SouthernT Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 I know that guys do it all the time. But I never really hear of women dating 2 or 3 guys at a time. I just get frustrated in the fact that men will have 5 or 10 girls lined up of which they pick and choose wich one they want to pursue a relationship with. As you all know I've been talking/friends with a guy for almost 7 months now. He's not doing anything to lead me on...but at the same time he's not pursuing me. He just sends random text messages here and there. And last Friday, he sent a mutual friend of ours a text saying "Tell her she is beautiful and I was thinking about her" It's like he does just enough to make sure he is on my mind and it makes me want to scream. But anyways...my point is...I really like this guy and I would feel bad if I started to date a couple of other guys. May sound crazy...but its just the way I feel. So ladies, is it beneficial to date more than one guy at a time? How easy/hard is it? In my particular situation, I feel like I need to because other wise I'm just sitting around waiting for this guy to make his move.....
hardcase Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 I know that guys do it all the time. But I never really hear of women dating 2 or 3 guys at a time. I just get frustrated in the fact that men will have 5 or 10 girls lined up of which they pick and choose wich one they want to pursue a relationship with. .. The guy that dates several girls at the same time, while not making him a bad guy, certainly isn't doing anything to keep a girl that he may in fact want as a keeper. If you date several guys at the same time...and then find one you really like, he likes you, and he is a keeper...hope he doesn't find out he is just one out of many...he may just leave. I'm not in the dating game any longer...but when I was...I dated one girl at a time and ditched the girl who had other guys on the side. One girl that I stopped seeing went to see an old boyfriend over a weekend...when she got back..she tried acting like it was business as usual. I found out she went to see him because I went over to take her out somewhere and her roommate told me where she was. When I broke it off with her she got a little pissy about it...she said something to the effect of "we don't have a committment!" And I told her that was correct and for that reason I wasn't mad at her. But then I said, "but if you want one with me...that wasn't the way to go about it". So consider that when dating. If you find someone thats a keeper, and you have other guys on the side...then don't be surprised when he goes his separate way.
Trialbyfire Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 Yes, women date more than one guy at one time. Right now I'm dating two guys lightly, aka more for friendship because there's no sex. They know each other and know about each other. I'm not playing one off the other. None of us are serious or even want to get into anything further, although I did consider going further with one guy but decided not to complicate the situation. I enjoy spending time with both of them and it's reciprocated.
Author SouthernT Posted May 14, 2007 Author Posted May 14, 2007 If you date several guys at the same time...and then find one you really like, he likes you, and he is a keeper...hope he doesn't find out he is just one out of many...he may just leave. So consider that when dating. If you find someone thats a keeper, and you have other guys on the side...then don't be surprised when he goes his separate way. That sounds like a double standard right? I just don't want to be naive and tell myself that he isnt dating other people. And I feel that if he isnt taking me seriously then why should I take him seriously even though I do like him and he is a keeper? It has to be a two way street right? I just dont see the point in him attempting to maintain some form of contact when he is not interested in pursuing me right now. What does he have to gain from it? We aren't sleeping together and never have slept together, so what is there to gain on his side?
Lizzie60 Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 I know that guys do it all the time. But I never really hear of women dating 2 or 3 guys at a time. I just get frustrated in the fact that men will have 5 or 10 girls lined up of which they pick and choose wich one they want to pursue a relationship with. As you all know I've been talking/friends with a guy for almost 7 months now. He's not doing anything to lead me on...but at the same time he's not pursuing me. He just sends random text messages here and there. And last Friday, he sent a mutual friend of ours a text saying "Tell her she is beautiful and I was thinking about her" It's like he does just enough to make sure he is on my mind and it makes me want to scream. But anyways...my point is...I really like this guy and I would feel bad if I started to date a couple of other guys. May sound crazy...but its just the way I feel. So ladies, is it beneficial to date more than one guy at a time? How easy/hard is it? In my particular situation, I feel like I need to because other wise I'm just sitting around waiting for this guy to make his move..... how you can handle the situation... Keep it to yourself...no need to 'announce' it to the world. I think the guy you're talking about is doing just that: making sure he stays in your mind... What for? He's probably seeing other girls.. you feel bad if you date other guys... why? you're free. I don't know how you feel about it but in my case, I do date many guys/men and it's quite easy actually... It's always easy...LOL You're much too young to be sitting waiting for ONE guy to make his move... don't be dependant on any guys... be confident... this is a huge turn-on for most men. If you are independant, trust me this guy will be 'waiting' for YOUR calls, it works every time.
sweetbutcheeky Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 In your case maybe you need to talk to him and ask him how serious he is? I don't how the details about your dating with him but if it's been 7 months then that's more than enough time to bring up if he wants to be committed to you? It would be better to know how he feels then keep going along wondering and if dating more than one guy doesn't feel right to you then you know and can move on. For myself I attempted to date more than one guy and I found it felt like I was cheating myself in finding the guy because I wasn't giving my fill attention to each guy and getting details confused. So I decided that I felt better to me to give my attention to one guy to give out if he is right for me and if not move on. Yes "they say" don't put all your eggs in one basket but do what feels right to you and maybe at the same time keep your options open and eyes open to new opportunities. (maybe a guy who goes a little farther to let you know he likes you, then you may forget about guy number one)
oppath Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 Everyone defines dating differently. I date with romantic intent, so if things aren't progressing beyond a simple goodnight kiss after a few dates, I'm out of there. Other people go out with guys and their dates are what I consider friendship, because there is no romantic intent (which is different than relationship intent). To me, it doesn't sound like you are dating this guy. Yes, you should date other guys. If you live a busy and full life, you won't have much time, but you'll be meeting new men. Generally, most relationships just tend to happen organically. Pretty soon both people like each other a lot, and if they play it cool, their level of contact/seeing each other starts to increase, and other people just fall by the wayside long before they broach the subject of exclusivity. For me, after dating a girl for a month I'd probably be done dating other girls (if I wanted a relationship) but I wouldn't say anything about it for another month. It's not a game, it's letting two strangers get to know each other slowly over time.
IpAncA Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 Yes and no. I could only do one at a time. Kind of hard to go exclusive if the guy you like is also dating someone else. But that is the chance you take but I wasn't willing.
soulseeker Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 I dont think it would be putting all of one's eggs in one basket if you focus on one guy at a time. As long as you are real with what is going on with that one guy, by that I mean get out of it as soon as you know it is not going to work, then I think you wont miss out on anything. It's all too easy to stay with someone when you know it isnt going anywhere. Confidence is golden whether dating one or many men. Confidence though, not arrogance. Know your worth. I agree, if I found out a guy I was seeing was also seeing other women, I would be gone. Nothing wrong with it, but that is not what I am looking for. Too many good fish out there. If you are just looking to have fun, then why not date multiples?
IpAncA Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 Yes and no. I could only do one at a time. Kind of hard to go exclusive if the guy you like is also dating someone else. But that is the chance you take but I wasn't willing. Wait a minute here. This makes no sense. Okay let me start this again: Yes and no. I could only do one at a time. I wasn't willing to go through all that.
Trialbyfire Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 Wait a minute here. This makes no sense. Okay let me start this again: Yes and no. I could only do one at a time. I wasn't willing to go through all that. If I were "doing" one, it would only be one, 'cause then it would not be dating, it would be a relationship.
tanbark813 Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 Try dating 1 guy before dating multiple guys. As it stands right now you're dating 0 guys.
IpAncA Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 If I were "doing" one, it would only be one, 'cause then it would not be dating, it would be a relationship. Damn it! Still not coming out right. Okay I would date one guy at a time. If that one didn't work on then I would go onto someone else. I could never handle 2 at a time or more. It don't consider that a relationship. Especially if he was seeing others.
Author SouthernT Posted May 14, 2007 Author Posted May 14, 2007 I don't how the details about your dating with him but if it's been 7 months then that's more than enough time to bring up if he wants to be committed to you? Thats just it...we havent dated AT ALL. Its a really long story but we talked every day for over a month and a half and we both verbally established that we really liked eachother and then he pulled WAY back. (and no we were never intimate) And he "said" that he pulled back because he was really starting to like me. And every since then...he just does random things about every other week to stay in touch. And I dont mind that...but its been 7 months. So thats why I am at the point to where I don't feel like he's even interested anymore but I dont understand why he bother's to stay in touch. I'm not the one initiating contact.
Author SouthernT Posted May 14, 2007 Author Posted May 14, 2007 Try dating 1 guy before dating multiple guys. As it stands right now you're dating 0 guys. LOL!!! That is very true...lol....and thanks for putting that in perspective for me Tan. You never fail to amaze me with your remarks....lol
tanbark813 Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 You never fail to amaze me with your remarks....lol All in a day's work, m'dear.
fray718 Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 I've been debating about this for the longest time simply because so many dating books and articles say its good to date multiple people. I tried doing it once but i felt so bad that i cancelled by first date with the other guy a few hours before...it just didnt feel right. And also i thought well it will be so unfair if this guy im dating is dating others while i pass up guys for him. But finally just today i thought well if this guy is dating other girls and comfortable with it, then he prob is not the guy for me. I know for myself i couldnt go through with dating more than one, and i'd prob be best matched with a guy who thinks the same way. In your case, i'd not even want to date this guy you speak of because he'd dating so many girls...he's prob not the best type of guy to have as a bf.
Author SouthernT Posted May 15, 2007 Author Posted May 15, 2007 In your case, i'd not even want to date this guy you speak of because he'd dating so many girls...he's prob not the best type of guy to have as a bf. I dont know if he is or not. But since we've been talking/friends for so long I just figured it's safe to assume that he is. He never approached me for sex but I know good and well that a man will not go that long with some form of female contact. Well at least a majorty of them won't.
Trialbyfire Posted May 15, 2007 Posted May 15, 2007 I find it odd that this guy will continue to drop hints but won't do anything about it. My playa' sense is tingling...
MissKissNada_Gal Posted May 15, 2007 Posted May 15, 2007 always have backup hun in terms of the guy, idk. until u no for sure i wouldnt bother waiting, it doesnt seem like hes showing upfront interest more like suttle.
sweetbutcheeky Posted May 15, 2007 Posted May 15, 2007 Thats just it...we haven't dated AT ALL. Its a really long story but we talked every day for over a month and a half and we both verbally established that we really liked each other and then he pulled WAY back. (and no we were never intimate) And he "said" that he pulled back because he was really starting to like me. And every since then...he just does random things about every other week to stay in touch. And I dont' mind that...but its been 7 months. So thats why I am at the point to where I don't feel like he's even interested anymore but I don't understand why he bothers to stay in touch. I'm not the one initiating contact. He pulled back because he was starting to like you? Sounds like a great way to show you he likes you! Hmm it sounds like he wants to keep the communication going, keeping the possibilities open but isn't following through for some reason. Doesn't make you feel like he is interested if he doesn't want to go to the next step and ask you on a date. So I don't think it's a matter of dating more than one guy if he can't even ask you out. I think you should let him be (as you said he is the one making the little bit of contact) and if someone else comes along who actually asks you out go for it. Maybe it will make him nervous that he has been sitting on his butt and could loose out. You don't want to wait for someone who may never make the effort for whatever reason. (scared to like someone or just likes to string woman along - who knows )
hardcase Posted May 15, 2007 Posted May 15, 2007 That sounds like a double standard right? I just don't want to be naive and tell myself that he isnt dating other people. And I feel that if he isnt taking me seriously then why should I take him seriously even though I do like him and he is a keeper? It has to be a two way street right? I just dont see the point in him attempting to maintain some form of contact when he is not interested in pursuing me right now. What does he have to gain from it? We aren't sleeping together and never have slept together, so what is there to gain on his side? It isn't a double standard, because both men and women do it. I don't condone it either way. Like I said, I dated someone who I found out was dating someone else on the side...I wasn't mad at her for it because we weren't committed, but if she wanted something special with me, that wasn't the way to go about it.
fray718 Posted May 15, 2007 Posted May 15, 2007 It isn't a double standard, because both men and women do it. I don't condone it either way. Like I said, I dated someone who I found out was dating someone else on the side...I wasn't mad at her for it because we weren't committed, but if she wanted something special with me, that wasn't the way to go about it. I agree totally with what you said. I won't be mad at someone for doing it either, but it will just sorta turn me off from him.
DanielMadr Posted May 16, 2007 Posted May 16, 2007 If you want to be a Professional Dater. Its your choice. But I can assure you, you will attract another Professional Daters aka Players only. Honestly I think You think too much. You are too rational...eee structured...eee complicated. You are complicating things for yourself more than it deserves. Common reason for this is your subconsiousnes is sabotaging you. Most of the time its the matter of insecurity. Work on it. And I dont think its very healthy to divide attention to more people. It needs strong stomach and lot of spare time. And its not even wise. B/c You will hesitate more to commit etc. and that hesitation will be seen as lack of interest. And honestly quality (they care about themselves and about you) guys wont tolerate sharing your interest level with other guys. I would suggest chat up more guys than one but decide fast for one...dont go for the "back-burner" system. Once you honestly kiss him, drop the rest. Certainly after you sleep with him.
hardcase Posted May 16, 2007 Posted May 16, 2007 If you want to be a Professional Dater. Its your choice. But I can assure you, you will attract another Professional Daters aka Players only. . Either that when she does find the one guy she wants to be exclusive with out of all the other guys she dates...then finds out he did the same thing and is dating other people besides her....she'll be pissed.
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