whichwayisup Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 I'm the biggest pain the ass when it comes to back rubs, and back tickles. I ask for it ALOT. Sometimes my H says yes and sometimes he says no. It's a big joke between us. I call myself "back selfish". LOL! Anyway, if he doesn't do my back, I don't get upset, or mad... I do give back though, so if you aren't fond of getting one back, then definately ask her to make up for it in bed. And, if her asking all the time for massages is really bugging you, tell her it's getting to be too much. Be nice about it.
Chamari Posted May 18, 2007 Posted May 18, 2007 I love getting massages. My ex enjoyed giving them which worked out rather nicely for me (as well as some of our other friends), although after a while he did start asking that he get a massage in return. You might try something like that to draw her attention to how often she is asking. I know it worked on me. Have to be careful with that though--making it a strict rule could lead to problems. I think he stuck with it for maybe a week and even then if anyone actually NEEDED a massage then it didn't count. It's a good way to get someone to realize how often they're asking and to encourage them to reciprocate as well as long as you don't turn it into a super strict long term tit for tat thing. That could just be bad. Good luck with everything.
Trialbyfire Posted May 18, 2007 Posted May 18, 2007 In hindsight, I've only ever received a back massage once and that was enough. I prefer a professional masseure because men tend to be a little impatient and a little rough. I have given them though but for some reason they never last very long... If a back massage is an irritant in your relationship, just surprise her with a gift certificate every so often to the spa. She gets her back massages and you get the graciously given...thanks...
dropdeadlegs Posted May 18, 2007 Posted May 18, 2007 Wow. I'm about to make a "complaint" about my BF. Just yesterday I couldn't think of one and along comes this thread to my attention. Krytellan, I could be you in this situation. I rub my BF's back often, maybe too often. He asks for it a LOT. It started out as "rub my back while I go to sleep" baby, which I found endearing initially. It has progressed into "itch my back, scratch my "bumps" on my back, massage my back" nearly every time I see him. When my back genuinely hurts, I don't feel like I get the same attention, and yet I rarely ask for a massage. In a way, I feel like I'm taken advantage of. I rub his feet, and hands, too. He ALWAYS aches SOMEWHERE. SO DO I!!!! I just don't expect him to "service" me all the time just because he's there or he "could." Okay, maybe my situation is more extreme than yours. He WILL rub anything I ask, but unfortunately his rubs SUCK due to lack of real effort. They hurt or are too short to accomplish any real difference in my discomfort. As far as BJ's I am more than willing/giving, so don't even go there, posters! The oral part of my world is not a complaint!
che_jesse Posted May 18, 2007 Posted May 18, 2007 I think you are being sort of mean. This thread got me asking my husband if he thinks I ask for to many back rubs, I ask every day and sometimes more then once, I'm 8 months pregnant and I need my back rubs dammit. He of course said no and that its fine. But sometimes while rubbing my back he tells me his fingers hurt and that he needs to stop, I never complain or fight him on that. I did learn not to ask my husband for back rubs when hes drunk though, he does more pinching then rubbing. Maybe if you start to give crappy back rubs she will start asking for them less.
ShoeGirl Posted May 18, 2007 Posted May 18, 2007 I can only think of one time that I have asked a bf for a massage, and I offered to give him one in return as well. I had one bf who offered to give me massages quite frequently, probably because he knew I had problems with the muscles in my upper back and neck, and I only accepted it if I really needed one. If I want a massage I go to a massage therapist and pay them to give me a good massage that is done right. Krytellan from what you said it sounds like she is asking too often, maybe talk to her about it and tell her that you are getting irritated by it and that sometimes you would like to just relax, maybe tell her that if she asked less you might be more enthused to give her a massage when she does ask, or suggest that you get something in return as other people have suggested.
Guest Posted May 18, 2007 Posted May 18, 2007 Interesting twist. After having a ight to sleep on it, I think as with most things, this requires a mutual accomodation. I know for a fact that it wouldn't kill me to come to her side a little more on the massage thing. It's just that my ex made it a point of contention so often that I guess I'm still a little gun-shy. As such, it may be less a reflection on how often my GF requests it and more on the nature of the request. That said, I do think that she could pull back on the massage requests a bit. This is hardly a big deal, but one I wanted to address. Thanks for your opinions everyone. For some women, massages offer some non sexual physical intimacy. I am sure you are familiar with how women hate when horny men go straight for the sweet spot, rather than taking time to get them in the mood, etc. I don't know your wife obviously, but it could be that you giving her massages is a way for her to feel physically intimate without it being sexual, which some women really want and need. i know when my H gives me massages, it not only feels good physically, but it feels good emotionally, knowing he is doing something totally for me. I think it all goes back to that love languages thing. Anyway, just a thought. If you talked to her about this and she does indeed consider it an intimate act, you can use that knowledge to really increase the intimacy in your relationship.
cutegirl Posted May 19, 2007 Posted May 19, 2007 I'll admit it, I give my boyfriend more massages than he gives me, I probably give them 90% of the time, he actually asks for them, like everyday He's spoiled and pampered and likes it when I rub his shoulders and push in his spine... I don't really mind though. He's REALLY into massages and needs them everyday... I don't mind most of the time...
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