empty906 Posted May 20, 2007 Posted May 20, 2007 I know he's not leaving his family, so I am just looking for the strength to cope, and hopefully, finally walk away for good. What I hate about the walk away is that you will spend several days, or maybe even weeks, getting thoughts of him to quiet down and finally every song on the radio isn't reminding you of him. Then you either run into him or he will call or whatever and everything starts over. In that first second he erases all the work it took days and weeks to build. The on/off part is what's difficult. It would much easier if he never came into your life again but you know the chances on that are slim to none. Your paths will cross again one day, maybe enough time will have passed that you will be ready when they do.
GreenEyedLady Posted May 22, 2007 Posted May 22, 2007 He tells me...well nothing has started yet so don't be so hasty...o-k! This truly shows what type of man he is...maybe it's time to take matters into your own hands and be selfish...you deserve better than this...
forbidden fruit Posted May 22, 2007 Posted May 22, 2007 When he said that they were going to go to counceling, I told him that the only thing I could do would be to step out of the picture completely, and I wished him the best of luck. He tells me...well nothing has started yet so don't be so hasty...o-k! That was over two weeks ago and so far nothing. So, I wonder just how serious either of them are about fixing things...It just seems that they have reached a level where they can both co-exist and don't care to fix anything, they just rather accept the reality of their situation. Yes, if they do, then I am a ghost...I have to let them have a fair go at it. But, don't you think if they were serious the wheels would be in motion already? If it was going to happen I think one of them would have made the appointments immediately... I thank you for your support and encouragement, I really can't talk to anyone else about this. I have a friend in a LDR with a MM who swears he's leaving his W...I sometimes talk to her about it, but she is delusional about her situation...ongoing for over 3 years...I need to talk to people with a hold on reality. I know he's not leaving his family, so I am just looking for the strength to cope, and hopefully, finally walk away for good. My xmm sounds just like yours. They can co exist with W even if it is miserable because of security, history and comfort not to mention kids. He will string you along as long as you let him. I know this sounds harsh, but mine actually came out and told me how can I tame you and also you are like a fish I can reel in anytime I want you. If that isn't enough clue I don't know what is. It was only till d-day when you will see his true colors and trust me you don't want that. Now looking from the outside I see xmm with all his flaws instead of this superhuman I made him out to be. The strength is in you and only you know when the time is right to walk away for good. They don't make it easy and why should they, they have got it all. HE WILL NEVER LEAVE. These kinds of guys cannot and will not make any change because change is the unknown and you are the unknown his W he has known and while they may not get along he knows her she is predictable. I know this because I am married as well as being the ow and I can tell you that is what most married men think. It is so hard to get your head around Kenzo but if you are thinking and doing more for him than he is for you just imagine what your life would be like if you were with him. You would always be doing and he would always be taking.
empty906 Posted May 23, 2007 Posted May 23, 2007 It is so hard to get your head around Kenzo but if you are thinking and doing more for him than he is for you just imagine what your life would be like if you were with him. You would always be doing and he would always be taking. Very, very true!!! This is an excellent litmus test of your relationship with this other person, married or not. There should be equal effort being displayed by both people, no excuses. Excuses now will lead to excuses later. We are looking for something when we latch onto this OW/OM hoping to find it them. I think we are wanting them to be the perfect person so badly that we ignore their negatives and exaggerate their positives. "Oh, he/she called today. They were thinking of me!!!" You know, really, the phone call means nothing. My wife calls three or four times a day and I don't get all excited about that. I should get all excited when OW calls either. We should be more realistic in our comparisons. (I talk a good talk but fail miserably when putting it into practice!!
Recommended Posts