cecil brown Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 Morning all... I'm having a little bit of relapse thanks to the ex contacting me last Thursday asking for help for an upcoming project she had. Of course I helped her , and sent her the documentation she requested. Well, a few days have passed, and I never heard anything back. I would have thought that I would have at least gotten an e-mail saying thanks for the documents. Didn't receive anything, so I broke down and contacted her this morning to see how the project went and to make sure she received the documentation. Well, she was pretty emotionless and she said she did receive the documents, but she already had what I sent her. No thanks for trying to help, or anything like that. So I ended the call as quickly as I could. Now i feel like a fool. I'm not sure why I continue to help her when it's pretty obvious she's just using me. I'm also not sure why she continues to ask for help when she's told me she's moving on. This is the second time she's asked for help in the last 2 weeks. I'm confused. I start to accept the fact she's gone, then she pops up again and the feelings come back.
WhiteKnight Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 Hey cecil brown. Hang in there bro. Sounds like to me you are having trouble dealing with your feelings and emotions for your ex who is using you in a way to help her get over the past as soon as possible. I think that by you letting your guard down to help a friend in need is all good intensions and all except your ex did not really treat you as a good friend. She most likely treated you like a 'pawn' on a chess board, hoping you would come to her aid when she needed some help. I will have to say that, you shouldn't have given those documents to her however hence since that you did, there was no recognition from your ex of saying a simple 'thank you' that would suffice. So I'm going to be led to believe that - she is trying to abuse the friendship in a way, and if she claims that she has moved on. Clearly she is trying but has not moved on fully. The only way for people to move on in general is to NC (No Contact) for about 3 months before re-establishing contact again to get along formally as friends. Both people need to take a break from each other and heal themselves at least for most of the wounds. Woman tend to be quite moody at times, so can men as well. However if you value the friendship with your ex, I suggest talk to her friends and find out why she treated you like that. Alternatively, you can get the documents back and state that you need some space from her in order to regather your thoughts. This comes down to if you want to be friends or not with her. If you find this whole thing very depressing and can't handle it, go NC for awhile. If she asks you for help again, just make an excuse that you are busy or be upfront with her and tell her straight that "Are you using me to help you? I don't like when people do that to me." Its hard to say, but take it slow and be open for anything.
Author cecil brown Posted May 14, 2007 Author Posted May 14, 2007 Thanks for the response. Honestly, we both agreed that we could never be just friends. That would be too hard on us. I still love her and want to be with her. However, I understand that isn't what she wants and that I need to move on. She's told me time and time again to let this go because she has. It's just hard when she pops up every once in awhile asking for help. It gives me false hope of a reconciliation with her. I need to open my eyes and see it for what it really is. I think she is just abusing my feelings for her. She knows I still care about her and she uses that to her advantage. I'm just very mad at myself for continuing to be weak minded when it comes to her. She doesn't care about my feelings, so why should I care about hers? I told myself time and time again not to call her this morning, but i did it anyway. And it went exactly how I thought it would. Her not caring and me looking weak and feeling rejected. Someone needs to kick my a$$ for being such a wuss. Sorry for the rant.....Needed to get that out.
krzr Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 grats on doormat... you did it to yourself u dont have to let her contact you at all let the phone ring and goto voicemail let the txt go unreplied to and the email at that. she will stop trying after awhile and that will help you move on no contact.
CaliGuy Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 If your situation, I would have just ignored the email. If it was really important for her to have the document she would have pestered you about it. It may have just been a test to see if you were still on her string and I think you failed it. When you learn to respect yourself first you'll better be able to listen to that little voice inside of you that says "Don't contact her."
Author cecil brown Posted May 14, 2007 Author Posted May 14, 2007 Your right CaliGuy, I definitely failed this time. Oh well, back to the drawing board. Sooner or later I'll get it right.
randuff Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 Hey bro! I have done the same crap except she hasn't been contacting me I have contacted her. She says the exact same things you that my ex does to me. Why we keep holding on to hope when deep down we know it's over is beyond me. It's that stupid itty bitty strand of hope we cling to. The both of us have kept going back to square one during our recent splits when we should be concentrating on ourselves and moving on..... So easy to type yet so difficult to follow!!! next time you get the urge to contact her PM me! I am on quite often to get thing off my chest and it usually makes me feel better. Take care! Randall
WhiteKnight Posted May 16, 2007 Posted May 16, 2007 Hey cecil brown, the best advice I can give you is that let your ex be the initiator if she truly wants to talk to you or not. Basically if you have that 'control' there, she would have to respect you a fair bit and accept who you are. She may not at the moment and would stay away from you, just stay away from her and move on with life without her presence, support or even stop caring about her in the end. Sounds like you both had a bad break up in the past and it ended in a way that you two can't barely talk like you used to again. Well, you would have to accept that your feelings deep down are there. Just you both have the difficulty of couping with it all. I had been through a similiar situation before, I helped one my ex's and she seemed to act like she didn't want to communicate for a period of time. That's fine because I'm letting her be the initiator. I don't have her on my MSN list to initiate a conversation with her whenever I want to, hence... with the cell (mobile) phone, I changed it and did not give it to her when she asked for it. She's hurt me that much, yea... its a real shame that I don't trust my ex anymore, even whenever she tells me on things that I find 'doubtful' and meaningless hope of recovery. She broke up with me, and now acts like to her husband that nothing happened. Fair enough, but I don't care what she does anymore because when I had moved on, she had the difficulty of accepting it. I could tell, she was showing her jealousy to try and get me back but I stood my ground and moved on... then one day I just emailed her saying that... "You are my friend, your friendship means a lot to me... Thank you." In the end, she responded to that email and gave me a smile reassuring that its good to know despite after that bad and major break up, we would be friends and we still are today. Then tried to make up the friendship in any way possible but she can't force me to agree with her. She may be all stuck up in a way of being such a weak-minded fool who believe that whatever this course she is doing to 'let go of the past' may be worth it, but I remained skeptical about it. Whenever there is a long silence for a period of time that you two can't talk. Don't worry about it, just move on and forget the ex. CaliGuy was right in a way, don't contact her... let her contact you and only your decision could be made if you want to do the request or don't. Look at it in this manner cecil brown, some things were not meant to be for now but we always can hope that a friendship could be healed between you and the ex. However for now, put yourself before anyone else and ask yourself what you truly want and focus on healing your own wounds and move on.
Author cecil brown Posted May 16, 2007 Author Posted May 16, 2007 Thanks again for the responses. I'm going to get over this. I just need to learn to free my mind of her.
Author cecil brown Posted May 18, 2007 Author Posted May 18, 2007 Today's one of those days where I really miss her..... Figured I would write here instead of doing something stupid like contacting her. If I could just get over the loneliness I think I would be OK.
CaliGuy Posted May 18, 2007 Posted May 18, 2007 Today's one of those days where I really miss her..... Figured I would write here instead of doing something stupid like contacting her. If I could just get over the loneliness I think I would be OK. Tips to overcome loneliness. 1. Hang out with friends. 2. Join a gym. 3. Start going to Church. 4. Invest in new hobbies. 5. Start playing WOW. (That'll take up all your time right there). The point is you need to get away from the computer and start getting out and talking to and meeting people. Pay a woman a compliment. I do this all the time. Not to "score" but to just build my social skills. Smile a lot (fake it till you make it). Frowns DO NOT invite someone to talk to you. The less time you spend around people the more your social skills will suffer. Don't you have friends you can hang out with? Go "Karting", hit the batting cages, go fishing, play golf, softball or basketball. Buy new sneakers and go jogging. My point is you need to stay active and social. The more you engage yourself with people the less space availble in your RAM memory to waste on your ex.
Author cecil brown Posted May 19, 2007 Author Posted May 19, 2007 I work 2 jobs, 70+ hours a week, and try to keep busy with that. However, even when i'm at work, my mind stays glued to thoughts of her. I also go to bed thinking of her, I dream about her, and I wake up thinking about her. It's a hard cycle to break. I tell myself I need to get out more and meet other women, but it just doesn't feel quite right to do that yet. She's talking to other guys so I'm not sure why I can't bring myself to talk to other women.
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