dierks Posted May 11, 2007 Posted May 11, 2007 My ex gf and I were together 2 years (Read other post). She has been married nad I haven't. We talked about getting married and everything. Then she threw it in reverse. Said she was smothered and pulled out of the relationship. She wants to be alone for herself right now. I sort of put it back on her. Then went NC. She calls and leaves messages that she loves me and is in love with me and istn't doing this to hurt me. She needs to live for herself right now. Blah Blah Blah. She just wants a relationship to b 100% before she gets married again. My question is why she is calling at all and calling to explain herself?
krzr Posted May 11, 2007 Posted May 11, 2007 listen to what she initially said to you. give her that space!!! make her miss you by not being there. go no contact if she keeps contacting you simply say hey i realize u need some space to think things over i love you to but i also could use some space also i have been thinking things over myself then say goodbye dont explain anything. dont do the wussy stuff and chase her tell her u miss her all that just let her go for now and let her miss u.
frd150 Posted May 11, 2007 Posted May 11, 2007 She probably feels guilty for what she has done to you. She is justifying it by trying to explain herself. I know your story because i am dealing with it. I guess what they say is true. no contact really does make them re think.
krzr Posted May 11, 2007 Posted May 11, 2007 no contact extreme no contact!!! and listen to these words she will feel the void and miss u if she really loves u. but if u keep talking to her she will get comfortable and think ok i can still go do what i want and still call on him for emotional stability. dont be her doormat.
JaneInVegas Posted May 11, 2007 Posted May 11, 2007 I know you want to hope the reason she is calling you is because there is hope you might work things out. But like the other two said, she's most likely doing it to alleviate some guilt and to let you down a little easier. You know what "they" say (whoever "they" is) "If you love someone, set them free..." It's true. Give her lots of time and space to discover the emptiness you left behind in her life. If it's meant to be, she'll be back. I'm currently broken up with my boyfriend of two and a half years, it's been since April 15th since I saw him last, and it's KILLING me. I know exactly what you're going through ...
Teddy and Jane Posted May 11, 2007 Posted May 11, 2007 I have never encountered a relationship where one of the people needed "space" or "time to think about what they want" or "time to live" or a "break" where it ended in happily ever after for that couple (together). I would try to move on and have no more contact and do not respond to her contact.
honeybees28 Posted May 12, 2007 Posted May 12, 2007 i disagree with teddy. i have heard of and personally know many couples needing "breaks" or ending a relationship and being estranged for years even, only to join back together, get married, start a family, and be happy to this day.
randuff Posted May 12, 2007 Posted May 12, 2007 no contact extreme no contact!!! and listen to these words she will feel the void and miss u if she really loves u. but if u keep talking to her she will get comfortable and think ok i can still go do what i want and still call on him for emotional stability. dont be her doormat. KRZR is so right.... I made the mistake of letting my ex know that I love her and will always be here for here no matter what and I think I made a terrible mistake. Now she will go do as she pleases and then if she wants me at any particular moment she will feel as if I will be there waiting hand and foot for her. Stick to NC and if she really truly wants you back you will know. Just make sure she isn't using you as a backup.
JaneInVegas Posted May 12, 2007 Posted May 12, 2007 i disagree with teddy. i have heard of and personally know many couples needing "breaks" or ending a relationship and being estranged for years even, only to join back together, get married, start a family, and be happy to this day. I agree with honeybees ... I have known of a lot of couples who took a big breather and then came back to the relationship again. I think it's relatively common. I'm surprised teddy and jane has this viewpoint. Dierks, don't hold your breath she'll come back, but don't completely give up either. Find that fine line between the two and walk tall! Give her space, don't call her, but don't avoid her calls all the time either. You have to give her space and time to realize she misses you. It's hard dude, but it's not impossible!
krzr Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 DO NOT call her and tell her how much u love her and how u will always be there for her. its not love anymore its war!!! no flowers presents none of that no crying be strong and be a MAN because thats what woman want not a sissy they can manipulate and push around. she just broke your heart man do not love someone back that did this to you even thou that is what ur brain and heart tell you to do. do the exact opposite of what ur feeling right now and u will be better off. do not call her send her emails send her texts nothing no presents no flowers no letters. if u want think of it like this it is over for now... that may help so it dosnt seem like such a shock to your system give her the space she wants and if she calls tell her u respect her enuff to give her that space and u have actually been taking this time to think about alot of things including the relationship and need space to figure out what you want also.
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