No Foolin Posted May 16, 2007 Posted May 16, 2007 Yes you are recipient of the single life again (like this is a bad thing). I (when I'm available) like to skim these (my heart is smashed) posts and see what one and all are thinking. After several drinks (Vodka always Vodka), I have a question. Did your realtionship enhance you or did it hinder you? If your past relationship enhanced you A) you wouldn't be here B) You would feel gratitude for your time. If your past relationship was a hindered you A) you got off light and should be toasting the gods of fortune that your not saddled with a child support payment and a restraining order (know what I'm saying) B) you've just been given a ticket to the "Time to see what I'm made of show" (thats the best freaking show on earth) C) (My favorite) You get to experience someone else. This is all a shift in thinking kids. If you act like a victim, (guess what) you are a victim. If you act like you just got caught in the face with a traffic cone (lol great reference), then all the world is going to be a mess for you. Rather, how about you roll up to your bathroom mirror and take a good look and decide what you want out of life and start walking (nobody can do it but you) No Foolin
MagnoliaJane Posted May 16, 2007 Posted May 16, 2007 Good post no foolin! It's also about the cataracts falling from your eyes. You can't act if you don't see. For a long time I have not want to see my ex as he really is. I don't mean that in a judgmental way. Just that he is not the person I thought he was. Meaning that I held on to something that wasn't really there, and was so focused on that that I didn't see myself. I believe we sometimes loose ourselves into our fabricated realities about someone else.
Author No Foolin Posted May 16, 2007 Author Posted May 16, 2007 Word........... Not everything is the way we see it. Hell, I thought the 2nd Matrix movie was gonna ROCK (boy was I wrong). Still, solitude and cold hard reality of one's situation beats the s**t out of pining for a person that has discarded you like an old cereal box. "Its always been you" No Foolin
riobikini Posted May 16, 2007 Posted May 16, 2007 It's about time you checked in, NF -I was beginning to think you were dead. By the looks of some of the posts in the breakup/coping section, it sure looks like some of them could use a dose of your *Little Red Pill*. (Smile) Maybe they'll be smart enough to click the link at the bottom of all your posts....but then I dunno.... Hope so, (for their sakes) anyway. Thanks for skimming by! -Rio
MagnoliaJane Posted May 16, 2007 Posted May 16, 2007 True. Still... grieving over a lost illusion is perhaps a necessary process. Until the grieving starts to live its own life and then it's time to call it quits. What I've learned is not to give in to start building dream castles about a relationship that are not based upon reality. But in getting there, I had to grief the loss of an illusion, and perhaps also, the loss of my own narcissism (how could this happen to me? Why am I not that unique woman, more special than all others for this person - THAT, my friend, is an illusion).
Author No Foolin Posted May 16, 2007 Author Posted May 16, 2007 riobikini- HEY great to hear from you again, oh I've always been around (lurking mostly) just didn't have anything to say. Very busy w/ work and a fannypack of some interesting ladies (but that is for other stories). MagnoliaJane- I agree w/ what you are saying, I just take a very hardcore, methodical approach to recovery. Look at yourself, use past info on why things didn't work, make adjustments and move. Anything else in my world is wasted motion. Fake it till you make it has worked pretty well for me in the past, now I don't have to fake it. No Foolin
underpants Posted May 16, 2007 Posted May 16, 2007 No Foolin, I just want to thank you for your words. Your "Red Pill" is a lecture that I still have saved as a seperate link. I am glad to say I haven't had to read it in long months. However, your words gave me so much strength at a time when I was very heartbroken and being persued by a very arrogant ex even whilst he had his new girlfriend whom he dumped me for. I guess in hindsight, that relationship was certainly not an enhancement to my life as he really treated me rather poorly even when I thought things were going well. It was never really a hinderance either for I can only be myself and never really clung or needed him, however, liked and hoped he might come around. Hope is the fine line between doormat and someone with integrity. Thanks to your words I found my integrity before any foot was knowingly wiped on me. Actually, I had it all along. In retrospect my ex was unfortunately, a reminder that sometimes you just have to walk away. Sometimes it is neccessary to cut a toxic, selfish person out of your life, before they drag you down and reduce you to their own level. No Foolin, I have taken the long walk. It's been just over a year. While I still have down and lonely moments, I am still here. I didn't compromise my integrity for someone else's whim. I hope it counts for something. I even have a couple of men who have expressed an interest in me. I feel maybe after a year of the long walk, I might just be willing to jump back in, however this time ever the more wiser. Again, you rock and again, thank you for your wisdom. It was not lost on me. Regards, Unders
alphamale Posted May 16, 2007 Posted May 16, 2007 NO FOOLIN....your seminal guide to NC should be required reading in all first-year college curricula. Does this thread tie into that somehow?
Author No Foolin Posted May 16, 2007 Author Posted May 16, 2007 alphamale- LOL my twin (and much respect)!!!! Close (was in grad school for a spell), actually I have spent to much time in the club and on the job to not have some insight get on my shoe (and everywhere else for that matter). underpants- A YEAR!!!!!! If you have some cats interested in you, I say jump. Nobody ever said you had to fall in love w/ people you date. I would say what you are doing is text book, NICE WORK......................Now if others would follow........... No Foolin
underpants Posted May 16, 2007 Posted May 16, 2007 I know I really need to get laid. One day soon. Cheers, Unders
Author No Foolin Posted May 16, 2007 Author Posted May 16, 2007 LOL, well I say "Big Ups". At least you have transitioned from lamenting the dead to hunting the living..................enjoy;) No Foolin
IfWishesWereHorses Posted May 16, 2007 Posted May 16, 2007 Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% the attitude you CHOOSE to have about it. I have 24 hours tomorrow just like everyone else. Unfortunate things out of my control may interupt my day but I will not waste one moment crying about what I can't change. It is my choice find as much joy in the day as I can soak up or to lay in a pile crying over something that only has as much impact on me as I allow it. Only I am in control of my emotions and only I get to choose them! Now, if I could only eliminate the word f*cktard from my vocabulary I'ld have it made!
Ormolu611 Posted May 16, 2007 Posted May 16, 2007 I guess that I am doing okay in the grand scheme of things. I have not seen or directly communicated to my SO of nearly 10 years in about 10 weeks now. Wow, a week for every year! Still, sometimes I am bothered by the fact that this whole thing messes with me as much as it does. It does at times interfere with my work, and my life in general. I guess every day is different. I wish that I could just "turn it off" as so many have suggested in this and other similar threads. It seems so easy to say, "just accept that it is over." Sometimes, depending on the day, I can do just that, but other times, nothing I can do will stop my stupid moping. One thing I will admit; even now if I am being completely honest with myself, is that I think that I still fantasize about her coming back. I do not want to think about that, but sometimes I cannot help it. Hell, I have not seen her for so long she is almost becoming kind of an abstraction in my mind as opposed to a real person. Maybe this just takes more time? Stupidly, she put off giving me back my stuff and coming to get hers so we still have to do that. Talk about the pink elephant in the room! That is going to be weird indeed!
Guest Posted May 16, 2007 Posted May 16, 2007 This is all a shift in thinking kids. If you act like a victim, (guess what) you are a victim. If you act like you just got caught in the face with a traffic cone (lol great reference), then all the world is going to be a mess for you. Rather, how about you roll up to your bathroom mirror and take a good look and decide what you want out of life and start walking (nobody can do it but you) No Foolin This is the bottom line . . .
Ormolu611 Posted May 16, 2007 Posted May 16, 2007 This is all a shift in thinking kids. If you act like a victim, (guess what) you are a victim. If you act like you just got caught in the face with a traffic cone (lol great reference), then all the world is going to be a mess for you. Rather, how about you roll up to your bathroom mirror and take a good look and decide what you want out of life and start walking (nobody can do it but you) No Foolin This is the bottom line . . . read it over and over again . . . .
riobikini Posted May 17, 2007 Posted May 17, 2007 re: Ormolus611: " I still fantasize about her coming back. ..... Hell, I have not seen her for so long she is almost becoming kind of an abstraction in my mind as opposed to a real person. " As they all tend to do. At least, with those who are *really serious* about letting go. -Rio
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