pablondegirl32340 Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 A guy cheated on his fiance with me. This went on for about a year. When I found out he was seeing her and who she is I stopped seeing him. Then I ran into him a few months later and after talking for about 10 min and telling him about my new boyfriend, he told they were engaged. I told him I was going to tell her and her parents. He didn't seem concerned about me telling her as much as he was her parents. I didn't do anything at that time. After this he continued email and when I saw him at work event he tried to get my attention and speak to me. He even joined a pool that I was for the college basket ball tourney. A week ago I decided that I have to tell her. He doesn't seem like anyone who wants to get married. I spoke to him again. He begged me not to tell her parents but if I felt I need to send her emails he and I sent back and forth to do so. He just wanted the parents left out of it. I made contact with her via phone and she told me she didn't want to see the emails, she didn't believe me and hung up on me. Then the next day he forwards me an email she sent him telling him he could send me her email address and I could foward the emails to her at that address. He never asked me not to tell her. In fact he told me if I needed to do so. I think it is so strange. All I can think is he wants me to tell her b/c he can't break off the engagement himself.
kepners Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 why have you done this!! your messing in other people lives just leave them alone... i am sorry i want to Flame you hard for this... i know he hurt you... but come on thats life and your going to hurt her and the family, i know its him lying, but thats none of ur concern and to me u look jealous that somone else has him!!! i know you have a man, but you still want him or atlest no one else to have him.. thats why you broke it off. not for fear of hurting her! because if that was the case you wouldnt have done this!!!
Author pablondegirl32340 Posted May 13, 2007 Author Posted May 13, 2007 Thanks for raking me across the coals but next time if you are gonna take time to post something, at least answer the question.
torranceshipman Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 I'd treat her like you would a really good friend, then you'll know if you're deciding to tell her with good intentions. I.e. if you knew one of your best friends fiancee's was messing with another girl, would you tell her? Personally, I would, because this is her whole life, marriage, future, that's about to be built on a horrible lie and if he does it now, he'll probably do it when they're married...throw kids into the equation and it's a trainwreck. He's clearly nowhere near good enough for her. I'd soften the blow as much as you can, be very compassionate, and send her the proof (e.g. emails etc) if she asks for it...only thing is, you could really face fall out here, so you might decide not to do it for that reason (and he might have already made up stories to her that you're crazy or something)....she might hate you for the A, but I think she deserves the truth, to be with a good man who loves and appreciates her, not a spineless jackass like him. For what its worth, I think telling her the truth is the right thing.
FireandIce Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 So your question is "does he want you to tell on him"? Of course he doesn't. I think he's calling your bluff. Honestly though, why is it any of your concern right now? It's over between the two of you and IMO the only reason you want to tell is to make his life miserable but who cares about her life. I don't think you have any right to say anything unless he is still pursuing you which it doesn't really sound like he is. Just let it go and be happy with your own life and forget about his.
pricillia Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 I think that you should just leave them alone... you are threatening by saying that you are going to tell her parents... Is he still hitting on you?
sb129 Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 why is it any of your concern right now? It's over between the two of you and IMO the only reason you want to tell is to make his life miserable but who cares about her life. I don't think you have any right to say anything unless he is still pursuing you which it doesn't really sound like he is. Just let it go and be happy with your own life and forget about his. My thoughts exactly. Its not up to you to tell her, she will find out what a loser she is engaged to in her own time. I would walk away from the situation right now and leave them to it. Be thankful you are not with him anymore. Or do you still want to be? I have no idea why he is contacting you and getting you to do his dirty work so to speak. You don't know what he is saying to her, and it could be anything. He could even be trying to make YOU look bad to her.. why is anyones guess, but she is more likely to believe him over you.
kepners Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 this is what i ahve said already, btu the orginator said i didnt answer the question......
sb129 Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 Just backing you up K. And one more thing- PABlonde..... what does your NEW BF think of all this?
whichwayisup Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 Are you saying that for ONE full year you were with him and didn't know he was with someone else?
pricillia Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 Are you saying that for ONE full year you were with him and didn't know he was with someone else? I would like to know how it ended and if he is still trying to be with both of them and that is why she wants to tell.
whichwayisup Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 Either way she needs to move on with her life and forget him. A guy cheated on his fiance with me. This went on for about a year. When I found out he was seeing her and who she is I stopped seeing him. Okay, this answers my question...She stopped seeing him...But then... Then I ran into him a few months later and after talking for about 10 min and telling him about my new boyfriend, he told they were engaged. I told him I was going to tell her and her parents She didn't see or talk to him for afew months, yet all of sudden she talks to him again and decides on her own to tell his future wife about what happened? WTF. If you hadn't run into him and found out he was engaged, you wouldn't be entertaining thoughts of butting into his life. Sounds like you're jealous and out for revenge. IT IS NONE of your business to tell her. You have your life with your bf, he has his. Let it go!
Author pablondegirl32340 Posted May 13, 2007 Author Posted May 13, 2007 This is for those of you leaving posts: If you would have read correctly you would have seen that I already made contact with her and she emailed him asking her to see the emails. I decided not to respond to his email that he sent with her asking for the emails and decide what to do. That night, Wed night, I got an email from him. I fwd her the email from him. She and I had a nice email discussion. She asked me questions which I answered truthfully. She thanked me for telling her what happened and said she had a lot to think about. The next day she sent me a text message, thanking me for my honesty and saying she needed to decide what to do. She when she confronted him about it, he came about seeing me also. That night, Thursday night she emailed me and asked me for the emails. I sent them to her on Friday with a short email telling her I was sorry about telling her like this. Friday night, she emailed me back. Thanking me for sending her the emails. She said she needed time to herself to decide what to do. She also told me she was sorry I got caught up in the situtation. She seems like she feels I helped her not to make a mistake without all the info. But what bothers me is did that SH*T she was marrying, get me to tell on him so he could possibly get out of it.
kepners Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 GOOD GOD WOMAN, may i NEVER EVER EVER! MEET YOU! or date you! or any one like you....u seriously cannot let it go. this is horrible. you have hurt alot of people with this sick and twist/bitter view of 'thou shall tell the truth(but did it cuz he told me he was getting married after i told him i had a boyfriend... but he had something better than me... but i am not jealous)' yeah whatEVER! do you call the police when you speed? or go to church and confess all ur sins? or tell everybody what you think and feel of them.... may i pray i never meet you or date a woman like you.
sb129 Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 Yes, we got that part about you contacting her, I did read it correctly but personally I don't think you should have made contact with the GF at all. But you did, and she has thanked you, so now she knows what a loser she is engaged to which can't be a bad thing I guess. I would still suggest you now keep out of it though- what happens next is nothing to do with you. Your original question is irrelevant- WHY he got you to do it doesn't matter, whats done is done-if they split: thats what you wanted in the first place. It all points to the fact that the guy is a sneaky rat, and trying to analyse his behaviour will achieve absolutely nothing but grief between you and your new BF.
Author pablondegirl32340 Posted May 13, 2007 Author Posted May 13, 2007 Thank you for speaking to me like a person should. I know you are right about not worrying about it but I guess it just eats at me that I played into his game once more by ratting him out since he couldn't do it himself. I'll be fine. Just looking to get it out all out and maybe understand a little.
kepners Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 yeah your right, it just annoys me when people do things like this to hurt someone for the jealousy of it... well this knickers are nice mind... so is the dress... now i understand the Scots! HAHAHA
sb129 Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 Thank you for speaking to me like a person should. I know you are right about not worrying about it but I guess it just eats at me that I played into his game once more by ratting him out since he couldn't do it himself. I'll be fine. Just looking to get it out all out and maybe understand a little. I am not sure you will ever be able to understand his motives! The more you do, the more it will annoy you.Please, for your new BFs sake, forget about it. Just put it down to experience, and put it behind you. At the very least you should learn from it, which is never a bad thing. Your new BF will appreciate it... look to the future not the past!
crazy_grl Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 kepners, if you don't cheat, you won't have to worry about whether or not you date a girl like the OP. My feeling is who cares what the OP's motivation was. It benefits the fiance to know who she's engaged to. The only person the OP is hurting is the cheater. (And if he actually did want her to tell, she's not even hurting him.) She's not hurting this guy's fiance. He did that by cheating. As long as the OP stays out of their lives from this point on, this may work out for the best.
Author pablondegirl32340 Posted May 13, 2007 Author Posted May 13, 2007 Yeah you are right I may never understand why he used me to tell her, but the best thing is to see that 1) he is a cheat and 2) he doesn't have the balls to handle his problems himself. Life will go on. I'll be fine.
kepners Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 crazy girl DOH and DOH! ur right! which is funny! hahahah
Author pablondegirl32340 Posted May 13, 2007 Author Posted May 13, 2007 Also one more thing. The reason I waited to contact her after he told me was b/c her brother was murdered along with a friend two years ago. When he told was a day after the two year anniv. of his murder. I thought about telling then. But a friend of mine told me the timing was bad with that going on and to wait. Also, I haven't contacted her after her last email. I don't feel the need to do so.
Author pablondegirl32340 Posted May 15, 2007 Author Posted May 15, 2007 Crzy Grl, Thanks for agreeing with me and stating I am not the one who caused the pain.
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