Art_Critic Posted May 16, 2007 Posted May 16, 2007 Of course you wouldn't let 3 days go by wthout calling if you've slept with a girl. Only jerks don't call the next day. I don't see why some people still think this guy could turn out to be a prince. I agree Touche.. I even go as far as to send flowers the next day or a few days later if she really has my attention. Nothing wrong with showing someone that you like them after sharing bodily fluids.
Touche Posted May 16, 2007 Posted May 16, 2007 OK, everyone just WHOOOAAAA a minute. Let's be careful about now marking kindness and a passionate show of emotion as warning signs. It's the only things good guys have to offer early in a relationship because you can't count on them for staying distant, dangling attention over you, trailing you along for no reason, or planning how they are going to "conquer" you. If you take away a nice guy's one skill... or worse, consider it a red flag, you will forever be screwed by the wrong guys (pun intended). You know, the ones who act just like you want them to until they are done. While we're at it, let's say all dog-loving guys are bad because they obviously just own a dog to impress chicks. SHEESH... You misunderstood. It's a matter of DEGREE we're talking about. Also we're saying it CAN be a red flag..not that it necessarily is.
Touche Posted May 16, 2007 Posted May 16, 2007 I agree Touche.. I even go as far as to send flowers the next day or a few days later if she really has my attention. Nothing wrong with showing someone that you like them after sharing bodily fluids. Wow, flowers...even my H didn't do THAT! But as busy as he was, he took the time out of his day to call me real quick and tell me that he was thinking about me and couldn't wait to see me later on that evening. That's how it's supposed to be. Plain and simple. He's either playing games or just used you. Either way, he's a jerk in my book. But yeah, I hear you. It's not like they just went out for a cup of coffee or something. He should have at least called.
Author Star Gazer Posted May 16, 2007 Author Posted May 16, 2007 I'm not ready to write him off as a complete jerk......yet. But I'm getting there!!!
Pyro Posted May 16, 2007 Posted May 16, 2007 I'm not ready to write him off as a complete jerk......yet. But I'm getting there!!! Don't contact him and give him another day, two at the absolute most to contact you and then he will be a certified jerk.
annabelle75 Posted May 16, 2007 Posted May 16, 2007 Enough time has passed that I think it is safe to say that this guy is blowing you off. If a guy is really into a girl he has slept with I think he would make sure she knew if only by calling the next day. I’m not saying that it is a for sure thing that this guy used you, but perhaps he wasn’t as into you as you were into him and he is afraid of leading you on too much now that you have slept together. If that is the case, I suspect he isn’t gone for good. He is just backing off for a while to hault any notions of this being a serious relationship (for the time being). I know how much this hurts. In the early stages of meeting and really liking some one, you kind of build of a little fantasy about what it would like for him to really be yours. Once he does something that shatters the dream, you just feel foolish and hurt. I’m not ready to throw in the towel on this guy as of yet. I still think there may be chance that he wasn’t just after you for the sex (thrill of the chase). He might just be resistant to commitment and was afraid that by sleeping with you, you would now expect that from him. Some times guys can be just as bad as girls when it comes to freaking themselves out. Now that being said, I still think he is a total butthead for not calling you and if he did call and want to see you again, I would seriously question whether or not this is a guy you could trust and depend on.
Art_Critic Posted May 16, 2007 Posted May 16, 2007 IMO.. If he calls now he will be trying to seal the deal on a Booty Call. If I was interested in seeing a girl after sleeping with her I made sure she knew that and also made sure she knew I wanted more.. and I certainly made her feel like a million bucks after having sex...
VinaAmez Posted May 16, 2007 Posted May 16, 2007 Enough time has passed that I think it is safe to say that this guy is blowing you off. If a guy is really into a girl he has slept with I think he would make sure she knew if only by calling the next day. I’m not saying that it is a for sure thing that this guy used you, but perhaps he wasn’t as into you as you were into him and he is afraid of leading you on too much now that you have slept together. If that is the case, I suspect he isn’t gone for good. He is just backing off for a while to hault any notions of this being a serious relationship (for the time being). I know how much this hurts. In the early stages of meeting and really liking some one, you kind of build of a little fantasy about what it would like for him to really be yours. Once he does something that shatters the dream, you just feel foolish and hurt. I’m not ready to throw in the towel on this guy as of yet. I still think there may be chance that he wasn’t just after you for the sex (thrill of the chase). He might just be resistant to commitment and was afraid that by sleeping with you, you would now expect that from him. Some times guys can be just as bad as girls when it comes to freaking themselves out. Now that being said, I still think he is a total butthead for not calling you and if he did call and want to see you again, I would seriously question whether or not this is a guy you could trust and depend on. Yeah I agree also. I'd consider moving on but maybe he'll surprise us by calling you.
Pyro Posted May 16, 2007 Posted May 16, 2007 IMO.. If he calls now he will be trying to seal the deal on a Booty Call. That is a good point. He should be trying to contact her a little more often then he has thus far. Even a busy person can make 5-10 minutes to call their romantic interest.
Author Star Gazer Posted May 16, 2007 Author Posted May 16, 2007 I’m not saying that it is a for sure thing that this guy used you, but perhaps he wasn’t as into you as you were into him and he is afraid of leading you on too much now that you have slept together. If that is the case, I suspect he isn’t gone for good. He is just backing off for a while to hault any notions of this being a serious relationship (for the time being). I’m not ready to throw in the towel on this guy as of yet. I still think there may be chance that he wasn’t just after you for the sex (thrill of the chase). He might just be resistant to commitment and was afraid that by sleeping with you, you would now expect that from him. Some times guys can be just as bad as girls when it comes to freaking themselves out. Now that being said, I still think he is a total butthead for not calling you and if he did call and want to see you again, I would seriously question whether or not this is a guy you could trust and depend on. What you've written here is exactly what I'm thinking and feeling right now.
Author Star Gazer Posted May 16, 2007 Author Posted May 16, 2007 I can't help but think I'm freaking out over nothing. Well, not nothing - but I think I assumed the absolute worst when he might literally just be trying to lay on the brakes. I mean, I posted this thread a little over 3 hours after I left his house... could I really be coming up with negatives in my head?
Pyro Posted May 16, 2007 Posted May 16, 2007 I can't help but think I'm freaking out over nothing. Well, not nothing - but I think I assumed the absolute worst when he might literally just be trying to lay on the brakes. I mean, I posted this thread a little over 3 hours after I left his house... could I really be coming up with negatives in my head? You could very well be, but I am just stating what I have seen and heard. At this point it could go either way, but I have a feeling that you may have been played. I do hope that I am wrong though.
Author Star Gazer Posted May 16, 2007 Author Posted May 16, 2007 Of course I'd rather believe AnnaBelle's version because, well, it gives me hope ...but it also really makes the most sense. It seems like most people here think one of two things: (1) either a guy calls the next day (or really soon) to show that he's interested, or (2) he doesn't call, which means he's a player/jerk/not into you at all. These are extremes, IMO. There's gotta be a grey area in there somewhere...somewhere in between the two sides of the spectrum above where a guy (or girl) can react when he gets a little spooked....right?
Touche Posted May 16, 2007 Posted May 16, 2007 Ok, so I'm really confused now. You say you posted this thread three hours after he left but it's now three DAYS later. What is the question here? There's no question in my mind about what is going on here. Look, the good LS guys told you what THEY would have done and I, as a woman who got a "good one" am telling you that this is NOT how a good guy acts. Why should he be putting on the "brakes" now...right after you slept with him. The time to have put on the brakes, if he was really going to do that, was BEFORE he slept with you..not AFTER? Do you see what I'm saying (and others are saying as well?) I swear some of you women need a lesson in how to spot the right man! GRRR! I know if he calls you, you'll go running and think he's all wonderful again until he does this to you yet again. It's sad. Wake up!
Pyro Posted May 16, 2007 Posted May 16, 2007 Of course I'd rather believe AnnaBelle's version because, well, it gives me hope ...but it also really makes the most sense. It seems like most people here think one of two things: (1) either a guy calls the next day (or really soon) to show that he's interested, or (2) he doesn't call, which means he's a player/jerk/not into you at all. These are extremes, IMO. There's gotta be a grey area in there somewhere...somewhere in between the two sides of the spectrum above where a guy (or girl) can react when he gets a little spooked....right? Definitelty have hope, but also look at it from a realistic point of view. Of course their can be the grey area, but I never did become intimidated after having sex with a woman. By the time sex did occur, I was interested in the woman, so that is why I am looking at it from the viewpoint that I am. Like I said before, I do hope that I am wrong.
Pyro Posted May 16, 2007 Posted May 16, 2007 Why should he be putting on the "brakes" now...right after you slept with him. The time to have put on the brakes, if he was really going to do that, was BEFORE he slept with you..not AFTER? Yeah that is a weird coincidence isn't it?
Touche Posted May 16, 2007 Posted May 16, 2007 Of course I'd rather believe AnnaBelle's version because, well, it gives me hope ...but it also really makes the most sense. It seems like most people here think one of two things: (1) either a guy calls the next day (or really soon) to show that he's interested, or (2) he doesn't call, which means he's a player/jerk/not into you at all. These are extremes, IMO. There's gotta be a grey area in there somewhere...somewhere in between the two sides of the spectrum above where a guy (or girl) can react when he gets a little spooked....right? Nope, sorry...no grey area here. Who wants a guy who gets "spooked?" Do you want a man or a boy? Even if you think that's all it is and he calls you, this type of guy will get spooked by other things as well. Do you want him to get spooked after you both say "I love you." Do you want a guy who gets "spooked" after you're engaged..how about after you're married or have your first kid...I wouldn't want a boy like that. But to each his own, I guess.
Author Star Gazer Posted May 16, 2007 Author Posted May 16, 2007 Yeah that is a weird coincidence isn't it? Riiiight, because how many guys, who like a girl but aren't necessarily ready to commit, when tipsy and faced with a panting, gorgeous, half-naked woman who they feel a connection with are going to say, "No, I don't want to have wild, passionate sex with you because tomorrow you might think we're exclusive already and I'm not there yet..." ??? Perhaps he SHOULD put on the brakes, but how often does that happen?? Seriously. That said, he did mention prior to us even having our date Saturday night that there was plenty of time for us to get to the physical stage. I did not feel rushed, pressured, or anything like that AT ALL. We were both very excited by one another, but honestly, if anything, I was ripping HIS clothes off....
Trialbyfire Posted May 16, 2007 Posted May 16, 2007 Nope, sorry...no grey area here. Who wants a guy who gets "spooked?" Do you want a man or a boy? Even if you think that's all it is and he calls you, this type of guy will get spooked by other things as well. Do you want him to get spooked after you both say "I love you." Do you want a guy who gets "spooked" after you're engaged..how about after you're married or have your first kid...I wouldn't want a boy like that. But to each his own, I guess. Very well said Touche. While everyone has baggage, relationship material needs consistency.
Author Star Gazer Posted May 16, 2007 Author Posted May 16, 2007 Nope, sorry...no grey area here. Who wants a guy who gets "spooked?" Do you want a man or a boy? Even if you think that's all it is and he calls you, this type of guy will get spooked by other things as well. Do you want him to get spooked after you both say "I love you." Do you want a guy who gets "spooked" after you're engaged..how about after you're married or have your first kid...I wouldn't want a boy like that. But to each his own, I guess. Very good point. Hmm... I spook easily too though.
Pyro Posted May 16, 2007 Posted May 16, 2007 Riiiight, because how many guys, who like a girl but aren't necessarily ready to commit, when tipsy and faced with a panting, gorgeous, half-naked woman who they feel a connection with are going to say, "No, I don't want to have wild, passionate sex with you because tomorrow you might think we're exclusive already and I'm not there yet..." ??? Perhaps he SHOULD put on the brakes, but how often does that happen?? Seriously. That said, he did mention prior to us even having our date Saturday night that there was plenty of time for us to get to the physical stage. I did not feel rushed, pressured, or anything like that AT ALL. We were both very excited by one another, but honestly, if anything, I was ripping HIS clothes off.... I see what you are saying SG, but like Touche said, if he is a real man, then he wouldn't have been frightened away after having sex. You may be just using excuses for him.
Touche Posted May 16, 2007 Posted May 16, 2007 Riiiight, because how many guys, who like a girl but aren't necessarily ready to commit, when tipsy and faced with a panting, gorgeous, half-naked woman who they feel a connection with are going to say, "No, I don't want to have wild, passionate sex with you because tomorrow you might think we're exclusive already and I'm not there yet..." ??? Perhaps he SHOULD put on the brakes, but how often does that happen?? Seriously. That said, he did mention prior to us even having our date Saturday night that there was plenty of time for us to get to the physical stage. I did not feel rushed, pressured, or anything like that AT ALL. We were both very excited by one another, but honestly, if anything, I was ripping HIS clothes off.... Those are just excuses for him...oh well. I tried. Thanks, TBF. I was trying to get through but don't think I've succeeded.
Author Star Gazer Posted May 16, 2007 Author Posted May 16, 2007 I only say that, Rid, because I've done that. His name was Kevin. I knew that Kevin liked me more than I did him and would likely think sex=instant commitment, but I went ahead and slept with him anyway because I DID like him...just not as much. It wouldn't have even occurred to call him so quickly. And he did call, and text, etc., but the more he pushed me though, the farther I went. Had he given me time and space, I likely would have falled head over heels...I still think about him. Does that make me less of a woman?? Not long-term relationship material?? I guess so. Now I feel like sh*t both ways!!
Pyro Posted May 16, 2007 Posted May 16, 2007 I only say that, Rid, because I've done that. His name was Kevin. I knew that Kevin liked me more than I did him and would likely think sex=instant commitment, but I went ahead and slept with him anyway because I DID like him...just not as much. It wouldn't have even occurred to call him so quickly. And he did call, and text, etc., but the more he pushed me though, the farther I went. Had he given me time and space, I likely would have falled head over heels...I still think about him. Does that make me less of a woman?? Not long-term relationship material?? I guess so. Now I feel like sh*t both ways!! I wasn't degrading you in the least bit SG. Instead of debating our points back and forth, lets just see what actions he takes.
Author Star Gazer Posted May 16, 2007 Author Posted May 16, 2007 I get what you're saying guys, really, I do. You're saying what I DESERVE and what a GREAT guy would do. I know that. I know that if he does call the next day, that's a great sign. I know that the perfect guy would call the next day, and would never get spooked. I know that I deserve the perfect guy. But I also know that there aren't very many of those perfect guys out there...and that this one that I really, really like is human. I'm not going to run off with him if/when he calls, but I'm not going to read him the riot act either....unless it's July by the time he calls...
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