GregsBad Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 What things about a guy makes him a "player" to you?
norajane Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 He's in relationships with more than one woman, unbeknownst to the women.
Trialbyfire Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 He's in relationships with more than one woman, unbeknownst to the women. Agreed. To add to that, a player does not have sincere feelings for any of the women, he's more into getting his ego stroked than investing in something more committed with one woman.
Tangerina Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 My ex was SOOO nice to me for about 6-8 months. Turned out it was because he read literature about how to be nice to a girl so she would want to be in a relationship with you. Then he got bored with the relationship and stopped using the tricks he read up on and turned into an ass. Then he kept using his flirting tips that he read about to flirt with other girls, which killed two birds with one stone because it also went along with the crap he read about how to keep your girlfriend on her toes by flirting with other girls. Then we went to this rave (his scene, not mine) and he was giving our friend tips on how to pick up girls, and then he disappeared for a while. The next day I saw he had been reading tips online about how to pick up girls (I wasn't snooping, he sucked at hiding his history.) Then, he was looking at porn so I thought he was horny but I needed a shower after surfing so I took a really quick one and came back and he told me "See, I was looking at porn so you would get jealous and take a quick shower, I don't really want to have sex." So I broke up with him. Too bad he was so good at the stupid game or it wouldn't have taken a year to realize what a big douche he was. If a guy is playing games that he read in some rulebook he isn't sincere, he is just playing girls to get what he wants from them at the time.
Author GregsBad Posted May 14, 2007 Author Posted May 14, 2007 I appreciate these replies. What happened to Tangerina was really bad. I'm sorry to hear that. One thing that seems common from the answers is deception and pretending. But another thing from one answer has to do with not having real feeling for any of the (more than one girls). So then what about this, I won't pretend that it's not about me. It is. I'm not against a serious relationship, nor against marriage. In fact, I'd prefer it. But until I meet such a girl, I want to date and play the field. Is it being a player (in your view) ... I don't lie or pretend. Other than being impolite - won't say, "Yes, your ass looks fat in those pants" I honestly answer all questions. I never understood why a guy would lie and hide facts. What if a girl turns out be special ... she'll find out all things anyway ... then she's hurt and even if she forgives ... it's a bad start. So why be dishonest at the start. I don't pretend there are not others - I admit I'm playing the field I'm looking for the right girl - will get serious when I find her. When I find her I'll let her know - and shut down the others. Meanwhile, I'm honest with girls that I date. And yes, there is sex. So, am I - a player - to you? I don't think I am. But I'm not impossibly stuck on being right about my opinion. I really want to know how & why others view this subject.
Tangerina Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 What happened to Tangerina was really bad. I'm sorry to hear that. Yeah, it was pretty messed up. On the other hand this guy really did like me and thought he wanted a relationship with me and there were things that I really liked about him but he just did not know how to relate in a sincere way and felt like he had to play games every second to get what he wanted. Where he could have just said "Will you spend time with me?" He felt like he had to play 'hard to get' to get me to come to him. When I would have just been nice to him if he was nice to me he felt he had buy me presents or or make grand gestures to show affection when I am really not that type of girl. I know I made him sound evil in the last post and believe me he did some ****ty stuff but now that I'm over it I just feel bad for him not knowing how to relate in a human way because he thinks he needs to be this big player to be happy. He bases all of his self worth on what other people think of him and if girls hit on him. As a result he has few friends because they begin to sense that he is pathetic. It totally blame his dad, who is probably the person I like the least. His dad and mom have an emotionally blank relationship and the dad was raised to treat women as a puzzle and a game and not as people and my ex was the same. Sad Sad Sad. So PS I guess that for some people being a player might live up to the glamorous image that it has in TV and movies, but I think a lot of people doing that crap are really like my ex and are very sad and lonely people with intimacy issues.
whichwayisup Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 As long as you're honest and upfront about your intentions, treat the women you date with respect, don't treat them like a piece of meat - You're not a player. A player is someone who plays mindgames and doesn't care about anyone else but themselves, and also doesn't care who they hurt in the process.
Tangerina Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 PS to Greg.... No, you don't sound like a player to me, dating around is not the same thing as long as you don't play games or be insincere because that is bull****. Actually, what ever happened to dating around? People used to casually date tons of people and it was no big deal... I don't know if sex was such a big expectation back then, but people used to just go out for coffee or soda or whatever with tons of people and it was no biggie... y'know, like in the 50's. Personally, I either fall for someone or lose interest pretty quickly, I'm happy being single and don't want or need lots of casual dating, I'm happy to just keep my options open and wait around for the one I like, but there is nothing wrong with casual dating but it seems really hard these days. Greg, I imagine some girls might call you a player if they think it is more serious than it is because there is a weird expectation these days that one date=a relationship. My one attempt at casual dating resulted in him getting drunk repeatedly and telling me he loved me. We had been dating for 3 weeks when this happened and neither was seeing other people so I guess there is some continuity there, but on the other hand there were no signs that it was really turning into anything except that he started to get really attached... it was weird and messy. On the other hand one date did kind of = a relationship with my current BF because we were friends first and courted by hanging out, and then he asked me out and it was obvious we were crazy about each other from the start and him asking "So, are we boyfriend and girlfriend?" a few weeks later was just a formality because it was obvious we were in deep.
Trialbyfire Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 If you're honest upfront and don't lie by omission, then based on your description, you are not a player. I will add the codicil that MW are off-limits.
Lizzie60 Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 I appreciate these replies. What happened to Tangerina was really bad. I'm sorry to hear that. One thing that seems common from the answers is deception and pretending. But another thing from one answer has to do with not having real feeling for any of the (more than one girls). So then what about this, I won't pretend that it's not about me. It is. I'm not against a serious relationship, nor against marriage. In fact, I'd prefer it. But until I meet such a girl, I want to date and play the field. Is it being a player (in your view) ... I don't lie or pretend. Other than being impolite - won't say, "Yes, your ass looks fat in those pants" I honestly answer all questions. I never understood why a guy would lie and hide facts. What if a girl turns out be special ... she'll find out all things anyway ... then she's hurt and even if she forgives ... it's a bad start. So why be dishonest at the start. I don't pretend there are not others - I admit I'm playing the field I'm looking for the right girl - will get serious when I find her. When I find her I'll let her know - and shut down the others. Meanwhile, I'm honest with girls that I date. And yes, there is sex. So, am I - a player - to you? I don't think I am. But I'm not impossibly stuck on being right about my opinion. I really want to know how & why others view this subject. That doesn't make you a player... you're honest, they (women) know what to expect from you... You're single ... well the world is your playground... single or married as long as they know there will be no commitment... that's fine by MY book. Have fun!
whichwayisup Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 single or married as long as they know there will be no commitment... that's fine by MY book. I doubt very much GB is gonna go after married women to date or have casual sex with a MW. Not everybody who is single wants to do that Lizzie, have uncommitted sex with a MM/MW. Anyway, just my 2 cents.
melodymatters Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 This is an interesting topic. I too am single after a long time in back to back relationships and want to be able to just DATE for awhile ( no sex). I am so jealous of my mother who got to have tons of suitors trying to win her hand and no one thought she was a "player" or a "slut". Now, If I tell any of the men that are interested in me that I would like the opportunity to date and get a to know a few people before jumping into yet ANOTHER relationship ( and it takes a while for the honeymoon thing to wear off and see their true selves) The get very affronted and upset. I wish dating was back in style !!!!
Author GregsBad Posted May 14, 2007 Author Posted May 14, 2007 Thanks again for the replies. This is an interesting subject for me. I've been free and on my own for a few years now and having more fun then ever. I enjoy dating and I almost approach dating as some kind of applied science. I'm learning things I wish I knew in high school. In fact, now I'm convinced that this is what grampa was talking about, to me as a boy, when he used to say over and over, "I wish I knew then, what I know now!" I thought my grampa was talking about widom and stuff like that. But now I think he meant chicks. I've learned sooooooooooo much! Simple things like. 1. When a guy walks into a place where there are girls. There are always girls in there who are hoping he'll say hello. Why didn't I learn this one simple thing long ago? All you have to do is just say hi! Most of them will take it from there! 2. You don't have to lie. My grampa used to say, "Always tell the truth son, that way you don't gotta memorize nothin' " 3. If you approach a very attractive woman, DO NOT say anything early about her being attractive. DO NOT say anything about wanting to get to know her. She already knows that, the 1000 guys already told her. I know these are things that everyone else knows I just wish I learned them before I could write a small book
Teddy and Jane Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 That doesn't make you a player... you're honest, they (women) know what to expect from you... You're single ... well the world is your playground... single or married as long as they know there will be no commitment... that's fine by MY book. Have fun! I don't see how you see it as so acceptable to sleep with married people. I am single and I would NEVER do that.
Mustang Sally Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 GB - I think you may be on to something, here...(with the Grandpa-theme). I don't think you sound like a player. You tell us you are being honest and forthright with the women you deal with. Good for you and I hope eventually you find the 'special' one who makes you "forsake all others." Until then, see what is out there. Here's one other thing to add to your list of pithy pieces of advice, that I have learned over time (and wish I'd more fully appreciated in my younger days): There is power in the p*ssy. Of course, YMMV.
Author GregsBad Posted May 14, 2007 Author Posted May 14, 2007 I am so jealous of my mother who got to have tons of suitors trying to win her hand and no one thought she was a "player" or a "slut". Yes! right on. And as long as a guy is open about things ... he's not a boy-slut either
Author GregsBad Posted May 14, 2007 Author Posted May 14, 2007 Here's one other thing to add to your list of pithy pieces of advice, that I have learned over time (and wish I'd more fully appreciated in my younger days): There is power in the p*ssy. Of course, YMMV. True that! There are homicides over it. Kingdoms rise and fall over it. Men become doctors, lawyers and whatever, go the gym ... for it.
Author GregsBad Posted May 14, 2007 Author Posted May 14, 2007 That opens up some other intesting questions like ... When a girls says, "not until I know you better". or When a girls says, early on, and with no prompting from him, "Sex isn't everything" (like who said it is?) or Is it true that, many girls decide very very early if they want to have sex with him (whether or not she might insist on waiting). Talking about chemistry here.
Trialbyfire Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 Kingdoms rise and fall over it. To be more realistic, is it about...errr...kitty...or is it about wounded pride and ego...
Author GregsBad Posted May 14, 2007 Author Posted May 14, 2007 I don't see how you see it as so acceptable to sleep with married people. I am single and I would NEVER do that. I know this wasn't meant for me ... But sleeping with a MW would require a whole truck load of lying. So that has to be out.
Mustang Sally Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 To be more realistic, is it about...errr...kitty...or is it about wounded pride and ego... Good point, TBF. I think you may be right, more about ego and the act of getting the p*ssy, rather than the act of the act. Thrill of the chase type of thing. And beating out the other potential suitors. However, I maintain that either way, power is power. And as such, should always be wielded with care!
Hugh_950 Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 To be more realistic, is it about...errr...kitty...or is it about wounded pride and ego... Both are true. Kingdoms have fallen ... over wounded pride/ego ... that started over kitty. Kingdoms have fallen ... just to get kitty So the bottom line is still kitty. It's all about kitty. And MS is right - power is power. ... errr... kitty ... Can we please stop using euphemisms - it's called p*ssy!
Trialbyfire Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 However, I maintain that either way, power is power. And as such, should always be wielded with care! I completely agree with this. Power is so easily abused. Both are true. Kingdoms have fallen ... over wounded pride/ego ... that started over kitty. Kingdoms have fallen ... just to get kitty So the bottom line is still kitty. It's all about kitty. And MS is right - power is power. ... errr... kitty ... Can we please stop using euphemisms - it's called p*ssy! Actually, it's called a vagina...
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