Star Gazer Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 This weekend I slept with my new guy - and I've decided it was too soon. I've only known the guy for a little over a month, so I think I may have shot myself in the foot by jumping the gun sexually. Too much wine, too much charm, and too many raging hormones. What makes me think this? Well, while the sex was phenomenal, the morning-after was not. He is usually very affectionate, sweet, etc., and the morning-after he was just... blah. No little kisses, wasn't holding my hand. I can chalk it up to him being tired or overwhelmed by other things in his life, but... gut feeling, ya know? I feel sick to my stomach. No appetite at all. WTF can't I take my own damn advice and keep my panties on for a lonnnnnnnnnng time?? :( :( :(
IpAncA Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 WTF can't I take my own damn advice and keep my panties on for a lonnnnnnnnnng time?? Because you said you had too much wine, charm and raging hormones.
kepners Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 is this the chappy you could not say romantic things to? and i rinsed you well when i have done this it was for two reasons and two reasons alone... first time : she... was less than good and was over the top in how she thought she did... i mean i aint a pornstar...but anyway, that i didnt like second time : was she utterly humilated herself by getting ****faced and acting out on feeling when shes was never like it... almost a different person, and it was horrid. snobby maybe, wrong maybe... but thats teh two times i have gone cold after a bit of dating then some action... it was almost as if..."OH!"
alphamale Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 This weekend I slept with my new guy - and I've decided it was too soon. I've only known the guy for a little over a month, so I think I may have shot myself in the foot by jumping the gun sexually. Too much wine, too much charm, and too many raging hormones. in the business world this is called post-purchase dissonance. thats when you buy some big-ticket item then get it home and you think you made a mistake. don't fret SG, it only lasts a few days.
kepners Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 in the UK its called the 'right to return' and it 14days! HAHAHAH utterly top post! HAHAHAHA i am still laughing now!!!!
Teddy and Jane Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 If you were dating him over a month, I don't believe that is too short of a period. Possibilities I can think of (from a woman's perspective): 1. He went into his "cave" and is thinking things over. Don't call. However, I don't want a guy who doesn't call the next day, anyway. 2. He is letting you know he doesn't want a relationship, just a casual thing. 3. He is a jerk.
Author Star Gazer Posted May 13, 2007 Author Posted May 13, 2007 in the business world this is called post-purchase dissonance. thats when you buy some big-ticket item then get it home and you think you made a mistake. don't fret SG, it only lasts a few days. Well, it's not like I regret it in the sense of not enjoying the sex itself or what have you - I did, I just wish that I had waited because now I'm worried that he'll do the whole, "Well, I got a piece of ass, didn't require much effort, time to move on" thing that so many guys do. He's by NO means a player, and he was very, very complimentary re: the sex itself - wanted round after round, as well as morning sex. It was just his non-mushy behavior in the morning that weirded me out. When anyone pulls a 180, even if temporary, I get really nervous.
Author Star Gazer Posted May 13, 2007 Author Posted May 13, 2007 If you were dating him over a month, I don't believe that is too short of a period. Possibilities I can think of (from a woman's perspective): 1. He went into his "cave" and is thinking things over. Don't call. However, I don't want a guy who doesn't call the next day, anyway. 2. He is letting you know he doesn't want a relationship, just a casual thing. 3. He is a jerk. I'm thinking it's #1. #2 - He DOES want a serious/meaningful relationship, in general. So if he doesn't, it's because he doesn't want one with ME. #3 - Just totally not him. As for Kepners, I really don't appreciate how funny you find this situation.
Trialbyfire Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 Don't regret something wonderful. Both of you are intensely interested in each other and acted on it. It's natural. Relax and see what happens the next few days.
alphamale Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 - I did, I just wish that I had waited because now I'm worried that he'll do the whole, "Well, I got a piece of ass, didn't require much effort, time to move on" thing that so many guys do. yea but SG he could still do that even if you waited another month. It was just his non-mushy behavior in the morning that weirded me out. When anyone pulls a 180, even if temporary, I get really nervous. well the morning after you have had sex with someone new its pretty stressful and awkward...even for the best of us
kepners Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 has anyone every saved up to buy something... i dont know say a BIG american sports car... like the dodge viper... you spend all your attention on getting this... but then dodge put on a sale, and its alot cheaper than what youve already saved up for, so you think COOL a cheaper sports car, thats saved me time and money and i can uses this on the car... but when you actually get it... the car is slugish by european sports car, looks tacky, not enough effort paid to the details, cant turn corners, slow out of the block, uses to much fuel... you kinda think its not such a good deal after all, and then realised the dream was better than the actual car, because if the car was oringinally sold as an old american sports car for the cheaper price you know what ur getting, but because its normally sold as an expensive thing but you got it on a dodge deal... kinda makes it look nasty. NO? or is that just me thats happened to?
Teddy and Jane Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 I'm sure she feels a lot better now. has anyone every saved up to buy something... i dont know say a BIG american sports car... like the dodge viper... you spend all your attention on getting this... but then dodge put on a sale, and its alot cheaper than what youve already saved up for, so you think COOL a cheaper sports car, thats saved me time and money and i can uses this on the car... but when you actually get it... the car is slugish by european sports car, looks tacky, not enough effort paid to the details, cant turn corners, slow out of the block, uses to much fuel... you kinda think its not such a good deal after all, and then realised the dream was better than the actual car, because if the car was oringinally sold as an old american sports car for the cheaper price you know what ur getting, but because its normally sold as an expensive thing but you got it on a dodge deal... kinda makes it look nasty. NO? or is that just me thats happened to?
Author Star Gazer Posted May 13, 2007 Author Posted May 13, 2007 Don't regret something wonderful. Both of you are intensely interested in each other and acted on it. It's natural. Oh my God, I hope that's what he's thinking too. I am literally crying right now, so torn up over this.
Teddy and Jane Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 I am pulling for you. I think most of us women have been through this at some point.
Author Star Gazer Posted May 13, 2007 Author Posted May 13, 2007 y well the morning after you have had sex with someone new its pretty stressful and awkward...even for the best of us Thanks, Alpha. I know why I'm worried... not really the main topic of this thread but... I REALLY like him. A lot. He's always on my mind, and over the past week or so (and particularly after this weekend) I've come to the realization that this guy totally has the power to destroy my heart. Over the past few days I have (for some unknown reason) come to vividly remember the feeling of heartbreak - the kind that's so intense and painful that you cannot think or eat, and almost feel like you cannot breathe. Physical pain. I'm sure many of you know that feeling. I've been there a few times, and I do NOT want to experience that feeling again. Ever. But who does, right? Part of me wants to walk away from this new guy already simply because I have the feeling he will eventually have the power to make me feel that way again. I know it's simply fear, and that's not to say I believe he WILL break my heart, but I'm starting to question whether I'll ever be truly willing to make myself that vulnerable to someone ever again... I have no idea what I'm talking about right now...sorry.
Kamille Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 Ok. I think this is a case of : you just need a good night's sleep and everything will make more sense tomorow morning. And, let's point out that you're definitely not the first woman to feel vulnerable after having sex. But I side with Trial - there are clear signs that this guy and you are into each other. So don't panic. This is not the last you hear of him. For now, you need to focus on getting your own sense of selfhood back so that next time you see him you are not feeling this vulnerable. Do some yoga, do something for yourself. You will be ok, and it will be ok.
norajane Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 well the morning after you have had sex with someone new its pretty stressful and awkward...even for the best of us Yeah, but come on...how complicated is it to smile, say good morning, and give your girl a kiss? How stressful is it to give her a hug and kiss when she gives you the cup of coffee she just made for you while you were in the shower? How hard is it to give her a big hug at the door when you're leaving and ask when you're going to see her again? Maybe if they'd just met and it was a ONS, it would be understandable if things were wierd, but they've dated for a month! Star, obviously he was feeling awkward with you, but really, men need to grow up and learn to behave like adults if they're going to have sex. Since you know him well enough to know he's not a jerk or a player, then I think it's more a sign of shyness and immaturity rather than he just got a piece of ass and doesn't want anything more to do with you.
alphamale Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 Yeah, but come on...how complicated is it to smile, say good morning, and give your girl a kiss? How stressful is it to give her a hug and kiss when she gives you the cup of coffee she just made for you while you were in the shower? How hard is it to give her a big hug at the door when you're leaving and ask when you're going to see her again? doing all that stuff with a hangover is pretty tough NJ and it all depends on the girl and the conditions. i try to have sex at her place the first time so she's comfortable and has all her stuff handy and doesn't have to drive anywhere after i've unloaded inside her. i've only had a problem a handful of times with the awkwardness but when it happens its pretty weird.
Storyrider Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 ...after i've unloaded inside her. i've only had a problem a handful of times with the awkwardness but when it happens its pretty weird. How romantic!
nicki Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 Hey, Stargazer, did you ever think that maybe he acted that way because he was worried about HIS performance? Maybe he thought he was bad? I had that happen with a guy. After our first time having sex together, he acted just like your guy. He acted awkward and unaffectionate, and couldn't wait to leave. I didn't really care because, honestly, I realized after the sex that I just didn't feel it and didn't want a relationship with him anyway (he did suck, or maybe we just weren't good together.) Anyway, after a few days, he called me and said he was sorry and wanted another chance....I was confused. Then he said he wanted another shot be "better" the next time. I nicely told him that I thought he was just fine (a lie), but that I didn't feel were were compatible. And that was that. BUT, if I had really liked this guy then I would have been so worried about his unaffectionate and distant behavior after sex....and would have thought it to be MY fault somehow. Anyway, just thought I would throw that out there as a possibility. Chill for a few days and see if he contacts you. A lot of guys get scared by the intimacy and closeness from first time sex. The more space you give him and the more natural you act, the more he will relax. Still, I think a mature guy would understand that a woman needs a little reassurance after having sex with him for the first time. The guy I'll never forget is the guy who called me the next day to say "Wow, will you please marry me now! I loved last night." I knew he was kidding, but it made me feel great. Some guys just don't get that yet, though. Let us know what happens. Big hug to you. If you felt like sleeping with him, then you did it for you...and it was the right thing to do!
johan Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 Hey, Star, it seems like you're panicking yourself a bit. I think you need to relax a little bit and get this off of your mind. Don't worry about it so much. If he's not a jerk or a player, like you said, then just give him some time to start missing you. Don't watch the clock. If it helps at all, I've had those post-purchase dissonance feelings about pretty much every girl I've ever been with. Even the ones I stayed with for years. Even the ones who left me after all those years, broken and hurting. The ones who ended up turning me into the bitter, cynical man I am today. The ones who I thought would always be there for me, but left me disappointed. You know the ones I'm talking about. All of those damn, heartless women who are living contented lives without me, but each with a small piece of my heart on her shelf. And if it makes you feel any better, all of this heart-wrenching, hand wringing craziness is exactly what we all like so much about you. That and the fact that you're easy. Well, I guess I should speak for myself. Don't worry.
Touche Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 Hey, Star, it seems like you're panicking yourself a bit. I think you need to relax a little bit and get this off of your mind. Don't worry about it so much. If he's not a jerk or a player, like you said, then just give him some time to start missing you. Don't watch the clock. If it helps at all, I've had those post-purchase dissonance feelings about pretty much every girl I've ever been with. Even the ones I stayed with for years. Even the ones who left me after all those years, broken and hurting. The ones who ended up turning me into the bitter, cynical man I am today. The ones who I thought would always be there for me, but left me disappointed. You know the ones I'm talking about. All of those damn, heartless women who are living contented lives without me, but each with a small piece of my heart on her shelf. And if it makes you feel any better, all of this heart-wrenching, hand wringing craziness is exactly what we all like so much about you. That and the fact that you're easy. Well, I guess I should speak for myself. Don't worry. Wow, what's in tnat Guiness tonight? As for all those women, and what state they left you in...wrong. They don't have that much power over you..not unless you let them.
nicki Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 I believe that Johan is letting his great sense of humor out to play. Or maybe you are using humor as a mask to cover the deep pain caused by some uncaring ladies?
Touche Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 I believe that Johan is letting his great sense of humor out to play. Or maybe you are using humor as a mask to cover the deep pain caused by some uncaring ladies? Oh, yeah..that must be it.
johan Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 I was being dramatic, mostly to amuse myself. But my point was that even if the guy is feeling a bit cooler after the first time in bed, that's natural. It could happen even if you waited a year. And the fact that he might be feeling that way doesn't mean Star won't find her self in a position to tear his little heart out someday. So there's not a lot to worry about. Just play it cool and try not to torture yourself with negative thoughts. And it's Guinness. Two n's. You can thank *agic*ands for that.
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