gonetildecember Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 A Little Bit of the History: In January, while coming back home for a one week vacation I met a man who was the older brother of one of my good friends. We hit it off one night, ended up sleeping together and then went on another date before I went back home. I thought that was going to be the end of it, but he continued to call me and talk to me on messenger when I got home. at first daily.. and then at least a few times a week. He knew that I was going to return to the island in a few months and always talked about how excited he was, and couldnt wait to see me and told me that he missed me. I tried to come into it with no expectations and had fun getting to know him from a distance. Present: I arrived back on the island about 3 weeks ago, and was nervous to see how things would work out. When we first met I had no intentions of ever pursuing any kind of relationship, but I am here for four months and now I really want things to work out. I've seen him several times since I arrived.. but im confused as to what he wants and if he is really interested, or playign hard to get or??? The first night we saw each other, we chilled on our own for about an hour, then met up with friends as he knew I was anxious to see everyone. Most of them are his cousins, and he was very affectionate towards me the entire night.. getting me to sit on his lap, buying me drinks, holding my hand, kissing me in front of them.. I had a friend staying with me for a week or so, so it was hard to see him alone after that. We went out in groups about 3 or 4 times.. with him being quite affectionate with me on all those occasions. Here comes the but... At first I was a little nervous and maybe pushed him away a bit...I just didnt really know what I was walking into and he is quite differnt from every other man I have ever dated. Now I find that, he'll call maybe every other day, but it wasn't as much as before. My friend who was staying with me left a few days ago and I would think his desire to see me would increase since we could now be alone. When we do talk most of the time he asks about hanging out, but I just thought his interest would be more. His brother as well as two of his cousins have mentionned randomly that he really likes me and he has talked to them about me.. but I don't know if it's just I expect too much or if he's bad at displaying his emotions but it makes me feel unsure. Last week he told me that I ignore him in pulic because we were at the beach and i didn't jump to hug him.. but I just didn't know if he was into all that.. so now I'm trying to step things up.. but I don't know if I'm trying to win a losing battle.. or if he's just as confused as i am. any advice?
Walk Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 You confused him with the conflicting messages. I think you should take the bold approach and flat out tell him you really like him, and want to get to know him better. If you're not comfortable with that, then why don't you call him up and ask him out (Not with friends). Show through action that you want to be around him, and you're not just using him as a fill-in date while out with friends. Open communication works really well in my experience. Personally, if I were you... I'd force myself to overcome the fear of rejection, and just go for it. What's the absolute worst that could happen? Your heart might get dinged up? It won't kill you though. You might end up really happy, you might end up really sad... but at least you lived your life without allowing fear to stop you. The thing people regret most is the action not taken. Not the pain, or the heart ache, but the times they let fear stop them from trying.
alextop30 Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 I read the whole story and you know If I was you I would wish for a manual too, but there are no such things ( it would be cool of there were. I would give u this advice just tell him up front what you want from him. Give him the statement "I dont wanna play no games with you so stop jerking around" Guys are like from mars so I suggest u lay it down - what you want so expections are not comfused. I do think that guy likes you but maybe he got scared and now is playing that game.
Author gonetildecember Posted May 13, 2007 Author Posted May 13, 2007 last thursday the day my friend left, we went out (i called and arranged it the day before) and we just hung out.. i had fun.. but it just seemed as if he was more into it before. and i don't know if its just me.. being crazy now that i want to really make an effort or if something has changed. i was talking to his cousin about me not really getting to see him much this week, and i guess it got back to him because he brought it up and said he was waiting to give me time to settle in and all that before he monopolized my time.. but i just dont feel his interest is the same. im going to try to make more of an effort, but i dont want to push if his interest is waining. i just wanted some insight on his mixed messages, i was at his house (watchin a movie with some friends and his brother) - he wwas already asleep because he works early, and when i mentionned i was over the next day he was like why didnt u just come into my room and wake me up.. which implies he is interested... then on the other hand.. ill call and he'll not call me back for hours.. or until the next morning... Men lol
IpAncA Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 I often wonder that myself. What am I suppost to do when he's broken or need bolts tightened? Take him in? I need a troubleshooting section or a 1-800 number to call bcause I have some questions concering my defected product. :laugh:
alextop30 Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 Ok guys there are two things they either like you or not so you see that he likes you, be sure that he is interested. Try to do something with him - don't call him and see if he will call you after a couple of days. This will be another experiment to test if he likes you. I am pretty sure that he likes you from reading your story but maybe he got scared, if this is guys first relationship he might get scared I was and I am not so different than the average jerk guy. Is this his first serious relationship? Maybe that will give some explanation
alextop30 Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 I often wonder that myself. What am I suppost to do when he's broken or need bolts tightened? Take him in? I need a troubleshooting section or a 1-800 number to call bcause I have some questions concering my defected product. :laugh: Do you have problem with your Man Do you think he needs some bolts tightened Do you wish you could fix the problem Now you can - Take your man to Alex's service senter we adjust everythign to your liking. All you need to do is call our toll free number 1-800-fix-urman LOL does that work LOL :lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao:
IpAncA Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 Do you have problem with your Man Do you think he needs some bolts tightened Do you wish you could fix the problem Now you can - Take your man to Alex's service senter we adjust everythign to your liking. All you need to do is call our toll free number 1-800-fix-urman LOL does that work LOL :lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao: LOL!! He needs some remodeling.
Author gonetildecember Posted May 13, 2007 Author Posted May 13, 2007 at first i was positive that he liked me.,.. but now im not sure if he's just getting confortable so some of the intensity is wearing off or if ive turned him off somehow its not his first serious relationship. he is 5 years older than me and has had maybe 2 prior relationships, but his cousin told me those were not serious... its been a few years since both of them and he seems a lot more prepared to get involved seriously now. i just dont want to be putting in effort and puttin myself out there if he is trying to brush me off
Walk Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 Hmmm... you sound like you want a clear cut, can't misinterpret, message from him that he likes you so you won't get hurt if you pursue him. The man likes you. If his interest is waning then its most likely because he's not getting any positive feedback from you for his attention. Signs of interest: First... he returns your calls the same day. You act like he has to drop his entire life and call you asap in order for him to show he likes you. Shouldn't work that way. If he's mentally healthy then he isn't going to drop everything every second of the day just to return your call.. However, you stated that he does call you within a couple hours, or the next morning, but he ALWAYS returns your calls. That is a definite sign he's interested you. Second... When you told the cousin that you didn't get to see the guy very much... you said (about the guy you're interested in) "he brought it up and said he was waiting to give me time to settle in and all that before he monopolized my time." He wouldn't have brought it up at all if he wasn't still interested in you. Third... He's told family members he likes you. I think you need to stop reading so much into stuff. Call him up, hang out, have fun and laugh a lot. Believe that you are a great person who others could find attractive and want to be with. And Stop second guessing yourself! Just have fun with it. This isn't life or death. The guy still barely knows you, and you barely know him... give it time. Ask him out and stop placing so much importance on whether or not he's interested. I get the feeling that you have a bit of lowered self-esteem. You don't seem to have much faith that you're a great person that this guy would love to get to know better. Its almost as if you find it hard to believe that he'd actually like you, and so you see the slightest thing as proof that your negative thought patters are justified. Maybe I'm reading it wrong, and there are other things he's said or done that would definitely show a contradiction between words and actions... but I'm not seeing it. I'm seeing a guy who finds a girl interesting and would like to get to know her better, and you can't believe he does because you don't think you're anybody worth finding interesting.... Like I said, maybe I'm wrong about you... but either way, you need to stop freaking out and just enjoy the time together. If he doesn't want to see you then he won't. If he didn't want to talk to you then he wouldn't. But he's returning phone calls within a few hours, or at the most the next day. He's told friends and family he likes you. He has told you he would have liked for you to wake him when you were over. He has expressed interest in seeing you, and has offered explaination as to his actions without you having to ask him about it first (telling you he was waiting for your friend to leave). I think if you had more confidence that you're a desirable person, then you wouldn't have all these doubts and misgivings.
Author gonetildecember Posted May 14, 2007 Author Posted May 14, 2007 Thanks Walk... Maybe I am a little paranoid, it's just that I got a little worried because in the begging his attention level was so much higher. and although he says the right things, I'm just not getting the same from his actions... I'm always the one making plans, he hardly calls compared to before- when I was thousands of miles away I talked to him more than I do now, and I just thought that compared to when I was in another country.. I'd get to see him more since I'm only ten minutes away. I think I'm also getting frustrated because there is a lot of pressure. Before my return there was a lot of hype because we have several mutual friends and he also told all of his cousins and family i was coming down.. so when I see them out and they ask me where he is ...I just get frustrated when I don't know or when I say oh he was busy today- I just thought things would be different. In addition he works very hard during the week, he owns his own business and is very dedicated to it, so I basically only get to see hi on weekends during the day and on saturday night.. with the exception of short random dates during the week. This weekend I didn't see him at all, we talked and he told me he was tired and resting, but then Saturday night he went out and I was just like.. it's the first weekend e've gotten to be alone... I haven't seen u in 4 days....and u just went out sat around with mutual friends of ours..? i was just looking forward to actually spending some quality time with him i guess... and from all the hints and mentions of others that he's VERY interested I just thought i would have gotten more feedback on his part...but maybe i'm just too worried. it was hard being away from someone and gettting to know them at a distance, but i swear this part is even harder...maybe i had too many expectations? I just wanted a clear cut- I LIKE YOU- sign and some comforting attention :S
Author gonetildecember Posted May 17, 2007 Author Posted May 17, 2007 An Update... Today I was talking to a friend of a friend and she told me that she heard from another friend that he has a girlfriend. Its supposed to be a hush hush thing, so no one really knows, but supposedly its true. I don't know how reliable the sources are.. but now im thinking maybe thats why he's been hot and cold, altho hes never given me a reason to think anything. Now I don't know how to go about finding out if its true. i dont want to accuse him if its just a random accustation and its false, but i want to find out before i waste anymore of my time if it is true.. what should i do? i can try asking around, but not sure how good of response ill get since i would be asking his friends and since it is supposed to be hush hush
annabelle75 Posted May 17, 2007 Posted May 17, 2007 An Update... Today I was talking to a friend of a friend and she told me that she heard from another friend that he has a girlfriend. Its supposed to be a hush hush thing, so no one really knows, but supposedly its true. I don't know how reliable the sources are.. but now im thinking maybe thats why he's been hot and cold, altho hes never given me a reason to think anything. Now I don't know how to go about finding out if its true. i dont want to accuse him if its just a random accustation and its false, but i want to find out before i waste anymore of my time if it is true.. what should i do? i can try asking around, but not sure how good of response ill get since i would be asking his friends and since it is supposed to be hush hush I would avoid all the sneaking around and asking others to find out the truth. Just call him up and ask him. Its the upfront honest thing to do. Its not as if you are accusing him of anything. You are just asking to find out if what you heard was correct. If he gets mad at you just for asking, he's a jerk. If it isn't true than maybe by asking you will open up the lines of comunication and tell him that you almost believed it because you feel as though he was backing off a bit. It could be a good thing. You may want to also think about the fact that often times an LDR doesn't translate so well into a regular relationship. Some times a person will suddenly feel more pressure when it goes from some the other person being thousands of miles away on the phone and then being right next door. He may just be re-adjusting to the new circumstances. Or he has a girlfriend and needs to be kicked to the curb pronto.
Author gonetildecember Posted May 17, 2007 Author Posted May 17, 2007 Under normal circumstances Iwould just flat out ask, because as some people may remember I went through something similar with my ex boyfriend, but because I have no real facts I don't want to just throw something out there that could make everything more difficult. The place she said she saw him is a little fishy because he was out with a group, including my two best friends who would have remembered if he was with a girl...I just wanted to have some concrete facts before I brought something up.. or at least something a little stronger. do u really think its wise for me to just bring it up?, i dont even know the source myself, i heard through a friend or a friend.. but i'd really like to save myself the additional heartache. and even if i ask him who's to say that i get an accurate answer... my ex lied to me for months..and did a very good job of covering up his excapades.
annabelle75 Posted May 17, 2007 Posted May 17, 2007 I understand what you are saying, but I really think it would be best to just ask him. Do it in a non-confrontational way. Such as, “Hey…I heard something and even though I didn’t think it was true I just wanted to ask you about it so its not a question lingering in the back of my mind when I am with you. “ Then just tell him that a friend of a friend said that they thought he already had a girlfriend. As long as he doesn’t feel cornered, he shouldn’t take offense. If he is on the up and up and doesn’t have a girlfriend he should appreciate the fact you asked him about it instead and just assuming it was true. Now yes, he could just lie to you. That is a chance in any situation in any relationship. If he is a liar and cheater, hopefully you’ll figure that out sooner rather than later. But for now I think the upfront and honest approach will be the best way to ease your mind.
Recommended Posts