friends , female friends and girls your interested in never phone you or initate-why

[joel]

i for some reason always have to phone and initiate to hang out, but i never ever have friends, or even a girl ur interested in phone me.

an example.

this girl -my ex co worker (Karen) i would phone her once in a while-not often at all -like in once in 2 wks to a month or even email-- her just to chat, but she has not once ever phoned me. i would phone her and ask her day, what shes doin on the weekend, hows her studies, whats happening these days, anything new........etc. this girl would never ever phone me. i have to phone her and initiate. whats with that. its not just with her ,but other so called friends too. i have to call em and initiate to hang out or ask about whats happening. if i would never phone em they would never ever phone me. trust me they have my #. whats with ppl these days. are ppl so caught up in themselves and they already have their own friends or something, and not want more.

 

i have a guy friend who would do the phone me and i'll phone him vis/versa, but other than him everyones the same. i have to contact them. i not even sure if they are friends or just casual aquitances.

 

i met this other girl(Lisa) from a dating web site. we went out once for coffee once , a wk later dinner and then month later bowling with her friends. throughout the whole time she never phoned me. i would phone her, but she would chat and talk. not once did she ever phone me. i ask her why and she says shes busy , i mean you have a cell and you can't even pick up that cell and say hello how are you for 3 minutes. lol . i mean on the bus, waht else can you do right. lol

 

what do you guys think do you call em friends,or just aquitances you now and chit chat with . what do u say is the difference and the barrier between the two.

do any of you guys get, what i get. friends , platonic female friends, and girls you met for coffee and are interested- never phone you, you have to phone them. and why

[LucreziaBorgia]

Girls who are interested don't phone because they are more or less instructed not to by overwhelmingly popoular dating books like "He's Just Not That Into You" and "The Rules". These books tell girls that men like to be the ones making the moves, and initiating the calls, and that if they really want to date you - then you shouldn't have to call a man. Nor should you (they say), because its his place to contact you. One of those books, the Rules I think it is - actually instructs a woman not to take a man's call until he has called at least three times, and even then keep the phone call short and to the point. Apparently the idea is that the woman should set herself up as a 'prize' to be won, and that men with their 'hunting' instincts are mroe interested in women they have to persue than ones that persue them.

 

Now, girls who aren't interested and don't call are probably erring on the side of caution, lest you think they are calling you because the want to "be" with you.

 

 

 

Interesting, eh? That's how it goes, I guess.

[This_Too_Shall_Pass]

Maybe you have a really, really high-pitched, tinny voice??

 

 

I'm just throwing out possibilities.

[Shuffty]

Ever seen that friends episode where Chandler explains to Monica why it's ok for guys to flirt with girls, but not the other way around? It's because girls are just thinking it's a bit of harmless fun, but the guy is thinking 'finally, someone who wants to sleep with me!'

 

I'm not saying that's what you're thinking, but in my experience (i'm a girl) if i were to call a guy, who i didn't see on a regular basis but was an aquaintance, just to 'chat' he would probably think i was coming onto him. I did this once, and the guy actually TOLD me that i fancied him, i was like 'er, no...' and he just thought i was in denial, because after all i had phoned him, how could that possibly mean anything else?

 

Not trying to tar all men with the same brush, because you seem quite surprised by their lack of contact, so i'm going to guess that you're probably not coming onto all of them. I don't know that many guys who like talking on the phone at all, barely even a text message, maybe their just not used to it, or don't want to be seen as desperate.

 

Or maybe they don't like long phone conversations, personally i can't stand them, and why do they always call when Prison Break is on? Get with the program people!

[WhiteKnight]

Yeah I saw that episode about Chandler in Friends discussing that issue, I thought that about how it related to my situation currently or back then. It was rather interesting on how I thought of it and its so true, so I'm a guy and wonders usually why a person like either my ex partner or female friend would all of a sudden want my contact details out of the blue.

 

I have to say that its not a nice general feeling, take it from this point of view. If you are emotional and sensitive inside, giving your contact details in great length (especially if you know the person is attached or even married for example, you would be worried in some way about this because you don't know what their true intensions really are...) also taking into consideration that their approach would be scene as they are coming onto you in a sense.

 

Same thing applies to if the person you are talking to, and you don't know them quite well. I have to say that its hard to know what their true intensions really are.

 

For instance, my ex-gf (who I know quite well) tried to come onto me so awkwardly in a way that she made me think twice about the friendship with her. She originally wanted an online friendship and kept it that way despite she told me she didn't want to see me again. When say abouts 3 months after I had come back from blocking her and all, moved on with life and enjoying myself... we spoke to each other and she one day wanted my contact details i.e. mobile phone because she 'valued' my friendship with her or is missing me (perhaps both, I don't know).

 

There at that point online through MSN I hesitated, I knew where my ex lived and I knew she is married still and I knew she cheated on her husband twice! Once with me (which I admit I did not know her husband quite well until after I found out) and once with another good friend of mine, well anyways... the thing is she is trying so hard to heal the friendship between me and her in specific. I really don't know why, but she is so persistent to convince me however I still do not trust her till this day as I think she has not change.

 

So I ignored her request, left her alone and let her intiate the conversation everytime. I did speak to a good friend of mine about the whole thing but my ex found out about her asking me my contact details. She was furious naturally, but came onto me accusing me under the assumption I had thought she was "coming onto me..." in a way.

 

She felt very humiliated and never asked me about getting my contact details ever since. She was also frustrated about it under the way of saying like this...

 

"You know... I try and be friends with you.. and then I do something and you automatically think that I am interested in you again?????"

 

And then followed by this...

 

"Man oh man, I can't do anything right by anyone without people thinking I'm coming onto them... grr"

 

Tell me when you read this, what do you think about it? My ex said it to me and how I dealt with it, was something she had to respect in the end.

 

I think I caught her off guard about the whole thing because in some ways, some people not just married woman here, go and ask if they could have a person's phone number because they either want to talk to you when they needed you or just basic chit chat. Who knows for sure...

 

However the barrier is that on one side of the argument, you are protective from either being hurt again or just don't want the friendship to be in that manner yet and want to go through it slowly in time to know and trust the person before establishing contact.

 

In some ways, giving your contact details is fine. It just shows another ways of means to contact someone. Also if it was an ex, perhaps some would say it would be "opening the doors to allow them back into your life..." whether its another chance of relationship or a way of using you. Who knows, it could be many of reasons.

 

I see in a way it is wrong to give your ex your personal details again, just in case something would happen unexpectedly.

 

Sometimes females get my details and don't call me at all, I feel fine about it to be honest. They either have the right to call you or not, the invite is there but the thing is it depends on the conversation though. However if you have a female friend who calls or texts you to do something for them, you have a right to say 'yes or no'.

 

Usually I don't do it, because I see it in a way they are using a friend and might try to abuse the friendship.

 

Sometimes, some females just value you as a good person to get along with or talk to. However if it was an ex, there would be certain barriers on what she wants versus what you want overall.

 

In general, I wouldn't worry about woman asking my details unless you know the person. For me I act like this, if it was my ex-gf... I'll just ignore their request and continue on as per normal. If they get frustrated about it all, its their fault for dumping me in the first place. That's pretty much how harsh I can go, its their fault for treating me in a bad way and hence the trust and pain would not fade so easily.

 

If it was a person whom I've met but don't know quite well, I'll just either get their details later when I start to know them better or treat them as casual good friends. Same thing applies to people who I know as well and make sure I could trust them on certain things etc.

 

Overall, it depends on the person.