Teddy and Jane Posted May 15, 2007 Posted May 15, 2007 If he owns the house and is making payments, then he should not charge his girlfriend rent. She is not a tenant. She should contribute to bills for the home as she can. However, I would never live with a guy without marriage. No drinking the milk without buying the cow.
riobikini Posted May 15, 2007 Posted May 15, 2007 In response to the question by Teddy&Jane, (re: Why should she be helping to pay off his mortgage when her name is not on the deed?) -which leads this thread to start covering even more diverse ground- I have a few things to say about that, too. (Intentional reference to the tone/dialect of Forest Gump, there, since we'd probably both wind up seeing the cut'n dry answer to Teddy&Jane's question.) (Smile) Which is: if a guy (or gal) enthusiastically moves in with a (proposed) partner, and turns out being this leech, never contributing to the financial responsibilities of the running of the household (a.k.a. helping pay the bills; holding up your part of the roof over your head) -I think it's a form of *gold digging*. And it's probably the most common kind. The lopsidedness of such a relationship with a supposed or promised pending lifetime commitment that never seems to reach fruition (the actual wedding) -and only one person paying the bills, is more than unfair; in my opinion -it's *cruel*. I agree with another poster who said that (dyed-in-the-wool) gold diggers feel no shame in what they're doing -and that some may even feel "entitled". I think if two people want to move in together *equally* as much, then each should be willing to contribute -in equal parts- to whatever it costs to cohabit-ate. Equal parts , or at least, substantially. Fancy word, simple idea: both should acknowledge what it takes to live in the relationship, under the same roof, and make financial contributions to keep the lights on, the air conditioner running, and water available to shower. As for the rent or mortgage, in specific, I figure it this way: whether you live together or apart, in your own place or his/hers, you've got some kind of lodging payment coming (that is, unless you still live with your parents, or on the street somewhere) -so just prepare yourself to break down and meet that monthly debt, either by alternating the months each will pay, or split each monthly payment right down the middle. I really don't think it matters that he/she already owns the house, or condo, or apartment that you're sharing; you need to pay your part of the payment no matter what -because look- he's not your daddy, and she's not your mommy, and you won't find a house in Kansas for free. Gals: Just because a person has more testosterone than you, doesn't mean he's *supposed* to automatically pay your bills and carry your debt for you. This is a 1950's lie your mother told you -probably passed down from her mother- and it's an even more rotten one today. Work towards a career that provides you with your *own* income. Guys: Just because a person might have less money than you going toward the bills doesn't mean she's supposed to make it up to you in *favors* whenever you say so, to "equalize" the imbalance. Favors -meaning anything from doing your laundry to doing your other thing. I'm very aware that -for most women- the salary of nearly any guy you pass next on the sidewalk at random is probably going to be a lot more than yours adds up to. But it's still not a good excuse to avoid contributing some amount of money for your residential upkeep. You should talk about the difference in salary/income, and if it's an issue you see that might lead to a few problems down the road, sit down and figure out between you what's fair, and stick to your end of the bargain. Same for guys. -Rio
GregsBad Posted May 15, 2007 Posted May 15, 2007 As I said if moving in was a precursor to marriage she should make that clear. Once married he does not have to put her on title to the home. It was his house before they were a couple. Again that should be decided before they marry. Lets say he bought the house for $100,000 when they become a couple the home now is worth $300,000. Should she get 1/2 of the equity becuse she happens to live there? Lets turn the tables. What if she owned the Home and he moved in? Should he be afforded the same privileges? It's her home should he pay his share of the Bills? The rent gas electric and water? What if he does work on the house? cuts the grass fixes things. and helps with the up keep in labor and sweat. It's OK if girls do it but not if boys do it.
norajane Posted May 15, 2007 Posted May 15, 2007 It's 2007 - women are fully contributing members of society and have their own incomes. Some women make way more money than most men. Male gold diggers are out there, just as female ones are.
Teddy and Jane Posted May 15, 2007 Posted May 15, 2007 In response to the question by Teddy&Jane, (re: Why should she be helping to pay off his mortgage when her name is not on the deed?) -which leads this thread to start covering even more diverse ground- I have a few things to say about that, too. (Intentional reference to the tone/dialect of Forest Gump, there, since we'd probably both wind up seeing the cut'n dry answer to Teddy&Jane's question.) (Smile) Which is: if a guy (or gal) enthusiastically moves in with a (proposed) partner, and turns out being this leech, never contributing to the financial responsibilities of the running of the household (a.k.a. helping pay the bills; holding up your part of the roof over your head) -I think it's a form of *gold digging*. And it's probably the most common kind. The lopsidedness of such a relationship with a supposed or promised pending lifetime commitment that never seems to reach fruition (the actual wedding) -and only one person paying the bills, is more than unfair; in my opinion -it's *cruel*. I agree with another poster who said that (dyed-in-the-wool) gold diggers feel no shame in what they're doing -and that some may even feel "entitled". I think if two people want to move in together *equally* as much, then each should be willing to contribute -in equal parts- to whatever it costs to cohabit-ate. Equal parts , or at least, substantially. Fancy word, simple idea: both should acknowledge what it takes to live in the relationship, under the same roof, and make financial contributions to keep the lights on, the air conditioner running, and water available to shower. As for the rent or mortgage, in specific, I figure it this way: whether you live together or apart, in your own place or his/hers, you've got some kind of lodging payment coming (that is, unless you still live with your parents, or on the street somewhere) -so just prepare yourself to break down and meet that monthly debt, either by alternating the months each will pay, or split each monthly payment right down the middle. I really don't think it matters that he/she already owns the house, or condo, or apartment that you're sharing; you need to pay your part of the payment no matter what -because look- he's not your daddy, and she's not your mommy, and you won't find a house in Kansas for free. Gals: Just because a person has more testosterone than you, doesn't mean he's *supposed* to automatically pay your bills and carry your debt for you. This is a 1950's lie your mother told you -probably passed down from her mother- and it's an even more rotten one today. Work towards a career that provides you with your *own* income. Guys: Just because a person might have less money than you going toward the bills doesn't mean she's supposed to make it up to you in *favors* whenever you say so, to "equalize" the imbalance. Favors -meaning anything from doing your laundry to doing your other thing. I'm very aware that -for most women- the salary of nearly any guy you pass next on the sidewalk at random is probably going to be a lot more than yours adds up to. But it's still not a good excuse to avoid contributing some amount of money for your residential upkeep. You should talk about the difference in salary/income, and if it's an issue you see that might lead to a few problems down the road, sit down and figure out between you what's fair, and stick to your end of the bargain. Same for guys. -Rio Ummm, I wasn't the only one who didn't think a woman should help pay a guy's mortgage but I did say that the woman should pay other bills. Like I said, I had a guy who wanted me to move into his house and he said he would not allow me to pay the rent, no way, it was his mortgage and he wanted me to move in. (even though I didn't want to and I am glad I did not now.)
Art_Critic Posted May 15, 2007 Posted May 15, 2007 If he owns the house and is making payments, then he should not charge his girlfriend rent. She is not a tenant. She should contribute to bills for the home as she can. Agreed.. I have always thought charging an SO.. male or female rent is anti relationship. If the person pays the same rent or mortgage whether the other lives there or not then having them pay rent is treating them as a sugar daddy or momma.. sort of... I have always owned my own homes since I was in my early 20's.. So When women have lived with me they have all lived there without paying/spitting any rent..They have also lived there bill free.. but they give what they have been able to..an not once has there ever been an issue either on my end or theirs over that.
Trialbyfire Posted May 15, 2007 Posted May 15, 2007 Gals: Just because a person has more testosterone than you, doesn't mean he's *supposed* to automatically pay your bills and carry your debt for you. One of my pet peeves, whether male or female. Living together is not automatically a co-mingling of finances. Whomever owns the house has the right to charge rent and expect that 1/2 the balance of the household expenses are paid for by the other person. Overall, everyone financially benefits from shared expenses and the ability to be with a loved one continuously. No one owes you a free ride.
Teddy and Jane Posted May 15, 2007 Posted May 15, 2007 Art, I am very generous financially in a relationship. I have no problem treating my guy (when I have one which I don't right now) to dinners, breakfasts, etc. etc. etc. Pretty much the whole relationship I drove an hour to see him, as he has kids and was taking grad. classes. Last summer I went to France with my now ex, and I surprised him by paying for all the hotel rooms, and a lot of lunches and dinners. I love to do that. So, riobikini, I don't appreciate being compared to a mentally retarded person, actual or fiction.
riobikini Posted May 15, 2007 Posted May 15, 2007 re: ArtCritic:"Agreed.. I have always thought charging an SO.. male or female rent is anti relationship. If the person pays the same rent or mortgage whether the other lives there or not then having them pay rent is treating them as a sugar daddy or momma.. sort of... I have always owned my own homes since I was in my early 20's.. So When women have lived with me they have all lived there without paying/spitting any rent..They have also lived there bill free.. but they give what they have been able to..an not once has there ever been an issue either on my end or theirs over that." Art, can I come live with you? (Smile) -Rio
Art_Critic Posted May 15, 2007 Posted May 15, 2007 Art, can I come live with you? Sure.. but your BF will have to pay rent
Tlady11 Posted May 15, 2007 Posted May 15, 2007 Agreed.. I have always thought charging an SO.. male or female rent is anti relationship. If the person pays the same rent or mortgage whether the other lives there or not then having them pay rent is treating them as a sugar daddy or momma.. sort of... Here's a different take on the subject--I'm negotating a divorce settlement that states that if I cohabitate with someone I lose that alimony, which I basically could not survive or pay my mortgage without. Obviously I would not be able to live with anyone any time soon, but if I did it would have to be someone willing to help me pay my bills.
riobikini Posted May 15, 2007 Posted May 15, 2007 re: Teddy&Jane: "So, riobikini, I don't appreciate being compared to a mentally retarded person, actual or fiction." Actually, you misread my comment/reference to Forest Gump. Please re-read my statement and try not to be so quick to assume anyone is judging you -or being ugly to you in any way. Your post I referred to opened up quite a different aspect to the discussion and I should actually be the one offended by your rash assumption of my response. -Rio
Teddy and Jane Posted May 15, 2007 Posted May 15, 2007 re: Art, can I come live with you? (Smile) -Rio OK, so he gets praised for this attitude, and I get the implication that I take advantage of guys. If I DID live with a guy (which at my age, I don't want to, I want the whole enchilada baby) I would be glad to give him a hundred dollar bill here and there for the cable bill, the electric bill, etc. etc. etc. I'm just like that and I'm the type that would leave a couple hundreds on the kitchen table in the morning with a cute smiley face note. It is just something I would do. I respect guys, I don't expect a free ride, but I do want to do what I can to make him happy.
Art_Critic Posted May 15, 2007 Posted May 15, 2007 Here's a different take on the subject--I'm negotating a divorce settlement that states that if I cohabitate with someone I lose that alimony, which I basically could not survive or pay my mortgage without. Obviously I would not be able to live with anyone any time soon, but if I did it would have to be someone willing to help me pay my bills. This is just me.. but no way in hell would I sign such a lopsided divorce agreement.. You have a right to live free of him after the divorce is final.. he should not ever be able to tie your finances to your cohabitation.. If you don't have legal advice then you need to get it and if you already have it then you need to fire that lawyer and hire a new one..
riobikini Posted May 15, 2007 Posted May 15, 2007 re: ArtCritic: " Sure.. but your BF will have to pay rent " (Smile) -Rio
GregsBad Posted May 15, 2007 Posted May 15, 2007 having them pay rent is treating them as a sugar daddy or momma.. sort of... Whatsamatter with you? You got it backwards. Letting her live without sharing the costs makes YOU the sugardaddy. They live with you - you pay the bills. You're the sugardaddy ... got it? You CAN be, if that's what you want. But she's not the sugardaddy and not the momma. You are! They have also lived there bill free.. not once has there ever been an issue either on my end or theirs over that So no one ever complained about you paying the bills? Can I stay at your place?
Teddy and Jane Posted May 15, 2007 Posted May 15, 2007 re: Actually, you misread my comment/reference to Forest Gump. Please re-read my statement and try not to be so quick to assume anyone is judging you -or being ugly to you in any way. Your post I referred to opened up quite a different aspect to the discussion and I should actually be the one offended by your rash assumption of my response. -Rio I'm sorry. I didn't understand the Forrest Gump reference. Sorry.
Art_Critic Posted May 15, 2007 Posted May 15, 2007 Whatsamatter with you? You got it backwards. Letting her live without sharing the costs makes YOU the sugardaddy. They live with you - you pay the bills. You're the sugardaddy ... got it? You CAN be, if that's what you want. But she's not the sugardaddy and not the momma. You are! So no one ever complained about you paying the bills? Can I stay at your place? No it doesn't.. if my bills stay the same whether they are there or not then they are not taking anything from me .. get it ? Why would I want to profit from them living with me ? Of course there is an increase in some utility bills.. but that isn't all that much..
Teddy and Jane Posted May 15, 2007 Posted May 15, 2007 Whatsamatter with you? You got it backwards. Letting her live without sharing the costs makes YOU the sugardaddy. They live with you - you pay the bills. You're the sugardaddy ... got it? You CAN be, if that's what you want. But she's not the sugardaddy and not the momma. You are! So no one ever complained about you paying the bills? Can I stay at your place? I don't know...I don't think of it that way. He did that because he wanted to do that, and wanted to pay for his own mortgage and bills. He did say it wasn't an issue. It's not like these women were out to take advantage of him financially. They lived together because they wanted to, and he wanted her to live there in a setting of romance. What does it matter who pays for what if all is happy?
riobikini Posted May 15, 2007 Posted May 15, 2007 re: Teddy&Jane: I'm sorry. I didn't understand the Forrest Gump reference. Sorry. Teddy&Jane -it's perfectly OK -just trying to diffuse a little misguided convo. No problem. (Smile) And -besides- I'm more forgiving because I'm staring right at (all of) your two-hundred and some-odd posts, (already!) And realizing that you might not understand the humor, or dispostion, or varying tolerance level of a few on here who've been here a long time and seen numbers like yours grow -and make mistakes- and get all bent out of shape and offended -over virtually nothing before they realize they had nothing to be upset about. And don't get me wrong -I'm not even an ol' timer, here! But hey! -Art is! (Smile) -Rio
GregsBad Posted May 15, 2007 Posted May 15, 2007 I don't know...I don't think of it that way. He did that because he wanted to do that, and wanted to pay for his own mortgage and bills. He did say it wasn't an issue. It's not like these women were out to take advantage of him financially. They lived together because they wanted to, and he wanted her to live there in a setting of romance. What does it matter who pays for what if all is happy? But Art said that SHE is a sugardaddy if he charges her for costs. I didn't start the sugardaddy stuff - ART did it and got it backwards. If HE wants to be a sugardaddy then god bless him. So can I move in Art?
riobikini Posted May 15, 2007 Posted May 15, 2007 Oh -I have a H-U-G-E family, Art -and they want to move in, too! (Laughing) -Rio
GregsBad Posted May 15, 2007 Posted May 15, 2007 No, Greg -me! -Rio OK - ok -ok I got an idea .... How 'bout me and rio? You could have a whole damn family - and call all of us sugardaddys
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