express, and i should be able to do that without?a fight occuring. I need advice on what i should do from this point. I do love him but I dont feel close to him anymore cause of the time apart with him working so much and neglecting me.
Island Girl Posted May 16, 2007 Posted May 16, 2007 Is he spending time with you when he is not working? Do you feel neglected because of lack of time because he works so much and he is away from you during the time when he has to work? It seems like he is putting in a lot of effort with calling you several times a day. If the answer to both of the above questions is yes, then it is you who is being selfish, extremely needy, and it is you who needs to stop behaving this way before you destroy the relationship.
DutchGuy Posted May 16, 2007 Posted May 16, 2007 Do you work yourself? I take it, your boyfriend doesn't get paid that well and for you two to get your lives together takes a lot of patience? It's always difficult to have to wait on something you want real bad. He probably wants a nice relationship with you too but in order to have that, he first needs to work - a lot. He experiences the same stress as you do, and probably feels unappreciated when he comes over and is somewhat accused of neglecting you. Because by working, he is investing in his life, which includes your relationship. Fighting doesn't mean that you want to break up, in this case I think you fight because you want to be together.
stupidhead Posted May 16, 2007 Posted May 16, 2007 the "verbally abusive" part set off alarm bells for me. is he really verbally abusive? if so, who cares if you're being needy (can't really judge from this post)? abuse is different than getting into arguments...if that line is crossed then i don't think he deserves you at all and i'd get out. much easier said than done, i know. just my two cents.
Author blueeyes1 Posted May 16, 2007 Author Posted May 16, 2007 No he doesnt even spend time with me when he is off. I have seen him about maybe 5 times since the beginning of the year. I do work, and when I say verbally abusive, he curses at me yells at me, says mean and hateful things, gives me the silent treatment. He has anger issues. He keeps saying that it will get better and thats why i stick around, he says hes under tremendous stress, but who isnt . I always make time for him and I work 2 jobs.
Island Girl Posted May 16, 2007 Posted May 16, 2007 If you see him once a month -- you are unhappy -- he is "verbally abusive" (although you say yourself you "explode" as well) -- So what is there to be saved? Break it off and move on. Only then can you expect better.
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