pricillia Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 I quit! tears streaming down my face for what for what to be treated like crap??? I know that this is all not in my head... f**k it!
Je Ne Regrette Rien Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 Dont know your sitch...but from the UK from another OW...big hugs x
Author pricillia Posted May 13, 2007 Author Posted May 13, 2007 Dont know your sitch...but from the UK from another OW...big hugs x Thanks... I have no idea what my sitch is anymore.... Just concerned with him and his compassionate communication skills... NOT I love him very very very much, however who do I love more, me or him... I can put him first and often do but....at who's expense, are relationships meant to be this way?? when should self survival kick in over being treated like crap.
Je Ne Regrette Rien Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 Nope, relationships shouldn't cause pain, so much so that you doubty yourself. Again, not sure of the sitch, sounds like you need to vent? We all have the capacity to make our own decisions, live our own lives and make sure we're happy - happiness is our own individual responsibility and not someone elses. if you're not happy, you need to take the responsibility for that and do something about it. Being an OW can really suck sometimes...
Author pricillia Posted May 13, 2007 Author Posted May 13, 2007 Nope, relationships shouldn't cause pain, so much so that you doubty yourself. Again, not sure of the sitch, sounds like you need to vent? We all have the capacity to make our own decisions, live our own lives and make sure we're happy - happiness is our own individual responsibility and not someone elses. if you're not happy, you need to take the responsibility for that and do something about it. Being an OW can really suck sometimes... Your tellin me... I think he is at the end of his rope inreguard to his family situation
whichwayisup Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 I can put him first and often do but....at who's expense, are relationships meant to be this way?? At your expense. And, relationships are NOT supposed to be that way - But affairs are.
Author pricillia Posted May 13, 2007 Author Posted May 13, 2007 At your expense. And, relationships are NOT supposed to be that way - But affairs are. I truly want to give up the whole even caring if I share my life with love passion and intamacy.... the door is locked and the lights are off..... I don't want to have that mentality....I really don't because I have seen women get to that point and I want to be in a relationship.
whichwayisup Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 I want to be in a relationship. The sooner you end it with him, the sooner you can heal and move on, then find that special (single) man to be in your life in an honest and real relationship. Don't let him ruin you.
Author pricillia Posted May 13, 2007 Author Posted May 13, 2007 The sooner you end it with him, the sooner you can heal and move on, then find that special (single) man to be in your life in an honest and real relationship. Don't let him ruin you. Thanks WWIU... but am I already there... could it be too late? do I have the courage to walk away? I am sitting in the dark right now at work on the shack talking about MM when he probably does not even care about what I am feeling and thinking. decisions that people make stay with them for a long time... do I need a lightening bolt, or shock therapy? I sometimes feel that I am being punished for past errors... or am I punishing myself?
Freedom Now Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 WWIU is right. Love shouldn't hurt. End it with him. If he loves you, he will find you when he is free (but I wouldn't hold my breath). There are so many men out there that would love to be in a whole, real relationship with you and you won't realize it until you walk away from this toxic situation. When you feel more pain than pleasure, it is time to walk. I pray you do that soon for your own sanity. Hugs... Freedom Now
whichwayisup Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 but am I already there... could it be too late? No, it isn't too late. You're posting here and talking about it, you're not off drinking and isolating yourself, pondering killing yourself because of this affair with MM. You're not the person you once were before you and the MM hooked up. Someday soon you WILL become that person again. do I have the courage to walk away? If I could ask GOD for one wish right now, it would be for you (and any other OW, OM) to gain the strength to get the F out of their affairs with MM/MW. I hope you find the courage soon P. I really do, you're wasting your whole life away for some married guy who hasn't left his wife. And, this isn't about him not loving you, I'm sure he does - He just can't give up his life as he knows it, he can't deal with all the changes. Look at it that way to help you cope and get over this. Don't make it about you, or that you're not good enough - You are. It's just that he is married, and yeah, he has lied and has been a lying dog behind his wife's back - Bottomline, he is still married and that's not going to change. You, as the OW can choose to stay-put up with the crap, or go so you can find peace and happiness. I am sitting in the dark right now at work on the shack talking about MM when he probably does not even care about what I am feeling and thinking. I think he's more concerned about himself. Sorry... I sometimes feel that I am being punished for past errors... or am I punishing myself? You're punishing yourself. You're banging your head against a brick wall over and over again, and the pain will go away when you turn around and walk the other way. Sure, the wounds will hurt for a while, but they'll heal and you'll feel so much better. And, when you see the brick wall, you'll remember that awful pain, you'll know to go the other way and not go near that brick wall.
Author pricillia Posted May 13, 2007 Author Posted May 13, 2007 I hear you...I truly do! but what if some people are meant to be alone... maybe I am one of those people that just are better off alone... this is not what I want at all not at all... but it is turning out this way, sadly enough.
whichwayisup Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 No, you're not better off alone...You've had single men in your life before, you'll have another in your future. I know you can't even imagine yourself with another man, but until you're OUT and AWAY from him, and healed, don't even think that far ahead. You gotta start off with baby steps. You may be alone for a little while, but I think that's a good thing. You can gain your self confidence again and also just enjoy life without having a guy there. Anyway, take it one day at a time.
Author pricillia Posted May 13, 2007 Author Posted May 13, 2007 No, you're not better off alone...You've had single men in your life before, you'll have another in your future. I know you can't even imagine yourself with another man, but until you're OUT and AWAY from him, and healed, don't even think that far ahead. You gotta start off with baby steps. You may be alone for a little while, but I think that's a good thing. You can gain your self confidence again and also just enjoy life without having a guy there. Anyway, take it one day at a time. but WWIU... I am getting to old for this:(
johan Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 You would feel free and happy and in control if you were able to just cut this guy out of your past. You would feel proud of yourself.
Author pricillia Posted May 13, 2007 Author Posted May 13, 2007 You would feel free and happy and in control if you were able to just cut this guy out of your past. You would feel proud of yourself. yes part of me would and part of me would say what if... major thinking to do...
johan Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 "What if"? Where does your heart tell you this relationship will be in 10 years?
Author pricillia Posted May 13, 2007 Author Posted May 13, 2007 "What if"? Where does your heart tell you this relationship will be in 10 years? not sure... right now I know nothing... maybe I should visit a fortune teller...
sadbuttrue Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 pricillia, i am so sorry you are hurting, but it is good that you see what all of his crap is doing to you. you are getting closer and closer to doing what is best for YOU, damn him. good luck
johan Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 not sure... right now I know nothing... maybe I should visit a fortune teller... Maybe you are confused. Or maybe you aren't listening to your heart. I think you know deep down what the potential really is for this relationship.
GreenEyedLady Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 P: I just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you and I KNOW you have the courage to do what you feel you should do... Don't doubt yourself...you can do whatever it is you set your mind to... (((HUGS)))
Touche Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 Hey, P. I don't really have anything to add but I'm just sending you a hug and praying for you to draw on the strength that I know you have. Be strong, ok? You can get through this. Stop this cycle and the pain that goes with it once and for all.
Not_That_Innocent Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 Sorry to hijack your thread, but I need to vent too and I liked the last line of your post - F***! I am done! I am and always will be way too good for you!
woe_is_me Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 End it with him. If he loves you, he will find you when he is free (but I wouldn't hold my breath). Freedom Now lol FN .. i liked that.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 I'm going to take this in a completely different direction. 7 years ago my mother dropped dead all of a sudden. I walked into her house 15 minutes after we had talked to find her dead on the couch. I was devastated, she was my best friend. STILL, even knowing she was dead, I would wake up every morning and my first though was that it had been a bad dream. OK, even when we know that there is no hope, our minds don't want us to believe what will hurt. WHEN THERE IS HOPE, even the remotest chance, it's one hundred times harder to accept what we want least to believe. To give up on what we most desire in order to receive the peice of mind that we so very badly need. I don't know your situation Pricilla, I'm very sorry for your pain. I have said this over and over mostly to BS's, but whatever decision you make, to stay or leave, you have to own. This is where YOU become responsible for your pain or your happiness. You know the facts of your situation, if you keep putting your hand in the fire, even if its to get what you want most out of life, your going to get burned. It will hurt everytime, so since you know this you own the decision. My point is that it becomes a self distructive cycle because we ignore the facts in favor of what we want to believe and convince ourselves that "someone else is hurting us". In reality, though, we are allowing ourselves to be hurt. If you have children then you know that doing the BEST think for them isn't always giving them what they think they want but what we KNOW will be best in the long run. At some point we have to love ourselves enough to do what's best for us. Hope is not your friend. Find a way to break the cycle and own your own happiness, one that is not in anyway dependent on the actions or decisions of another.
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