rose45 Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 My b/f recently got a new friend---the friend is smart and nice BUT i dont like his lifestlyE--his girlfriend is pregnant and the girlfriend and family live about 3 hours away--he is into real estate and also does some other work so i guess they pay for him to be away right now. But he goes to bars and clubs etc etc..To me--he just seems like a little boy even though he is in his 30's and if its only 3 hours away--he should be driving there on some weekends than hanging out...Its none of my business, i know that BUT im worried he will be calling my boyfriend to hang out---These are my standards--i really am not ok with a b/f going to bars. Dive bars/sports bars may be ok but my b/f isnt into sports and the bars in his area seem like party bars with lots of girls and it just seems like a singles scene to me. Anyway--i'm worried this friend is going to be calling him like every week--to me, i dont think its right..just because your g/f and family are not around--why do you need to call my b/f to go to bars? After we all went to eat one night and getting into the car he was mentioning to my b/f oh i was calling you this week and my b/f says i have been working and the friend then said well what about after work? It just really annoyed me, I wish they weren't friends. Do i not say anything to my b/f until something happens--like if he starts telling me oh i am going to a bar etc etc? Should i try to see my b.f more? I hate that the friend has a baby on the way and doesnt seem responsible to spend more time with his g.f--and is calling my b.f The friend even said oh my g/f was having trouble at one point so i paid for her to go on vacation with a friend. And then he says i need time too..i basically told him--you paid for your girlfriend to go away from you? I read between those lines so clearly especially after he said oh i need time too. He doesnt want to be bothered obviously What should i do--not say anything until i notice something happening? or do it before hand and say--i hope he doesnt call you every week or whatever(my b.f never went out often without me--so now it would be weird if it started happening)
LakesideDream Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 You left out a lot of info, like how old you and your BF are, what your BF does for a living, how long you have been seeing each other. Those details help with LS'ers opinions.
norajane Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 im worried he will be calling my boyfriend to hang out I wish they weren't friends. What should i do Do nothing unless you don't mind coming across as a jealous controlling freak. Your bf hasn't even gone to a bar with his new friend and you're already worrying about this. Why don't you wait and see if this even becomes an issue before laying down the law on who he can and can't be friends with, on what he can and can't do with his friends?
Author rose45 Posted May 14, 2007 Author Posted May 14, 2007 i dont like being too specific with personal info..i am in my mid 20's and he is in his 30's but early 30's. Its hard for me not to say anything now--but i definitely get what you are saying norajane--not to say it too soon before anything even happens because hopefully it wont be an issue. So you definitely think i should wait right? The friend is gone right now for a few weeks to go back and visit his girlfriend etc. My b/f even said this is your last night out ever--you are gonna have kids now and the friend just says no, last night out(meaning tonight b.c he is going home for a little bit) I just feel sorry for the girl. Should i just see my b/f a little more often? Now i feel worried about---if my b/f is gonna argue with me now about going out--whereas i told him i think being at a bar every week without you g/f is inappropriate and he hasnt done it or that he is just going to lie to me now b/c this guy wants to go out For the past 2 and a half years(thats how long we have been together) He rarely goes out without me or just goes home after work. There has been the occassional guys night every every few months. But he definitely didnt have the habit of doing this too often. So--do you think chances are, he wont because of this? The friend just seems like he is gonna latch on or something--its annoying when he was saying oh i was calling you and my b/f just says i was working and like wasnt able to meet for lunch--and the friend is mentioning about being out after work.
Author rose45 Posted May 14, 2007 Author Posted May 14, 2007 i am feeling anxious about this and worried this is going to cause problems. I have a feeling he is going to be calling my b/f to hang out after work at bars etc and i am not ok with this once a week type thing. for two and a half years its only been once every few months that he would--i don't want that to change.
littlepiggy1 Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 I agree with norajane. If you make this an issue before it's an issue, then you are just going to come across as controlling and may end up creating a problem before one even exists. WAIT until something becomes an issue before making it one. You might be getting paranoid for no reason. Besides which, I don't understand why him hanging out with a friend once a week is a big deal in the first place. As long as he's not out flirting with other girls, give the guy some space. If you try to control him and squeeze too tight, he'll just slip away.
Enema Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 You seem very controlling and possessive. Your BF is allowed to have his own life and choose his own friends. It sounds like you don't trust him to go to bars. Do you think he'll cheat on you? If that's where this paranoia is coming from you should deal with that instead of piling blame on his friend.
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