SadForever Posted May 15, 2007 Posted May 15, 2007 I started an LDR in December. I had 2 incredible visits with him and we expressed our love for eachother. Before my last visit, he would call me everyday. When I got home after my last visit (end of February), I started to not hear from him much. After a few weeks he finally admitted to me he couldn't handle a long distance relationship, it hurt to much to be away from each other. He also said because he is in the army and our age difference, that it makes it very difficult to plan a future together. At the time, I told him I couldn't argue with any of that. But it tore my heart out. And over 2 months later, I still wish everyday I could be with him. I have written him countless emails about how much i still love him and miss him. Mostly I've gotten no response to my communications. But he did tell me about a month ago, that he just can't stop loving someone, and that right now I am the 2nd most important person in his life besides his mom. He also said maybe we could work something out in a years time or so, once he figures out if he's gonna re-enlist in the army or not. Before we'd broken up, we'd discussed living together. He is a guy who doesn't like to discuss his thoughts or feelings much. I can't forget the things he's told me about how much he cares about me. Yet at the same time, his actions of having barely any contact with me seem to contradict that. I cry over him every day and find myself wishing/wondering about the future...if we are going to end up together. My emotions over this guy have affected every aspect of my life. I just dont feel happy anymore without him in my life. The physical attraction i feel/felt for him was stronger than with anyone else i've ever known. I can't get his face & body out of my head, I can't stop thinking about the time we spent together, and all the conversations we had. I've read all kinds of advice about trying to stay busy, improve yourself, love yourself. I know what to do, but it is so hard to do it. I'm so tired of how much it hurts, wondering if holding out hope for the future is a waste of time & energy. Sometimes i wish i could go to sleep and never wake up, it seems the only way i'll ever get him out of my head.
your star Posted May 17, 2007 Posted May 17, 2007 hi there, your story is similar to mine. first off, i'm sorry you are going through what you are. my boyfriend and i were in a long distance relationship. we would see each other and it felt like nothing mattered in the world when we were together. after one of my last visits things sort of changed, or should i say he did. he told me that he couldn't handle the pressure of being in a long distance relationship anymore. over time he's has stopped calling as much and although he tells me he cares about me soo much, he doesn't show it. nor does he ever express what he's feeling. i too now feel lost. and i know exactly how you feel about being uncertain about the future. i hope things work out for you. i cannot really offer any advice as i too am dealing with this everyday. hang in there.. what has helped me get through each day is knowing i gave my all to make things work. we cant change people and eventually it will be the other person who will have to live knowing they let someone slip through their hands who loved them with all their heart..
Desertgirl Posted May 17, 2007 Posted May 17, 2007 I am in the same boat as you too......This is one of the most painful things I have ever dealt with and he knows that as well. Frankly it makes me mad along with the sad............. I am doing NC and trying to get on with my life. I know he was angry when I took some of my personal power back when I said the less frequent phone calls etc. did not cut if for me.... I am sorry for your pain as I experience the same............... Hang in there.........
Lizzie60 Posted May 17, 2007 Posted May 17, 2007 LDR are the most intense relationships IMO... you don't see each other very often and each time, the couple is in a 'love bubble'... living a love story that is not 'the reality' really... because the visits are so distant and so intense... They say 'loin des yeux, loin du coeur' (free translation: away from the eyes, far away from the heart) which is right. It is easier to forget the other person once you get back to your everyday routine...unless someone is hopelessly romantic like you are... If I were you, I would simply move on... stop thinking about this guy.. he has probably moved on and forgotten about you... he doesn't even take the time to answer your emails... You probably look so desperate to him that he's turned off... so my best advice... forget him... take care of yourself.
Teeky3 Posted May 18, 2007 Posted May 18, 2007 I have to add to all of the postings above....the best move for you to make is to get on with your life. What I find disturbing is that he does not even have the common courtesy to reply to your messages. This is not love...it's not even like. You have a heart filled with love and if you want true love to come your way, you have to clean out your emotional closet. It is NOT easier said than done...it's a matter of choosing what is healthy for you. You can't have love in your life if your emotional closet is filled with junk. It's like buying new clothes and you can't even hang them because your bedroom closet is overflowing with old ones. I did the LDR thing too and after about 6 months, I knew it was just not gonna work. My man was an Army man as well and I knew I was kidding myself so I had to get out of this. Guess what..as soon as I let go, I was able to receive true love and the Army man who I thought could fulfill my every dream is still in the Army and probably will always be. It's not the end of the world for you. You do not want to sleep your way through it....you'll miss your man. Wake up...smell the roses..clean out your closet and go and get your man! God Bless you sweetie!
Freedom Now Posted May 21, 2007 Posted May 21, 2007 I am in the same boat as you too......This is one of the most painful things I have ever dealt with and he knows that as well. Frankly it makes me mad along with the sad............. I am doing NC and trying to get on with my life. I know he was angry when I took some of my personal power back when I said the less frequent phone calls etc. did not cut if for me.... I am sorry for your pain as I experience the same............... Hang in there......... However, my very, very recent ex exhibits all the signs of commitmentphobia. I didn't see the signs until they were right there in my face. It was all very sudden....but the signs were there and very real. I was astounded and still am. I am still reeling, but I know that I am strong. So, after fledging through this weekend, I decided to pick myself up and dust myself off.... I have no choice. He doesn't want me anymore. But I am smart enough to know that the problems lie with him, not me. And I can't change him. His loss.....
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