heavenly36 Posted May 11, 2007 Posted May 11, 2007 On & off over the last 3 yrs, I've been having an affair with a MM. Everytime I break up with him, he pursues me and I give in. He's a Pastor of a church. He said that he's looking forward to me becoming his 1st lady. His wife left him a year ago, because she thought he was having an A with the churh secretary. She wanted him to kick the lady out of church. He denied the A and refused to fire the lady. Since then, his wife has refused to come to church at all. He told me his M was bad and been over for a while. But everytime I inquire about his divorce, he talks vaguely and tells me it will happen soon but has to be done in a certain way. I can't do this anymore. If he loves me... why notmove things along to be with me. Also, he's a very handsome man and an excellent preacher/speaker. He has a lot of female admirers and has no problem replacing me. I'm so confused. I don't want anyone else tohave my MM.
norajane Posted May 11, 2007 Posted May 11, 2007 As long as he's married, you can't have "your" MM either. And with all those other ladies after him (including the church secretary), perhaps you aren't the only OW he's "having" right now. The only thing you can do is walk away for good and see if he really intends to get a divorce or not. Tell him you can't deal with it anymore and for him not to call you unless he's divorced. If it's really YOU that he wants, none of the other women will make any difference to him - he won't be interested in them if he wants you. But if you think he might go after one of them, then I think you already know he's not likely to divorce his wife and marry you.
Lizzie60 Posted May 11, 2007 Posted May 11, 2007 unless you want to be part of his 'harem' then you should leave him. From what I read, you're not the only one 'waiting for the divorce'... why should he settle for only one when he can have as many as he wants. He is just not that into you... time to move on if it hurts too much to be just one of them.
scaredinlove Posted May 11, 2007 Posted May 11, 2007 On & off over the last 3 yrs, I've been having an affair with a MM. Everytime I break up with him, he pursues me and I give in. He's a Pastor of a church. He said that he's looking forward to me becoming his 1st lady. His wife left him a year ago, because she thought he was having an A with the churh secretary. She wanted him to kick the lady out of church. He denied the A and refused to fire the lady. Since then, his wife has refused to come to church at all. He told me his M was bad and been over for a while. But everytime I inquire about his divorce, he talks vaguely and tells me it will happen soon but has to be done in a certain way. I can't do this anymore. If he loves me... why notmove things along to be with me. Also, he's a very handsome man and an excellent preacher/speaker. He has a lot of female admirers and has no problem replacing me. I'm so confused. I don't want anyone else tohave my MM. I don't think his wife would walk out only because she suspect the A. He probably was having that affair. Try to find out the truth before you waste time.If you want be one more in his life that is fine, but if you want to be the only one, you should find the really throuth
stillafool Posted May 11, 2007 Posted May 11, 2007 I guess this is why people like me don't go to church. I hate hypocritical preachers who make a living using God. Anyway, some ministers are the biggests "playas" of them all. If he lies to his wife, lies to his congregation and tries to lie to God what do you think he will do to you. Of course he isn't going to leave his wife for you. How would that look to his congregation? He would probably lose most of them thereby losing the most important thing - money! You should be smart and leave him alone and find another church to attend. I don't know how you can stand him. To me he is worst than the other MM because he is suppose to be a man of the cloth!
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 11, 2007 Posted May 11, 2007 giant red flag!!! his wife left him because she thought he was sleeping with one of his female members of the church. *correction: His wife left him because he was sleeping with the female member of the church and lying about it! This guy is a pastor and is sleeping with you while he's still married. good lord where is your self respect!!! Your sinning in the eyes of the lord, and he's the biggest sinner of all. He isnt gonna marry you, your just a piece of ass to him and that's the truth. You think that this man is gonna give up the power he wields in the church, for you?!?!? Are u crazy!!! he's using you. He's never gonna divorce his wife because he loves her and sees her as his only one. Well at least for perception purposes. How can you sit there in church and listen to the self righteous bull**** that comes from his mouth. He aint a man of god. He's human right but when a man of a cloth sin and does not repent he is condemned. Do you want to be condemned as well. I'm not even that religious but I know the difference between right and wrong. Is this what you want out of life? Do you want to marry him and become his 2nd wife and have him cheat on you too?
greeneyes78 Posted May 11, 2007 Posted May 11, 2007 My first instinct is to ask you what kind of church/religion are you a part of? To me, a pastor is somebody who commends respect (no matter how handsome he is) and serves as a role model. I can't say that this man's actions are admirable, and I certainly wouldn't want him or look up to him as a pastor.
IpAncA Posted May 11, 2007 Posted May 11, 2007 My first instinct is to ask you what kind of church/religion are you a part of? To me, a pastor is somebody who commends respect (no matter how handsome he is) and serves as a role model. I can't say that this man's actions are admirable, and I certainly wouldn't want him or look up to him as a pastor. Yeah but it's not uncommon. When I was younger, I went to this certain church and come to find out he was banging the church secretary shortly after she arrived. Of course he was outed, excommunicated, and is still with his W. Never in a million years would I think someone who is a pastor would do such a thing. Goes to show you it can happen to anyone. Anyhow OP, I would ditch the guy.
NoIDidn't Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 He's never gonna divorce his wife because he loves her and sees her as his only one. Well at least for perception purposes. Chrome, you beat me to it. He isn't divorcing because he might lose his church, and that will affect his pocketbook. Is this what you want out of life? Do you want to marry him and become his 2nd wife and have him cheat on you too? I think she, like the secretary, and whoever else this so called preacher is sleeping with at this church, are looking at what he is perceived to be too. The pomp and circumstance of uppity religiousity. At least his W got out. My bible says that even the devil can appear as an angel of light. I HATE cheating preachers!!!!
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 You should say I hate cheating married preachers!!! awwww *light bulb comes on above the head!
NoIDidn't Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 Chrome Actually I should say that I hate hypocritical religious leaders that commit adultery and fornicate when they are supposed to be the examples of successfully living without falling to *common* sins. I take my faith VERY seriously. So it could be a Christian preacher, a Catholic priest, a Muslim Mullah, a Jewish Rabbi, a Hindu Yogi, a Buddist Monk, doesn't matter to me. If a leader violate the tennants of their beliefs, to me that leader is SCUM. But Pastors are notorious for cheating. I am all for forgiveness once they REPENT, but until then, I think they should BURN!!!! Sorry for the intensity. LOL
Seen_It_All Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 His wife left him a year ago, because she thought he was having an A with the churh secretary.Gosh, what would ever make her think THAT? This is a man of the cloth, a man with integrity, a man with principles, a man of character, a man that's supposed to set the standard by which others live. How horribly unfair to accuse him of sinking so low. Poor guy. But everytime I inquire about his divorce, he talks vaguely and tells me it will happen soon but has to be done in a certain way.Yes, I completely understand. How's his current method of screwing around, lying, betraying, manipulating, gaslighting and being a total sneak working for him? LOL - it's worked for three years now, hasn't it? He has a lot of female admirers and has no problem replacing me. I'm so confused. I don't want anyone else tohave my MM.Oh COME on..surely you don't think you're the FIRST person he's cheated with???? And why would he want to commit to you when there are plenty of other opportunities all around? Opportunities, I'm sure, that he's taking advantage of every chance he GETS. Committing to you would just like having another wife, nagging him about his constant cheating and spoiling his fun. Why would he want to do that? Of course he's not eager to place himself right back in a situation where it's harder to screw around. Hey, just curious. Does this guy wear those white patent leather shoes and have a pompadour hair-do like those other skeevy evangelists that bilk the public? This creep sounds about as skuzzy as it gets.
annabelle75 Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 Heavenly36- Its easy to get caught up in the excitement of a charismatic man such as a preacher. As a pastor’s daughter I’ve seen this happen in other churches more time than I care to admit. The fact is, they can cheat just like any other man. You are not alone in your situation. From what I have seen, they rarely ever leave their wives. If they do, they often lose their license and congregation. Even if he did not divulge the reason, the wife would feel the need to alert others that he was cheating. More times than not they stay with their wives so as not to damage their ministry. So, what can you do? You can take charge of the situation and leave him. The reality is that if he really is “the one” and loves you more than anything or anyone, he will leave his wife and choose to be with you. If he doesn’t? Then now you know he isn’t the one. You deserve more than a “sort of” relationship. Its time to stop leaving the choices up to him and make a few decisions for yourself. After 3 years if he is unclear what he wants, he doesn’t want you. I know that may sound harsh, but sometimes these things need to be pointed out in order to give you the encouragement to make the right choices for yourself.[FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT]
thelittlespoon Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 Your whole situation is completely messed up. He's a Pastor at his church, having an affair? I think that ANY man (or woman) having an affair is horrible, but a trusted figure in the community having women on the side of his wife? I can't blame his wife for leaving him! Well, since we all don't know what the hold up is here with his divorce, I can't really comment on that, other than your MM seems to be having the best of everything, between you and his (possible) other women. I wouldn't waste my time on such a goof. Do you honestly think that if he finalizes his divorce and you two are together that he's not going to eventually end up cheating on you too? He sounds like a real ego-obsessed man.
starbuck59 Posted May 16, 2007 Posted May 16, 2007 On & off over the last 3 yrs, I've been having an affair with a MM. Everytime I break up with him, he pursues me and I give in. He told me his M was bad and been over for a while. But everytime I inquire about his divorce, he talks vaguely and tells me it will happen soon but has to be done in a certain way. I can't do this anymore. If he loves me... why notmove things along to be with me. Also, he's a very handsome man and an excellent preacher/speaker. He has a lot of female admirers and has no problem replacing me. I'm so confused. I don't want anyone else tohave my MM. The first thing is that you've invested three years in this and you are exactly where you started. The second thing is that he talks about things happening "soon" and "done a certain way." Let me tell you, I've heard that myself 1000 times. My MM actually took steps and left but went back. A friend of mine gave me an interesting way to look at my situation. She said, "He shouldn't be using this time to way the pros and cons of leaving his marriage for you. You don't put someone's life on pause while you make up your mind. It's as if your time means nothing to him." Soon can mean a day from now, a year from now, another 5 years from now. The sad fact that I never realized is that if someone truly does love you and wants to be with you they will move mountains and take the correct steps. Breaking off contact with this person will show you his true feelings. If he really wants to be with you, thinks it's the right thing to do for all involved, he WILL leave his marriage. Also as pastor of a church, doling out advice to the masses, this is not a situation he should find himself in. He may like the adoration of all these women. I know it is hard for you to hear because you love him. However, I know if I could turn back the clock, my situation would have gone much differently. I don't regret the time I spent with him but I would love the chance now to do the strong, correct thing. Remember that you've devoted three years now with seemingly no end in sight. As someone pointed out to me the other day, I've lost years that I will never get back. Don't make the same mistake that I did. Have no contact with him, set a date in your own mind about how long you are willing to wait. If he is a no show, you have your answer. Remember also that he is still in a "bad" marriage but you are not. You have time to find someone else for yourself and be happy. Granted it's easier said that done. I am going through the letting go process right now myself. I hope everything does work out how you want however. But if it doesn't....we all can survive anything.
Impudent Oyster Posted May 22, 2007 Posted May 22, 2007 It's absolutely amazing, isn't it? Forget if you can that this guy just might be the world's biggest hypocrite, why would anyone want this player? I really don't get it. Oh and, I think the whole congregation ought to know what a lying sack of s#@! their preacher is.
shellys-trying Posted May 22, 2007 Posted May 22, 2007 Amen, IO! Amen! Anyone else wanna put their amen in this? A cheating MM preacher just creeps me out to NO end.
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 22, 2007 Posted May 22, 2007 It's absolutely amazing, isn't it? Forget if you can that this guy just might be the world's biggest hypocrite, why would anyone want this player? I really don't get it. Oh and, I think the whole congregation ought to know what a lying sack of s#@! their preacher is. I agree she should put him on full nuclclear blast!!! Tape him and put it on for the whole flock to hear! True story: My friend and his brother used to go to this church for years and they trusted the reverened, Loved the church and did everything right. They were lt.deacons or something right until there was a scandal where the reverened was immediately brought under charges of rape and sexually assaulting a female member of the church and it started at the time when she was only 16 yrs old!!!! And get this the girl who was allegedly raped I knew, she was the girlfriend of my friend's brother!!! This happened in my old neighborhood where I used to live. I ran into the younger brother and he said he wished he never knew about that because he was gonna set out to kill him. But not only the alleged claims of rape happened to have merrit but he told me a young guy also came out and said he raped him too!!! This man used the power he had and god's word to manipulate people, it was sick! The younger brother didnt fight him or kill him they just left the church. Sad but it's all true. To the OP dont take this bull**** laying down if he's sleeping witht you, who knows what else he's doing.
Star Dust Posted May 22, 2007 Posted May 22, 2007 Well my MM refuses to talk about anything, yet wants me to stick it out til he's ready to do something, which is not even guaranteed yet.
shellys-trying Posted May 22, 2007 Posted May 22, 2007 I have been reprimanded for an earlier comment, so as not to offend or berate anyone, I would suggest both of these people, OW & preacher MM, should get some counselling, seperately, of course. STAT! If this OW has any caring for herself she'll dump this "guy" for want of a better word, and find a nice SG and go to church, by all means, but one that isn't led by someone such as the current preacher/MM she has known. How's that?
Melissa277 Posted May 23, 2007 Posted May 23, 2007 Wow! That is one crazy church! Ever think of pitching this story to Hollywood? I can hear the critics now ... "manipulative, lying, cheating pastor spreads his wares to church employees and members of the congregation. The only difference between this story and others like it is the main character is considered to be God fearing, trustworthy and honest. Tired, old story with predictable ending. But Brad Pitt gives a great performance as the sneaky, selfish minister!" Sorry, I couldn't resist. Get out now while you still can.
frannie Posted May 23, 2007 Posted May 23, 2007 On & off over the last 3 yrs, I've been having an affair with a MM. Everytime I break up with him, he pursues me and I give in. He's a Pastor of a church. He said that he's looking forward to me becoming his 1st lady. His wife left him a year ago, because she thought he was having an A with the churh secretary. He has a lot of female admirers and has no problem replacing me. I'm so confused. Well, as others have said... he seems to have his fingers in numerous pies. Female admirers, along with you, and the church secretary all in the past three years..? I'm not really surprised his wife has left him. Just from what you've posted here I would say he's a very 'charming' man (in the worst sense of the word)... he can say all the right things about you becoming his 'first lady'... but how many others are hearing the same words..? But those words 'he has no problem replacing me'... send a shudder through me. Is that the impression he likes to give you..? Or is it the way you think of yourself in this situation? If there's love between you, this thought should never arise in my opinion. I would try to get out of this situation as soon as you can, because it just sounds like he's giving you a line and playing the field.
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