Lizzie60 Posted May 14, 2007 Share Posted May 14, 2007 this is strange.. really. I can think of a few things why he acted like that: 1) He was just waiting for some feedback. 2) He was disappointed with the sex for some reason. 3) It is just the way he is in the morning... Some people takes a while to become 'talkable' in the morning. LOL I think ONE month was a long time to wait for sex... I know I can't wait that long.. but this is me... Just take it one day at a time... wait to see how he is with you next time... you 'gut feeling' will tell you if you need to move on or wait for more. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted May 14, 2007 Share Posted May 14, 2007 I was being dramatic, mostly to amuse myself. But my point was that even if the guy is feeling a bit cooler after the first time in bed, that's natural. It could happen even if you waited a year. And the fact that he might be feeling that way doesn't mean Star won't find her self in a position to tear his little heart out someday. So there's not a lot to worry about. Just play it cool and try not to torture yourself with negative thoughts. And it's Guinness. Two n's. You can thank *agic*ands for that. Oh, ok. Got it. That explains all this drivel. I knew *agic* was behind all of this nonsense. Link to post Share on other sites
kitkat826 Posted May 14, 2007 Share Posted May 14, 2007 I agree with Alpha's first comment. If he's into you, having sex after a month is not going to turn him away. Please try to keep that in mind as you let this situation play out! Link to post Share on other sites
nicki Posted May 14, 2007 Share Posted May 14, 2007 Yeah, some of the very best advice I ever received from a guy about guys was: "After a guy experiences intimacy and closeness with a woman, he will need a bit of space and time to himself. Don't freak out on him and act clingy. Give him a bit of room. He'll come back." Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted May 14, 2007 Share Posted May 14, 2007 Yeah, some of the very best advice I ever received from a guy about guys was: "After a guy experiences intimacy and closeness with a woman, he will need a bit of space and time to himself. Don't freak out on him and act clingy. Give him a bit of room. He'll come back." The best advice I ever got was from a guy who said don't ever believe a guy who tells you: "After a guy experiences intimacy and closeness with a woman, he will need a bit of space and time to himself. Don't freak out on him and act clingy. Give him a bit of room. He'll come back." Link to post Share on other sites
nicki Posted May 14, 2007 Share Posted May 14, 2007 "Touche," Touche! Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted May 14, 2007 Share Posted May 14, 2007 "Touche," Touche! What's so funny? It's true! He said those exact words too. Link to post Share on other sites
nicki Posted May 14, 2007 Share Posted May 14, 2007 For real? If so, then it goes to show you guys differ from guy to guy. No hard and fast rules. (Darn, we'll never crack their code!) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted May 14, 2007 Author Share Posted May 14, 2007 Okay, so maybe I was/am panicking/over-reacting a little bit. Here's a little more information: The night before, he was VERY affectionate and sweet...but that could have been the booze. The morning after, he wasn't AS affectionate, but there were "sweet" things he did do: (1) cuddled me until I decided to get out of bed; (2) he put on the show on TV he knows I like (and he hates); (3) went out and got my favorite coffee for me; (4) gave me a big, warm huge hug and several kisses to send me on my way. I also know he's NOT a morning person at all - very much the night owl, and both he and I had very long work weeks leading up to this evening, and we were both very tired. What I didn't get was the PDA I had had the night before: hand holding and public smooches, as well as the usual immediate-text of something like "I had a great time...blah blah." I had to send this one, whereas he usually sends it first. But maybe he was waiting for me to? Also, he didn't ask when he could see me again - I asked instead. Our schedules (days off) are exact opposites, so it's tough to find a convenient date. Nevertheless, I felt as though as though it was a blow off when he didn't suggest a specific day/date for us to see each other again. I think I'm being over emotional (hopefully) because I'm exhausted - physically and emotionally - and I reeeeallllyyyy like him. I don't know. I'll play it cool as best I can. But I do NOT want to play games with the whole "don't call" thing... What to do, what to do? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 14, 2007 Share Posted May 14, 2007 chill out SG Link to post Share on other sites
nicki Posted May 14, 2007 Share Posted May 14, 2007 He cuddled AND went out to get your favorite coffee? That's very nice behavior. Relax Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted May 14, 2007 Author Share Posted May 14, 2007 chill out SG I know. I just re-read what I wrote and I think if I were reading as an objective outsider I'd be laughing at myself. I just don't know how to chill when it comes to this guy... Ugh. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted May 14, 2007 Share Posted May 14, 2007 Okay, so maybe I was/am panicking/over-reacting a little bit. Here's a little more information: The night before, he was VERY affectionate and sweet...but that could have been the booze. The morning after, he wasn't AS affectionate, but there were "sweet" things he did do: (1) cuddled me until I decided to get out of bed; (2) he put on the show on TV he knows I like (and he hates); (3) went out and got my favorite coffee for me; (4) gave me a big, warm huge hug and several kisses to send me on my way. I also know he's NOT a morning person at all - very much the night owl, and both he and I had very long work weeks leading up to this evening, and we were both very tired. What I didn't get was the PDA I had had the night before: hand holding and public smooches, as well as the usual immediate-text of something like "I had a great time...blah blah." I had to send this one, whereas he usually sends it first. But maybe he was waiting for me to? Also, he didn't ask when he could see me again - I asked instead. Our schedules (days off) are exact opposites, so it's tough to find a convenient date. Nevertheless, I felt as though as though it was a blow off when he didn't suggest a specific day/date for us to see each other again. I think I'm being over emotional (hopefully) because I'm exhausted - physically and emotionally - and I reeeeallllyyyy like him. I don't know. I'll play it cool as best I can. But I do NOT want to play games with the whole "don't call" thing... What to do, what to do? Don't read too much into it just yet. I think it's partly a post sex thing, and partly a guy thing too. It doesn't seem to matter who I'm with, I know that once I do the business, as much as I've enjoyed it, I'm ready to get on with the rest of my day - nothing personal. But in my experience, women typically want to savor the moment a little more. I've learned the hard way that I need to be more in tune with how my partner's feeling and to 'play the game' a little. I do enjoy the intimacy, but once I'm done, I'm done. I'll call ya later toots. I think your guy's probably thinking along similar lines. Link to post Share on other sites
Teddy and Jane Posted May 14, 2007 Share Posted May 14, 2007 Okay, so maybe I was/am panicking/over-reacting a little bit. Here's a little more information: The night before, he was VERY affectionate and sweet...but that could have been the booze. The morning after, he wasn't AS affectionate, but there were "sweet" things he did do: (1) cuddled me until I decided to get out of bed; (2) he put on the show on TV he knows I like (and he hates); (3) went out and got my favorite coffee for me; (4) gave me a big, warm huge hug and several kisses to send me on my way. I also know he's NOT a morning person at all - very much the night owl, and both he and I had very long work weeks leading up to this evening, and we were both very tired. What I didn't get was the PDA I had had the night before: hand holding and public smooches, as well as the usual immediate-text of something like "I had a great time...blah blah." I had to send this one, whereas he usually sends it first. But maybe he was waiting for me to? Also, he didn't ask when he could see me again - I asked instead. Our schedules (days off) are exact opposites, so it's tough to find a convenient date. Nevertheless, I felt as though as though it was a blow off when he didn't suggest a specific day/date for us to see each other again. I think I'm being over emotional (hopefully) because I'm exhausted - physically and emotionally - and I reeeeallllyyyy like him. I don't know. I'll play it cool as best I can. But I do NOT want to play games with the whole "don't call" thing... What to do, what to do? Personally I wouldn't have texted him or asked him to get together again. I would have waited for him to contact me instead of showing that much vulnerability. Texting is the same as calling. Link to post Share on other sites
Storyrider Posted May 14, 2007 Share Posted May 14, 2007 Well, he just poured his whole self into you if he did things right. So now he is thinking, back off, play it a little cooler, I just bared my most vulnerable and intimate side, so I don't want to go overboard. As a woman, you are thinking, I just bared my most vulnerable and intimate side; I need reassurance. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted May 14, 2007 Share Posted May 14, 2007 The morning after, he wasn't AS affectionate, but there were "sweet" things he did do: (1) cuddled me until I decided to get out of bed; (2) he put on the show on TV he knows I like (and he hates); (3) went out and got my favorite coffee for me; (4) gave me a big, warm huge hug and several kisses to send me on my way. I also know he's NOT a morning person at all - very much the night owl, and both he and I had very long work weeks leading up to this evening, and we were both very tired. I think this guy really likes you and is a sweetheart. Link to post Share on other sites
fray718 Posted May 14, 2007 Share Posted May 14, 2007 I'm thinking it's #1. #2 - He DOES want a serious/meaningful relationship, in general. So if he doesn't, it's because he doesn't want one with ME. #3 - Just totally not him. As for Kepners, I really don't appreciate how funny you find this situation. I remember u were the one who posted to me about the Venus and Mars book...I think this is exactly what is happening here. When intimacy is a bit too fast (are you two exclusive yet? Though one month is not too short, I don't think its that bad) the guy gets into the uncertainty stage and so this is probably where he is right now. DO NOT CALL him...remember u said this will gurantee he wont come back. So just dont call him at all (if you do, wait at least a little while like what the book said and if you call only say you are doing fine but do NOT ask him why he didnt call or try to pursue him). Just hang in there. Its possible that he wont call for up to a week but then if he calls u know that he is out of the uncertainty stage and decided that hes still interested in you and he might possibly want a relationship by then. If he doesnt want u just cuz u two had sex, then I'd question his character. But if he's really not a jerk, I think he will call you eventually and might even want to get serious with you. Remember per the book to have be self-assured and trust that others (ie your guy) cares for you and just give him the benefit of the doubt until he really proves otherwise. Link to post Share on other sites
Krytellan Posted May 14, 2007 Share Posted May 14, 2007 Thanks, Alpha. I know why I'm worried... not really the main topic of this thread but... I REALLY like him. A lot. He's always on my mind, and over the past week or so (and particularly after this weekend) I've come to the realization that this guy totally has the power to destroy my heart. OK, here we are. This statement is absolutely true. However, that is what makes relationships so great. It's one thing to remeber the pain and heartache of the past because it helps protect us in the now. However, once that time comes that it prevents you from doing what you feel is right, then you won't be able to truly enjoy relationships for what they are. You need to embrace each relationship for it's full potential, regardless of past relationship failures, otherwise you wont really treasure it. At the risk of sounding cheezy and cliche, you really can't enjoy the good things in life unless you have experienced the bad. It's the risk that makes everything so fantastic if it works out. Chill out Star. It sounds like he did a lot of nice things for you, just not exactly what you wanted. But yes, I would also caution you to keep yourself in chack and not let yourself get "sucked in" because of the need for reassurance. Don't lose your pride and independence for anything. Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted May 14, 2007 Share Posted May 14, 2007 I agree with Alpha's first comment. If he's into you, having sex after a month is not going to turn him away. Please try to keep that in mind as you let this situation play out! Word. Girls get way too wrapped up in these timelines. A month is plenty long to wait. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted May 14, 2007 Author Share Posted May 14, 2007 Word. Girls get way too wrapped up in these timelines. A month is plenty long to wait. I was looking for your response... Gimme more than that, dude. HELP! Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted May 14, 2007 Share Posted May 14, 2007 I was looking for your response... Gimme more than that, dude. HELP! Well I agree that it might be a bit of buyer's remorse on your part. If you invest a lot of thought and effort into waiting then when you finally do cross that line and have sex--whenever that may be--it's going to be a bigger deal for you simply because you've built it up more in your head. Also, I know personally I'm not very enjoyable to be around in the morning before I get coffee in me. It has nothing to do with who I'm with or what has happened. Maybe your new guy is the same way...? Just a possibility. From what you described about the morning after, it sounds like he was being pretty nice so it's possible that you're focusing too much on the negative. Which brings me to my next point... The core issue seems to be that it scares you that you like this guy so much. I think the sex issue is something more concrete for your mind to target with regard to addressing that fear. That is, you may think you're upset about having had sex but perhaps that's just a diversion or cover-up for your real concern: the possibility of having your heart broken down the line. You might be subconsciously sabotaging things at this point. But whatever the case, I agree with alpha: Just chill. Baby don't worry... 'bout a thing... cuz every little thing... gonna be alright... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted May 14, 2007 Author Share Posted May 14, 2007 I think the sex issue is something more concrete for your mind to target with regard to addressing that fear. That is, you may think you're upset about having had sex but perhaps that's just a diversion or cover-up for your real concern: the possibility of having your heart broken down the line. You might be subconsciously sabotaging things at this point. I think you're right. I've had sex "soon" with guys I "liked" before and have not had this reaction whatsoever, even though I was interested in pursuing something with them. I really, really like this one...and while most people would be happy about having found someone they clicked with, I actually hate this feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted May 14, 2007 Author Share Posted May 14, 2007 And if it makes you feel any better, all of this heart-wrenching, hand wringing craziness is exactly what we all like so much about you. Don't worry. Awwwww!! Anyway, I came back to post again to let y'all know that I really, really appreciate all of your responses. Having this thread here to read over and over and over again is what's keeping me from panicking and freaking the F out right now. You all have such diverse experiences and backgorunds, but the consensus is the same: chill out. I promise you, I'm tryin'! Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted May 14, 2007 Share Posted May 14, 2007 You all have such diverse experiences and backgorunds, but the consensus is the same: chill out. That's because chillin' is universal. (You can quote me on that if you want.) Link to post Share on other sites
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