Feeling dead inside...

[Kenzo]

For the most part most of you here know my story, for those that don't it can be broken down very simply as (almost) the same old song and dance most OW will tell here. He told me the first time we hung out that he was married, unhappily-no physical or emotional connection to his W, only there for the kids, etc.- I didn't knowingly accept his invitation, but I did knowingly continue to see him. We have for the past two weeks not seen each other, which is odd, although we do still talk, IM, & text everyday. It's been mostly angry discussions (even on the IM).

 

Here's the deal about two weekends ago he was really really distant from me. If I did get a message or call from him it was hi & bye, no substance, no feeling, complete 180 from his usual enthusiam in our conversations. I kept pushing the issue but I kept getting "I'm just trying to give you some space, or, nothing's wrong just feeling blah"... Well it turns out that his W has been pressuring him into going to FL. so she can see her parents, because of her past he does not allow his children to be around her father(the catalyst of the abuse in her childhood). She asked if she reconsidered therapy, and started to heal would he ever change his mind, he said yes. Part of that recovery would involve them going to therapy together as well.

 

It took me 3 days of probing to get this information from him, he claims he didn't know how to tell me that he agreed to work on his marriage. I told him if he was serious I would disappear from his life...what could I say, we all deserve to be happy and he has always maintained he would never leave, if only for the kids, so I wished him and his family well and good luck and I told him that no matter what happened I would always be his friend (if only in spirit) and no hard feelings. I don't know if he really thought out what he said or what but I don't think he expected me to say that, maybe he expected me to fight him on it...I just don't know. He says to me well nothing has been done yet so let's wait and see(?) OKAY!! so now I'm thinking that he's thinking if they don't go to MC then we can remain in this same situation and only if they do, should we stop seeing each other... I flipped, I how am I supposed to take that???

 

There has not been a D-day for us and I doubt there ever will be, I asked him if in counseling he would admit to any of this, he said to the theapist yes, to his W, no. I told him the therapist would probably suggest he admit it in order to completely heal the M...he said he still wouldn't.

 

We fight all the time on the phone or on the IM mostly about our feelings and wanting to see each other but knowing we can't. So far no appointments have been made with a therapist and I think that's why we are at least still speaking. Today while arguing he said that things have to change in his M, that he can't go on like this any longer, and that made me even madder, I guess because it makes me think about what he thinking...does that mean he wants to work on things, does it mean he'll leave if they don't, I hate even thinking about any of this.

 

I've been reading here a lot lately and trying to peice together some advice to take as my own... but I realized I really needed to get it out of me. Sorry it's so long, but I feel a little better having written it all down.

 

I feel like a zombie, dead inside and just going through the motions.

[Tomcat33]

Hello Kenzo, I know exactly how you feel. I know that numb exterior with the ocean of sorrow that plagues the inner most core of you and the never ending confusion and unanswered questions....ooooh I know it all to well. I'm sorry. :-(

 

I was like that for weeks on end, but unlike you I was strict NC I chose to do it the hard way and the most effective way (for me). Everything is so much clearer when time passes, when you regain your life again. Right now your life is still immersed in his, so I doubt you can be objective with yourself/situation you are in. But that's ok it's part of the phase you are in.

I'm not sure if you are looking for words of advice or simply wanting to let it all out, so either way we are here for you if you need to vent.

 

If I gather correctly it looks like he is saying he wants to change things in his marriage, unfortunately things will never change for him if he keeps you in the picture and you have to find the strength and innner conviction to to cut that out when you feel it's enough. In the meantime I suspect you will linger in limbo as so tends to happen. I know you don't want to hear that but no good change can come from your current situation, it's proven to stay as is for a long time to come if you let it.

[Kenzo]

Hey TC- The thing is that he always wanted to change things in his marriage, he has tried several times in the past to make it work, IC, MC-which according to him she always gave up on...who knows anymore...

 

I know he can't have it "all" and in order for him to really try I can't be around him at all, for his sake and the sake of his M.

 

We are together a mere 8 months now but it seems like I've always known him and he has become a very hard habit to break. I know I need to take the high road here, he owes it to his family and himself to see if they can really work it out this time--I am not now nor will I ever be apart of that equation. My brain accepts that, my heart-not so much-we both know yet we hang on to these tiny little threads and I think we both justify that since we are not being physical, and we have no plans of seeing each other that talking on the phone and the IM isn't so bad...

 

I don't think the emotional attachment will ever go away for either of us even though it is highly unlikely that we will ever be together.

 

Does that mean it will always be an EA?

[Trimmer]

I know he can't have it "all" and in order for him to really try I can't be around him at all, for his sake and the sake of his M.

Sounds like he needs to realize this himself, if he's really serious about working on the marriage.

 

I don't think the emotional attachment will ever go away for either of us even though it is highly unlikely that we will ever be together.

 

Does that mean it will always be an EA?

Well, it's different for each of you. For him, as long as you are not discovered, you are an "extra" - he's got everything within his marriage, including the ability to try to work on it to make it better, and a little extra on the side. More than one woman.

 

For you though, he's not a whole man, because he can't be with you completely. His availability to you, physically and emotionally, will always be subject to the constraints of his marriage. His marriage will come first, and you get only what is left over.

 

He gets 1-1/2 women, and you only get half a man.

 

It will "always be an EA" for as long as you accept this position in his life. He has to decide what to do about his marraige, but you are in control of what to do about your life.

 

I feel like a zombie, dead inside and just going through the motions.

Are the benefits of this relationship, in its current form, worth this?

[Tomcat33]

Hey TC- The thing is that he always wanted to change things in his marriage, he has tried several times in the past to make it work, IC, MC-which according to him she always gave up on...who knows anymore...

 

I know he can't have it "all" and in order for him to really try I can't be around him at all, for his sake and the sake of his M.

 

We are together a mere 8 months now but it seems like I've always known him and he has become a very hard habit to break. I know I need to take the high road here, he owes it to his family and himself to see if they can really work it out this time--I am not now nor will I ever be apart of that equation. My brain accepts that, my heart-not so much-we both know yet we hang on to these tiny little threads and I think we both justify that since we are not being physical, and we have no plans of seeing each other that talking on the phone and the IM isn't so bad...

 

I don't think the emotional attachment will ever go away for either of us even though it is highly unlikely that we will ever be together.

 

Does that mean it will always be an EA?

 

 

I know the feeling, the length of what you can share with a man emotionally in this type of situation, in such a short period of time can run very deep. What ever it is that he gets from you, in this case it may very well be the deep emotional connection, he is not getting from home at present and is getting other things he is not getting from you. So what happens is that you complete his every need. He gets his share of needs met at home and you finish to complete his every need outside of that even if there is no physical tie. He will tell you othrewise, he will make you believe he is suffering as much if not more than you but the reality is that the pain he feels is minimal to the amount of pleasure he gets from all his needs that are being met.

 

Which brings me to my next point, while it's quite noble of you to think of his family and his marriage and to let him "have a fair go and all that...." but what about you? What's fair for you? It doesn't matter if you step a side or not, if he doesn't want to work it out he won't you in the picture or not. BUT what I think you would benefit more from doing is thinking of yourself. Thinking of what you get from staying in this EA vs what you get from breaking the emotional addiction and gaining some realistic prespective:

 

1) If you stay like this, you have seen the proof, he is not going to make a move either way because he still has you for whatever needs he can have met with you.

 

2) If you break contact FOR YOU, you will gain some of your life back, you are lost in this triangle right now that is neither a rel exclusive to you nor is it an exclusive tie with one other person, you are tied to two people directly or inderectly and for as long as this is present you really don't have much with him other than moments. Realistically he is no good to you nor his W, now matter how real your connection seems.

 

3) If you continue on this path he will never feel what he is supposed to feel he will never decide what he wants because he will continue to want the best of both.

 

4) Breaking all contact is not easy, it hurts like hell and it's going to be a tremendous emotional shock, but like breaking any addiction it cannot be overcome unless you are willing to subject yourself to some inital pain for a long term gain.

 

5) What would you gain? The truth. A truth which no amount of advice here can answer for your particular situation. Ultimately what you are in search of and what we are all in search of when we are with someone else, is the truth. You want to know how he really feels, what he really feels and what his intentions are. If you cut him out and in time he decides his marriage is what he wants then you will be emotionally more prepared to deal with his decision, you will want the healthy outcome for you because you will be thinking with logic, not need. But if he decides he cannot live without you, you will also be prepared for that in a more rational way and you can do it right. Right now your emotions have the best of you, and leaving the future up to destiny in the path you are on is creating your own self fulfilled prophecy. You know he won't decide either way like this. He needs to feel you absense in every way even if it tears you up inside. He needs to get in tune with his rel with his W in every way, and for as long as you continue the tie, he is neither yours nor hers. If his marriage is dwindilling being apart from him will only make it more evident that he needs to get out. If it's not then why would you want to be a part of something that is only going to hurt you more in the long run?

 

No one has a crystal ball as to how things can turn out, but given your current pattern you can pretty much predict what will happen if you let things stay as they are, right now you hold the key to your immediate future if you are not prepared to make a significant change.

[Kenzo]

Wow you guys, just wow! Very profound and heartfelt advice...If you know anything about me you know I take everything I get here very personally so to both of you... my deepest gratitude for you replies!

 

The numbness I feel seems to only subside when I am talking with him, it is temporarily replaced by self-doubt, anger, bitterness, confusion, etc. etc.

 

It will take all that I am not to communicate with him, to break the routine we are in, it's almost like a security blanket knowing he's there even though every single time we've spoken over the past 2 or so weeks it's been nothing but constant heartache...I know I've said this before but I think I'm going crazy...

[directx]

I know whats thats like, to go through the motions and feel dead. Occaisionally you may fake a smile or two so as not to draw attention.

 

Just keep trudging along. Reward yourself with something.

[annabelle75]

If he has told you that he will not leave his wife, then you should believe him. If they go to counseling the first thing the couselor will tell him to do to work on his marriage is to cut off contact from you.

 

You really need to be honest with yourself about your needs in a relationship. You say that you have been arguing about not being able to see each other. That tells me that this arrangement is no longer working for you. I think deep down you want a real relationship and that is not something he is willing to offer you.

 

Whether he goes to therapy with his wife or not I think you should take this opportunity to discover what you really want. You have every right to want more from the man that you love and if he is unable to fulfill your needs than maybe its time to move on.

 

I know it is alot easier said than done and I am not devaluing the feelings you have for him, but it sounds to me that if forced to choose, he would not choose you. You deserve some one that would always choose you.

[annabelle75]

Wow you guys, just wow! Very profound and heartfelt advice...If you know anything about me you know I take everything I get here very personally so to both of you... my deepest gratitude for you replies!

 

The numbness I feel seems to only subside when I am talking with him, it is temporarily replaced by self-doubt, anger, bitterness, confusion, etc. etc.

 

It will take all that I am not to communicate with him, to break the routine we are in, it's almost like a security blanket knowing he's there even though every single time we've spoken over the past 2 or so weeks it's been nothing but constant heartache...I know I've said this before but I think I'm going crazy...

 

Be careful not to isolate yourself. Its tempting to curl up in a ball and hide from the world, but it will just allow you to dwell on the pain and emptiness.

 

This may sound completely insane, especially in your current state of mind, but my favorite medicine for a breaking heart is meeting a new boy. Not jumping into a relationship or into some one elses bed, but actually going on a no pressure date or just making a new male friend. It helps me break the communication cycle (i.e. texting, phone calls, IMing). When I have some one else to "chat" with it makes it less painful to not talk to man whose hurt me. I know it may sound like a stupid solution but its worked for me in the past. In fact it help me get through a painful break up not too long ago. Now I am over the guy that dumped me and I have a great new friend.

 

If this relationship ends, you need to find a way to define yourself with out him. Now is the time to start setting the building blocks.

[Tomcat33]

The numbness I feel seems to only subside when I am talking with him, it is temporarily replaced by self-doubt, anger, bitterness, confusion, etc. etc.

 

It will take all that I am not to communicate with him, to break the routine we are in, it's almost like a security blanket knowing he's there even though every single time we've spoken over the past 2 or so weeks it's been nothing but constant heartache...I know I've said this before but I think I'm going crazy...

 

Direct's quote as well...so true.

 

 

Yup that all sounds about right, it's this momentary instant gratification for the lingering feelings of what you described above. The constant doubts that do the head in. You are so deep in the cycle if feels impossible to get out of because even the ill feelings start to feel normal after a whle. I still struggle with wanting to contact my guy but I don't and each week it becomes easier to snap out of the thoughts.

He still contacts me but I won't return his emails, told him to talk to men his D is on its way otherwise don't bother...I guess he chooses to omit the "when the divorce is on its way"because he insisist on contacting me having NOTHING to offer me. I reached my enough point, hopefully you will some day too.

[GreenEyedLady]

Kenzo: Just wanted to tell you that I'm thinking of you...Sorry it's so hard...

 

(((HUGS)))

[empty906]

Seems like you have had a stressful time with him for a month or so now. I know how hard that is and the toll it is taking on you. You have got to be tired of the roller coaster by now.

 

You never did try NC, right? (trying to remember). Think you are up to it? No IM, no email replies, no text replies, no phone calls?

 

I still think it may help here. It may help him go on and make a decision when your voice isn't around. It will just plain suck for you though, the hardest thing you probably have ever done.

 

You will have to find the strength somewhere to maintain no matter what. You can find some of it here but the rest will have to come from your environment. Find other people to fill your alone moments. Stay busy at work (and away from him;)). Do things so you aren't quiet and alone with your thoughts. That's when it gets the hardest...

[woe_is_me]

He's coming back! And i'm leaving this site.

 

I just realised today why he called me after 4 years.

 

It's because he's coming back!

 

And if you never see me again it will be because he never came back.

 

Good Luck Kenzo..and ty everyone.

[Kenzo]

To everyone: thank you all so much!!

 

I stared at the ceiling most of the night thinking and crying and thinking and then it hit me that I had to change the routine, break the cycle. So I got up this morning no computer no coffee, took a shower and went right to work, forcing all temptation right out of my head, I got a jump on the day. By 9am I got the text-where was I?, was I ok? I held out for as long as I could, he was relentless...he won't let me break the cyle...I finally spoke to him on the IM around 11 and it ran the spectrum between anger and really bad fighting to pleading and some some really heartfelt things that I guess we needed to say.

 

He keeps saying that he needs to do this for me but its so hard for him to not speak to me...I don't know what to think, but I don't want him doing it for me, it seems like a cop out on his part. I want him to do it for himself, because it's wrong, because he owes it to his family to try and work it out, not for me...I take care of me-- no one else needs to claim responsibility for me--least of all him.

 

I kept asking him why he did this in the first place, standard response "I don't know", "I thought we were both adults, and we could handle it" What crap!!!

 

I said a lot of really mean things to him, a lot of digs against his W, choice in lifestyle, lack of living authentically, etc. The things I said should have pushed him over the edge...I thought if I can get him to the point where he hates me for the horrible things I have said to him then maybe NC won't be so hard because he won't want to talk to me at all. He still called me after work and it was just like always, like I hadn't said a thing.

 

I made it 5 hours this morning without talking to him...maybe tomorrow I can make it 6.

 

Does anyone think it's wise to ease out of the relationship? I am out of ideas here, or do I just rip the bandaid off? (Not sure if I am strong enough for that though) =(

[Tomcat33]

Kenzo

 

Ripping the bandaid off is the only real good thing you can do for youserlf though you can't see that in the state you are in. But it's ok, I don't think making you feel pressured into doing it is the right way to go, it will bakfire bigtime. You have to be ready and you have to be convinced that it's the right thing to do for you. I would suggest steps, do it in steps until if feels right to go all the way.

 

You know the only real catalyst to ripping that bandaid is what you will feel, when the feelings of being short changed overcome any positive feelings you might have from keeping him in your life in any shape way or form, then only then will you be ready to take it on. It will still hurt but it will feel right. The pain you get from the type of rel. that keeps you guessing day in day out is really unsurmountable, you will feel that in time, unfortunately...it's when you reach your boilling point that it will give you the energy you need to just do it.

[empty906]

I made it 5 hours this morning without talking to him...maybe tomorrow I can make it 6.

 

You can make 6 tomorrow, Kenzo! And add as you go keeping it steady and you will have a pattern or structure you can trust in which will give you some extra strength to withstand contacting him for a period of time.

 

The pain you get from the type of rel. that keeps you guessing day in day out is really unsurmountable, you will feel that in time, unfortunately...it's when you reach your boilling point that it will give you the energy you need to just do it.

 

That boiling point is what will seal the closure for you. Not take the hurt away but it will give you the confidence you are needing to know what you have to do. IMO

[Guest]

Your guy sounds a lot like mine. Even when you wrote that you said mean things to push him away and he still called sounds like my guy. These guys are afraid. They are paralyzed to make a decision. He stays in his marriage because, let's be honest, there is love and history there but it isn't working. He stays with you because you represent possibility to him. It's true that the longer you stay around the longer he gets to delay his "decision." He gets to have all his needs met and isn't forced to look at what's wrong in his life and how to fix it.

 

What finally clicked for me was that I had become overly concerned with HIS state of mind and HIS needs and HIS feelings. What about my feelings? What about my needs? What about my often times fragile state of mind??? I was so in love with him that I as neglecting myself. I decided to "fall in love" with myself. That's what helped me. I told myself what I deserved and took inventory of how great I am. I stopped worrying about HIS motives or intentions and put the focus on ME. I finally got the guts to tell him that I wanted more out of life and that he wasn't in a position to give me what I wanted and needed. I had been so concerned about hurting his feelings that I was delaying my own happiness and fulfillment. He couldn't argue with what I was saying. What reasonable person can argue with someone who says I want more out of life and if you can't be a part of this, move out of my way?

 

It was hard. I missed the routine. I missed the friendship. I found myself contacting him. He told me to leave him alone. I decided that I would. The the next day, he popped up and visited me and we just talked as friends. I think as selfish and confused as he is, he does care for me. He wants me to wait (without a guarantee that it'll end in my favor, that's why he doesn't make promises) but now he knows I won't. I realized that it takes time to end the routine, to stop loving and longing for someone. I don't talk to him everyday but we are still friendly if I feel the need to hear his voice. It's what I need to get over this. It's getting easier. (Our relationship is more of an emotional affair as well, Kenzo.)

 

I think becoming more active is the best way to stop obsessively thinking about him (that's when we get really vulnerable, when we obsess over them.) I'm working out, learning to cook, hanging with friends, connecting with old friends...basically filling my life up. I'm also reaching to a higher power to order my steps. I had become disconnected with God because I was ashamed of what I was doing. Love should not cause such a state!! I decided to just take everything as a lesson and move on to the next chapter in my life.

 

I am falling in love with myself. I am more protective of myself because I don't believe I deserve scraps. I still love him and in the back of my mind wish he would just come to me. But I know that the only way he will is if I let him see what life is like without me. He needs to love himself...maybe I can be his example. Either way, I'm content with taking care of my needs and feelings and I have faith that things will fall into place. It feels good to be in control of your own destiny and not beholden to someone else's whims. My life is not based on HIS decision but MINE!!!

[Kenzo]

On another thread they were talking about full disclosure, he says he will never tell her about this. I'm am 100% sure that any therapist worth their salt will tell him that he must "come clean" in order to repair the damage to the M. I told him this because if I am to lose him then at least let it be so that some happiness is acheived. If they're not going to do it right, then why do it at all?! I know it's none of my business what happens during their therapy sessions, but when you love someone, ultimately you want them to be happy and that is really what I want all around.

 

Ignorance is not bliss when all parties involved are miserable anyway.

 

Empty: I was thinking of you the other day and trying to fit some of your old advice in this current situation...how are things with you?

[empty906]

On another thread they were talking about full disclosure, he says he will never tell her about this. I'm am 100% sure that any therapist worth their salt will tell him that he must "come clean" in order to repair the damage to the M. I told him this because if I am to lose him then at least let it be so that some happiness is acheived. If they're not going to do it right, then why do it at all?!

 

Why is that, Kenzo? Why tell the spouse what they don't already know? In my situation, OW and I have been on NC (broken only occasionally by brief periods of extremely limited contact) for many months. At one point she asked if had planned on telling my W or her H about any of the things that had happened and I told her I was taking all that happened to my grave. It kills my W how strongly I can keep something a secret when someone confides in me and she knows that she will never get info from me that I do not want to release.

 

I see your point in how revealing secrets to spouses can be part of a healing process but I do disagree. There are things my W does not need to know, and as bad as it will sound here, things that are none of her business. They are personal, things that will produce no profit from W knowing about them except hurt feelings. Why would I tell W things that will devastate her if I was trying to rebuild/repair a R with her? It seems counterproductive.

 

And maybe I am alone in this thought and it is just something that affects our R only and not others. But there are many things W does not know, some things only one or two people know, and she will never know. No reason to tell her.

 

I know it's none of my business what happens during their therapy sessions, but when you love someone, ultimately you want them to be happy and that is really what I want all around.

 

Damn right, Kenzo. That is what you want when you love them, even when it causes you to become the one suffering and hurting. That's the love all of us want to experience. We all want to feel that level of love being shown towards us by someone who we love back.

 

And so we keep searching?

 

Empty: I was thinking of you the other day and trying to fit some of your old advice in this current situation...how are things with you?

 

Lots of things have changed around here over that past few weeks. W is pregnant again. That sure as hell complicates things now doesn't it? OW and I have recently broken NC and have been communicating very lightly for the past couple of weeks. Nice to have that back but it is only going to cause problems in the future, always does...

 

I have had two local, well established businesses offer me to partner with them to increase their sales and marketing and that has kept me extremely busy, on top of my already full work schedule, getting things ready to begin working with them. So busy, in fact, that I haven't taken the time to decide what my plan will be with the arrival of our new baby. I want out but was trying to find the way to gain custody of my son. Now trying to also gain custody of a newborn? Won't happen.

 

I am doing exactly opposite what my advice to you was, breaking NC. As strong a person as I feel I am this R with OW has been the most difficult thing I have ever had to deal with. It will totally consume my mind sometimes affecting ever aspect of my life. I can only imagine how hard it is going to be for you walk away from this guy. I am very sorry, Kenzo, that the R you two shared has come down to this. And now you are placed in the hurting position. Definitely not how you pictured the R would progress.

[Kenzo]

We are still talking sporadically, not anyting close to the crazy all day every day thing we had going on. I don't know, I just wish he would commit to something.

 

There is a certain comfort level knowing that he is always around, even if we are not speaking, so like I said before, I suppose he is like a security blanket for me. We have no plans on seeing each other although we have talked about how much we want to and how hard it is on both ends to resist. So for now I am putting on my happy face and going about my business. He weighs heavily on my mind all the time and this 'diet NC' is working for now, I know once the therapy starts I have to cut him off completely, for everyone's sake...I'm working up the courage, & strength.

 

Empty- I'm glad to hear you're doing well (business-wise at least). And I from my perspective and yours the "diet NC" lightens some of the pain...so I guess we're are kind of in the same boat here...I can't remember- is your OW also married?

 

He keeps asking me if I think we can someday be friends...I told him that friends are not secret, if they are then there's more to it than just friendship.

[Guest]

I want out but was trying to find the way to gain custody of my son. Now trying to also gain custody of a newborn? Won't happen.

 

I think that if you REALLY wanted out, your W wouldn't be pregnant now...

[empty906]

Are you still trying to do NC for a few hours time each day to slowly work that acceptance in?

 

So what are you thinking you will do to pass the time now that he isn't filling those moments?

 

The friend's thing is a two-edged sword. You can only accomplish that if neither of you want the relationship to be anything more. If you secretly want more then you will become dissatisfied with the way things are going. You will feel frustrated and wonder why he isn't doing/saying some of the things he used to. I have tried it (in it now) and I don't like it. I WANT more but there isn't more. There isn't anything there but chit-chat. I can chit-chat with anyone, I want deeper stuff with OW than the light-hearted emails.

[Kenzo]

I WANT more but there isn't more. There isn't anything there but chit-chat. I can chit-chat with anyone, I want deeper stuff with OW than the light-hearted emails.

 

We had a two day arguement about idle "chit-chat", I do that all day with customers, I want more too...more in the sense of our conversations used to be about real things- deep things, we would talk for hours on end about everything and it'd feel like a mere moment had passed...very consuming talks. It's very anticlimatic for it to be reduced to "how's the weather, how are things" kind of BS. He says he is just trying to keep it light and ease into the transition.

 

The mornings are the hardest, I still look for him online and hope to chat throughout the day, which seems to be what our "friendship" consists of lately. I recently took a part-time job at night to try and pass the time, so far it's been a good thing and who can't use a few extra bucks... and I'm also organizing a huge family event and that has also helped to kind of focus my mind on other things.

 

He drifts in and out of my thoughts all day and it takes a lot of willpower to not act on the thoughts and send him a text or take a chance and call...I miss his face... =(

[empty906]

Staying busy like you are really helps, Kenzo. But there are still those quiet times when you are alone that make you want to run to him. I don't know the magic trick to dealing with those. They are the hardest.

 

Still planning to go 100% NC for a little while once his sessions begin? How soon was that again?

 

For what it is worth, I support you and give you all the strength I can to encourage you to stay strong and exercise your willpower. I know your difficulties here and I also know you can do more than you may realize.

[Kenzo]

When he said that they were going to go to counceling, I told him that the only thing I could do would be to step out of the picture completely, and I wished him the best of luck. He tells me...well nothing has started yet so don't be so hasty...o-k!

 

That was over two weeks ago and so far nothing. So, I wonder just how serious either of them are about fixing things...It just seems that they have reached a level where they can both co-exist and don't care to fix anything, they just rather accept the reality of their situation.

 

Yes, if they do, then I am a ghost...I have to let them have a fair go at it. But, don't you think if they were serious the wheels would be in motion already? If it was going to happen I think one of them would have made the appointments immediately...

 

I thank you for your support and encouragement, I really can't talk to anyone else about this. I have a friend in a LDR with a MM who swears he's leaving his W...I sometimes talk to her about it, but she is delusional about her situation...ongoing for over 3 years...I need to talk to people with a hold on reality.

 

I know he's not leaving his family, so I am just looking for the strength to cope, and hopefully, finally walk away for good.