Reckless Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 Looking at some of the comments (not the OP) I can't help wondering if there are some doubles standards at work here... Men say "Listen... I like being with you but I'm not looking for a relationship at the moment" all the time! It means: I like you, would love to get physical with you but don't read to much into it and don't go out with your girlfriends looking at brides gowns, I want to be free to date other people and besides I don't know you enough to know if I want to make a committment to you. The woman takes him at his word and if she feels he is worth the time and may change his mind (yes, men as well as women sometimes think further down the line ' hey this one's a keeper'...) she sticks around and tries to keep her heart in tact and her expectations under control. If she thinks that this man is fundamentally 1) Immature, unprepared emotionally for any kind of commitment no matter how well he knows and likes her.. 2) Mature and a good bet but being totally honest and not on the same page as regards relationship needs at that moment in their lives. 3) A game player, feeding her a line that's bound to make him a challenge and thus more desirable She moves on. The roles have been reversed but the options remain more or less the same.
sweetbutcheeky Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 I did ask her and she does not want a relationship, but she is okay with "hangin out with me and being physical". wow I am confused. perhaps it is the captain morgan right now. Yup yup sounds like to me that she wants all the benefits and perks of a relationship but doesn't want the emotional and effort side. I have been there with guys, rubbed me the wrong way. Why should I give ya all the best part and not have to put in any effort or work into it? And I don't get the relationship I am looking for. I think that's how your feeling too.
Author peace_pipe Posted May 13, 2007 Author Posted May 13, 2007 Yup yup sounds like to me that she wants all the benefits and perks of a relationship but doesn't want the emotional and effort side. I have been there with guys, rubbed me the wrong way. Why should I give ya all the best part and not have to put in any effort or work into it? And I don't get the relationship I am looking for. I think that's how your feeling too. It's always something. I have no problem meeting women I am compatable with; however, circumstances always prevent it from becoming anything real. I feel like I have a cloud hanging over my head.
sweetbutcheeky Posted May 15, 2007 Posted May 15, 2007 It's always something. I have no problem meeting women I am compatible with; however, circumstances always prevent it from becoming anything real. I feel like I have a cloud hanging over my head. I know how you feel I was going through a patch where I felt like I was a magnet for jerks and didn't believe it was going to end. (knock on wood that it did and I'm not dating one in disguise) Good luck, I know your cloud will clear.
GregsBad Posted May 15, 2007 Posted May 15, 2007 I see all sorts of signals that she wants you. Just doesn't want a relationship. She wants sex - but doesn't want to lead you on about romance. There are PLENTY of girls who want that. Girls who have too much going on to start another romance ... but still need to get laid regularly It seems to me she's waiting for you to catch on - but instead, you're doing a poindexter on her. You're acting a little too dripy and pushing way to hard on the realtionship angle. You say you want to bang her - but you're acting like you're insisting on a "relationship". You're acting like the girl - no offense intended. Look ... She said she feels bad about cheating on the bf. Well that's her way of telling you she cheats on him. Forget that she said she feels bad - she HAS to say that or she looks like a slut!. I think you should allow her the "no relationship" thing. And at the same time move in for sex. And no dinners on you, (with out sex) ... that's a relationship. And it would be using you too. Sack up man! Lighten up! Bone up! If you don't give what she wants - someone else will. Wish I were there
GregsBad Posted May 15, 2007 Posted May 15, 2007 It means: I like you, would love to get physical with you but don't read to much into it and don't go out with your girlfriends looking at brides gowns, I want to be free to date other people and besides I don't know you enough to know if I want to make a committment to you. There! You see, Reckless agrees with me! The girl wants to get physical without getting serious. The roles have been reversed but the options remain more or less the same. There! You see, Reckless agrees with me! You're being the girl here.
GregsBad Posted May 15, 2007 Posted May 15, 2007 I did ask her and she does not want a relationship, but she is okay with "hangin out with me and being physical". Dear Peace Pipe, A girl who says such things is likely turned off by needy, clingy guys who whine about wanting a relationship. 1. Are you really so serious about wanting this? Then you're best chance is to shut and get physical. Let the realationship grow on it's own - later. Sometimes - not always - a girl like this turns to wanting you - only AFTER you stop with the clingy stuff. Most hot girls hate clingy. Write that down. 2. Are you ok with just physical? Then shut and get physical. 3. Are you stuck on romance and a relationship? And can't be physical without committment? We're from different planets - don't know how to communicate with you. ... just go visit with the girls
Hugh_950 Posted May 16, 2007 Posted May 16, 2007 Peace Pipe What are you smoking? Listen to yourself! You've known her a short time but want a relationship! She wants to bang you, but you don't want to give up your dignity? Let her strip you of that dignity! You can take a rape shower afterward ... you'll feel fine.
Woman Whisperer Posted May 16, 2007 Posted May 16, 2007 PP I honestly think that most girls are turned off by what you're doing. It's too needy.
sweetbutcheeky Posted May 16, 2007 Posted May 16, 2007 I see all sorts of signals that she wants you. Just doesn't want a relationship. She doesn't want a relationship, he does. Enough said. He didn't say he just wanted sex, it's obvious she does want just sex.
sweetbutcheeky Posted May 16, 2007 Posted May 16, 2007 Peace Pipe What are you smoking? Listen to yourself! You've known her a short time but want a relationship! She wants to bang you, but you don't want to give up your dignity? Let her strip you of that dignity! You can take a rape shower afterward ... you'll feel fine. He didn't say he wants to be in a relationship with her after a short time, he is looking for a relationship in general. Not giving up all the perks and not getting back what he is looking for.
sweetbutcheeky Posted May 16, 2007 Posted May 16, 2007 PP I honestly think that most girls are turned off by what you're doing. It's too needy. Not all all, why is he needy for wanting more? Believe me their are more woman out there that will be thrilled to find a man who wants more, wants a relationship. (since most lie about it and really just want sex) PP stick to your morals and what you really want for yourself, you find her. (don't listen to these guys)
GregsBad Posted May 16, 2007 Posted May 16, 2007 Not all all, why is he needy for wanting more? Because he's known her for only a short time! That's immature. In fact it's a little wierd. If the girl were you're daughter, would you steer her his way or away? their are more woman out there that will be thrilled to find a man who wants more, wants a relationship. So there are women out there that will be thrilled to find a man who wants more, wants a relationship ... after only a week or so???? That would be a bad idea for those women. PP - Don't listen to Cheeky, .... trust me son. Enjoy the sex ... maybe you could ask her to be gentle the first time. You'll be fine! And stop with the "I'm a one woman man" mantra. A girl will see that is weak or BS. But NOT sincere and not strong. You haven't known her long enough to wax on like that. Do you REALLY want one woman? Then let her know there may be others.
GregsBad Posted May 16, 2007 Posted May 16, 2007 He didn't say he wants to be in a relationship with her after a short time That's exactly what he's been saying! He's known her a short time - he said. He wants a relationship with her. - he said.
sweetbutcheeky Posted May 16, 2007 Posted May 16, 2007 That's exactly what he's been saying! He's known her a short time - he said. He wants a relationship with her. - he said. Come on now you can't use half of my sentence and make it look like I'm saying something different. I said "He didn't say he wants to be in a relationship with her after a short time, he wants a relationship in general." As in a possibility, in the future. If she isn't looking for one then he wanted to know so he doesn't waste putting effort into something that isn't going to be what he wants.
sweetbutcheeky Posted May 16, 2007 Posted May 16, 2007 Because he's known her for only a short time! That's immature. In fact it's a little wierd. If the girl were you're daughter, would you steer her his way or away? So there are women out there that will be thrilled to find a man who wants more, wants a relationship ... after only a week or so???? That would be a bad idea for those women. PP - Don't listen to Cheeky, .... trust me son. Enjoy the sex ... maybe you could ask her to be gentle the first time. You'll be fine! And stop with the "I'm a one woman man" mantra. A girl will see that is weak or BS. But NOT sincere and not strong. You haven't known her long enough to wax on like that. Ever get the feeling your talking to a brick wall? He didn't say he wanted a relationship with her today, after a week or so! And I didn't say that's what woman are looking for. They are looking for a man general that are open to the possibility. (of more than sex - many woman, not all) Don't worry PP, they just don't get it and never will. Stick with what you want, you will find it.
Mustang Sally Posted May 16, 2007 Posted May 16, 2007 I interpret her stance to be "Friends with Benefits." If you are up for that, go for it. Like someone else said earlier, you never know where that could lead eventually (relationship...or not). If you aren't a FWB kind-of-guy, cut her loose and move on.
Woman Whisperer Posted May 16, 2007 Posted May 16, 2007 He didn't say he wanted a relationship with her today, after a week or so! But he did say he wants a relationship now. And he told her he won't see her unless. I agree that he needs to ease up on the relationship talk.
Woman Whisperer Posted May 16, 2007 Posted May 16, 2007 I interpret her stance to be "Friends with Benefits." If you are up for that, go for it. Like someone else said earlier, you never know where that could lead eventually (relationship...or not). . Right Sally ... Right! If you aren't a FWB kind-of-guy, cut her loose and move on. Peace Pipe, If you DO move on, can I have her number? Have you seen "Little Miss Sunshine"? Watch the movie - pay close attention to grampa's advice. He is sage and wise ... and has a message for you
GregsBad Posted May 16, 2007 Posted May 16, 2007 He didn't say he wanted a relationship with her today, after a week or so! Actually he did say that. And I didn't say that's what woman are looking for. They are looking for a man general that are open to the possibility. (of more than sex - many woman, not all) Peace Pipe the subject ... And he is more than just "open to the possibility". He's actally unwilling to have it any other way. Cheeky ... is English your second language? I thought you we're British.
sweetbutcheeky Posted May 16, 2007 Posted May 16, 2007 Peace Pipe the subject ... And he is more than just "open to the possibility". He's actally unwilling to have it any other way. Cheeky ... is English your second language? I thought you we're British. Quoting him directly "I simply told her I would like to get to know someone who has potential and since she does not want a relationship" Possibility of a relationship as I was saying... Greg .. I thinking your reading between the lines Yes I am fluent in English thank you (half Brit and half Canadian). By the way you should check how to spell actually!
GregsBad Posted May 16, 2007 Posted May 16, 2007 Quoting him directly "I simply told her I would like to get to know someone who has potential and since she does not want a relationship" Possibility of a relationship as I was saying... Greg .. I thinking your reading between the lines I know I'm reading between the lines - and look what I found ... "So I told her I thought it was best for us not to see each other" So SweetBut, that means he's stopping things NOW - for reason of non-relationship. Which also means he wants a relationship NOW - or it's over. You're not following this are you ... are you sure you're half Brit? I'm saying that it's strange, within a week or so, to be telling a girl he won't see her without a committment. Ok - OK, being committment willing is commendable (gagging here!) and all that. But wouldn't it be better to tell her he's interested in possibly a relationship after they get to know each other ... then wait 'n' see ... rather than breaking up because she won't take any vows right now? I still think he should see her and give her a chance. Stop insisting that she agree right now on a relationship. She's not likely to rape him! Yes I am fluent in English thank you (half Brit and half Canadian). OK, den dee udder half aint so fluent, eh? I once knew a Canadian who would read every other line ... to finish the paper in half the time.
Author peace_pipe Posted May 17, 2007 Author Posted May 17, 2007 I know I'm reading between the lines - and look what I found ... "So I told her I thought it was best for us not to see each other" So SweetBut, that means he's stopping things NOW - for reason of non-relationship. Which also means he wants a relationship NOW - or it's over. You're not following this are you ... are you sure you're half Brit? I'm saying that it's strange, within a week or so, to be telling a girl he won't see her without a committment. Ok - OK, being committment willing is commendable (gagging here!) and all that. But wouldn't it be better to tell her he's interested in possibly a relationship after they get to know each other ... then wait 'n' see ... rather than breaking up because she won't take any vows right now? I still think he should see her and give her a chance. Stop insisting that she agree right now on a relationship. She's not likely to rape him! OK, den dee udder half aint so fluent, eh? I once knew a Canadian who would read every other line ... to finish the paper in half the time. Okay, thanks for the response and I have been wanting to reply to this. Everyone who claims I want a relationship with her right now is dead wrong. I simply want to date the girl, but I am confiused about what she wants. What throws me off is the fact that she claims to have a connection with me, but throws out the possibility of it ever becoming something meaningful by saying "I don't want a relationship". This confuses me, I mean can she see the future? Why would she shut out the possibility of that ever happening if we have such a connection. You see, my problem isn't right now. My problem is what happens a month from now or 6 months from now. I have been investing a lot of time in this girl and it would be nice to know that she had a clearer understanding of what she wants. I am not expecting her to know if she wants a relationship with me now. I don;t know if I want one with her for sure either, but I know I like her and will leave it open - ended. I suppose it's too much to ask of her to do the same. I am just confused as she is giving me mixed signals. One day its okay to kiss, the next it's not. She wants to be "friends" right now but then she tells me how she declines other guys because she likes me. Bottom line - I don't want to miss out on a good thing but i don't want to be played like a fiddle either. HELP
Author peace_pipe Posted May 17, 2007 Author Posted May 17, 2007 So SweetBut, that means he's stopping things NOW - for reason of non-relationship. Which also means he wants a relationship NOW - or it's over. Wrong again. I am considering stopping the relationship NOW only because of the fact that the FUTURE may have nothing to offer is. Is that so hard to understand. If someone does not want a relationship NOW or LATER then what is the point of dating????
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