just came to know - MM having many affairs

[Guest]

i am having an affair with my MM for the past 2 years (me in mid-twenties, he in early forties). it started off as a no-strings-attached affair as initially we felt only strongly sexually attracted to each other. slowly as time progressed we started liking each other and became friends, starting spending time together, started to trust each other and started sharing a lot of things... but it never really went into the 'i love u n all that' kindof affair b coz i didnt fall in love with him yet, and i dont know about him. but generally he is very nice to me, caring, understanding, listening to my issues and trying solving them.

 

i have never questioned him about his life n would rather not do that. Also he never stops me from having my own life, or even guy friends, he does get jealous at times about this, but he just says ' u r special, go ahead with ur life, but dont forget me, or leave me'. so we are basically together at the moment b coz we feel good about it..

 

BUT today i came to know that he is actually having affairs with 2 other women (in their last thirties) as this very time! also further i observed that he is writing love messages to one of them, sending kisses to the second women by email, and can you believe, also sending me kisses by sms at the same time!!!! also both the emails to these women contained the same sexual hints that he always used with me over sms etc...... so it definitely affairs with these 2 women..

 

(he had given me his email password sometime ago and today just like that i happened to open his account and saw the emails).

 

for a moment i just could not believe wat i had just figured out.. though i had never expected that he would be committed to me in any way but seeing him having 3 parallel affairs (including one with me, and dont know could be more) is giving me a rather strange uneasy feeling..

 

what should his having so many affairs mean to me? i m feeling a bit sad, but more surprised to see all this.. i just cant believe wats going on...feels as if something's hit me. if you all can understand me....

 

I dont know if i would want to continue the affair with him as i feel strange, though we have been great together, i have no complaints otherwise. but what really is this?????????

 

please guide me..

[Chrome Barracuda]

i am having an affair with my MM for the past 2 years (me in mid-twenties, he in early forties). it started off as a no-strings-attached affair as initially we felt only strongly sexually attracted to each other. slowly as time progressed we started liking each other and became friends, starting spending time together, started to trust each other and started sharing a lot of things... but it never really went into the 'i love u n all that' kindof affair b coz i didnt fall in love with him yet, and i dont know about him. but generally he is very nice to me, caring, understanding, listening to my issues and trying solving them.

 

i have never questioned him about his life n would rather not do that. Also he never stops me from having my own life, or even guy friends, he does get jealous at times about this, but he just says ' u r special, go ahead with ur life, but dont forget me, or leave me'. so we are basically together at the moment b coz we feel good about it..

 

BUT today i came to know that he is actually having affairs with 2 other women (in their last thirties) as this very time! also further i observed that he is writing love messages to one of them, sending kisses to the second women by email, and can you believe, also sending me kisses by sms at the same time!!!! also both the emails to these women contained the same sexual hints that he always used with me over sms etc...... so it definitely affairs with these 2 women..

 

(he had given me his email password sometime ago and today just like that i happened to open his account and saw the emails).

 

for a moment i just could not believe wat i had just figured out.. though i had never expected that he would be committed to me in any way but seeing him having 3 parallel affairs (including one with me, and dont know could be more) is giving me a rather strange uneasy feeling..

 

what should his having so many affairs mean to me? i m feeling a bit sad, but more surprised to see all this.. i just cant believe wats going on...feels as if something's hit me. if you all can understand me....

 

I dont know if i would want to continue the affair with him as i feel strange, though we have been great together, i have no complaints otherwise. but what really is this?????????

 

please guide me..

 

Okay so you have no problem cheating with a married man when he's clearly married. Nice way to set an example right there. also he lied to you, As many married men have affairs they do so for the sex, 90% of the time just for the sex. Emotion is even less. Now if he lied to his wife, the one he made solemn vows to, what makes you think your above her? To him your just his little plaything. A piece of ass on the side. You not even his girlfriend. your an illegitimate side woman that has no true meaning in his life other than in a bed on your back. That' how he sees you.

 

The reason he gave you the emails is to show you that he doesnt care. Cause if he did he would have left his wife for you or been single when you met him. Is that what you really want, half of a man, half of his time, half of his life?

 

Dont you deserve something more???

[norajane]

Have you dated anyone else, or been in a relationship with anyone else during the 2 years of your affair with him? If not, you're losing out on precious time that you could be using to meet someone whom you can love and who can love you.

 

That he is having other affairs at the same time as you means a few things. It means you, his wife, and the other two women need to be using condoms when having sex with him, and need to be tested for STD's. It means none of you are special to him - HE is special to him, and he puts himself and his selfish desires ahead of everything and everyone else. It means that you are having sex with a player. It means he's not as into you as you might think, nor as much as you are into him. And it means that he's really, really good at hiding things, sneaking around, and lying.

[outofdarkness]

i am having an affair with my MM for the past 2 years (me in mid-twenties, he in early forties). it started off as a no-strings-attached affair as initially we felt only strongly sexually attracted to each other. slowly as time progressed we started liking each other and became friends, starting spending time together, started to trust each other and started sharing a lot of things... but it never really went into the 'i love u n all that' kindof affair b coz i didnt fall in love with him yet, and i dont know about him. but generally he is very nice to me, caring, understanding, listening to my issues and trying solving them.

 

i have never questioned him about his life n would rather not do that. Also he never stops me from having my own life, or even guy friends, he does get jealous at times about this, but he just says ' u r special, go ahead with ur life, but dont forget me, or leave me'. so we are basically together at the moment b coz we feel good about it..

 

BUT today i came to know that he is actually having affairs with 2 other women (in their last thirties) as this very time! also further i observed that he is writing love messages to one of them, sending kisses to the second women by email, and can you believe, also sending me kisses by sms at the same time!!!! also both the emails to these women contained the same sexual hints that he always used with me over sms etc...... so it definitely affairs with these 2 women..

 

(he had given me his email password sometime ago and today just like that i happened to open his account and saw the emails).

 

for a moment i just could not believe wat i had just figured out.. though i had never expected that he would be committed to me in any way but seeing him having 3 parallel affairs (including one with me, and dont know could be more) is giving me a rather strange uneasy feeling..

 

what should his having so many affairs mean to me? i m feeling a bit sad, but more surprised to see all this.. i just cant believe wats going on...feels as if something's hit me. if you all can understand me....

 

I dont know if i would want to continue the affair with him as i feel strange, though we have been great together, i have no complaints otherwise. but what really is this?????????

 

please guide me..

He's a serial cheater...get out of the A BEFORE you fall in love w/ him..He's feeding the other OW's the same lines..Good Luck!

[Je Ne Regrette Rien]

I think it's a bit fishy he gave you his password to his email account knowing that he would be emailing women...you sure he's not trying to make you jealous?

 

He's right on some accounts though...you SHOULD go live your life

[Lizzie60]

to be faithful to his mistress when he can't be faithful to his wife????

 

This guy is a player... he gave you his password because, really, he doesn't care that much about you... he probably thinks you're OK with it. I hope you're using condoms with this guy. He could be a health hazard...

 

I go out with many MM and I don't give a hoot if they see other women... some tell me, some swear they see only me (and I believe them cause they just don't have the time) but they can't expect me to be 'faithful' to them...

[Je Ne Regrette Rien]

to be faithful to his mistress when he can't be faithful to his wife????

 

This guy is a player... he gave you his password because, really, he doesn't care that much about you... he probably thinks you're OK with it. I hope you're using condoms with this guy. He could be a health hazard...

 

I go out with many MM and I don't give a hoot if they see other women... some tell me, some swear they see only me (and I believe them cause they just don't have the time) but they can't expect me to be 'faithful' to them...

 

I do expect faithfulness from my separated MM. Saying that he wasn't faithful and therefore he can never be faithful is a generalisation. Granted, there are some MM who are serial cheaters. But there are some that are not, who are unhappy in their marriage and who have met someone else.

 

My comment was just to say that either IMO the MM is seeing other women and does not care about the OPs' feelings. Or, he's feeling threatened and has decided to give access to an email account and throw a "I'll teach you for being young and free and interested in other men" spanner in the works.

[4whatItsWorth]

But there are some that are not, who are unhappy in their marriage and who have met someone else.

 

I wish I had a penny for each time an OW said that on these forums about her MM.

[Trialbyfire]

Welcome to the wonderful world of affairs where pain is spread all around. If you think your situation is currently painful with his other two dalliances, just wait until D-day arrives and the betrayed spouse ends up going ballistic. Walk away while you still have very little invested in this cheater. Do it before he rips you further apart.

 

Btw, I'm the betrayed spouse of a serial cheater, so you know where I'm coming from.

[Guest]

hi

 

I am the original poster. Today i met my MM (of course he was unaware that I read his emails). He appeared his normal self, caring, concerned towards me etc but of course i was hesitant, b coz i kept remembering all that i had discovered. i wasnt myself, i tried to be distant and he did figure that out and asked me if something was wrong. I didnt say anything to him, but those things kept coming back to me. .. and i just tried to pass the time. i guess our A might die a natural death. I have decided NC from today..... i will keep you posted.

 

i even tried to provoke him so that he would say something but he didnt! today i realised he is so perfect at lying and hiding things. I loved the lying thread by pricillia, its very thoughful and so true.

 

more comments by you are welcome...

thanks all

[Ripples]

He gave you his password? Oooookkkkaaayyyy

[LucreziaBorgia]

what should his having so many affairs mean to me?

 

It means that you are just one of the women he sees on the side. No more or less special than any of the other OW in his life.

[Seen_It_All]

....and can you believe, also sending me kisses by sms at the same time!!!!

Can I believe it? The guy's a proven liar and cheater - I would expect it and I'm certainly not surprised to hear it.

 

What should his having so many affairs mean to me?

Ummm, that he's a using, lying sack of sh*it that you've actually lowered yourself to servicing sexually? Surely there's a homeless guy down in the ghetto that you can waste your time on as it would have about the same emotional significance that your 'relationship' with this married pig does.

 

....but what really is this?????????

Just another cheating slob getting his jollies and playing Russian Roulette with his WIFE'S sexual health. Oh that's right - he doesn't have sex with her. Good thing. Whew. Oh, and it also means you're just one of many convenient places in which to knock off a piece. But that's how you started with him anyway - as a f*ck buddy...so why question the situation?

[herenow]

He already knows that you don't care if he lies or that he has sex with other people including his WIFE. He obviously sees no reason to hide his other affairs from you because he knows that you have no problem having sex with MM. How are you any different from him? He is only being true to who he is and who you are. Why the problem?

[directx]

So you have his email password...

Whatever you do DONT send emails to other women pretending to him! Don't do that!

If you don't do above, DONT send the send emails to yourself to throw you off the scent!

I wouldnt even CC his wife in as well.

 

You see, you dont want to do the above so you don't tip your hand that you are now reading his email. You can continue to read it and see what possible diseases from the other women that are coming your way.

[whichwayisup]

Whatever you do DONT send emails to other women pretending to him! Don't do that!

If you don't do above, DONT send the send emails to yourself to throw you off the scent!

 

If he is smart he'll figure out it's her (if OP decides to do use his email account) it will show HER IP address, not his.

 

I think you need to stop reading his emails, and walk away from him before you get even more hurt. The man is married, cheating on his wife with you and other women. What exactly is it that you see in him to make it worthwhile sticking around??? Ask yourself this - Is this guy worth all your heartache?

[Impudent Oyster]

Is there really any need for a response here?

 

He's a CHEATER, if he cheats on his wife he sure as hell is going to cheat on a meaningless woman-on-the-side whom he has no ties too.

 

Seriously, why would the fact that he's got many women surprise you? You knew what he was when you met him. Wait, let me guess, you thought he loved you? Ha-ha.

[frannie]

though i had never expected that he would be committed to me in any way but seeing him having 3 parallel affairs (including one with me, and dont know could be more) is giving me a rather strange uneasy feeling..

 

what should his having so many affairs mean to me? i m feeling a bit sad, but more surprised to see all this.. i just cant believe wats going on...feels as if something's hit me. if you all can understand me...

 

I think that sometimes we can lie to ourselves, or not be aware of our own feelings. It seems to me that you in some way justified this affair to yourself (despite it being 'only' physical or whatever), because you were his only lover. And now you find there are others... it doesn't feel so good. Because now you don't feel so special to him... what he said meant nothing, even as 'just' a lover, his words were repeated to others.

 

There's nothing unnatural in this. It's perfectly natural that you'd feel this way. No one likes to think that they are 'just another one' when they thought they were the only one (EVEN if they were just the 'only' one he was having fun and froliks with on the side).

 

So... now you know.. .and you don't love him... move on. Or accept him for what he is and enjoy that. But always remembering he lied to YOU too, and he'll always want others... not a good bet for the future.

[frannie]

Is there really any need for a response here?

 

He's a CHEATER, if he cheats on his wife he sure as hell is going to cheat on a meaningless woman-on-the-side whom he has no ties too.

 

Seriously, why would the fact that he's got many women surprise you? You knew what he was when you met him. Wait, let me guess, you thought he loved you? Ha-ha.

 

Because think of it this way. Someone is not happy with what they have, but they have reasons (financial, children, whatever) they can't or won't or don't choose to leave for. OK? So it makes sense that if they fall in love or find someone they find attractive, or just want to spend time with, they might want to... spend time with. That makes that other person someone particular.

 

A person doesn't necessarily cheat because 'they're a cheater': sometimes, evidently, they do cheat because they're 'a cheater' ... ie. they cannot be satisfied with one, two, or seven people... in other words nothing whatever is going to keep them satisfied. They cheat because they can't find what they need (and probably never will).

 

That is a far cry from someone who isn't getting what they need at home... it's someone who cannot get their needs met because of something lacking in them.

[frannie]

i am having an affair with my MM for the past 2 years (me in mid-twenties, he in early forties). it started off as a no-strings-attached affair as initially we felt only strongly sexually attracted to each other. slowly as time progressed we started liking each other and became friends, starting spending time together, started to trust each other and started sharing a lot of things... but it never really went into the 'i love u n all that' kindof affair b coz i didnt fall in love with him yet, and i dont know about him. but generally he is very nice to me, caring, understanding, listening to my issues and trying solving them.

 

Oh, and I meant to ask... why were you content with this situation for two years..? Have you dated others? And so on... what about other boyfriends, and where do you want to go from here..?

[hardcase]

i am having an affair with my MM for the past 2 years (me in mid-twenties, he in early forties). it started off as a no-strings-attached affair as initially we felt only strongly sexually attracted to each other. slowly as time progressed we started liking each other and became friends, starting spending time together, started to trust each other and started sharing a lot of things... but it never really went into the 'i love u n all that' kindof affair b coz i didnt fall in love with him yet, and i dont know about him. but generally he is very nice to me, caring, understanding, listening to my issues and trying solving them.

 

i have never questioned him about his life n would rather not do that. Also he never stops me from having my own life, or even guy friends, he does get jealous at times about this, but he just says ' u r special, go ahead with ur life, but dont forget me, or leave me'. so we are basically together at the moment b coz we feel good about it..

 

BUT today i came to know that he is actually having affairs with 2 other women (in their last thirties) as this very time!

 

Gee...ya don't say?....who would have known a man you were helping betray his wife betrayed you as well.

 

the nerve!!!!

[Guest]

Oh, and I meant to ask... why were you content with this situation for two years..? Have you dated others? And so on... what about other boyfriends, and where do you want to go from here..?

 

I am the original poster..

to frannie,

 

I totally identify with what you said in your post..

I have been a little disturbed lately coz naturally it doesnt feel good to be 'just another one'... though perhaps in the back of my mind i always thought that he has other girlfriends, but saying the same things to all OW and at the same time is a bit too much to handle for me..

 

i really dont know what i am going to do.. the other day i checked his hi5 profile and saw that he had recently added some 20 new friends in that (all women), which i kinda asked him in a light note that 'oh you have ur hands full it seems'. he immediately replied 'they r just e-friends except one, i have all the time for you'. which is a good lie! . after this instead of showing that i am actually bothered by all this, i was normal and just tried to keep distance.

 

(btw this except one lady which is referred to is actually one of the other 2 women he has been sending smses and emails, so funny he actually told me 'except one'.)

 

its feels rather sick now and i am trying to stop thinking about it, actually i just dont know how to handle the whole situation. i tried to keep distance with him for some time, but he keeps calling back and sms etc, though i am convinced that it doesnt matter to him if its me or anybody else...

thats exactly how i feel now, he doesnt feel special to me anymore, and its no way i would ever have sex with him again..

i just wanna find a way to get out of this,never want to see him again but another bad part is we are colleagues at work and i cant quit my job at the moment... but i really want to have NC with him...

 

meanwhile these 2 years i did try to date few guys, MM never stopped me, but somehow things didnt work out.. so at the moment i am lonely and low but hoping to meet some one soon..

 

suggestions please...

[norajane]

Tell him you don't want to see him outside of your professional relationship at work; tell him things have played themselves out between you and you don't want to be in an affair with him.. If he calls or emails or IM's, you do not have to reply. Just stick to business at work.

[Trimmer]

I do expect faithfulness from my separated MM.

That's different from expecting faithfulness from a MM who is currently maintaining a deception within his marriage to carry on the affair.

 

but seeing him having 3 parallel affairs (including one with me, and dont know could be more) is giving me a rather strange uneasy feeling..

Seeing a married person having any affair gives me a rather strange and uneasy feeling...

 

what should his having so many affairs mean to me?

Actually, the fact that he is having even one affair, while deceiving his wife, should tell you all you need to know; it's easy to ignore the fact of her existence, but doesn't his having even one affair "mean" something to you?

 

I think that sometimes we can lie to ourselves, or not be aware of our own feelings. It seems to me that you in some way justified this affair to yourself (despite it being 'only' physical or whatever), because you were his only lover.

I agree that even that is lying to yourself, because if you convince yourself of that, you have somehow put his wife out of your mind. Even if you're his "only affair", you are still one of TWO women in his life; you are not his only lover.

 

But always remembering he lied to YOU too, and he'll always want others... not a good bet for the future.

Yes, and this was evident from the first affair he entered... Not the second or third. This exact same line will probably be said to his wife by her friends, once she finds out. And it's true about him, either way.

 

Because think of it this way. Someone is not happy with what they have, but they have reasons (financial, children, whatever) they can't or won't or don't choose to leave for. OK? So it makes sense that if they fall in love or find someone they find attractive, or just want to spend time with, they might want to... spend time with. That makes that other person someone particular.

Again, in the interest of being honest with yourself, be careful with this logic. Even if you're his first affair, you're not the first or only or special one. You're the "next" one, after his wife - the one he loved and made promises and commitments to - once he has become the person who can deceive her and go stepping out.