When is a man a player?

[Woggle]

For the most part it is more beneficial for a man to be a player than to be commited to a woman. Players have a lot of power over women so I don't blame them for using it.

[SouthernT]

Is it true that, many girls decide very very early if they want to have sex with him (whether or not she might insist on waiting). Talking about chemistry here.

 

yes this is true to some degree. We may already know right off the bat that we would like to be intimate with a guy. BUT then we say "ok, yeah I might want to sleep with him...but what is his character like and what is he looking for long term? What are his true intentions?" We ALWAYS want it just as bad as the guys do....but we as women have much more to loose because its purely emotional for us. (usually) And that is what makes us wait. Me personally, I wont even date a guy if I cant see myself being intimate with him. Chemistry..attraction...whatever you want to call it.

[SouthernT]

But another thing from one answer has to do with not having real feeling for any of the (more than one girls).

So then what about this, I won't pretend that it's not about me. It is.

 

I kinda have a couple of questions for you here. And this is so that I can further my understanding when dealing with men and dating. My first question is: 1) why would you continue to date somebody if you know that you dont have a real feeling for her? Do guys do this just to pass the time?

2) Do you already know BEFORE hand that you dont have feelings for a particular girl before you even have sex with her?

3) when you do meet that one girl that you DO have feelings for, how would you feel if she were doing the same thing that you are doing? Playing the field....Would it bother you to know that you are just passing the time for her?

4) Do you cut a girl off once you find out that her feelings are growing and yours are not? Or do you continue to see her?

 

And again...I'm just asking you these questions because it will help me figure out what to do in my situation. In my situation, we both established that we liked eachother and we are attracted to eachother. But it's been 7 months and we HAVEN'T dated at all. And he's stated to me before that he's pulled back because he was really starting to like me more. But he maintains some form of contact every week or so. So by your actions, you will date girls even if you dont have feelings for them. And I'm trying to figure out why this guy hasnt dated me at all. Is it because he DOES have feelings and isnt ready for something on that level yet or what? He stays in touch and he doesnt have a girlfriend and we havent had sex. I'm not necessarily saying that guys dont have the right to do this....Heck everybody has the right to do it I guess. But I guess it just sucks because there will ALWAYS be someone who is going to get the short end of the stick.

 

It's funny because I just started a thread todaya asking if it beneficial for women to date more than one guy at a time.

[Teddy and Jane]

For the most part it is more beneficial for a man to be a player than to be commited to a woman. Players have a lot of power over women so I don't blame them for using it.

 

I find them a turnoff as well as a lot of other women.

[Woggle]

I find them a turnoff as well as a lot of other women.

 

If a man is a good player a woman doesn't even know he is one.

[GregsBad]

We ALWAYS want it just as bad as the guys do....but we as women have much more to loose because its purely emotional for us.

 

Thanks ST

 

FWIW, I completely understand that need do wait, and the risk factor you mentioned.

 

I REALY appreciate what you said, "We ALWAYS want it just as bad as the guys do"

 

I personally believe this is true, that is at least for girls that feel chemistry for the guy. A guy (whos not braindead) can tell if she feels it for him, or not. And I think that if he reads in her that she does NOT have chemistry for him ... best to move on and find some sweety who has just as hard a time keeping her hands off him. THAT might be worth waitin' for!

[SouthernT]

best to move on and find some sweety who has just as hard a time keeping her hands off him. THAT might be worth waitin' for!

 

wow....expand on this one a little bit please?

[GregsBad]

wow....expand on this one a little bit please?

 

I really meant in reference to NOT waiting for her (move on) if he can sense that she just doesn't feel it for him within a few days. I don't know for sure, but I just think if it's easy for her to wait ... that's a bad sign about their chemistry. Dissapointment at the end of a wait.

 

But if the chemistry really is there.

She might say "we have to wait", ...

he could just smile and say, "OK baby, what ever makes you feel alright".

 

Within a few days, their both gonna' jump each other's bones anyway.

[GregsBad]

1) why would you continue to date somebody if you know that you dont have a real feeling for her? Do guys do this just to pass the time?

 

I'll never understand why a guy would do that. Not based on principle either. I'd just rather watch paint dry.

 

But now sex? Yes, many guys will have sex with a girl who he isn't really interested in. It might seem cruel - but true.

 

2) Do you already know BEFORE hand that you dont have feelings for a particular girl before you even have sex with her?

 

I do - sometimes.

 

Example - a girl is a gold digging, selfish, immature winch. Beautiful eyes, nice ass, exudes chemistry etc etc. I don't want to marry her ... but I do want the rest.

 

3) when you do meet that one girl that you DO have feelings for, how would you feel if she were doing the same thing that you are doing? Playing the field....Would it bother you to know that you are just passing the time for her?

 

Well my plan is ... if that happens,

She'll will already know that we started off with me saying I'm dating others. Waiting for the right one.

 

Then if she's the one, I tell her so.

Tell her I'm willing to be exclusive because she's so special.

She could trust me - Having never lied.

 

If she replies the same way, I could trust her.

 

Isn't that what dating is??? Actually I think it's unreasonable to expect someone to go exclusive at an early stage. And not possible to go long without sex. A delima huh?

 

4) Do you cut a girl off once you find out that her feelings are growing and yours are not? Or do you continue to see her?

 

I'm no experienced expert in this, only learning as I go and getting a late start at that.

 

Again, honesty is important.

Going marriage minded early in dating is foolish.

Going without sex is impossible - or out of the question.

 

So the alternatives are - having sex before going marriage minded.

 

So I guess that in the case you asked about ...

Let her know that I like her but still not in the marriage way.

Don't lie.

 

Look:

I've had this very conversation.

 

She, "No sex til I know you really care"

Me, "I can't really care until we've had sex"

She, "then I gues we're not going to date"

Me, "I completely understand and respect that. Can we still enjoy dinner together"

 

silence ...

 

She, "Well it's just that I'm not that kind, and have never done this before"

 

You know the rest

 

And again...I'm just asking you these questions because it will help me figure out what to do in my situation. In my situation, we both established that we liked eachother and we are attracted to eachother. But it's been 7 months and we HAVEN'T dated at all. And he's stated to me before that he's pulled back because he was really starting to like me more. But he maintains some form of contact every week or so. So by your actions, you will date girls even if you dont have feelings for them. And I'm trying to figure out why this guy hasnt dated me at all. Is it because he DOES have feelings and isnt ready for something on that level yet or what? He stays in touch and he doesnt have a girlfriend and we havent had sex. I'm not necessarily saying that guys dont have the right to do this....Heck everybody has the right to do it I guess. But I guess it just sucks because there will ALWAYS be someone who is going to get the short end of the stick.

 

It's funny because I just started a thread todaya asking if it beneficial for women to date more than one guy at a time.

 

My opinion - only based on what I know.

 

He likes you and wants you. He has feelings but not ready for that kind of committment and won't lie to you for sex.

 

You might be forcing the separateness by pushing hard on commitment. I understand, but I've seen girls overplay this.

 

Anyway my guess is that he's hoping you'll give in, make love with him, with no comittments. It's your choice and he doesn't want to seduce you with lies. If you give in - he could fall for you, or dump you.

 

Again, it's YOUR choice. But at least he's not PLAYING you by telling you what you want to hear.

[Teddy and Jane]

If a man is a good player a woman doesn't even know he is one.

 

I'm pretty good with spotting them. I guess I am good at picking up on honesty and character in a man.

[Pyro]

I'm pretty good with spotting them. I guess I am good at picking up on honesty and character in a man.

 

You have to remember too, players tend to go for the gullible, naive, ditzty type so of course it will be easy for them. The real women will see right through the player, at least that is what I have seen for myself.

[SouthernT]

I don't know for sure, but I just think if it's easy for her to wait ... that's a bad sign about their chemistry. Dissapointment at the end of a wait.

 

I've heard guys say this before and it's SO NOT TRUE. If a girl has been hurt badly enough in the past, she eventually learns to keep her legs shut no matter HOW BAD she may want it and no matter how intense the chemistry is. It's not EASY for us to wait....but it's mind over matter because we as women eventually learn that WE are responsible for our emotions. So if that means waiting to be intimate with a guy (even though we want to...) then so be it. See, I think men take it personally if girl wants to wait. It doesnt mean we are not attracted to you, its just that eventually we learn to be responsible with our bodies and heart.

[SouthernT]

My opinion - only based on what I know.

 

He likes you and wants you. He has feelings but not ready for that kind of committment and won't lie to you for sex.

 

You might be forcing the separateness by pushing hard on commitment. I understand, but I've seen girls overplay this.

 

Anyway my guess is that he's hoping you'll give in, make love with him, with no comittments. It's your choice and he doesn't want to seduce you with lies. If you give in - he could fall for you, or dump you.

 

Again, it's YOUR choice. But at least he's not PLAYING you by telling you what you want to hear.

 

This is probably the BEST answer I've gotten in regards to this situation. (and I've been posting about him for a few months on here.) Simple yet very clear and to the point. Thanks!!

[Woggle]

You have to remember too, players tend to go for the gullible, naive, ditzty type so of course it will be easy for them. The real women will see right through the player, at least that is what I have seen for myself.

 

When I was single I managed to take a ballbusting executive and chew her up and spit her out so a good player knows how to get inside a woman's heart. Players understand women better than many women understand themselves and they use that understanding to play with a woman's emotions.

[SouthernT]

When I was single I managed to take a ballbusting executive and chew her up and spit her out so a good player knows how to get inside a woman's heart. Players understand women better than many women understand themselves and they use that understanding to play with a woman's emotions.

 

Those are the WORST kind of players. That kind of stuff really does ALOT of damage to a woman.

[Woggle]

Those are the WORST kind of players. That kind of stuff really does ALOT of damage to a woman.

 

The woman I played deserved it. She got a taste of her own medicine if you ask me.

[whichwayisup]

Can I ask what she did to you to deserve that treatment? If you want to share, I'm just curious.

[Woggle]

Can I ask what she did to you to deserve that treatment? If you want to share, I'm just curious.

 

She was a manhating exec that openly admitted to trying to emasculate men in the business world and openly admitted to being a female player trying to turn the tables on men. I was one of her targets and she met her match. I left her in tears and I don't think it was any real feelings on her part but the fact that I was the first man she couldn't break because I knew all her tricks.

[Lizzie60]

She was a manhating exec that openly admitted to trying to emasculate men in the business world and openly admitted to being a female player trying to turn the tables on men. I was one of her targets and she met her match. I left her in tears and I don't think it was any real feelings on her part but the fact that I was the first man she couldn't break because I knew all her tricks.

 

WOW she had a big contract on her hands... LOL

She wasn't a player... she was crazy!

[Woman Whisperer]

The male players who hurt women are probably greater in number than the female players who hurt men.

 

But there ARE female players too.

 

Now some of those female players are damn fine looking, sexy women that are very tempting and hard to pass up.

 

In fact (this is gonna sound merciless) many of the very attractive girl players have certain "esteem issues" that leave them vulnerable to seduction, if a guy knows how to work it. And they can be soooooooo good in bed.

 

Now, I suppose that I'd be a better man if I never took advantage.

I don't mean to be an a**hole.

 

I don't hate women! I LOVE women

- and I try to figure out what works with them, because I want to be with them.

 

My experience: I have learned that many things women say will work with them ...

... does NOT really work in real life ... not with the attractive ones.

 

Being a bad boy works in most cases. Much better than being a good boy.

[Pyro]

She was a manhating exec that openly admitted to trying to emasculate men in the business world and openly admitted to being a female player trying to turn the tables on men. I was one of her targets and she met her match. I left her in tears and I don't think it was any real feelings on her part but the fact that I was the first man she couldn't break because I knew all her tricks.

 

I wouldn't doubt that due to your hatred for women that this description is a bit exaggerated.

[halfarock]

I kinda have a couple of questions for you here. And this is so that I can further my understanding when dealing with men and dating. My first question is: 1) why would you continue to date somebody if you know that you dont have a real feeling for her? Do guys do this just to pass the time?

2) Do you already know BEFORE hand that you dont have feelings for a particular girl before you even have sex with her?

3) When you do meet that one girl that you DO have feelings for, how would you feel if she were doing the same thing that you are doing? Playing the field....Would it bother you to know that you are just passing the time for her?

4) Do you cut a girl off once you find out that her feelings are growing and yours are not? Or do you continue to see her?

 

I’m not exactly a player but I think that sometimes others see me that way. Though it sometimes confounds me, everywhere I go it seems that there are large numbers of women greatly attracted to me. Not sure exactly why. It makes life wonderful and easy and besides, I love to flirt. I suppose that I could have a different girl everyday but I’m just not that way. I’d much prefer one woman who I connected with well then to have a hundred who would do anything for me. One of the problems that I’ve had to wrestle with is that if I can get almost any woman to go out with me with very little effort, then what makes any one of them special.

 

Now to your questions

 

1) I really don’t go out on dates in the traditional sense but there are women who I hang out with quite regularly with whom I have no romantic interest. We may flirt, hug, and even kiss at times but it doesn’t go much further than that. It’s really that I just like them and like their company. I much prefer hanging out with women then men.

 

2) I’ve never had sex with a woman that I didn’t have feelings for. Though, I’m sure, there are many guys out there that would have sex with just about any woman that would let them regardless of feelings.

 

3) When I first met my current girl friend, she told me that we could only carry on if I was okay with the fact that she was involved with others. I was also involved with others so it was okay. Even though early on it was obvious that there was something special between us, it took nearly two years before we were exclusive to each other. Even now I still flirt with every other woman I see and hang out with my female friends and it is all good.

 

4) If a woman is having feelings for me and I don’t feel the same way, I usually tell her straight up that I don’t feel the same way. Most take it well and we continue on as friends.

[SouthernT]

I’m not exactly a player but I think that sometimes others see me that way. Though it sometimes confounds me, everywhere I go it seems that there are large numbers of women greatly attracted to me. Not sure exactly why. It makes life wonderful and easy and besides, I love to flirt. I suppose that I could have a different girl everyday but I’m just not that way. I’d much prefer one woman who I connected with well then to have a hundred who would do anything for me. One of the problems that I’ve had to wrestle with is that if I can get almost any woman to go out with me with very little effort, then what makes any one of them special.

 

Now to your questions

 

1) I really don’t go out on dates in the traditional sense but there are women who I hang out with quite regularly with whom I have no romantic interest. We may flirt, hug, and even kiss at times but it doesn’t go much further than that. It’s really that I just like them and like their company. I much prefer hanging out with women then men.

 

2) I’ve never had sex with a woman that I didn’t have feelings for. Though, I’m sure, there are many guys out there that would have sex with just about any woman that would let them regardless of feelings.

 

3) When I first met my current girl friend, she told me that we could only carry on if I was okay with the fact that she was involved with others. I was also involved with others so it was okay. Even though early on it was obvious that there was something special between us, it took nearly two years before we were exclusive to each other. Even now I still flirt with every other woman I see and hang out with my female friends and it is all good.

 

4) If a woman is having feelings for me and I don’t feel the same way, I usually tell her straight up that I don’t feel the same way. Most take it well and we continue on as friends.

 

Thanks for your response. It was helpful.

[Shizz]

I've known some players in my life. I have no respect for them whatsoever.

 

A player by my definition is someone who willingly misleads, co-erces, emotionally black mails, and pursues relationships where sex is the goal, not getting to know the person. They therefore willingly get involved with women/womens they have no feelings for, in order to have sex and stroke there excessively large egos. Just a plain old, *******.

 

I think guys and girls should be allowed to date multiples for fun, just not for serious relationships, and not to be continued if a serious relationship forms. I can't really make any judgement on sex with multiple dating partners. But its something I'd avoid, since while I'm limited in my knowledge, I know it brings a strong emotional attachment, and expectations along with it

 

Lol Halfarock you sound like a young Pop Larkin.

Yeah there is no harm in flirting as long as your current partner is cool with it. I knew this chick once, who got off on watching her boyfriend get girls numbers. (To each their own I suppose.) As long as your significant other understands that its all fun and games, I don't see it as particularly bad.

 

As for the questions.

 

1) I never date girls I don't have some feelings towards, or attraction to. I understand that with some people attraction grows with time, so I'm willing to give it a few dates, if there is nothing there, then I don't continue dating.

 

2) I've never had sex and for that very reason. I've had a great amount of chances to have sex for the sake of gratification, but for me there has to be an emotional connection behind it before I'll even consider it. Quite simply put, I've met girls that I'd have gladly gotten into a physical relationship with, but haven't due to circumstances.

 

3) I've never actually met a girl like that. If I was in that sort of situation and started to feel serious about her, I'd tell her how I feel and let her judge accordingly. Also some situations don't allow for an instantly great relationship, some people need time to look, etc, before they are ready to fully commit.

 

4) Like I said, I give it a few tries, but if there is no connection for me, then I'm not going to waste the poor girls time in leading her along. Honesty unfortunately is a hard thing to do, but is ultimately better. (Unless there vindictive and spiteful.) I've never really been in a situation like this anyhow, all the girls I ask out, I am attracted to before hand.