Question: Why are some OW's cruel and mean to W after D day

[scaredinlove]

But, don't you think she had a right to out you to your husband? And to your boss? Ofcourse you didn't like it that she left messages on your machine, but I'm pretty darn sure she didn't like the fact you were having an affair with her husband...Did she tell your H and did she tell your boss?

 

I told both myself. I understand maybe the H part, but why my Boss?? So I told my boss the whole story myself. I just went and told evrybody in my office and my entire family .That is when I found out I was above judgment.With exception of my H that went crazy( I can understand that to a point) everybody else where cool. I was actually surprised with the reactions:confused:

 

She called my work a couple of times ( we have caller id) but she usually hangs up when we answer. she hasn't done that for a while now.Anyway everybody already know!

[whichwayisup]

( I can understand that to a point)

 

Well, not all spouses are forgiving of finding out their spouse cheated on them. Many do NOT forgive and do not give second chances. You cheat, you're GONE, that's it. Your exH had every right to feel the way he did.

[scaredinlove]

Well, not all spouses are forgiving of finding out their spouse cheated on them. Many do NOT forgive and do not give second chances. You cheat, you're GONE, that's it. Your exH had every right to feel the way he did.

 

 

I ended the marriage, not him. Well, his reaction was above and beyond anything normal.But it is over now!

[sadbuttrue]

in my case, the W was very angry and hurt. she really didnt direct much of it at me, mostly at her husband. but i was there to witness the tears, and it was not something easily dealt with. i was not mean to her or angry, what right did i have?

 

i do admit that i felt a great dislike for her in the moment, but that was because i was finally faced with her, she was real, and she was hurting. that laid a lot of guilt (rightfully deserved) on me.

 

i would not be hateful to her if we were to meet again. i imagine it will happen again since the A is not over, and she believes/wants to believe it is not happening at this time. when she discovers the truth, i have no doubt the next meeting will not be so tame. i will not be mean or degrading to her, i dont feel that i have any reason to do so. i will accept all the hate and venom she deems necessary to throw at me.

[Jinxx]

I was wondering if you all could tell me why some OW's are really mean and degrading to the W after D day? Is it because of the lies that they've been told by MM? Is it because she's angry that he chose to stay or that she just exists to begin with.

 

I don't know. Maybe because she was hoping for a future. Maybe there were lots of lies and false promises. Some of them are just vindictive psychos.

 

As an XOW, I would be mortifed if his W ever found out. I'd be more sympathetic to her then to him.

[hardcase]

there is that famous SC attitude again...

 

make them pay I say... there is no other way... said the crumb:rolleyes:

 

Lemme guess...you must be one of them.

[hardcase]

I don't know. Maybe because she was hoping for a future. Maybe there were lots of lies and false promises. Some of them are just vindictive psychos.

 

As an XOW, I would be mortifed if his W ever found out. I'd be more sympathetic to her then to him.

 

Thats kinda like a hunter being sympathetic to a deer.

[Jinxx]

Thats kinda like a hunter being sympathetic to a deer.

 

Oh please.... do youself a favor and get some help. You need it badly.

[PoshPrincess]

Oh please.... do youself a favor and get some help. You need it badly.

 

Well said, Jinxx!!!!

 

OOD, I can't really answer as to why OWs are so nasty to the BS. I can only give an opinion. I am an exOW and I was confronted over the telephone by exMMs W when she found out. I felt sick to my stomach and not just because I was caught out. It was the whole thing; the problems it would cause his kids, and his W. I can only imagine how she must've been feeling. I am not proud of what I did (I wasn't kept in the dark about the fact that he was married; I knew the score) and am not about to defend myself, but neither do I think us OW should be judged in the way that some judge us on here, although I totally agree that the BSs in our own situation have every right to hate us and cause us as much grief as they like. I do not think us OW have any rights on that score. I wouldn't dream of causing my exMMs W any more pain and suffering than I already have. The BS is well within his / her rights to feel hatred towards the OW (not the other way round).

 

As far as I can see some OW are so hurt (especially those who have been lead on or lied to in a big way by MM) that they just can't see the wood for the trees. I am sure that when some do these things they think they are going to win back the MM which, of course, is very unlikely. I personally think this would push them back towards the W even more, especially those who just had an A 'for a bit of fun'. And those who loved their OW would see a different side to them that they wouldn't like anyway so why would they want them after that? It is very unlikely that the OW would endear herself further to MM after this, especially when their are children involved as this would all have a knock on effect.There are some people (OW, OM, BS, MM, MW) that have nunny boiler tendancies to start with and just want someone to blame!

 

I guess sometimes OW take their anger out on the BS for revenge on the MM or, as others have said, simply because they're jealous that BS is not the woman OW thought she was (or was lead to believe anyway!) Many were probably told all the usual BS like, "My W doesn't understand me", "doesn't want me physically..." blah blah blah. Although my MM told me him and his W no longer had a loving R (I don't think he meant physically, more emotionally), he never really slagged her off so I wasn't under any illusions when we finally spoke.

 

Nobody likes to feel they have been dumped for someone else (least of all the W who was supposedly a complete ogre / unattractive / unloving or whatever BS some of us have been fed!) and no one likes to lose in love. This OW hating / berating the MMs W is totally f**ked up, but then so are EMAs in general! Let's hope us OW have learned by our mistakes and won't make the same ones again.

 

Us OW (with the exeption of those who never knew their men were married) all did something morally wrong but that does not make us IMMORAL (IMO).

[Guest]

It sems fairly obvious that if the mm chooses the wife, then the OW feels bitter as she has been dumped.

Of course some mm wait a while until the dust settles and if they have got an OW that they can treat as a f*** buddie then they will try and resume just for the extra sex usually.

Most intelligent OW with some sense of dignity and self worth will tell the mm to go take a hike.