upto _here Posted May 11, 2007 Posted May 11, 2007 hi there..this is my first thread..i'm having a hard time dealing with my situation right now..please anyone who has similar experience tell me..especially the MM side...ok ....here we go..im married with 2 kids me and my H work together and we had up and down <u know working together not a good idea but its good money>...and then i met my manager.he,s a great guy ,he also married, we talk and spend time together and got on so well ..he saw i had a problems with my H and ne tlk about his wife occationly ,she always a very insecure and not openmind< thats whats he told me and what she sound like> ...she always rung up and check on him..a few times a day..at first i never thoght of it but getting more annoy..anyway we started our A last november but the feeling is there before ...hes the one who started the intimate ..first i am not sure about that but then i think i started to enjoy it..then its became addicted...we both know its not right ,in jan we decided to stopped it...working together its so hard after the A ..i try everyway to be professional..but its so awful..months pass and im getting better..and suddenly in march we can not stand to be aprt for so long ..we met up to talk and end up the intimated again,,,its great but i felt so confused ...after been through hell i started to feel uncomfortable..then we broke off again ,,and man!! this time its hurt real bad...!!i can not be myself anymore...my guilt is so much..i decided to confess to my H...<tell me if its stupid decision> he took it bad at first but,,, we start to talk like we never did before< i only told him that i had a feeling for somebody not intimate>..its going fine..until recently i think deep down he knew whose that guy is..and my MM ..he acted like nothing ever happen and evevn shoe me that he is so happily married by laughing and talking on the phone to his W...i felt so jealous but what can i do..then i found out 4 weeks later that i felt pregnant by my MM ,what a mess,i had to get rid of it i know my feeling is so down at the moment ..i can not cope ,,,,please somebody help....
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 11, 2007 Posted May 11, 2007 Listen to what I am about to say: Tell your husband the whole truth, I mean everything. The affair, who it's with. How long, A pregnant scare, tell him the brutal truth. Not to be mean but to release yourself from the guilt and pain, your not only giving to him but to yourself as well. I think that if your husband can get through your affair like you think he can, then he can accept what you did. Now whatever happens those are the consequences of your actions. You owe him the truth!!! He is your husband, the vows, the rings, the marriage, the promise. You owe him to be honest with him and yourself. Tell him that you made a very bad choice and he deserves to know what happens with the woman he married. I dont think it's fair for a woman to keep this a secret of this magnitude. It's not fair, You, him and the child supposedly gonna have is gonna suffer if he finds out not from you in another way. Another thing is to go NC with this OM if you can. Tell your husband, he'll understand.
upto_here Posted May 12, 2007 Posted May 12, 2007 Listen to what I am about to say: Tell your husband the whole truth, I mean everything. The affair, who it's with. How long, A pregnant scare, tell him the brutal truth. Not to be mean but to release yourself from the guilt and pain, your not only giving to him but to yourself as well. I think that if your husband can get through your affair like you think he can, then he can accept what you did. Now whatever happens those are the consequences of your actions. You owe him the truth!!! He is your husband, the vows, the rings, the marriage, the promise. You owe him to be honest with him and yourself. Tell him that you made a very bad choice and he deserves to know what happens with the woman he married. I dont think it's fair for a woman to keep this a secret of this magnitude. It's not fair, You, him and the child supposedly gonna have is gonna suffer if he finds out not from you in another way. Another thing is to go NC with this OM if you can. Tell your husband, he'll understand. hi there..thank you for your advice...i know deep down i wanted to tell him the whole truth but i carry so much guilt..and i thoght if i ever sort this out myself it will go awy ...does it? idon,t know i love my kids to bits but i don't want to abort this child either it will be scar all my life...and again with no contact is so impossible...we work very close together everyday life is involved around him ...some day i hold my head high but some day iam so weak...i don,t know what to act around him anymore and so does he we meet up a few time to talk but it doesn't help much..every time its get worst and i don,y think im over him...how can i react and wht should i do...
upto_here Posted May 12, 2007 Posted May 12, 2007 thank you for your advice...i had a hard time this morning that i willing to tell him everything but he woke up told me that he had a bad drem for sometime now that he found out that i am having an A and he willing to kill this guy ..he said he doesn't see his face in the dream but it give me creep...i just told him its just the dream...what did i said!!!! i am very weak the longer this child growing the longer i am suffe as much as i wanted to keep it..but my OM won't have anything to do with it...i need support from him no matter what but he also very weak and try to avoid me as well...even if at work going NC is so impossible we communicate everyday and everyday is even make me more angry with him...by not response ...how can i escape...from him i can not leave the job right now..its going so well...and i don't want to be a loser also....
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 12, 2007 Posted May 12, 2007 thank you for your advice...i had a hard time this morning that i willing to tell him everything but he woke up told me that he had a bad drem for sometime now that he found out that i am having an A and he willing to kill this guy ..he said he doesn't see his face in the dream but it give me creep...i just told him its just the dream...what did i said!!!! i am very weak the longer this child growing the longer i am suffe as much as i wanted to keep it..but my OM won't have anything to do with it...i need support from him no matter what but he also very weak and try to avoid me as well...even if at work going NC is so impossible we communicate everyday and everyday is even make me more angry with him...by not response ...how can i escape...from him i can not leave the job right now..its going so well...and i don't want to be a loser also.... Tell him the truth!!! it will release you from pain. Not only can you rebuild your relationship with your husband but it can be better. But what if the baby that your about to have doesnt even look like your husband's when it pops out, what if the OM shows up at the hospital? what if the OM goes to your husband everything about what you've been doing? Then who's gonna be looking like they destroyed the marriage. Alot of times it's not the cheating that destroys the marriage it's the horrible lies that goes along with it. Your husband's already having premonitions about what's going on, what does that tell you. It says that he's on to your lies, it's only a matter of time before he puts plan into motion and discover the truth on his own. Trust me he would rather hear it coming from you than office gossip. Imagine he comes into work and overhears your co-workers talking about his wife was a whore now she's preganant with OM's baby? Trust me he's gonna go ballistic! but that's always a chance when you have an affair. It's time to let it go and accept whatever happens to you. Your writing seems all over the place, that's the guilt talking through your fingers. The minute you tell the truth, your mind will become well again. All that guilt is gonna kill you in one way or another. Guilt is good, it shows that your human and you can feel remorse for your actions. You can't escape your conscious.
norajane Posted May 12, 2007 Posted May 12, 2007 It's time that you tell your husband the truth. He already suspects, and he's already anxious about it as is evidenced by his dream. You cannot rebuild your relationship with him when you are lying to him all the time, lying directly and lying by not telling him the truth. All those lies and secrets put distance between you - the more suspicion he has, the worse it's going to get. I'm confused by the pregnancy situation. First you said: then i found out 4 weeks later that i felt pregnant by my MM ,what a mess,i had to get rid of it and then you said: the longer this child growing the longer i am suffe as much as i wanted to keep it..but my OM won't have anything to do with it... I'll assume the first quote was a typo and you meant you have to make a decision rather than you had already made the decision. You need to decide immediately what you will do. You don't have much time if you are thinking you might get an abortion. So face this problem first. If you keep this child, keep in mind that your husband needs to know the truth about whose baby it is.
Je Ne Regrette Rien Posted May 12, 2007 Posted May 12, 2007 I think it depends. I think it's easy to say "Tell him (your H) all and lets hope you can move on from it". I'm not discounting telling the truth, not at all - you have been offered good advice above. However, I think it depends on how you see the futute of your marriage. Are you over the other man? Could you leave your job and never see him again? Are you willing to abort the baby you think is his for the sake of your marriage? Are you willing to work on your marriage so you do not feel the need to cheat in the future? Is your husband? If the answers to those questions are yes, I think it would destroy your marriage and your H to see you are pregnant with another mans child. You could abort the pregnancy and tell your husband that your head has been turned by another man and that you need to work on your marriage. I think telling him if you are 100% willing to work on your marriage, is only putting your own guilt onto him to deal with. However, if there is an inkling of doubt, if you feel attached to this other man or doubt your sincerity to your marriage, you should think about telling your H about the affair because it changes from saving him from the pain to allowing him to make a decision about his own life and whether he chooses to spend it with you. Its an awful situation, and an awful mess and I feel for you, I really do. I recently fell into pregnancy in a different situation and I know how hard it is, it certainly threw me to emotional turmoil. Its so cut and dried and clack and white in peoples minds, but its not when you're pregnant and everything - the situation that you have got yourself into - is so real. Its like a horrible wake up call on what you want out of your life - and its a decision that needs to be made almost imminently. You have some real soul searching to do. Respect yourself and your H and your M enough and you'll know whether you need to stay or go, tell or protect. The other man and his W should not figure in this pic. Big hugs x
upto_here Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 thanks everyone for the support ..i been missing for a few day to think real hard and i made decition that i can not be so weak...even though sometime i felt so low..i been to consultation today and they have been very helpful and very supportive ...i made decition that afterall i will terminate the child its not right for my H to know the shame i made...even though i know we will working out at the end because he love me so much....but from the experience that i had afeeling toward someone when our opinion not match its always brought up in the conversation....i will swallow it to myself...and i had made the appointment for the termination date....so pray for me!!please god forgive me...!!!as my exOM i still had a lot of feeling for him and i think so is he...he did resign last week ..<i just found out> and i am so sad the fact that will i ever see him again? i knew why he resign because we are so connected .its been a very hard emotional A between us..As for today he followed me to the conselling center..and wait for me there..god forbidden we are still in contact,,,thats is bad, right ,not good after we try to broke it off...he txt me that he will give evry support i need and tell me that he knew im suffering and he can see that ..and to bear with him....what does that mean? ..i am so confused..can anyone tell me?....and he said he will go with me to the abortion center in the next two wekks even though the center is 2 hours away...is that because he scare that i will change my mind and keep th baby? i know i have to think of myself and my family first but i am fell so deep in this whole thing>>>
Recommended Posts