Tlady11 Posted May 15, 2007 Posted May 15, 2007 My ex and I have been trying to negotiate a divorce settlement for about two months now. We've been legally separated for over a year, we have an 11 year old son, a house (worth about $500,000) and a business. Neither one of us was happy in the marriage for years, but it finally ended in a train wreck when he had an affair with an employee. That was the final straw for me, we mutually decided to end it. He decided to buy another house instead of renting an apartment, an $800,000 house! A month after he moved out his girlfriend moved in with him. She has two kids (they live with their father so they can stay in the same school) and she works 2 hours a day so she can continue to take care of them, he pays for everything for her and the kids, her ex gives her nothing. Anyway, my ex took on all these financial responsibilities that had nothing to do with me, now his business if failing due to street construction outside his premise. His inital offer was to pay me alimony and child support for 8 years, a very generous monthly sum that would have enabled me to stay in my home, we agreed that if I ever sold the house (that control would be mine) that he would get half. Now he's saying he's not sure he can hold up his initial offer if the business fails and he offered me a second option--he gives me ALL the house right now but no alimony. I'd have to sell it and buy a condo to live in, out right. So,then I'd have no mortgage don't have to worry about his financial situation, my financial future is pretty much okay. Here's my problem, this is my HOME. I've lived here for 15 years. My baby grew up here. I have no family here--they are all back east, my neighbors have become my friends and family. There mere thought of moving and giving up my home and my security circle reduces me to hysterical tears. I can't do it--I just can't do it. Plus, why should I leave MY home because HE had to have an $800,000 home and because HE took in a woman and her two children? It makes me so angry. I'm trying to get past the emotional. The logical part of my brain screams "take it, take it, it's the only financial security you're going to get out of this divorce" but the thought is just too horrible. There are worse things, I know and I apologize to anyone else who is going through one of them, it's just that my heart is breaking at this crappy choice I have to make. Financial security or emotional stability???
Gunny376 Posted May 15, 2007 Posted May 15, 2007 For now? Chill for 24 hours! Just chill! You've not got some Joker not trying to take your head off with an AK-47 , or a RPG, or an .50 caliber Soviet Snipper Rifile~ all is good with the world! Let me get some sack time ~and I'll get back with you! I'm serious! I really need some sack time~!
Trialbyfire Posted May 15, 2007 Posted May 15, 2007 I'm a little confused. Why are you not entitled to 50% of business, home and alimony?
Author Tlady11 Posted May 15, 2007 Author Posted May 15, 2007 I'm a little confused. Why are you not entitled to 50% of business, home and alimony? We've been going back and forth about that exact point, but it's not as cut and dried as that unfortunately. I've been saying I should get 50% of the house and the business, plus alimony for the earning potential I lost when I stayed home with our son for ten years. He says I can't get blood from a stone. He can't afford to give me money out of the business and if he sells the business there is no income which equals no alimony. I'm willing to compromise because he is paying me a LOT of alimony (about 3 times what he has to by law) and is insistent that, because of the fact that he's commiting to that for 8 years, I should give up all rights to the business and half the house. We've had some doozy arguments over it. It's not just that the business value is declining (which it is and will continue to do so) but that it's his only income, which is supporting both his houshold and mine. If he were to take a regular job we'd all be on the streets. I work part time (I will go full time soon) but since I stayed home with our son for so long it's going to be a long, hard slog to build up my hourly wage.
Trialbyfire Posted May 15, 2007 Posted May 15, 2007 We've been going back and forth about that exact point, but it's not as cut and dried as that unfortunately. I've been saying I should get 50% of the house and the business, plus alimony for the earning potential I lost when I stayed home with our son for ten years. He says I can't get blood from a stone. He can't afford to give me money out of the business and if he sells the business there is no income which equals no alimony. I'm willing to compromise because he is paying me a LOT of alimony (about 3 times what he has to by law) and is insistent that, because of the fact that he's commiting to that for 8 years, I should give up all rights to the business and half the house. We've had some doozy arguments over it. It's not just that the business value is declining (which it is and will continue to do so) but that it's his only income, which is supporting both his houshold and mine. If he were to take a regular job we'd all be on the streets. I work part time (I will go full time soon) but since I stayed home with our son for so long it's going to be a long, hard slog to build up my hourly wage. Tell him to give you the whole house, fully paid for and you won't force him to sell his business. He still owes you alimony, child support and the rest. -edit: Don't forget that he needs his business to support his second family so you have the whiphand.
Author Tlady11 Posted May 15, 2007 Author Posted May 15, 2007 Tell him to give you the whole house, fully paid for and you won't force him to sell his business. He still owes you alimony, child support and the rest. -edit: Don't forget that he needs his business to support his second family so you have the whiphand. I thought of that, but I know he can't afford to buy me out. If I force that we will end up selling everything, splitting the house and the business 50/50 with him giving me the minimum alimony and child support. I'll actually walk away with much less, plus I'll have to leave my home anyway. That's not an outcome I want.
Trialbyfire Posted May 15, 2007 Posted May 15, 2007 I thought of that, but I know he can't afford to buy me out. If I force that we will end up selling everything, splitting the house and the business 50/50 with him giving me the minimum alimony and child support. I'll actually walk away with much less, plus I'll have to leave my home anyway. That's not an outcome I want. This isn't making sense to me. If he can afford to mortgage an $800,000 home and support his family on earnings from his business, his business must be earning quite a bit. Have you seen his financial statements for his business? Audited financial statements would be the best.
Author Tlady11 Posted May 15, 2007 Author Posted May 15, 2007 This isn't making sense to me. If he can afford to mortgage an $800,000 home and support his family on earnings from his business, his business must be earning quite a bit. Have you seen his financial statements for his business? Audited financial statements would be the best. He can't afford it, that's the thing. All year I have been asking him how he can afford do to what he's doing because I know the business can't support the kind of spending he has to be doing, and he kept saying, "everything's fine, it's hard but I'm scraping by." Now I find out he's been borrowing for a year and at the end of his credit limit, so he's finally telling me the truth.
Trialbyfire Posted May 15, 2007 Posted May 15, 2007 I don't know your business or finance background, so I'll just add that you shouldn't be fooled by the difference in net and gross figures. Think about it this way. If his salary increases, it will already have been deducted from the net bottom line so it looks like the business is making less money than it is. There are a million ways to creative account... Some food for thought.
Gunny376 Posted May 15, 2007 Posted May 15, 2007 This is why I'm not married? I'm sitting here drinking 25 year old Scotch, smoking Hatian "Cubans", (Hey ilmw~ hook me uo with some of the real things) wondering how I through my 20 years in the Corps, didn't missed the "golden bullet" with my name on it, and the two of you are having "this" conversation! If life ain't a "freaking" trip, I don't know what is!
Trialbyfire Posted May 15, 2007 Posted May 15, 2007 He can't afford it, that's the thing. All year I have been asking him how he can afford do to what he's doing because I know the business can't support the kind of spending he has to be doing, and he kept saying, "everything's fine, it's hard but I'm scraping by." Now I find out he's been borrowing for a year and at the end of his credit limit, so he's finally telling me the truth. Are you doing all this on your own, nothing in writing? Having private conversations and no proof?
Trialbyfire Posted May 15, 2007 Posted May 15, 2007 Hahahaha Gunny. Guess who's almost free!! Papers are signed today. Back on topic. You need professional help to get your fair share. He chose to make a new life and his liabilities are no longer your concern. You have a son to take care of, while he's busy supporting another family. Don't forget he has equity in that home of his...
Gunny376 Posted May 15, 2007 Posted May 15, 2007 Not meaing any disrespect, and I realize that I'm to you about as dumb as a turnip root, but you can't fix "stupid"
Trialbyfire Posted May 15, 2007 Posted May 15, 2007 Not meaing any disrespect, and I realize that I'm to you about as dumb as a turnip root, You are far from dumb Gunny.
Trialbyfire Posted May 15, 2007 Posted May 15, 2007 Btw, another piece of information which might make you think. I also draw my line of credit to the max sometimes if the interest rate is lower than the return from my investments. It's a way to profit from debit interest/income or revenue spreads. This does not mean that I'm destitute.
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