jamileigh78 Posted May 11, 2007 Posted May 11, 2007 I'm sure there is a thread like this one out there but I couldn't find it! My boyfriend of 9 months has custody of his 3 kids. His wife was unfaithful during their entire 16 years together, so he finally divorced her. She still wants him, but he says he stopped caring for her years ago... he stayed with her "for the kids". Understandable. But she has made it her goal in life to make MY life miserable. She leaves me hateful messages on my cell phone (I don't answer her calls), she has vandalized my car twice (we have no proof, but she won't deny it either), and any time she sees me she threatens to "kick my a**". I have done nothing to her. I am the most laid-back person, a pediatric nurse, avoid conflict at any cost,etc. I realize she would be like this with anyone he chooses to date. My big problem, though, is that she is always calling him, and he always answers her calls. I realize that they have kids together, but they are 9, 11, and 14 years old. Why can't she call the kids to talk? Why does she have to call him? I don't understand what it is they have to discuss on an almost daily basis. If he's with me, he won't answer her calls, which makes me suspicious. But when our cell phone bill comes in, I see call after call from or to her, and I get so upset. He insists that he would rather "put a bullet through his head than go back to her", but I can't help but feel that maybe he just can't stay away from her (they haven't been divorced a year yet) Is this just something I'm going to have to deal with?
amaysngrace Posted May 11, 2007 Posted May 11, 2007 Is this just something I'm going to have to deal with? You decide if you have to deal with it. Not them. Set the rules that you are comfortable with. Obviously you have a voice in all of this too. She doesn't have the children for a reason. She is acting out violently and is threatening you. He wants to speak to her when she calls why? I wouldn't put up with it if I were you. It seems like this is normal for these people. Maybe your BF needs to know just how abnormal his situation is. Does he ever defend you to her? What does he do while she's threatening you? Sit idly by? The ex sounds like a topic for Jerry Springer. How'd you end up here?
jcster Posted May 11, 2007 Posted May 11, 2007 Your boyfriend and his ex were married a long time. It's difficult to separate one's self from even a moderately unhappy marriage, with no children. I can't imagine a situation in which your guy isn't going to have at least some aspect of co-dependency with his ex, especially with the level of disfunction it sounds like she has. The fact that he's not limiting his contact with her in light of her ongoing harrassment of you sends up a huge red flag for me. Have you spoken to him about setting some serious boundaries with her? You are going to have to get his cooperation to get her threatening behavior to stop, and for your own safety and sanity you need to make sure he's going to follow through.
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