goodmom Posted May 12, 2007 Posted May 12, 2007 I realize now that by giving my WS such a long leash the last seven months, I gave him time to justify in his own mind his scenario for why he did what he did. He has rewritten our marital history to justify his affair and the reasons he continued to see the OW during our attempt at reconcilation. "I've been unhappy since day one..." "In 1986 you did..." "In 1991 you didn't..." He also blamed his lack of faith one me--that I hardened his heart so much that he no longer has faith in God and cannot go to church. I could go on and on and on--his list is that long. WS finally admitted that he has had 5 affairs during the course of our 22 year marriage--all my fault, of course. He also told me that when he met the current OW, the connection was immediate, she is everything I am not. He actually used the words good and decent to describe her. Oh, he also used the word princess. I've tried to tell him that we never had a chance at reconciliation--not as long as the OW was in the picture. He does not want to hear that. The fact that he has defended her all this time and has now put her on a pedestal makes me ill. I should have just let him go.
Ladyjane14 Posted May 12, 2007 Posted May 12, 2007 I can't remember if you've seen an attorney yet? If not, it's well past time to do so. Make an appointment ASAP and get some advice on legal matters. You're going to feel more in control when you have a better idea about what you're facing. Also, you might want to talk to your former marriage counselor about getting into some individual counseling. You NEED emotional support, and again... you'll feel more "in control" when you're getting some in-depth feedback on your decisions. I think it would be a good idea to read some back-posts by Debilou. She too, had a long-standing marriage, children at home, financial troubles... and an absolute a*hole of a husband who she was regardless quite attached to. You'll find her posts by putting her username into the search tool. I don't know what resources you've read yet. (You tend to be a little skimpy on words, hon. )... but if you haven't read a copy of Love Must Be Tough, maybe that's a good place to start. Hopefully, Gunny will weigh in and give you some titles on personal finances and development of self-esteem. Yours has been sorely trod upon. Bear in mind... you're not losing much when what you're losing is a 5-time cheater who treats you badly. It's more like losing about 200 pounds of dead weight, a big ball and chain that's held you down for over two decades. All this energy you've been wasting on him... can now be redirected to you and to your kids.
Recommended Posts