michelangelo Posted May 15, 2007 Posted May 15, 2007 I think it was fine to contact his fiancee and let her know he was nailing you while with her. But now that you've done that, leave off anything more. If she wants to tell her parents, she can do it. Or his parents for that matter. Move on and chalk it up to life's lesson learned. If my wife can keep her cheating secret from me for many years, I can totally see how someone can keep another in the dark for a year.
Author pablondegirl32340 Posted May 15, 2007 Author Posted May 15, 2007 She told her own parents. That was just an empty threat on my part. His mom died 9 months ago. She emailed me and was very grateful and doesn't seem all that upset. I almost wonder if those two even wanted to get married. I wish her the best, she has had a lot of tragedy in her life lately (the brother). Also, the guy was married before and his wife cheated on him and left him for the guy she was screwing. Now the ex-wife is marrying the guy she cheated with. Which I guess being a guy that is a kick in the balls. I don't know. Sorry about your wife. At least you know now.
Limerent Posted May 17, 2007 Posted May 17, 2007 Does he want me to tell on him???? Yes, of course he did. I get the feeling that he basically used you to do his dirty work. I wouldnt be surprised if there was more to this story, the whole thing reminds me of a sexual power play of sorts. I wonder if your whole relationship with him was like this-a sexually charged power-play...you know what I mean: sexual blackmail, coercion, dominance.... I think he led you into the exact spot he wanted you in within those first 10 minutes....and you either willingly fell into it, or otherwise were oblivious to it. It makes me wonder if perhaps you both planned this, telling the fiance, with one party totally against the idea (probably him), but still feeding you ideas on how to do it....ie "If you tell her I will hate you for life, however, her email address is...." or "I would be devestated if she found out...the best time to tell her would be...." "Please dont tell her, I want to marry her.....by the way, here are those pictures of me and you half naked and kissing.......dont send them to her please, I beg you......her address is......." Do you see where I am going with this? Of course, I could be wrong, but what stood out the most in your post is that you hadnt seen him in a couple of months, and then, when you do see him, within the first 10 minutes you decide to tell the wife and parents...What changed in those 10 minutes that made you want to tell right then, when you have known for at least a few months that he was cheating on his fiance with you?? It sounds like a game to me...a sexual game, with alot of hidden innuendos, and power plays... He didnt want you to tell her parents because he didnt want to be drawn and quarted and completely embarrassed. He would be actually afraid of, and not sure how, he could control their reaction. With her, he knew how she would react, and could also control the reaction. He just wanted a quick out, but didnt want to do it himself because he is a coward. I dont condemn you at all for telling her. I dont care what anyone says, it is her business. The pain of finding out sooner rather than later is partially numbed with the relief of not having to endure years of his trickery and deceit...
Author pablondegirl32340 Posted May 17, 2007 Author Posted May 17, 2007 I am sure you are right some sense. Except he kept telling me, "you tell her or you send her what you need to send her." And kept asking what I wanted to accomplish. Maybe it all turned out for the best. I told her on a Tuesday and by Friday night she emailed me thanking me for telling her, saying she was taking sometime to herself to decide what to do and with or without him she'd be fine. So maybe she wasn't all into getting married either. I don't know. I just know that I am out of it. What happens next between them, is between them.
Author pablondegirl32340 Posted May 17, 2007 Author Posted May 17, 2007 Jeez, I said what happens next is between them. Thank you for the kind words. I have felt better about my decision since she emailed me and thanked me. She didn't seem that distraught or upset. So I feel better about telling her. I might also add that she would have been taking two kids into this marriage from her previous marriage.
Limerent Posted May 18, 2007 Posted May 18, 2007 I am sure you are right some sense. Except he kept telling me, "you tell her or you send her what you need to send her." And kept asking what I wanted to accomplish. uuugg.......exactly what I thought....preying on your mind, trying to drag you deeper into his twisted sexual games....(unless of course this was how the both of you played together).....Yes, he was a coward...manipulating and molding you like a piece of play doh until he got you where he wanted you, so you could do his dirty work for him...(unless you welcomed this manipulation)....I bet he was hoping you would answer that you wanted to accomplish "ruining his life" or something to that affect, to set it up so that the both of you were bitter enemies with strong sexual tension for the rest of your lives.... Maybe it all turned out for the best. I told her on a Tuesday and by Friday night she emailed me thanking me for telling her, saying she was taking sometime to herself to decide what to do and with or without him she'd be fine. So maybe she wasn't all into getting married either. I don't know. The only thing that has me worried about this, is I would wonder whether or not you were actually communicating with her, and not just an email account set up with her name and information so you would think it was her. As you know, it is a rather simple thing to do. read on: I made contact with her via phone and she told me she didn't want to see the emails, she didn't believe me and hung up on me. Kinda strange how she did a complete 180 and asked him (or so he says) to forward those emails...for all you know, it was really him you were talking to. .. Then the next day he forwards me an email she sent him telling him he could send me her email address and I could foward the emails to her at that address. How ironic and convenient it was the next day, giving him ample time to set up another email address in her name, and email himself pretending to be her.... Sorry, but I wouldnt trust it...he sounds like a slippery, manipulating, control freak bastard who would do this exact thing to worm his way out of responsibility for the whole thing....for all his fiance knows, he could have told her that you were a crazed obsessed woman, and he hardly knew you, and that was that. Maybe that was his whole point...to save himself in the near future of any kind of blackmail from you- as in "lets get this blackmail over with right now" and speed the process up by having you believe it is out in the open when it really isnt. But then again, I could be wrong.
Limerent Posted May 18, 2007 Posted May 18, 2007 In fact, I am wondering if that was EXACTLY what he was trying to accomplish- saving himself from any further grief from you if and when he decides he wants to marry her...He would probably think it was "preventative maintenance" of sorts.... I almost can hear what he was probably thinking: "hhmmmm...Get pablondegirl to think she is blackmailing me when I am really the one controlling the whole thing....instigate her to think about uncovering our affair so that she will want to contact my future wife and tell her all about it, all the while I am playing the confused "backed into a corner" victim of her backlash (so she doesnt get suspicious), but not too much, I dont want pablondegirl to back off her (well actually my, ha ha ha) original idea to tell my fiance because then my plan will be ruined.... ....then, I will set up an email account in my future wifes name, and send a few flowery emails about how grateful I was, (not to flowery though, because I am supposed to be the betrayed spouse here) but be sure to include "needing to take time to herself to decide what to do" just incase pablondegirl should see us together in the future (because I just might marry my fiance) or hear that we got married, so that way pablondegirl can just think to herself "well, I guess she decided to forgive that bastard, at least I told her though, cant say she wasnt warned"...I need to do this soon, because its better to get this over with right now, as opposed to the future....I'll just head her off at the pass..he he he"
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