chickee Posted May 11, 2007 Posted May 11, 2007 I detailed my experience in another post but here is the gist of it: he delayed the wedding after his family got mad at me for asking that a change be corrected in the invites his aunt made. He got upset and came over and delayed the wedding. Since then, I've been having second thoughts. we were going to move in together in june and last night he said I should move in with him NOW and keep my apartment for an extra month 'just in case' does he have that little faith in our relationship? He has anxiety issues and maybe they are getting the best of him or something. On one hand he is caring, loving and a great match. On another, he is insecure, afraid to confront his overbearing parents and full of anxiety. It's hard to decide whether or not I want to stay with him b/c thsi is my first serious relationship and it's been 4 years. any insight appreciated.
quankanne Posted May 11, 2007 Posted May 11, 2007 honestly? He doesn't sound like he's got the maturity needed to be in a seriously committed relationship like marriage ... and the apartment situation doesn't make it sound any better. Maybe this is a good time to give the relationship another serious think? I imagine both of you are feeling pressure from the upcoming wedding and preparations for it, but what you've shared are red flags about the relationship. Especially if he's unable to stand on his own two feet when it comes to family. That doesn't mean he's any less great of a guy, but just food for thought.
Author chickee Posted May 11, 2007 Author Posted May 11, 2007 yes, they are definitely red flags. I just dont' know what to do to make it better, maybe I can't. He doesn't want to break up yet he is showing doubts about the relationship. I almost broke up with him a few days ago and he was crushed and said he never intended for this to happen. I just am so unsure right now about this and I refuse to move in with him if he has to have a contingency plan. he does sound immature and these are red flags. it's jsut I don't know what to do with them? Dump him after 4 years? try to work it out? I'm running out of energy because this has been such an emotional process.
quankanne Posted May 11, 2007 Posted May 11, 2007 have you looked into any premarital counselling or classes that would help you adjust to a new life together? Some of those are excellent about putting things into perspective – how to handle issues of finances, family, sex, kids, etc – and might give you help where you need it. If anything, maybe you should consider postponing the wedding if it's just around the corner. It's much easier to postpone or even call it off than it is to go through a divorce later ..
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