Claudia Elysa Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 I have been married for almost 2 years now (this is my 2nd marriage). I brought along alot of emotional baggage from my first marriage and sometimes I know that I am afraid that my second marriage will end. My 1st husband was an angel until he cheated on me and then become a monster. Needless to say there was alot of emotional and verbal abuse for years even after our divorce. He even took custody of our son from me which I still have issues with. I try so hard to put all of that behind me but all the chaos that this man caused in the life of our son and mine has left me crippled at times not only emotionally but also financially. I try to to forgive him even asking God to help but may be I just hate him (my ex) too much. Anyways, for a very long time I did not feel love for any man not even my 2nd husband. Sometimes I think I married him because I had known him already and did not want to end up alone. As time has passed I have grown to appreciate him but there is a voice of fear inside me that tells me not to give all my heart again. I think that sometimes that is why I had found reasons to try to screw things up between us because I was so used to the chaos from my first marriage. See I was the type of woman that when I married the first time that was going to be it for me. So my dreams were blown away when all those dreams went out the window. In my mind, I know that my new hubby is nothing like my old but a part of me is fearful that if I give all of me to someone they will use me and hurt me. I wish there was a way to stop feeling this way. I know that I will never recieve an apology from my ex for all the harm he caused so I have to get over it but, I want to let the past go because I know it hurts my chances with my new husband. The good thing is that he has tried to be understanding but I feel bad because I know that sometimes I am not giving my all. Any suggestions???
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