Just realized I'm a serial cheater

[Charlie Castaneda]

I've wanted to post here on LS many times, but held back because I figured I'd get nothing but fire-breathing bile from people here. B ut today, for the moment, I've decided to offer you my story. Maybe it'll help someone else. Maybe it'll help me.

 

I've just realized I'm a serial cheater. I guess that's the only way to describe it. I'm married, 40 years of age with 2 girls, 12 and 15. From all outward appearances, I'm a regular suburban-dwelling regular guy, but I guess I have a serious problem.

 

Before I got married at 23, I had only two long-term girlfriends while in college. I cheated on both of therm all the time. In face when I broke up with one girlfriend, it was because I fell for another. But while I was seeing the new one, I was still sleeping occasionally with my old girlfriend. Then, of course, I met many others and slept with them whenever it seemed as though they were interested. But I chalked my behavior up to being young, in college, and just playing around.

 

After college, I left my girlfriend, telling her I'd be back. But I never came back. I had met another woman. She would become my wife. She worked on cruise ships and would be gone for a week or two at a time. While she was gone, I slept with others, including one of her very best friends. Another close friend of hers came on to me very aggressively while my soon to be wife was gone. I didn't sleep with her only because I just didn't find her very appealing. She was bulemic, and the thought of her vomiting all the time turned me right off.

 

My wife gave me an ultimatum to marry her. She didn't know anything about the other women at all. I loved her. But I just didn't feel ready. Plus I was stuck. I was 22, wasn't making any money, and I was living at her place. I said ok, but I told her that she may not like being married to me. She told me to shut up.

 

We got married later that year and somehow, the magic was gone. We didn't have sex during our homeymoon. We didn't have sex for a week after that. We didn't talk about why or anything. We just didn't.

 

That week, I interviewed for a new job. As I was waiting in the reception area, while wearing my best suit and tie (that I could afford), I saw an absolutely stunning receptionist walk by with an older lady. They went to the back office, and I overheard her say "Oh, he's so cute, isn't he?". That always amazed me. And trust me, I'm no Adonis. I never thought of myself as good looking at all. Yes, I'm 6'1" and I work out alot. The only think I like about myself phyiscally is my body. But I have dull brown eyes, and although I have thick, healthy hair, it's just regular dull brown. My face sometimes looks ok, but for the most part, I don't like it. I always hated to see my own face in the mirror. At times, I'd see pictures of myself and marvel at how hideous I look. And so I'm always amazed at women saying they think I'm cute. I don't ever believe them. When friends would alert me that some woman is "checking me out", I was flattered, but incredulous. In fact, in the back of my mind, I assumed it was a mistake. That if they saw me up close, they'd reconsider.

 

I was at my new job for a year. And there I had an affair with the receptionist. Maybe because the company caught wind of something, or maybe because she wanted out, she was replaced with someone else. I then wound up having a casual affair with a co-worker. But by the time the year was up, I was offered a chance to work in their offices in Puerto Rico. My wife was thrilled by the idea and I looked forward to starting somewhere anew and with a clean slate. I swore to myself that I would stop being a cheater for good. This move was to be my catalyst for going on the wagon, so to speak.

 

For those of you who have ever been to Puerto Rico, you probably already know that me going there was like locking a chronic alcoholic in a liquor store. Women there are sexually very forward and to them, I guess I was especially attractive. I was getting approached every week. If I went out at night with friends, I would always get hit on. I managed to last three months, but then I did begin sleeping with some of the women. I felt absolutely terrible about it and every time I left the bed, I swore that was the last time. But it never was.

 

Then One day, my wife announced she was pregnant. That was it. I stopped everything. I broke up with my current steady and I decided then that this was it. I would cheat no more. And I didn't for years. I stayed faithful for seven years.

 

But then as the kids were growing up, our sex life diminished steadily until there was almost nothing left. I tried talking to her, being extra nice to her, but I could see she just didn't really enjoy it that much anymore. She didn't have any fire burning for me like she used to.

 

It wasn't long before I had another affair with a co-worker. My wife found out about us. This of course was harrowing, and for the first time, I sufferred consequences for what I did. I saw the harm it caused her. And for the next six months, we went through pure hell trying to put our marriage back together. I felt like complete crap. Like human filth.

 

But now, a few years after we put the whole thing behind us, we were at a school awards banquet for my oldest daughter and my wife decided to leave early and take my youngest home. There was a school party there and ao I stayed to watch my oldest daughter and bring her home when she was done. One of the mothers who was there without her husband, a stunning Korean woman, began flirting with me. Whike nothing happened between us, I knew in my heart that if she had offerred me the opprtunity, I would have done it.

 

That was last week and I know now that I am, even though I hate to admit it, a serial compulsive cheater. I don't even know what I can do to stop. My biggest fear isn't drowning, for being buried alive, nor snakes, nor spiders. One of my biggest fears in life is to find I can't have another woman again.

[Tomcat33]

I've wanted to post here on LS many times, but held back because I figured I'd get nothing but fire-breathing bile from people here. B ut today, for the moment, I've decided to offer you my story. Maybe it'll help someone else. Maybe it'll help me.

 

I've just realized I'm a serial cheater. I guess that's the only way to describe it. I'm married, 40 years of age with 2 girls, 12 and 15. From all outward appearances, I'm a regular suburban-dwelling regular guy, but I guess I have a serious problem.

 

Before I got married at 23, I had only two long-term girlfriends while in college. I cheated on both of therm all the time. In face when I broke up with one girlfriend, it was because I fell for another. But while I was seeing the new one, I was still sleeping occasionally with my old girlfriend. Then, of course, I met many others and slept with them whenever it seemed as though they were interested. But I chalked my behavior up to being young, in college, and just playing around.

 

After college, I left my girlfriend, telling her I'd be back. But I never came back. I had met another woman. She would become my wife. She worked on cruise ships and would be gone for a week or two at a time. While she was gone, I slept with others, including one of her very best friends. Another close friend of hers came on to me very aggressively while my soon to be wife was gone. I didn't sleep with her only because I just didn't find her very appealing. She was bulemic, and the thought of her vomiting all the time turned me right off.

 

My wife gave me an ultimatum to marry her. She didn't know anything about the other women at all. I loved her. But I just didn't feel ready. Plus I was stuck. I was 22, wasn't making any money, and I was living at her place. I said ok, but I told her that she may not like being married to me. She told me to shut up.

 

We got married later that year and somehow, the magic was gone. We didn't have sex during our homeymoon. We didn't have sex for a week after that. We didn't talk about why or anything. We just didn't.

 

That week, I interviewed for a new job. As I was waiting in the reception area, while wearing my best suit and tie (that I could afford), I saw an absolutely stunning receptionist walk by with an older lady. They went to the back office, and I overheard her say "Oh, he's so cute, isn't he?". That always amazed me. And trust me, I'm no Adonis. I never thought of myself as good looking at all. Yes, I'm 6'1" and I work out alot. The only think I like about myself phyiscally is my body. But I have dull brown eyes, and although I have thick, healthy hair, it's just regular dull brown. My face sometimes looks ok, but for the most part, I don't like it. I always hated to see my own face in the mirror. At times, I'd see pictures of myself and marvel at how hideous I look. And so I'm always amazed at women saying they think I'm cute. I don't ever believe them. When friends would alert me that some woman is "checking me out", I was flattered, but incredulous. In fact, in the back of my mind, I assumed it was a mistake. That if they saw me up close, they'd reconsider.

 

I was at my new job for a year. And there I had an affair with the receptionist. Maybe because the company caught wind of something, or maybe because she wanted out, she was replaced with someone else. I then wound up having a casual affair with a co-worker. But by the time the year was up, I was offered a chance to work in their offices in Puerto Rico. My wife was thrilled by the idea and I looked forward to starting somewhere anew and with a clean slate. I swore to myself that I would stop being a cheater for good. This move was to be my catalyst for going on the wagon, so to speak.

 

For those of you who have ever been to Puerto Rico, you probably already know that me going there was like locking a chronic alcoholic in a liquor store. Women there are sexually very forward and to them, I guess I was especially attractive. I was getting approached every week. If I went out at night with friends, I would always get hit on. I managed to last three months, but then I did begin sleeping with some of the women. I felt absolutely terrible about it and every time I left the bed, I swore that was the last time. But it never was.

 

Then One day, my wife announced she was pregnant. That was it. I stopped everything. I broke up with my current steady and I decided then that this was it. I would cheat no more. And I didn't for years. I stayed faithful for seven years.

 

But then as the kids were growing up, our sex life diminished steadily until there was almost nothing left. I tried talking to her, being extra nice to her, but I could see she just didn't really enjoy it that much anymore. She didn't have any fire burning for me like she used to.

 

It wasn't long before I had another affair with a co-worker. My wife found out about us. This of course was harrowing, and for the first time, I sufferred consequences for what I did. I saw the harm it caused her. And for the next six months, we went through pure hell trying to put our marriage back together. I felt like complete crap. Like human filth.

 

But now, a few years after we put the whole thing behind us, we were at a school awards banquet for my oldest daughter and my wife decided to leave early and take my youngest home. There was a school party there and ao I stayed to watch my oldest daughter and bring her home when she was done. One of the mothers who was there without her husband, a stunning Korean woman, began flirting with me. Whike nothing happened between us, I knew in my heart that if she had offerred me the opprtunity, I would have done it.

 

That was last week and I know now that I am, even though I hate to admit it, a serial compulsive cheater. I don't even know what I can do to stop. My biggest fear isn't drowning, for being buried alive, nor snakes, nor spiders. One of my biggest fears in life is to find I can't have another woman again.

 

Wow that's some story!! Takes a lot of courage to open up like that.

 

Reading over your post the answer seems simple to me, get a divorce and you can have all the women you want!

 

I know what you are going to say...but I love my wife I don't want to leave her...

 

Is it just about sex for you? Have you tried sex addicts therapy?

[Lovie]

wow! have you ever considered seeing a therapist? of course i would say maybe a male therapist. just to avoid any other problems. Does your wife know of all or any of these other women? She is a hell of a women if she does and she still keeps you around. Sorry if that is rude but most women wouldn't let a marriage go so long knowing that their SO is cheating. You should seek some help and see what exactly is promoting this behavior. You would be suprise what you might learn about yourself. Other thing to look into is are you addicted to sex or just other relationships? The other women are they mostly just sexual partners or are they women you develope relationships with? Your behavior really doesn't sound healthy Emotionally, Mentally, and physically. I mean lets hope you are smart and avoid the contraction of a STD you know some of those aren't exactly curible. Look in to the future and put yourself in the mind of your daughers/sons. would you want your girls to be in relationships like that or your sons to have a lack of respect for women? You are just being selfish for the actions you do everyone around you is affected. Your wife, kids, your parents, her parents, your co workers, your friends, her friends alot will view you as a bad person and although you can't see the obligation to your wife and kids you just need to get help if not for you for your family. If you feel that you can't be faithful to your family maybe you should not be with anyone. Do you think you can handle being alone?

[hardcase]

I've wanted to post here on LS many times, but held back because I figured I'd get nothing but fire-breathing bile from people here. B ut today, for the moment, I've decided to offer you my story. Maybe it'll help someone else. Maybe it'll help me.

 

Well...you call it bile that people may give you, but if it is deserved, then it isn't any such thing...and if you've been here at any time...you'll know...I can't stand cheaters. So I am one of those people you speak of.

 

But I'll try to contain myself here while biting my lip.

 

That was last week and I know now that I am, even though I hate to admit it, a serial compulsive cheater. I don't even know what I can do to stop. My biggest fear isn't drowning, for being buried alive, nor snakes, nor spiders. One of my biggest fears in life is to find I can't have another woman again.

 

Then you need to divorce your wife. She doesn't deserve what you are doing to her. And cheating on your wife is cheating on your child too.

 

You can't control yourself and are not fit for marriage....so divorce. That way you can have as many women as you can get for the rest of your life and let your wife get on with hers.

[whichwayisup]

That was last week and I know now that I am, even though I hate to admit it, a serial compulsive cheater. I don't even know what I can do to stop. My biggest fear isn't drowning, for being buried alive, nor snakes, nor spiders. One of my biggest fears in life is to find I can't have another woman again.

 

It comes down to whether or not you want to be a husband and be a father to your children as a full family, or if you want to be a father on your own. Which is more important, having a woman anytime you want or having a wife who will love you and be part of your family.

 

If you want to stay married then get to a therapist and sort out your issues so you can learn how to fight those cheating urges. If you want more and feel you can't be faithful to your wife, then get a divorce. Your wife deserves to be with a man who will love only her and not cheat on her.

[Charlie Castaneda]

Wow that's some story!! Takes a lot of courage to open up like that.

 

Reading over your post the answer seems simple to me, get a divorce and you can have all the women you want!

 

I know what you are going to say...but I love my wife I don't want to leave her...

 

Is it just about sex for you? Have you tried sex addicts therapy?

 

Sex in an important element here, obviously. But it's not the most important part. I was never interested in strip clubs, nor have I ever been with a prostitute. And this is after having strolled though the red light districts of Amsterdam. I enjoyed looking at some of the women, but I can't say I was even tempted to be with any of them.

 

I think the most important part is the manifestation of desire on the part of the woman. That's why I never have engaged in an affair with any woman I had to pursue with a first move. The more she goes out of her way to go out on a limb to show interest, the more I want her. There is a strong emotional component in that which makes the experience just like a drug fix.

[Charlie Castaneda]

It comes down to whether or not you want to be a husband and be a father to your children as a full family, or if you want to be a father on your own. Which is more important, having a woman anytime you want or having a wife who will love you and be part of your family.

 

If you want to stay married then get to a therapist and sort out your issues so you can learn how to fight those cheating urges. If you want more and feel you can't be faithful to your wife, then get a divorce. Your wife deserves to be with a man who will love only her and not cheat on her.

 

But that's the quandary. I do want to be a good husband and a father. And while I'm with them, I always feel like my resolve is strong and that I won't follow through with the act next time.

 

But as soon as a pretty woman shows interest, or worse shows me that she'll go though some lengths to be with me, my resolve goes away, and I enter into a mindset that says "Ok, just this one time". And I have no ability to see farther down the road. Then I hate myslef for having been so weak.

 

And the cycle repeats.

[Ladyjane14]

I only see two options for you if you want to live your life authentically. One, is to get some therapy and deal with this thing head on. The other is to go ahead, get a divorce, and then stay out of committed relationships. I don't think there's any possibility of having it both ways that would allow you to maintain integrity.

 

Remember... at the end of the day, it's 'the man in the mirror' that you have to impress.

[whichwayisup]

But that's the quandary. I do want to be a good husband and a father. And while I'm with them, I always feel like my resolve is strong and that I won't follow through with the act next time.

 

But as soon as a pretty woman shows interest, or worse shows me that she'll go though some lengths to be with me, my resolve goes away, and I enter into a mindset that says "Ok, just this one time". And I have no ability to see farther down the road. Then I hate myslef for having been so weak.

 

And the cycle repeats.

 

Then fix yourself. Take that step, find a therapist and sort yourself out. You CAN change your ways if you really want to....Saying "I can't control myself" is a cop-out. Noone is holding a gun to your head, making you cheat...

 

Therapy can help you control those impulses, change your ways of thinking, reacting and handles situations where you might find yourself being tempted. The key is too, NOT to put yourself IN those types of situations where you can cheat. You cut it off as soon as you recognize a woman has caught your eye, or paid attention to you. You CHOOSE not to take it to the next level.

[Tomcat33]

I think the most important part is the manifestation of desire on the part of the woman. That's why I never have engaged in an affair with any woman I had to pursue with a first move. The more she goes out of her way to go out on a limb to show interest, the more I want her. There is a strong emotional component in that which makes the experience just like a drug fix.

 

Why is that? Can you explain what it is that entices you about it? Do you enjoy being chased after or the chase? It appears you prefer to BE chased. Does this compare to your W at all, does she "chase" after you, make you feel admired?

 

PS don't let the more agressive posters get your goat. it's all part of the package here on LS but once you get to know certain posters they are actually harmless, loud bark and all.

[Charlie Castaneda]

Why is that? Can you explain what it is that entices you about it? Do you enjoy being chased after or the chase? It appears you prefer to BE chased. Does this compare to your W at all, does she "chase" after you, make you feel admired?

 

PS don't let the more agressive posters get your goat. it's all part of the package here on LS but once you get to know certain posters they are actually harmless, loud bark and all.

I don't think I can explain it really, no. It's not really the chase per se, because I don't really run away or anything. But if I catch a woman looking at me and then she shyly looks away when I catch her, I'm hooked. If I hear from someone that so-and-so thinks I'm attractive, I'm also hooked. And it's an emotional thing, almost like a small crush that I feel for a short moment. Maybe that's the best way to describe it. If a woman shows interest in me, I get a sort of a crush on her for a short time.

 

My W doesn't do this. But then again, it's probably alot to ask after so much time.

[Charlie Castaneda]

Then fix yourself. Take that step, find a therapist and sort yourself out. You CAN change your ways if you really want to....Saying "I can't control myself" is a cop-out. Noone is holding a gun to your head, making you cheat...

 

Therapy can help you control those impulses, change your ways of thinking, reacting and handles situations where you might find yourself being tempted. The key is too, NOT to put yourself IN those types of situations where you can cheat. You cut it off as soon as you recognize a woman has caught your eye, or paid attention to you. You CHOOSE not to take it to the next level.

I'm aware that I can maybe reprogram myself out of this with therapy. I'm sure many a druggie or alcoholic knows there is a cure available for them, too. But I have a fear of not having this experience again. The "cure" will stop this and that sends chills down my spine.

[whichwayisup]

I'm aware that I can maybe reprogram myself out of this with therapy. I'm sure many a druggie or alcoholic knows there is a cure available for them, too. But I have a fear of not having this experience again. The "cure" will stop this and that sends chills down my spine.

 

Yes, but by then with the help of therapy, your mindset will be different and you won't "miss" out. Your new outlook and better thoughts will make you happier being satisfied with your wife. Being a family man, and growing with your wife, instead of growing away from her...

 

The "cure" will stop you, yes...Only if you are willing to do all that it takes to fix yourself, solve whatever it is inside you that needs attention, affection, sex from other women. Once you solve that, you won't feel the need to get that stuff from other women, your wife will be enough.

 

PS don't let the more agressive posters get your goat. it's all part of the package here on LS but once you get to know certain posters they are actually harmless, loud bark and all.

 

TC, relax. This guy is a tough cookie and can take whatever comes his way. Good and harsh advice sinks in.

[Trialbyfire]

I doubt there's a cure for you. Divorce your wife so she has a chance at happiness.

 

Overall, you have low self-esteem and fuel your self-esteem through reverence from new women. Also, you appear to be commitment phobic. It's far easier to bridge over multiple women than to commit to one. In a one-to-one relationship, there's a lot of effort that has to be put into it. If you're too lazy to do this, preferring the highs of new women, I see no hope for you.

[Tomcat33]

 

TC, relax. This guy is a tough cookie and can take whatever comes his way. Good and harsh advice sinks in.

 

 

I am relaxed. lol A little paranoid today aren't we....?

 

 

I don't think I can explain it really, no. It's not really the chase per se, because I don't really run away or anything. But if I catch a woman looking at me and then she shyly looks away when I catch her, I'm hooked. If I hear from someone that so-and-so thinks I'm attractive, I'm also hooked. And it's an emotional thing, almost like a small crush that I feel for a short moment. Maybe that's the best way to describe it. If a woman shows interest in me, I get a sort of a crush on her for a short time.

 

My W doesn't do this. But then again, it's probably alot to ask after so much time.

 

thanks for your response Charlie. It sounds to me like there are some self esteem issues going on here, like you need to be constantly reassured you "still have it"

 

Why do you choose to stay in your marriage if being single you can have women reassure you all the time? Why did you marry your w?

 

Couples in LTRs can still do that for each other, but you have to be ready to face up to your rel. responsibilities as she is.

[Tomcat33]

 

TC, relax. This guy is a tough cookie and can take whatever comes his way. Good and harsh advice sinks in.

 

 

I am relaxed. lol A little paranoid today aren't we....? wasn't even talking about "you" but now that you mention it.....lol still letting some comment I made about you months ago get to you WWISU? lol

 

 

I don't think I can explain it really, no. It's not really the chase per se, because I don't really run away or anything. But if I catch a woman looking at me and then she shyly looks away when I catch her, I'm hooked. If I hear from someone that so-and-so thinks I'm attractive, I'm also hooked. And it's an emotional thing, almost like a small crush that I feel for a short moment. Maybe that's the best way to describe it. If a woman shows interest in me, I get a sort of a crush on her for a short time.

 

My W doesn't do this. But then again, it's probably alot to ask after so much time.

 

thanks for your response Charlie. It sounds to me like there are some self esteem issues going on here, like you need to be constantly reassured you "still have it"

 

Why do you choose to stay in your marriage if being single you can have women reassure you all the time? Why did you marry your w?

 

Couples in LTRs can still do that for each other, but you have to be ready to face up to your rel. responsibilities as she is.

[Guest]

 

 

 

I overheard her say "Oh, he's so cute, isn't he?". That always amazed me. And trust me, I'm no Adonis. I never thought of myself as good looking at all. Yes, I'm 6'1" and I work out alot. The only think I like about myself phyiscally is my body. But I have dull brown eyes, and although I have thick, healthy hair, it's just regular dull brown. My face sometimes looks ok, but for the most part, I don't like it. I always hated to see my own face in the mirror. At times, I'd see pictures of myself and marvel at how hideous I look. And so I'm always amazed at women saying they think I'm cute. I don't ever believe them. When friends would alert me that some woman is "checking me out", I was flattered, but incredulous. In fact, in the back of my mind, I assumed it was a mistake. That if they saw me up close, they'd reconsider.

 

You cheat because you have low self esteem, this paragraph makes that pretty clear. GET COUNSELING

[Charlie Castaneda]

You cheat because you have low self esteem, this paragraph makes that pretty clear. GET COUNSELING

I know that seems like the mosty obvious target. I did look at that. But I don't think it's all that simple.

 

It's more like I have maybe an addiction to the first stages of attraction and romance. Once I no longer have that, I start jonesing for it again very soon. It's as though my life is empty without it. I know it sounds terrible, but it's what I live for.

[Tomcat33]

 

 

I think I know what you mean, that first stage can be pretty addictive. Still don't understand why you got married though...?

[2sunny]

i do believe you cheat because it feeds your ego - it also makes you feel wanted, desired. every man/woman wants this in life - it's not unusual.

 

as married people - the relationship is meant to be mentally and physically stimulating. as the years pass - the hope is that time and experiences together have made that person MORE attractive than the early years. we all know that wrinkles aren't sexy - but when you have looked at someone for all the years you may not even notice that they are there.

 

the passion should become MORE bonded as time goes along.

 

if you feel that this is not what you have or are capable of... then you have some serious decisions to make.

 

i would start off with counseling first to try and get to the bottom of WHY you do this and feel the way you do about your wife and marriage.

 

get your mind in a healthy place so you can be respectful of women and the marriage vows - whether or not you stay with your wife - it will be good for you and your future.

 

ps. she knows about your past - i guarantee it - women always know - we can "feel" it. maybe if she knows you are more commited to her she would be more receptive to intimacy (which doesn't ALWAYS include sex).

 

sorry if it doesn't make sense - seems like i'm rambling....

[norajane]

I know that seems like the mosty obvious target. I did look at that. But I don't think it's all that simple.

 

It's more like I have maybe an addiction to the first stages of attraction and romance. Once I no longer have that, I start jonesing for it again very soon. It's as though my life is empty without it. I know it sounds terrible, but it's what I live for.

 

Your self-esteem issue is at the core. In the early stages, you feel high from the rush that comes from knowing an attractive woman is into you and thinks you are great and shows you how great you are by pursuing you. But then it wears off, because once you have her, you find that you still feel the same way you did before. The high is external...it doesn't come from within you which means you still don't believe you're that great, so you have to get more 'evidence' of how great you are from the next woman.

 

If you actually felt great about yourself, you wouldn't need the fix you get from other women because you'd feel like that without it. You live for the fix now because you're empty without it, but if you felt good about yourself you wouldn't feel empty.

 

Go to therapy so you can understand this. If you're not willing to do that, then get a divorce. It's not fair to your wife to stay married knowing you will cheat again and again when given the chance. She could find someone who cares for her in a way you don't, so set her free. Then get your high from whatever woman comes along without guilt.

[torranceshipman]

To be honest, sounds to me like you don't really care enough about stopping, to really find a solution. Married people will face temptation at many points in their marriage, but its love, self respect and respect for their family that stops them...but not you...you know you have a problem with shagging around but when it comes down to it...why be honest and respectful to your family when you can keep them AND have the other women? Thats why you haven't left them, isn't it (either that or you're too scared). You don't respect them.

 

And I agree with other posters...it's a big self esteem issue...seems you almost can't resist any half attractive female that expresses interest in you. Do you know what people call women that put out for any half attractive male that expresses interest? A hoe! And then add to the fact you already married with kids?? Total and utter sleazebag. Sounds harsh but thats what you are. I'm not even flaming you, I'm just pointing out the truth. And you have to sort this out very quick, else your kids are set up for the most brutal, hideous disappointment and the worst role model in history when they find out what you've been doing.

 

And don't think they wont find out...because they will.

 

It's not too late to change though, and right a lot of wrongs, and do the right thing-but you need to sort yourself out and REALLY try to change this, and seek help, and if you cant do that...GET A DIVORCE. I don't know if you're a narcassist, or just stuck in a hideous mess of your creation, but stop dragging your family down and sort your s**t out.

[LOVE2]

Well I think I know what you are going through but I am a MW. I have been married to my husband since I was 21 years old, we have two children 16 and 13, I have known him since I was 16 years old....

 

I feel like I addicted to cheating.... I have cheated on my husband for 9 years out of the 14 we have been married... Maybe you will learn from my experience... Well the OM decides that he wants to tell my h because I told him that it was over.... He told him everything I mean EVERYTHING....

 

I felt like filth, the OM told me I was worthless I was the worst person he ever met and that could neve be faithful to my husband..... It hurt like hell but some of it was true...

 

I was addicted to being chased by other men... I always felt my husband wasn't attracted to me because I asked him to marry me and he never really gave me compliments and the OM did...

 

When I thought I was going to loose my husband I was devistated... I begged and pleaded for him not to leave me and we are currently together but I really needed counseling to see what my problems were, why did I need two men in my life for 9 years?

 

And as of today I still crave for the OM attention but I know it is not worth it.

[whichwayisup]

And as of today I still crave for the OM attention but I know it is not worth it.

 

I really hope you stay with that mindset, and stick with therapy.

 

Your husband cannot fill EVERY SINGLE need of yours, and therapy will help you recognize that you need to feel fulfilled about YOU from more than just attention from OM. Sure, it's nice to be noticed, looked at by others - But you cannot rely on that kind of attention to make you feel good.

 

It's good that your husband has stuck with you, so I really hope you are showing him that you DO love him and want the marriage to work.

[LOVE2]

I have really tried to let my husband know that I am serious about trying to make it work. I reported the OM to HR for harrassing me on he job, so he is not to have any contact with me at all or his job is in jeopardy....

 

I let my husband have access to my voice mail service so that he knows I have nothing to hide....

 

I have to really take the time and look at me because no one should need attention all the time from other people.