mat56 Posted May 12, 2007 Posted May 12, 2007 So I havent talked to me ex for 11 days. I know thats not a lot but its been a miserable 11 days. But my question is have I really been NC if I look at his myspace everyday? I even check his new girlfriends AOL to see in her info(in which she puts the day they started dating with a heart like were in high school) or away message changes. Ive deleted her screen name but I have no will power I guess because I just add it again. Im horrible at this. I cant help but look at his myspace its silly nothing changes. I think Im afraid that I wont be on his top friends anymore but its not like that really means anything I guess because we arnt together why would I still be number 1? And I still find myself waiting everyday for the phone call I always got at 1030. I think about him all the time and I wish I could stop because I know I never cross his mind, he couldnt care less if I were alive or dead.
CaliGuy Posted May 12, 2007 Posted May 12, 2007 Yes. Looking at their MySpace page or otherwise checking up on them is not following NC. NC means no direct or indirect contact. No web page visits. No MySpace. No checking their away message (better yet, delete them off your IM). No looking back at old pictures. etc etc etc
alphamale Posted May 12, 2007 Posted May 12, 2007 But my question is have I really been NC if I look at his myspace everyday? technically, no you haven't been in NC
Trialbyfire Posted May 12, 2007 Posted May 12, 2007 Do what works for you. Each one of us has to address issues in different ways. For some members, they have used a combination of NC and LC (low contact), although it does take longer than strict NC. You might want to look at it like quitting smoking. Some people go cold turkey (NC), others slowly reduce the number of cigarettes they intake daily over a period of weeks until they can finally let go (combination of LC until they feel strong enough to go NC). There are others who've used primarily LC to get back with their exes, although in a situation where the other partner has cheated or moved on, I would strongly advise against this. You decide what the end result should be. NC is going cold turkey and getting yourself back onto your emotional feet by healing, so you can move on. It is not a game to get someone back. If you play it like a game, remember, expect a game back.
InvisibleTouch Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 You are obsessing. Realise it and give yourself a shake. Try and acknowledge that rejection is actually ok, it doesn't mean you are not good enough. Just go strict NC (and that means don't even allow yourself to think about him let alone contact him) and look forwards to the future.
jon3105 Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 I am going through exactly the same problem as you. I can just about force myself not to text her but I just cant help checking her myspace/facebook everyday It is an obsession. Im scared of what I will see and I know I dont want to see it, but if I dont look I find myself just thinking about what 'could' be on there. Its a lose-lose situation. I dont know whether its holding me back checking it all the time, I assume it is, but its so hard to ignore it. I guess its the little bit that stops us from shutting that person out of our lives completely. I know these arnt words of advice in any way, but hopefully it'll help to know that theres someone going through exactly the same thing as you at the same time As already said it is an unhealthy obsession. She deleted her myspace account and created a facebook one, some might say thats great 'You wont accidently be stumbling accross things', I on the other hand ended up going out of my way to make a facebook account just to be able to check up on her again Like you I also find myself sat up at around 10.30 every night, waiting for that daily phone call just to say goodnight. Its absolutly hammering it down outside today here, and its the type of day we'd run to the car, go round the shop and get a couple of dvds and just ly in bed all day cuddled up watching them, it hurts so much to think about it all As you said, I feel so stupid and annoyed with myself at the same time. Why am I so devasted and upset when meanwhile shes getting on with her life, meeting new people and generally couldnt give 2 ****'s about me..
krzr Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 you guys got it all wrong u think after all that time together they dont think about u ever? give urselves some credit but they just might realize hey this relationship is not perfect for me or right for me at this time or there not the "one" but they do think of u. But in order to heal u cannot think about are they thinking about me or missing me like i am them or will they find someone better than me? who cares they wont have u in there life so do yourself a favor and try and go no contact as soon as possible and remove anything that would remind u of them. pics myspace all that stuff dont hold onto the past because thats all it is now. at least tell yourself its over for now if your having a hard time accepting and moving on and holding onto hope. eventually that hope fades
CaliGuy Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 I am going through exactly the same problem as you. I can just about force myself not to text her but I just cant help checking her myspace/facebook everyday It is an obsession. Im scared of what I will see and I know I dont want to see it, but if I dont look I find myself just thinking about what 'could' be on there. Its a lose-lose situation. I dont know whether its holding me back checking it all the time, I assume it is, but its so hard to ignore it. I guess its the little bit that stops us from shutting that person out of our lives completely. I know these arnt words of advice in any way, but hopefully it'll help to know that theres someone going through exactly the same thing as you at the same time As already said it is an unhealthy obsession. She deleted her myspace account and created a facebook one, some might say thats great 'You wont accidently be stumbling accross things', I on the other hand ended up going out of my way to make a facebook account just to be able to check up on her again Like you I also find myself sat up at around 10.30 every night, waiting for that daily phone call just to say goodnight. Its absolutly hammering it down outside today here, and its the type of day we'd run to the car, go round the shop and get a couple of dvds and just ly in bed all day cuddled up watching them, it hurts so much to think about it all As you said, I feel so stupid and annoyed with myself at the same time. Why am I so devasted and upset when meanwhile shes getting on with her life, meeting new people and generally couldnt give 2 ****'s about me.. I know how you feel. I've been there myself. That said, if you think you really are having trouble coping, now would be a good time to make an appointment with a Counselor. In fact, I highly recommned it.
single.31 Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 Agreed i am going through the same thing. Obsessing of what was... remembering.. GOOD AND BAD IS not letting go.. you need to focus on YOU> YOU YOU YOU... i cant stress this ..cali and others are helping me along this route...believe me you will thank yourself ..... RIGHT NOW OR LATER... SHOULDNT MATTER IF THEY WILL COME BACK.. Im dealing with the same broken scratched repeating record...AVOID contact at all costs!!! Blocking .. avoiding.. IS for YOUR healing!!... Helps YOU !!! Just remember at the end of the day LOOK in the MIRROR .... WHO IS THERE TO DEPEND ON!!!
krzr Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 grats on wussy man up you doormat 11 days? try 11 weeks+ its tuff u cant even pull out of the way your feeling at this moment and u wish you could and just turn it off. but you gotta try if u feel thoughts of her rushing into your mind try and block them and say F that shiet.
CaliGuy Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 Exactly. It doesn't matter if they come back or not. You'll still be the same unhappy person. Learn to make yourself happy completely alone and you will inherently draw people to you that recognize you are happy and want to be a part of that. Haven't you ever noticed someone who was down and miserable? Even someone you were interested in? They weren't very attractive, were they? If you remember that about them and can apply that to yourself you'll soon understand what you need to do.
krzr Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 dude............. delete the damn facebook and myspace there lame and will just bring u down... fill your time with things that will make u a better person not things that will keep u thinking about ur ex and wondering if she is happy without you blah blah blah. guess what she is and so will u be one day soon well maybe not soon but soon enuff.
Recommended Posts