ICS Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 About half a year has past since I stopped all contact with my ex. Overall I have been coping fairly well, but lately I dream of my ex everyday and remember only the good times we've had together. More and more now I actually regret breaking up with her even though I knew she would never change her ways. Since a few days ago I obtained a summer job. However, contrary to my belief, this job in fact makes me think of my ex more, instead of diverting my attention away from the past. I am not quite sure, but I believe it has much to do with the nature of my job, because I am now working in a factory job in the afternoon (until midnight). Everyday I work there, I feel the futility of my work (general labour mostly) and the loneliness of my life after my ex. Back when my ex and I were still going out, I considered her to be my best (and more or less the only) good friend I had. Without her in my life now, my phone has become more of an accessory than a necessity.. with no one but my parents calling me and rarely any meaningful conversations. Sometimes I can't help but want to contact her.. even the slight email or perhaps just adding her to my facebook. I just feel so lonely and want to feel loved/someone to love again (as unrealistic as that sounds at this point in time).
amaysngrace Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 You need to be comfortable on your own before you can become comfortable with a partner. You sound as if you hope others will "complete" you. Until you are satisfied with who you are you will only attract needy people. Ones who aren't comfortable in their own skins either. I would worry more about yourself than your ex if I were you. Because you can't change her. The only one you have the power to change is yourself. If you don't like a certain aspect of your life then change it. It's your life afterall. May as well make it a pleasing one.
Author ICS Posted May 13, 2007 Author Posted May 13, 2007 I try to adopt progressive change in my life, but as always it's much harder to do than imagined. Due to an emotionally abusive relationship from my ex (of 5 years), I have failed a year of university and have to stay behind an extra year. Most of my friends from school have already began to distance away from me because of that. But on top of that, I don't have too many friends from school either. A while ago I even went to fellowship at the church with my friend every week, but now my job does not allow that because I have to work afternoon shifts. So, as you can see, I have a most unusual life and circumstances right now. Surely, I tried making friends at work too, but that's quite difficult, considering the generation gap that exists there and the problems with communication alot of them have with me. From philosophy I remember one key quote that really hit home.. and that's: "every way of life has a way of perpetuating itself". As much as I realize this, there is little I can do to change my position right now. And more importantly, the loneliness from all the futility and loneliness is making me really miss my ex and wanting to contact her.. nothing more than casual friends. Even after all this time it feels like a huge part of me is missing.. and I long for it everyday. Sometimes I think to myself and wonder how life would be if I find out one day that she is no longer alive.. that I could no longer talk to her even if I wanted to. I think after all this time I still really love her, despite everything.. and despite the impossibility that was our relationship. I need the strength to get through this stage of my life, but I have no idea how to do it.. and moreover I don't think I have the means to achiever that goal either.
amaysngrace Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 and moreover I don't think I have the means to achiever that goal either. What you believe is what you're going to achieve, my friend. Tomorrow is another day. A day you don't know the outcome of. Why put it into the crapper today? Someone, I think it was Freud, once said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over while expecting different results. If you want your life to change then change what you're doing.
kepners Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 i think all your doing is diverting your attentions to the last time you where HAPPY to hide from the fact you been slack with yourself and not pushed yourself and done stuff with your life. Your never too old to change! NEVER! ur only thinking about her because your sad about your current situation and when you think of her you think of the good times. even though you admit she will never change. So basically your not wanting her,you want the SITUATION. and brother... this is life, and the foofighters said 'its times like these ur learn to live again' your having one of these times when you need to start LIVING NOW, and not in the past. i too do this! you are not alone! we all want to be happy and be loved!! your not different. just look at the real reason behind this. not you wanting her back.
krzr Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 if your missing the friendship part of the relationship then call her and tell her u would like to stay friends because u miss that part of the relationship. why did u break it off if she made u happy? was it that toxic? maybe u are just feeling guilt for doing that.
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