LAgirl80 Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 Hello all. New here. Curious to know your thoughts on a wedding I will be attending in a few weeks and my ex and his new girlfriend will be there. Just to update you on the whole situation (in a nutshell): He and I dated for 10 years and within that time, made friends with his new girlfriend (the whole going over her house, hanging out, etc.). I moved away, and a couple of months later while trying to have a LDR, found out that they were dating. So not only did I have my boyfriend tell me some scripted excuse about our LDR, but to find out he was dating someone who I THOUGHT was my friend was the icing on the cake. So...the wedding is my cousin's, where he will be there along with her. I don't want them to think there is any "bad blood" so how should it be handled? Do I speak first, do I let them approach me, ignore them, etc. Some of my friends say, "Act like you are too good to talk to them and let them watch from afar, etc" and others say, "Just be extrememly nice and show them that it's wasn't worth thinking about, etc." My initial thought was to wait for them to approach me and act to busy to talk to them. Kinda rude I know, but I moved to LA so it kinda rubbed off on me Then I thought to maybe approach them with a 1000 WATT smile and act like what happened never did, but I don't want them to think I'm being fake or trying to hide anything (like built up anger, hurt, etc.). The point is, I am over it and I want to do my best to show them I'm over it even to the point of, "Not only am I over you, but I'm am SO glad it happened!" Your thoughts? Thanks! LAgirl80
Curmudgeon Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 The point is, I am over it and I want to do my best to show them I'm over it even to the point of, "Not only am I over you, but I'm am SO glad it happened!" ...you're not over it if you have to plan and script it. You're hurt and/or angry and it DOES matter to you. The first step towards healing is to accept that, confront it, admit to it, deal with it then lay it to rest. As for the wedding, be yourself. You don't have to seek them out, neither do you have to avoid them. If your paths cross then so be it. Welcome aboard by the way!
Author LAgirl80 Posted May 14, 2007 Author Posted May 14, 2007 ...you're not over it if you have to plan and script it. You're hurt and/or angry and it DOES matter to you. The first step towards healing is to accept that, confront it, admit to it, deal with it then lay it to rest. As for the wedding, be yourself. You don't have to seek them out, neither do you have to avoid them. If your paths cross then so be it. Welcome aboard by the way! Well...if I was angry/ hurt why would I even go? Why would I pay $350 and fly 2,000 miles just to put myself in a hurtful/ angry situation? If it mattered to me that they were going to be there together and I was still hurt/ angry, I would just make up some lame excuse and not go instead of buying a BEAUTIFUL KILLER SILK DRESS and everything else to make me look fabulous!!! I would just stay home, cry, and eat $350 worth of ice cream <--THAT would be more of me being angry/ hurt/ blah blah blah IMO. I'm going because I am over it and to, for the lack of a better word, show off (new BF, new JOB, new car, new look, new EVERYTHING) WOW...I feel like I'm in therapy :/ Wasn't expecting that! Thanks for responding though!
Curmudgeon Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 I'm going because I am over it and to, for the lack of a better word, show off (new BF, new JOB, new car, new look, new EVERYTHING) WOW...I feel like I'm in therapy :/ You're decidedly not over it or you'd feel no discomfort and you'd have no need to show off. You'll be over it when you finally achieve indifference, and not before. Not sure what you expected by way of support but sometimes a bit of therapy is good for the soul!
Author LAgirl80 Posted May 14, 2007 Author Posted May 14, 2007 You're decidedly not over it or you'd feel no discomfort and you'd have no need to show off. Maybe it's a girl thing, but there's no better feeling than seeing your ex when you're looking and feeling great! You think I would show up with a lack of confidence, looking terrible/ depressed/ etc...NO WAY! And you know...the more I think about it, the more it hits me that I'm going to be getting a lot of attention from everyone. "How's LA?", "What's it like?", "Who have you met?", "What are you doing now?", "How's your new boyfriend?", etc. Aha!!! My original question has been answered now! Well...this was fun, but this topic must die!!! Thanks again
empty906 Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 LAgirl, you SHOULD go. From firsthand experience I can say that your appearance will make a hell of an impression. Be at the top of your game, dressed to kill and a confident smile spread across your face. You will not only trip up the new GF but you will burn a new image into the mind of your ex that will not fade away. I was the "ex" at my own wedding. Two ex-GF should up and, twelve years later, I still haven't forgotten the looks, the conversations, and the dresses. You will feel good about yourself once you arrive...
mopar crazy Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 I know partly how you feel. I have a wedding to go to of a close family member and my xlover will be there. Go, have fun, be yourself. If he approaches you say hello, ask him how him and his GF are and be on your way. Have fun!
Trimmer Posted May 15, 2007 Posted May 15, 2007 Why would I pay $350 and fly 2,000 miles.... I'm going because I am over it and to, for the lack of a better word, show off (new BF, new JOB, new car, new look, new EVERYTHING) Hmmm. I was hoping to hear that you were going to celebrate your cousin's wedding.
Author LAgirl80 Posted May 15, 2007 Author Posted May 15, 2007 Hmmm. I was hoping to hear that you were going to celebrate your cousin's wedding. Hey now...don't make me sound like a monster!!! I talked to my cousin yesterday and I told him how excited I was to see him and how happy I was that I would be able to take a TON of pictures with him/ everyone. I also told him how proud I was of him for getting married...just because I didn't mention it here doesn't mean I'm going for the reasons I put here. I am human you know Oh wait...I was supposed to let this topic die...ha ha ha
Trimmer Posted May 15, 2007 Posted May 15, 2007 Hey now...don't make me sound like a monster!!! I talked to my cousin yesterday and I told him how excited I was to see him and how happy I was that I would be able to take a TON of pictures with him/ everyone. I also told him how proud I was of him for getting married...just because I didn't mention it here doesn't mean I'm going for the reasons I put here. I am human you know Oh wait...I was supposed to let this topic die...ha ha ha OK, sorry, that was an easy cheap shot... So I'm glad that the L.A. outlook (look at me, me me!) hasn't completely taken over! But seriously, my point is - go and focus on your cousin, your family, and all of the joyful, great things you talked about here. I know you are human; being true to your own human self will be the best way for you to enjoy all those good reasons for being there, and the best way to add something positive to your cousin's celebration. If you have an encounter with your ex, don't worry about what he thinks - remember, you're over him! Greet him like you would any old friend or acquaintance who isn't really a significant part of your life any more, acknowledge whoever he is with graciously, but don't feel the need to put on a show or act a certain way (nor to stick around for any length of time!) Go as yourself, and that 1000 watt smile will really come from the heart, and will light up the room for all the right reasons. I think your cousin will be glad you came.
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