monmon Posted May 12, 2007 Posted May 12, 2007 My boyfriend is very insecure. He is obsessed with thoughts of me and my ex-boyfriend of 8 years and imagines that my ex gave me better gifts, took me to nicer places and also that we had better sex. My boyfriend feels that I am too good for him and he cannot please me. He also thinks that the only reason why I picked him over my ex is because he is more affectionate towards me (which is certainly not the only reason why I left my ex). When he gets in this "mode", he becomes very cold towards me and hardly talks. He is always comparing himself to my ex and feels like he is always on the losing side. I love him very much and shared with him the reasons why he shouldn't feel that way but it works only temporarily. My boyfriend said that he wants to work on himself and get counseling to get over this. Let me also add that I left my ex to be with my current bf and it has been the best decision that I ever made. Any thoughts or suggestions on this topic?
whichwayisup Posted May 12, 2007 Posted May 12, 2007 Let me also add that I left my ex to be with my current bf and it has been the best decision that I ever made. This is why he is feeling insecure. It's a total trust issue. I assume you cheated on your ex with your current boyfriend? He may feel that you will cheat on him with your ex, or even with someone else. All you can do is let him know you love him and only want him, noone else so he can feel like you really DO need and love him in your life. Show him in words and in actions. The rest he has to do on his own, he needs to work on feeling more secure, getting rid of worrisome thoughts.
mattea Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 i feel your frustration! i was with a guy who was similarly insecure. i wonder if what whichwayisup said is part of it - because you left your boyfriend for him he feels uneasy. do you think that's it? can he say if he's felt this way in relationships past or if this is specific to your relationship? my ex was always worried that the sex wasn't good enough for me, that he wasn't big enough (i reassured him a million times that wasn't the case), that i had feelings for this guy i had dated briefly YEARS before and was just friends with, that i'd cheat on him, etc. i never did cheat on him, never thought about it, was crazy about him, told him all the time, but it never seemed to be enough. he wasn't very happy in the relationship because he never felt secure and kept trying to be all these idealistic things to me (impossible), and i wasn't very happy because it was exhausting trying to convince him that i wanted and loved him. and guess what? ended up that HE cheated on ME! i'm not saying that is going to happen with your guy. my sis has a boyfriend who was VERY VERY insecure in the beginning, and he came around and they've been together for 18 years. maybe your boyfriend just needs some time with you being consistently into him to get past his insecurities, especially because of the circumstances (you having left a long term relationship for him). but it's good that he's aware that it is an issue he needs to work on. all you can do is keep reassuring him and be consistent and give it time. best of luck!
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