hunnybun1980 Posted May 12, 2007 Posted May 12, 2007 After reading similar situations i probably know what your all going to say already but really just need to write all this down. I got married 3 years ago but its been awful, cant really remember any good times at all, we dont really get on that well and have discovered we have not much in common. A year ago a new guy arrived in my work, who caught my eye and at that time I only dreamed about what it would be like to go out with him. Months went by and we slowly started speaking here and there when we saw each other. Then we started talking late at night on chat etc and things got a bit flirty but that was it. I liked the attention and I guess he did too. He was and still is having trouble with his girlfriend too. The first time I really started to think "I really want you" was when we were talking dirty on chat one night and he said " i really wish things were different and then we could do this stuff...." anyway we continued in this way for months until one day we were in work and sitting in his office speaking about going for a drive somewhere before going back to our miserable lives, when he reached his hand over to me and said come here, pulled me off the chair and into his body and kissed me. it was amazing and both of us really wanted it to happen, it wasnt just me wanting it cos it was him that started it. so here I am 8 months later even more crazy about him and we see each other when we can, a sneaky kiss in work, the bosses office, canteen and he comes up to my house when my husband is out. We haven't slept together and its not something i have really thought about. just really enjoy the time we spend together, even if its just talking some days. Everytime we are together it just feels right and I know he feels the same. My problem i guess is that I want to tell him that I want to be with him but I am scared. I dont have a problem with leaving my husband, i hardly see him anyway. I want to tell him that these situations do happen and people do leave their partners to be with someone else and are very happy together, i want to tell him things CAN BE DIFFERENT, and we can make it happen if we want it to..... Anyway let me know your views or if anyone has been in the same situation and has left their husband and it has worked with the new guy etc - maybe i can show him this as proof...lol.... thanks for listening!!!!!
Teeky3 Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 Wow! Even with everything you said...the bottom line is that you are married. If life is truly that miserable, lonely or how ever you may describe it, get out of it. Why are you staying in a place that is lonely? Don't leave as a result of another man, leave because life is just way too short and you did not sign up for this kind of marriage. Have you talked to your husband and does he feel the same way? If your marriage is salvageable would you stay? Those are some things that you might want to find the answers to. So rather than continue on dreaming what life might be like with this other person, dream what life could be like being happy within...wiht or without a man. If it's that bad with your husband and not worth salvaging, get out...and get on with your happiness and your life. Also remember, that no one can make us happy...only you can provide that for yourself. Good Luck! After reading similar situations i probably know what your all going to say already but really just need to write all this down. I got married 3 years ago but its been awful, cant really remember any good times at all, we dont really get on that well and have discovered we have not much in common. A year ago a new guy arrived in my work, who caught my eye and at that time I only dreamed about what it would be like to go out with him. Months went by and we slowly started speaking here and there when we saw each other. Then we started talking late at night on chat etc and things got a bit flirty but that was it. I liked the attention and I guess he did too. He was and still is having trouble with his girlfriend too. The first time I really started to think "I really want you" was when we were talking dirty on chat one night and he said " i really wish things were different and then we could do this stuff...." anyway we continued in this way for months until one day we were in work and sitting in his office speaking about going for a drive somewhere before going back to our miserable lives, when he reached his hand over to me and said come here, pulled me off the chair and into his body and kissed me. it was amazing and both of us really wanted it to happen, it wasnt just me wanting it cos it was him that started it. so here I am 8 months later even more crazy about him and we see each other when we can, a sneaky kiss in work, the bosses office, canteen and he comes up to my house when my husband is out. We haven't slept together and its not something i have really thought about. just really enjoy the time we spend together, even if its just talking some days. Everytime we are together it just feels right and I know he feels the same. My problem i guess is that I want to tell him that I want to be with him but I am scared. I dont have a problem with leaving my husband, i hardly see him anyway. I want to tell him that these situations do happen and people do leave their partners to be with someone else and are very happy together, i want to tell him things CAN BE DIFFERENT, and we can make it happen if we want it to..... Anyway let me know your views or if anyone has been in the same situation and has left their husband and it has worked with the new guy etc - maybe i can show him this as proof...lol.... thanks for listening!!!!!
Not_That_Innocent Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 Sounds to me like your feelings for this are based on a fantasy. You enjoy being with him because he gives you attention that you are not getting at home, plus the sneaking around and having to be secretive is probably exciting. Like the above poster said, don't leave your husband for this guy. Leave him because it's something that you need to do for yourself, take the other guy out of the equation. Who knows, you may not even like the guy if you had a real relationship with him, like if you had to share space with him, finances, real life problems and stuff like that. I have recent experience with a situation similar to yours. In my case, it was all just a fantasy.
hardcase Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 I dont have a problem with leaving my husband, i hardly see him anyway. Then why didn't you leave him instead of cheating? Just because you two don't see eye to eye doesn't mean he won't be hurt. And nothing excuses cheating...nothing. Dont say you don't have a problem with leaving your husband...just do it. He doesn't deserve what you are doing to him no matter how badly you two don't get along.
whichwayisup Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 probably know what your all going to say already but really just need to write all this down. I got married 3 years ago but its been awful, cant really remember any good times at all, we dont really get on that well and have discovered we have not much in common. So, why not just get divorced? He deserves to be married to someone who will love him, respect him and not cheat on him. Don't stay because you're scared of the unknown, or are staying because you don't want to be alone, live alone or make it on your own ($$) or you don't want to give up your house, friends etc...If you leave, leave because the marriage is dead, not because you wanna jump ship to another man. HC is right, ofcourse your H will hurt, but he'll deal with it and get over it. If you continue to cheat on him and use him, you're making a fool of him and also creating pain that he doesn't deserve by you cheating on him.
Claudia Elysa Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 From experience, so many things may happen. You may want to weigh how important your marriage is to you. If you are not going to try to make it better from your part then you should let your hubby go; do not string him along. As for your affair with your coworker, think about it...has he left his girlfriend? Because if he has not then he too is a cheater. And believe me when a relationship begins that way it soon will end. Moreover, I do not know about the company you work for but some places are very against people dating within the company and esp. is people are unfaithful. I have known of some companies firing the employees involved in affairs because it shows bad character. All I can say is think about what you are doing...Love yourself a little more to figure out what you want and do not settle for any situation. You deserve the best... After reading similar situations i probably know what your all going to say already but really just need to write all this down. I got married 3 years ago but its been awful, cant really remember any good times at all, we dont really get on that well and have discovered we have not much in common. A year ago a new guy arrived in my work, who caught my eye and at that time I only dreamed about what it would be like to go out with him. Months went by and we slowly started speaking here and there when we saw each other. Then we started talking late at night on chat etc and things got a bit flirty but that was it. I liked the attention and I guess he did too. He was and still is having trouble with his girlfriend too. The first time I really started to think "I really want you" was when we were talking dirty on chat one night and he said " i really wish things were different and then we could do this stuff...." anyway we continued in this way for months until one day we were in work and sitting in his office speaking about going for a drive somewhere before going back to our miserable lives, when he reached his hand over to me and said come here, pulled me off the chair and into his body and kissed me. it was amazing and both of us really wanted it to happen, it wasnt just me wanting it cos it was him that started it. so here I am 8 months later even more crazy about him and we see each other when we can, a sneaky kiss in work, the bosses office, canteen and he comes up to my house when my husband is out. We haven't slept together and its not something i have really thought about. just really enjoy the time we spend together, even if its just talking some days. Everytime we are together it just feels right and I know he feels the same. My problem i guess is that I want to tell him that I want to be with him but I am scared. I dont have a problem with leaving my husband, i hardly see him anyway. I want to tell him that these situations do happen and people do leave their partners to be with someone else and are very happy together, i want to tell him things CAN BE DIFFERENT, and we can make it happen if we want it to..... Anyway let me know your views or if anyone has been in the same situation and has left their husband and it has worked with the new guy etc - maybe i can show him this as proof...lol.... thanks for listening!!!!!
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