I Met A Girl!!

[Teddy and Jane]

What if she is busy or out of town on business next week? I don't understand how saying "let's get together the week after next" is being indifferent. Also she is the one who suggested getting together first so she does want to get together.

[johan]

I honestly don't know what her suggestion that we meet means. It's part of her job to be friendly with clients.

 

It's not worth worrying about at this point. My problem is more with my life overall than it is with the fact that this particular girl didn't behave predictably. And that's the same problem I had with the blind date. It just brought my lame situation into the light.

[Shizz]

Good luck guy, she sounds like she's into you.

 

I've used business, to veil pleasure before. Just play it cool, and keep on doing what ever it is your doing right.

[DanielMadr]

I had to interview a guy, and the girl from the company from which he's contracting wanted to sit in on the interview. I was shocked when I saw her, because she was a babe!! So she sat through this interview while the guy and I talked about systems and process and stuff, and she laughed at my jokes. And she smiled a lot and I had a hard time interviewing the guy and not her. But I kept it professional, I swear.

 

She was a better version of my ex. Body the same, personality more open.

 

So I sent an email and told her thanks and that we'd like to interview other people besides him. And I was sorry that we had to meet at the office and not somewhere else. She wrote back, all business, and said maybe we could meet for lunch or coffee or something.

 

I wrote back "sure, I can meet today if you want, or else early next week". She wrote back and said not today or next week, how about the week after. I was completely overwhelmed by her enthusiasm and I think I misread her signals altogether.

 

Anyway, I'm going to figure out a way to fit a fake vagina onto my new car and gain some satisfaction there, because that's the best I have right now.

 

Dont be too eager and hop on any opportunity to see her. Desperate guys are doomed.

 

I dont see any enthusiasm from her man. Dont get to happy bunny mode already man. Stay cool. Or it will be 3 more weeks waiting for nothing.

[DanielMadr]

RE:

 

Then the gears started rolling, and before you knew it your brain started connecting via blue-tooth with your past experiences, desires, and Mr. Willy's throbbing mind.

 

The thought turned into an automatic system of gimme-gimme-ya-ya. You didn't pull back at all.

 

From a woman's point of view, I can tell you one thing: She is interested. You have a chance. But it won't come true with that attitude of yours.

 

Thats a solid piece of advice.

[johan]

So we met again today. After the meeting, when we were to go get coffee, she said she had another meeting scheduled and so maybe we could just discuss things (meaning business) at the office.

 

So we did. She was nice, and we chatted about some personal stuff and had some laughs. But I got no signals that there was anything more to do, except say "thanks", shake hands and go back to work.

[Touche]

What kind of signals are you looking for...smoke signals? Licking her lips?

 

I mean seriously..what kind of signal are you looking for? You're just making excuses.

[johan]

She was nice, but not interested. She had an opportunity to go just have coffee with me, and then she canceled that. So if you had to cancel, but were still interested in the guy, what would you do? You would say, "but I'm open for lunch tomorrow" or "can we re-schedule?" or "I was really looking forward to it". Something to encourage a follow up.

 

You have this idea that I'm a numbskull when it comes to women, but I'm not that stupid. I've actually dated a few of them.

[Touche]

She was nice, but not interested. She had an opportunity to go just have coffee with me, and then she canceled that. So if you had to cancel, but were still interested in the guy, what would you do? You would say, "but I'm open for lunch tomorrow" or "can we re-schedule?" or "I was really looking forward to it". Something to encourage a follow up.

 

You have this idea that I'm a numbskull when it comes to women, but I'm not that stupid. I've actually dated a few of them.

 

GRRRRR! No, I don't think that at all. I really don't. I just think you talk yourself out of things sometimes.

 

Ok, the above is a little confusing to me. She didn't cancel since you still met with her, right?

 

Why not follow-up with an email and maybe ask her if you can continue the conversation over coffee next time? What have you got to lose?

[johan]

Ok, the above is a little confusing to me. She didn't cancel since you still met with her, right?

 

She's an account manager. She offered us a candidate to hire, and she sat in on the second interview with him. That was today. After the interview, we were to go have coffee.

 

Why not follow-up with an email and maybe ask her if you can continue the conversation over coffee next time? What have you got to lose?

 

I could. I have to be in touch with her anyway. She hasn't actually said, "no, I'm not interested in you." But she had an opportunity to provide some kind of encouraging signal. A girl who was interested would provide an alternative to the plans she had to cancel. She wouldn't just walk away with nothing.

[Touche]

She's an account manager. She offered us a candidate to hire, and she sat in on the second interview with him. That was today. After the interview, we were to go have coffee.

 

Still confused. Ok, you didn't go for coffee but she sat and talked to you in your office. Just you and her. Alone. About things that were not all business-related.

 

 

I could. I have to be in touch with her anyway. She hasn't actually said, "no, I'm not interested in you." But she had an opportunity to provide some kind of encouraging signal. A girl who was interested would provide an alternative to the plans she had to cancel. She wouldn't just walk away with nothing.

 

See above. She didn't walk away with nothing.

[johan]

I can't read her mind. She just didn't seem to want to go forward. I can't explain why. I'd love to go on the premise that she actually digs me, and that all I have to do is try a little bit. I'd love to have such a high opinion of myself, and I'd LOVE to know she's available. Because I think she's really impressive. She's scientist smart, and actually as pretty as a woman gets. But I can't get through all the static coming from me and her. I'm more able to believe she could do better than me in ten seconds. And it's not a stretch to think she's already found someone to be with.

 

You might think I'm idealizing her. Which is sort of true. I'm sure she has bad qualities. But I'm sure they aren't very bad. I'm sure she's catchable, and capable of love, and I'm sure she'd promise herself to the right guy.

 

I've seen women like her melt in the presence of some guys. I know how she would act if she was interested. And I've never seen one melt in my presence. I do all the melting. Inside. I don't reveal that.

 

I just want to get comfortable with her so that I can flirt with her and get to know her and tease her about stuff and make her laugh. That's how I charm women. I couldn't do that very much today. I was just cool about stuff. because I'm never comfortable with someone I hardly know.

 

I'm sick of being single, to be honest. I'm sick of distance and doubt and slippery cold stone walls. I don't want to be a "player" and hit on shallow chicks at the bars. I want to find someone I admire and respect and I want to build on that. The problem is that anyone I admire and respect, I tend to admire and respect more than I do myself. And that makes her unachievable.

 

That's how I feel sometimes. Other times I just refuse to think about it. But I'm stunted whether I think about it or not. Socially and romantically.

[Trialbyfire]

The problem is that anyone I admire and respect, I tend to admire and respect more than I do myself. And that makes her unachievable.

 

Aha!! That is where you're wrong. She isn't unachievable. She's an intelligent, attractive, single woman who enjoyed your company enough to want to chat afterwards, including divulging some personal information.

 

You've got plenty going for you. Time to look at yourself honestly and say, hey, I've got this, this, this and this going for me. Hmmm...she's got this, this, this and this going for her. Seems fairly equal, doesn't it?

 

I agree with Touche. I think you should take one more chance and ask her out for lunch. At least this way you can be assured one way or another. None of this, I'm not going to try because it's hopeless. Okay?

[DanielMadr]

I can't read her mind. She just didn't seem to want to go forward. I can't explain why. I'd love to go on the premise that she actually digs me, and that all I have to do is try a little bit. I'd love to have such a high opinion of myself, and I'd LOVE to know she's available. Because I think she's really impressive. She's scientist smart, and actually as pretty as a woman gets. But I can't get through all the static coming from me and her. I'm more able to believe she could do better than me in ten seconds. And it's not a stretch to think she's already found someone to be with.

 

You might think I'm idealizing her. Which is sort of true. I'm sure she has bad qualities. But I'm sure they aren't very bad. I'm sure she's catchable, and capable of love, and I'm sure she'd promise herself to the right guy.

 

I've seen women like her melt in the presence of some guys. I know how she would act if she was interested. And I've never seen one melt in my presence. I do all the melting. Inside. I don't reveal that.

 

I just want to get comfortable with her so that I can flirt with her and get to know her and tease her about stuff and make her laugh. That's how I charm women. I couldn't do that very much today. I was just cool about stuff. because I'm never comfortable with someone I hardly know.

 

I'm sick of being single, to be honest. I'm sick of distance and doubt and slippery cold stone walls. I don't want to be a "player" and hit on shallow chicks at the bars. I want to find someone I admire and respect and I want to build on that. The problem is that anyone I admire and respect, I tend to admire and respect more than I do myself. And that makes her unachievable.

 

That's how I feel sometimes. Other times I just refuse to think about it. But I'm stunted whether I think about it or not. Socially and romantically.

 

You are desperate. You imagining her as a perfect being who brings sense to your life. Problem is with this attitude you will be melting nobody. You see it as black and white. Whiny little boy but decent and nice versus cold hearted Player hitting on chicks in bars, making them pregnant and not paying bills.

 

You either grow up, keep your feelings at bay aka profess self-control- done by being more careless about fragile ego of yours Or you will still be the freaked out little boy who is looking for his companion in life, b/c he things it will make HIM happy.

[johan]

You're right, DM. To an extent. Except I already knew all that. You were wrong to think I didn't.

 

This aspect of my life will get fixed sooner or later. I don't think LS is the right place to work out every problem.

[DanielMadr]

You're right, DM. To an extent. Except I already knew all that. You were wrong to think I didn't.

 

This aspect of my life will get fixed sooner or later. I don't think LS is the right place to work out every problem.

 

To be honest I suspected you already know it. But it doesnt hurt to remind thee

 

LS is a good place b/c you can get to know yourself better. It forces you to express and name your thoughts.

 

Whatever angle I look on my life or yours or anybody elses I come to one coclusion....What holds people back is their fear. When you take the courage and ask girl out, take the courage not to fear what will or wont happen, then it is just fine. And important thing is to go that path, not hiding in the bush looking for excuses why it cant work out etc.

 

Or is it some bigger problem you have in mind?

[johan]

So I met her in the office accidentally today. I just relaxed and talked to her about business stuff and some personal stuff. It was fun talking to her, because she's pretty smart and has a good personality. I made her laugh a couple times. We talked for quite a while in my office. And she seemed really open and even interested.

 

I asked her what she was doing this weekend, and she said not much. I told her if she wanted to do something I was up for it. She said ok, she'd email me later.

 

My project manager had lunch with her later, and came back and told me that she spoke at length about her plans for the weekend with her boyfriend.

 

Strange.

 

If she didn't want to go out with me, he was an easy excuse she could have used at any time.

 

I guess I'll just be friendly with her going forward. It seems like trying to go out with her would just get me more of the same odd avoidance.

[Sand&Water]

RE:

 

I agree, Johan.

 

Be friends with her. It is soul relieving.

 

Enough chasing her. It is making you look like you have nothing better to do than to hit on her. If she wants to take it up one notch, she knows where to find you!

 

Sand&Water

[Touche]

So I met her in the office accidentally today. I just relaxed and talked to her about business stuff and some personal stuff. It was fun talking to her, because she's pretty smart and has a good personality. I made her laugh a couple times. We talked for quite a while in my office. And she seemed really open and even interested.

 

I asked her what she was doing this weekend, and she said not much. I told her if she wanted to do something I was up for it. She said ok, she'd email me later.

 

My project manager had lunch with her later, and came back and told me that she spoke at length about her plans for the weekend with her boyfriend.

 

Strange.

 

If she didn't want to go out with me, he was an easy excuse she could have used at any time.

 

I guess I'll just be friendly with her going forward. It seems like trying to go out with her would just get me more of the same odd avoidance.

 

 

Not necessarily. There was a good reason why she didn't mention her boyfriend to you. I'd think you'd be jumping for joy at that...but no. I should know better. Why do you always have to think the worst?

 

Didn't she say she was going to email you later? Don't you think there was a reason she didn't mention the b/f with you? Had she wanted to avoid you, she had the perfect opportunity to do so, right?

[IpAncA]

Please click one of the Quick Reply icons in the posts above to activate Quick Reply.

[johan]

Not necessarily. There was a good reason why she didn't mention her boyfriend to you. I'd think you'd be jumping for joy at that...but no. I should know better. Why do you always have to think the worst?

 

Settle down, woman. Why do you always have to think I think the worst? There was no gloom in my post.

 

Second of all, there are probably 100 reasons why she would act that way. I'm not going to assume any of them are true.

 

The first one that popped into my head is that she likes me and that she's thinking of getting out of her relationship. But that doesn't help me much. That could be traumatic for her. It could take months. I could be wrong. I'm not assuming she'll be ready to leap into my arms any time soon.

 

Didn't she say she was going to email you later? Don't you think there was a reason she didn't mention the b/f with you? Had she wanted to avoid you, she had the perfect opportunity to do so, right?

 

In a later email (business related), she wished me a happy weekend. There was no mention of doing anything. I just teased her about sending me a bunch of typos, because it was obvious she was in a hurry to leave the office.

 

Who knows. I'm just going to be cool with her, and not worry about it. It's clear she has other stuff going on. That may never change.

[johan]

Please click one of the Quick Reply icons in the posts above to activate Quick Reply.

 

I'll give that some thought. I'm not sure how a Quick Reply is going to solve any of my problems. But your point of view is probably far more objective than mine.

[Touche]

Settle down, woman. Why do you always have to think I think the worst? There was no gloom in my post.

 

Second of all, there are probably 100 reasons why she would act that way. I'm not going to assume any of them are true.

 

The first one that popped into my head is that she likes me and that she's thinking of getting out of her relationship. But that doesn't help me much. That could be traumatic for her. It could take months. I could be wrong. I'm not assuming she'll be ready to leap into my arms any time soon.

 

 

 

In a later email (business related), she wished me a happy weekend. There was no mention of doing anything. I just teased her about sending me a bunch of typos, because it was obvious she was in a hurry to leave the office.

 

Who knows. I'm just going to be cool with her, and not worry about it. It's clear she has other stuff going on. That may never change.

 

 

She mentioned nothing about this weekend? Time to take the bull by the horns then. I'd wait until Sund. night and email her (or call). Because guess what? You like the chase and many women like to BE chased.

 

You're not giving up this easily are you?

[IpAncA]

Please click one of the Quick Reply icons in the posts above to activate Quick Reply.

Hey where did my post go? And don't tell me to bend over either.

 

Oh well guess LS thought it wasn't important. That sure was funny though.

[This_Too_Shall_Pass]

Not necessarily. There was a good reason why she didn't mention her boyfriend to you. I'd think you'd be jumping for joy at that...but no. I should know better. Why do you always have to think the worst?

 

Didn't she say she was going to email you later? Don't you think there was a reason she didn't mention the b/f with you? Had she wanted to avoid you, she had the perfect opportunity to do so, right?

 

I don't agree with you completely here, Touche. What he just described sounds very strange. The fact that she talks at length about her boyfriend to the manager, but not to Johan, doesn't mean a good thing, in my books.

 

Why did she do that? Maybe to appease Johan, because he may have come off as really, really interested. Maybe to boost her own ego a little further...some women love the fact that someone other than their boyfriend digs them (they actually ask for interest).

 

Whatever it is, I don't think that's being honest. Neither to Johan, nor to her boyfriend. Maybe she's not getting along with her boyfriend...but that's a whole different (and more complicated) scenario.

 

Johan, just watch your step. You could definitely continue being friendly with her, because you enjoy her company and her personality. Just take care you don't get hurt.

 

 

I don't know, there's a point upto which you can look for "positive sunny vibes" from a person. Beyond that, it becomes the situation of rummaging around a in a pile of manure, hoping to find a pony. Excuse my bluntness, but that's how it is.

 

You deserve better, Johan, and I have a feeling you'll get it, too. Not to be preachy, but try to see a girl for what she really is, and not what she appears to you. You're assuming too many things about her before even knowing her.

 

Of course, all this may suddenly change and Johan's meeting this girl may be the best thing that's happened to him yet In any case, I wish him the best.