Unforgetable77 Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 This might seem like a stupid question, so excuse me for being so dull!! lol IS there a difference between loving and being IN love with someone?? what are these differences??
Reckless Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 Being "in love" usually implies you have affection AND romantic/sexual love for someone. Loving someone implies you have affection for them. A mother would normally say she 'loves' her son not she is 'in love' with him. Angelica Jolie reportedly once said she was "in love" with her brother and caused all kinds of confusion. Or it could have been the fact that she was photographed kissing him full on the mouth .. don't remember
Author Unforgetable77 Posted May 13, 2007 Author Posted May 13, 2007 ok might have posted in wrong forum but hey i'm not as dull as i make out.... so what about a man loving his W but In love with another woman how can this be explained??? do u think its possible to love 2 women so differently at the same time??
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 lol at angelina! Sometimes love is not just a feeling it is an action, And alot of times we confuse love with lust at first sight. And sometimes we confuse infatuation with love. We are so confused. When your in love you just know, but at the same time you need to learn the difference between them all. A clean mindstate is one we should know and have at all times so we can clearly distinguish so we can make the right choices in life. Because I've learn the heart tells the biggest lies of all.
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 so what about a man loving his W but In love with another woman how can this be explained??? do u think its possible to love 2 women so differently at the same time?? Is he telling you that he loves his wife, but is 'in love' with you? Yes, it can happen, and it often does. A man can love two women differently by compartmentalizing his feelings for each woman. He loves his wife like a family member. They have a history together, children together, joined household, joined finances, shared friends, etc. He loves her like he loves any other member of his family. The 'in love' part is more of a narrow focus. He may care for his OW, but its primarily sex and companionship with very little chance of it ever deepening into the type of love he feels for his wife. If it does, he generally will divorce and start a new life with OW. If it doesn't, he simply keeps her on the side so that he can live out his future with his wife, and enjoy his present while it lasts with his OW. "In love" is intense and passionate, and can stay strong because of the limited amount of time the MM has to spend with the OW. He shows the OW his 'A game' because he wants to make the most of the time he has. That is what is so confusing for the OW. He seems so happy to be with the OW, but yet won't leave his W. Why would he stay with W if he is obviously miserable? Well, it isn't that simple. He isn't miserable with his W. He is usually just bored, not having a lot of sex, and is looking for that missing passion. What he is looking for is a supplement to his marriage, not a replacement for it. When he is with the OW, he doesn't have time to be bored or take her for granted, so he is always "madly in love/lust" when he sees her. The OW often mistakes this for something that it isn't. He may not feel that 'in love' feeling for the wife, but that in no way means that he doesn't love his W in a different way that will keep him married to her. It sounds like you have a classic cakeman to me. He needs his W, and he needs his OW. The love he feels for each is different, and neither can replace the other. If the OW does replace the W, then it isn't long before he is looking to fill that OW need with someone else. Men like this simply don't function well with just one person.
Author Unforgetable77 Posted May 13, 2007 Author Posted May 13, 2007 Wonderful, knowledgable post LB makes so much sence to me....TY
whichwayisup Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 Inlove is more feeling - Including passion and sexual desire. Loving someone is deeper - Alot of care, unselfishness, compromising, understanding, patience, respect and feeling secure, along with sexual intimacy and passion.
pricillia Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 None of this makes any sense anyway... sorry venting here. But LB you do make sense! Makes me laugh though people use the I love you but I am not in love with you statement all the time to get out of a relationship and be with another. Can you have the in love feeling with someone you love? all the while changing and growing but still with that underlying flow of love passion tenderness and excitement?
Author Unforgetable77 Posted May 13, 2007 Author Posted May 13, 2007 P.......... i am just as confused as u !!!!
whichwayisup Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 I think alot of people confuse love with crushes, sexual desire, feelings of emotional attachment.
pricillia Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 P.......... i am just as confused as u !!!! Well tell us more Unforgetable... what is the whole story? have you ever been in love before? also I have found that I really truly don't know how I really feel for the person until it is too late....
Author Unforgetable77 Posted May 13, 2007 Author Posted May 13, 2007 i'm really sorry but i am unable to post full story at the moment but the jist of it is................. been seeing MM on and off for 14 years, during this time niether of us knew how each other felt up until 8 months ago since then the A has gotten very intense and he has stated that he wants to leave his W to be with me.......... but not for another 4 months when questioned he gave the usual excuses but stated he still has feelings for his W as a bro/sis sort of thing..... he keeps telling me he loves me as couples should...still not sure have gone through really bad time the last 2 weeks i don't really know my head from my a#se, i'm really confused as the excuses keep coming but when we talk he seems so genuine......I can't see past the heartache at the moment to possibly make sence of it all, my head and my heart are pulling in different directions, when i can actually make sence of it all i will give u the full story, feel free to ask any questions if i feel i can give u the answers i will
Author Unforgetable77 Posted May 13, 2007 Author Posted May 13, 2007 I am not confused about my feelings.......I have loved this man for years but because of circumstance ive hidden my feelings, locked them away, until recently of course, I love him with everything i have to give, breaks my heart when we are apart, i even start missing him before he has gone.......
whichwayisup Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 After 14 years if he hasn't left his wife for you, chances are slim to none that he is ever going to leave her. Sorry...Even though things are intense now, that doesn't mean anything. He is already giving you the excuses why he can't leave. IF he really wanted to start a new life with you, he would do it. He hasn't....Actions speak louder than words...His actions, oops, non-actions, are telling you he isn't leaving. He goes home to his wife. now, if you wanna waste another 14 years on the MM, go for it...You'll just be hurting yourself and losing out in life. You will be the OW in his life as long as you allow yourself to stay...If you end it, and go full on no contact, maybe there is a slight chance he will realize he'd rather be with you than his wife...But, in all honesty, I wouldn't hold my breath waitin for him.. I hope soon you end it so you can find a single guy, create your own family and life.
Guest Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 i even start missing him before he has gone....... ugh, that was the worst feeling!
Author Unforgetable77 Posted May 13, 2007 Author Posted May 13, 2007 WWIU.......I know that everything u are saying is right... and i suppose coming here to LS has made me realise that every little thing he does is 'textbook' so to speak... its a hell of a long story with alot of complications which i just can't go into right now, 14 years is a long time and tbh even when the A was finished he was always there for me but now it has moved on to a different level...i now know that if i walk away from him i can't have him in my life even as a friend....i'm really finding this hard to deal with at the moment, i can't imagine life without him there fgs..... I love him so much and i really wish i didn't........ i really can't see an end to all of this right now...all i do is cry
smartgirl Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 I always hear a lot about "love" vs "in love" on these threads. My H's OW tried to convice him that there was a meaningful distinction there and what they felt for each other was "in love" and what they felt for their spouses was a lesser love. He never quite bought into it, but he was confused about what his feelings were for her, why he didn't want to stop seeing her and why he didn't want to leave me. What they felt was blinding infatuation and the chemical addiction that goes along with it. Well when the sex was over so was the addiction and "in love." The love my husband and I feel for each other and have felt for 33 years is the kind that goes the distance, sustains us and allows us to weather the death of parents, the loss of a child and crap like an affair. I think these kinds of distictions are made by people trying to prove a point to someone or to themselves. LB said it all very well -- as usual.
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