blackcat73 Posted May 12, 2007 Posted May 12, 2007 Much younger man. 10 years younger to be exact. I am in my mid 30's and consider myself to be a relatively sane person. However I have the most devastating crush on this guy, my brother's best friend. We have always flirted back and forth but he has had the same girlfriend since high school. I have been going out socially with my little brother and they are often together, so we end up hanging out too. Well, a few nights ago we ended up sitting alone and talking and he is really amazing. He owns his own successful business and his home. He has several interesting hobbies. We have a lot in common goal- wise. He is smart and ambitious and funny. I just don't meet men like him every day. Well as the evening wore on he became even more flirtatious and we ended up kissing. For hours. Just kissing, nothing more, no touching or anything. He was very respectful and gentle. ( I wanted to take him home with me so badly but there is still the issue of his girlfriend. I have never met her but my brother told me that she is rude to him and doesn't support him. None of his friends like her.) I felt guilty and stopped kissing him. He got home very late and according to my brother she was not a happy person. My brother told me that his friend has never done anything like that before, he has always been loyal to his girlfriend. I really feel horrible for crossing that line, but at the same time I want to see him again. I wouldn't shed a tear if he and his girlfriend broke up, but I don't want to be the cause of it happening. I have not had a crush like this in years. I feel like I could be good for him if the situation were different. OK, so the problem is that we are all going out again next week. I don't know how to act around him. I am beyond excited to see him again but I don't want to cause him any problems. Should I address it at all? Or apologize to him for being tipsy and not using my best judgement? What if he flirts with me more or tries to kiss me? What if he resents me for what happened? I am so confused about this. My brother and I just talked and he told me that he (friend) will probably never break up with her, just because they have been together forever. Even though he is not happy he is comfortable. What do I do?
Touche Posted May 12, 2007 Posted May 12, 2007 I'd stay away from all younger men myself. They're more trouble than they're worth.
Teddy and Jane Posted May 12, 2007 Posted May 12, 2007 He probably sees you as attractive and interesting, sort of a novelty since you're so much older, but I seriously doubt he would date you regularly (even if he wasn't with someone.) When someone says that a guy won't break up with a girl just because they've been together forever, that's ridiculous. People who have been seeing each other a long time break up all the time. Is he going to marry her? If not, then at some point they will break up. However I don't feel that you should go out in a public setting at all with him. If he is interested in you, he will call you on his own, after things are done with his girlfriend, don't make an uncomfortable or forced situation by going out with the same group as him. Besides, his group are youngun's his age, aren't they? A 35 year old woman should be going out with a group of friends her own age. In a nutshell...stay away from him unless he calls you and asks you out on a real date. This includes group outings where everyone will be going. Find your own group of friends aside from your brother's friends. This sounds harsh, but please follow my advice or you will be sorry. Like I said, if he is truly interested, he will seek you out, being that he's the guy, and he is the one who has to end things with his girlfriend first.
Lizzie60 Posted May 12, 2007 Posted May 12, 2007 Much younger man. 10 years younger to be exact. I am in my mid 30's and consider myself to be a relatively sane person. However I have the most devastating crush on this guy, my brother's best friend. We have always flirted back and forth but he has had the same girlfriend since high school. I have been going out socially with my little brother and they are often together, so we end up hanging out too. Well, a few nights ago we ended up sitting alone and talking and he is really amazing. He owns his own successful business and his home. He has several interesting hobbies. We have a lot in common goal- wise. He is smart and ambitious and funny. I just don't meet men like him every day. Well as the evening wore on he became even more flirtatious and we ended up kissing. For hours. Just kissing, nothing more, no touching or anything. He was very respectful and gentle. ( I wanted to take him home with me so badly but there is still the issue of his girlfriend. I have never met her but my brother told me that she is rude to him and doesn't support him. None of his friends like her.) I felt guilty and stopped kissing him. He got home very late and according to my brother she was not a happy person. My brother told me that his friend has never done anything like that before, he has always been loyal to his girlfriend. I really feel horrible for crossing that line, but at the same time I want to see him again. I wouldn't shed a tear if he and his girlfriend broke up, but I don't want to be the cause of it happening. I have not had a crush like this in years. I feel like I could be good for him if the situation were different. OK, so the problem is that we are all going out again next week. I don't know how to act around him. I am beyond excited to see him again but I don't want to cause him any problems. Should I address it at all? Or apologize to him for being tipsy and not using my best judgement? What if he flirts with me more or tries to kiss me? What if he resents me for what happened? I am so confused about this. My brother and I just talked and he told me that he (friend) will probably never break up with her, just because they have been together forever. Even though he is not happy he is comfortable. What do I do? Young men are so much fun. 10 years is nothing really... I'm sure it doesn't even show... come on... I have been with much younger men for the last 10 years or so... I dated one who was 21 years younger... we had a ball. He was so sweet, African-American (he looked a lot like Denzel LOL). We stopped because he moved to Toronto, which is way too far... he came back for a weekend after 6 months.. it was nice but it wasn't the same. I dated another one on and off, for over a year, he was the second most beautiful guy I ever dated... 6'2, east Indian... he used to model... a hottie... he called me about a month ago, after over a year, he left a message but I never returned it... Once it's over, it's over. But my trophy was last January, in Cancun... this guy was 31 years younger OMG... it was intense and he was the most beautiful guy I dated so far... but he lives in Finland...shoot. It was so much fun and I like to 'replay' these intense moments in my mind. LOL Men my age are soooo boring. I like younger men... I just can't date men my age or even 5 years younger... Right now my oldest is 7 years younger, the others are all between 12 and 18 years younger. You don't know how to act.. just be natural, be yourself.. have fun, if he wants to see you again he will let you know. ENJOY!!! Don't feel bad.
Teddy and Jane Posted May 12, 2007 Posted May 12, 2007 Young men are so much fun. 10 years is nothing really... I'm sure it doesn't even show... come on... I have been with much younger men for the last 10 years or so... I dated one who was 21 years younger... we had a ball. He was so sweet, African-American (he looked a lot like Denzel LOL). We stopped because he moved to Toronto, which is way too far... he came back for a weekend after 6 months.. it was nice but it wasn't the same. I dated another one on and off, for over a year, he was the second most beautiful guy I ever dated... 6'2, east Indian... he used to model... a hottie... he called me about a month ago, after over a year, he left a message but I never returned it... Once it's over, it's over. But my trophy was last January, in Cancun... this guy was 31 years younger OMG... it was intense and he was the most beautiful guy I dated so far... but he lives in Finland...shoot. It was so much fun and I like to 'replay' these intense moments in my mind. LOL Men my age are soooo boring. I like younger men... I just can't date men my age or even 5 years younger... Right now my oldest is 7 years younger, the others are all between 12 and 18 years younger. You don't know how to act.. just be natural, be yourself.. have fun, if he wants to see you again he will let you know. ENJOY!!! Don't feel bad. Don't you want a real relationship, though, with some substance?
Author blackcat73 Posted May 12, 2007 Author Posted May 12, 2007 This has been a friend of my brother's for many years. He thinks I'm hot...lol. He has had a crush on me for awhile but he probably figured I would never act on it. I neveer thought I would either. I just never realized that aside from being simply adorable, he is more mature and established than a lot of men that I have met who are my age. He is subtle and humble and sweet. The reason that I am spending time with my brother and his group of friends (who aren't all in their 20's btw, some are in their 30's and one is actually our father's age) is because he and I have become rather close as he is going through a divorce and having a hard time. I enjoy his company and we have a great relationship. His friend is really just a bonus. I talked to my brother and he said that his friend was in a horrible mood today and said that he can't stay out so late anymore. I feel like the creepy older woman falling for the young hottie. I just want to make it right again so that things can go back to the way they were. I want to put him at ease that I have no expectations at all because of what happened. I have hopes but no expectations.
IpAncA Posted May 12, 2007 Posted May 12, 2007 Oh heck I give in, you want to mess around with someone who taken, go ahead.
Teddy and Jane Posted May 12, 2007 Posted May 12, 2007 Yah, I still say if he's really interested he'll seek you out. Has he called you? This is like high school, you're hearing everything through your brother. If he's into you, he'll call you after he's resolved the fact that he has a girlfriend (live-in I'm taking it?) Don't go out with his friends, that's just tacky, IMO, especially since you know he'll be there. Can you survive without going out with them this weekend? Also, where does his girlfriend fit into the evening? She might be there, too, right? Time to grow up and be one of those big, mature girls.
Lizzie60 Posted May 12, 2007 Posted May 12, 2007 This has been a friend of my brother's for many years. He thinks I'm hot...lol. He has had a crush on me for awhile but he probably figured I would never act on it. I neveer thought I would either. I just never realized that aside from being simply adorable, he is more mature and established than a lot of men that I have met who are my age. He is subtle and humble and sweet. The reason that I am spending time with my brother and his group of friends (who aren't all in their 20's btw, some are in their 30's and one is actually our father's age) is because he and I have become rather close as he is going through a divorce and having a hard time. I enjoy his company and we have a great relationship. His friend is really just a bonus. I talked to my brother and he said that his friend was in a horrible mood today and said that he can't stay out so late anymore. I feel like the creepy older woman falling for the young hottie. I just want to make it right again so that things can go back to the way they were. I want to put him at ease that I have no expectations at all because of what happened. I have hopes but no expectations. because you are. You don't need to apologize for spending time with your brother and hanging out with his friends... if you feel you fit in, I see no problem. It is silly to think that because you're a bit older than your brother you can't fit in with his circle of friends. Come on now: I feel like the creepy older woman falling for the young hottie You sound like you're in your 60s... falling for a teenager... you're only about 10 years older, no bid deal, this is quite common actually. Just go with the flow and see what happens... Keep posting, I like those stories...LOL
alphamale Posted May 12, 2007 Posted May 12, 2007 You sound like you're in your 60s... falling for a teenager... you're only about 10 years older, no bid deal, this is quite common actually. it is quite common but more so for casual relationships. I don't think we'll ever see droves of men flocking to marry women 10 yrs older.
Lizzie60 Posted May 12, 2007 Posted May 12, 2007 It is more common than we think even for long term relationships... I know about 4 couples who are either married or living together who have at least 10 years difference (the woman being the oldest)... when my last bf asked me to marry him, we had 12 years difference... It's not the majority for sure...but it is not just for casual sex either.
Author blackcat73 Posted May 12, 2007 Author Posted May 12, 2007 I just don't want him to feel so awkward that we all can't spend time together like before. We have so much fun, fishing and spending time outdoors, car shows. I am afraid that it will affect my relationship with my brother and I don't want that. I would also like him to see me as a person and not just his friend's older "hot" sister. My brother said that before the night we (the friend and I of course) kissed he talked about me every day. I don't personally have his phone number and he doesn't have mine, so waiting for him to call me isn't an option. And I would never call him. Should I just show up next week and act like nothing happened? I do not want to break him and his girlfriend up. I just want things to be cool like they were before. I want him to know that I don't expect anything to come of this, but also that I am open to it if it should BUT only after he was single. It's driving me crazy.
Trialbyfire Posted May 12, 2007 Posted May 12, 2007 Oh heck I give in, you want to mess around with someone who taken, go ahead. I've also given up. People think only about themselves. Reality isn't very attractive and incredibly selfish, including the taken person who can't resist temptation. I most certainly would not be interested in someone who would do this because once they've crossed the line once, it's so much easier to cross it again, this time victimizing you with someone else. It's apparent this guy isn't as mature as he portrays if he's still on the hunt. Even if you end up with him, he's available for future opportunists...
IpAncA Posted May 12, 2007 Posted May 12, 2007 Well I gave up on this thread and many others. I care but actually don't. People can do what they want. Their choice as some have put it. I've been reminded on here that just because I wouldn't do it or agree, doesn't mean it's wrong to others. They think it's okay, so be it. Do it. It's like a drunk, I can't argue with them because I'll lose each time.
burning 4 revenge Posted May 12, 2007 Posted May 12, 2007 It is more common than we think even for long term relationships... I know about 4 couples who are either married or living together who have at least 10 years difference (the woman being the oldest)... and they all live in hollywood and you saw them on television
Teddy and Jane Posted May 12, 2007 Posted May 12, 2007 Ha ha ha, no, it's not uncommon. My brother married a woman eight years older. A former coworker's wife was 12 years older. I know a couple who live together, the woman is 40, he's 31. you do the math. You must not get out of the house much, Burning.....get out and actually meet some real people and turn off the TV, lol.
Trialbyfire Posted May 12, 2007 Posted May 12, 2007 Well I gave up on this thread and many others. I care but actually don't. People can do what they want. Their choice as some have put it. I've been reminded on here that just because I wouldn't do it or agree, doesn't mean it's wrong to others. They think it's okay, so be it. Do it. It's like a drunk, I can't argue with them because I'll lose each time. Firstly, I should say that age differences are meaningless except for maturity level and place in each of the individuals lives. If the two aren't in the same place, even same or close in age individuals, it's a recipe for disaster. Relationship 101... But...poaching and cheating is wrong. Poaching empowers cheaters and speaks loudly of the integrity level of both cheaters and poachers. Cheaters devalue the meaning of a relationship unless it's specified upfront that it's an open or no-strings attached relationship. In those two situations, they effectively are not cheaters, just people who have a different understanding of life and each to their own...
IpAncA Posted May 12, 2007 Posted May 12, 2007 Firstly, I should say that age differences are meaningless except for maturity level and place in each of the individuals lives. If the two aren't in the same place, even same or close in age individuals, it's a recipe for disaster. Relationship 101... But...poaching and cheating is wrong. Poaching empowers cheaters and speaks loudly of the integrity level of both cheaters and poachers. Cheaters devalue the meaning of a relationship unless it's specified upfront that it's an open or no-strings attached relationship. In those two situations, they effectively are not cheaters, just people who have a different understanding of life and each to their own... That may be but to other's it's an entirely different story. Personally I think they devalue any relationship regardless if everyone's okay with it. A relationship is meant for 2 people. Not 3 or 4. Anymore then 2 and it can become complicated/problems. Not saying 2 can't make it complicated or have problems but I think it increases the more added.
Trialbyfire Posted May 12, 2007 Posted May 12, 2007 That may be but to other's it's an entirely different story. Personally I think they devalue any relationship regardless if everyone's okay with it. A relationship is meant for 2 people. Not 3 or 4. Anymore then 2 and it can become complicated/problems. Not saying 2 can't make it complicated or have problems but I think it increases the more added. A different story or spin does not make it right. Are you suggesting that the amount of lying and deception is sane and healthy? Definition of relationship: - The condition or fact of being related; connection or association. - Connection by blood or marriage; kinship. - A particular type of connection existing between people related to or having dealings with each other: has a close relationship with his siblings. - A romantic or sexual involvement. A relationship can be construed in many ways. I don't care what others do, as long as it's understood at the beginning. It's the lying, the deception and the victimization that bothers me.
IpAncA Posted May 12, 2007 Posted May 12, 2007 A different story or spin does not make it right. Are you suggesting that the amount of lying and deception is sane and healthy? True but people are always looking for loopholes to make what they do justified. I wouldn't say it's healthy. It's just another piece added to unhealthy situation.
Trialbyfire Posted May 12, 2007 Posted May 12, 2007 True but people are always looking for loopholes to make what they do justified. I wouldn't say it's healthy. It's just another piece added to unhealthy situation. Ah, the walking wounded...
IpAncA Posted May 12, 2007 Posted May 12, 2007 No, the infidelity crowd... That's what I thought. Gee I suck tonight.
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