soulseeker Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 I met a guy a little over a month ago and we just clicked. He pursued me and we have been spending a lot of time together, seeing each other about 3 times a week. I like this guy. I am myself around him, we laugh, there is passion (though we have not had sex), there have been no games played, it's just the kind of relationship I want. In short, it seems healthy. BUT, there are a few things that concern me and I would like your advice. He is 23 and I am 29, not a huge deal I dont think since we are both in the same stage of life, i.e. neither one divorced, we are in school (me for my masters), etc, but sometimes I wonder if this will matter eventually... The more important thing right now is that he is leaving for the summer and I am just not sure how to leave it. In a fantasy world, I would say that we have been together long enough to stay together inspite of this, but is that realistic? He is the kind of guy that I could really get serious about if things continued to develop as they have. What would you all do? What would you say about the summer?
vegetarianqt Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 I don't think age is the issue as much as the understanding you both have as far as what's going to happen over the summer. It's a tough one since you've only dated a little over a month...and as far as I can tell from what you wrote, exclusivity hasn't been mentioned? Maybe you can bring it up in a non-pressure kinda way, just trying to get some understanding/ information about what you guys expect over the summer... something like "So since you're leaving for the summer and we're not exclusive then are we free to see other people? " risky but for me at least, it would be better to just know up front. It's not like you're putting him in a corner pressuring him to not see other people. It's reverse psychology. You give him all that freedom and see what he does with it. This is how you'll gauge his interest/commitment to you.
Tangerina Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 Hey, I totally feel ya. Read my post in the dating forum called "I feel so much better after talking to him." I was going through the exact same thing but with different specifics and lengths of time of how long we've been together and how long we will be apart. I think you situation is complicated by the fact that you don't even know if you have an exclusive relationship, but it seems like it would be heading that way if you weren't about to spend a quarter apart. The previous poster gave good advice... it might be good to deal with the two things separately though bringing one up would probably bring the other up... ie you should maybe figure out if he is even interested in an exclusive relationship before bringing up the summer. If he says yes to exclusivity then he probably wants to keep seeing you after the summer and you can bring that up as well.
Author soulseeker Posted May 14, 2007 Author Posted May 14, 2007 I think you situation is complicated by the fact that you don't even know if you have an exclusive relationship, but it seems like it would be heading that way if you weren't about to spend a quarter apart. Yeah, this is it exactly. I have no doubt we would exclusive if he werent leaving. Hell, maybe we are, he said, "I'm yours" "So since you're leaving for the summer and we're not exclusive then are we free to see other people?" I dont want to seem pushy about exclusivity BUT I also dont want him to get the impression that I want to see anyone else. You know? Would it be best to say something like, "I have had a great time getting to know you and I would like to see you when you get back. Have a great summer. Let's keep in touch." Is that too ambivalent?
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